DL, help! I need life advice

Why are you asking for advice? You know what to do. Block the number.

What’s your question? This is easy - stop answering. He’s not your child.

Block the number and send me the money you would have sent to him. I will put it to good use!

Ha r3

You have two choices:

1. Continue to be his personal ATM.

2. Cut him off now and block him.

It's up to you.

OP have you always been a doormat?

It’s drugs. Just block him now, because it’s not going to stop.

That's what I was thinking, r7. I guess I needed to hear it from an external source ...

(The whole thing makes me sad though.)

Isn't this what ghosting was invented for?

I noticed OP said 'old friend' not 'close friend'. I also noticed you haven't exactly kept in constant contact with this 'old friend'. Why are you sending him money over and over again ?

Because at first, I legitimately thought that he and his partner were on the verge of eviction, r11. It's not as if eviction is unheard of, especially with COVID-era protections expiring.

Drugs - normal people don't do this.

Thanks r13

If there was ever a situation for a DL-approved Punch and Delete, it’s this one.

Drugs.

Even if it isn't about drugs, you're under no obligation to give away your hard-earned money (assuming it was hard-earned) to someone TEXTING you to give them money, who isn't even in your life. You realize that if you hadn't informed this person of your mother's death, you would not even be hearing from him? This isn't a close friend, as far as I can tell. Just stop the money flow. If you feel guilty about it, it will fade. Don't be so gullible.

[quote](The whole thing makes me sad though.) —OP

No one cares.

Move on, write him off, and shut up. This isn't therapy.

Whenever he asks for money, send him a link to BrendaD’s gofundme and suggest he do the same.

I'm sorry for your loss, and yes you need to get rid. It's really ok.

Marry me, r19!

(I'll send you money!)

Funerals and end-of-life care cost a lot of money. Begging for money from someone in that situation is beyond tacky.

"I feel for you, but this tap has run dry. Good luck, my friend."

He thinks you're getting an inheritance! That's why he's all of a sudden asking you for money. Tell him "no", that you don't have the money. If he says anything about your mom, tell him that her money will be stuck in probate for years and you're not expecting to get much anyway.

They said I was evicted, but that’s not true. They’ll come around, it was a misunderstanding.

You know the phrase “Punch and delete?”

This is what it’s for

r24I thought of that but didn't want to leave that possibility. Sadly, though, you're probably right.

r24 ^^^

Say your mother’s illness and burial expenses have been a financial drain for you and that you need to worry about yourself. I’m sure if you ask about when he’ll start paying you back you’ll find that he suddenly disappears.

For Pete's sake. The guy is a moocher and you owe him NOTHING! He didn't even have the decency to acknowledge your Mom's death or ask how you were doing.

Tell him to ask the geezer for the money.

I would tell him you aren't able to financially afford to provide more money. If he goes away then, you know what type of friend he is.

For me, I rarely give/lend money - maybe it is just my friend base (all are relatively successful). However, in one instant, I lent a friend $10,000 with the condition of a promissory note and I the money was returned.

As other posters have commented, your friend has one hell of a nerve, and I’d absolutely give him a STRONGLY worded piece of my mind. My God! This person sounds like a real narcissistic head case. Lower than dirt.

Really horrible to be treating you this way, after your mom’s death. I know that you are a kind person, OP, but people like this don’t deserve anything from you. I’d cut all contact with this cunt.

r32 / r33 after reading the responses in this thread, I am seeing the light.

r32 I have tried that, and it didn't work. In fact, the second time I transferred money, the reply (almost verbatim) was "Thanks, when can you send more?" That's what made me really start thinking it was drugs.

My ex-partner asked for a huge sum of money right after the death of my father. It was, ostensibly, to keep his struggling business from going under. Fast forward, he did eventually pay me back, but it took over ten years. I still hold a grudge over the timing and the heartlessness.

Punch. And. Delete.

Another alternative - if you truly want to give money to him - is to ask for the landlord's name and phone number, or the property management rental office, and let him know you will be sending money directly to them on his behalf. Make an excuse and tell him it's for 'tax purposes' on your end (he'll have no idea if this is true or not). If he agrees to this - then it's legit. If he doesn't - then it's most likely drugs.

r37 the story has changed. Now he needs money to move

R37 suggests a way to try to ensure the money goes to the stated use. But after repeated communications asking for more and more, fuck it... He expects you to hand over money everytime. You and he both know this will continue until it's doesn't, and it will be all your fault in his mind, for being a easy source of free money...until you enrage him for shutting of the tap.

At a certain point it's untenable whether the bred is legitimate or not, it ends the same way in either case. There will never be a day when he days, "thanks but no more, you've got me on my feet again and I can take it from here."

R38 If that's the case, you will pay the moving company directly - tell him that's the best offer you can give him. Again, that would help somehow.

Dude you know what to do. No more money. Write off the $500, but no more. Explain this to them politely. Watch how fast you never hear from him again.

This is why I don’t have friends.

My god, for all the snark and bitchiness on DL, you are all a lot of soft touches.

You mean nothing to this person except as an easy mark. He's a grifter. He's not your friend. With balls like he has, he will never starve. If you cut him off, he will simply find someone else. He is putting on an act. If you keep giving away your money to this person, you should be embarrassed. I say this for your own good. END IT. NOW.

Give him the money or you're just a selfish greedy self-involved individual. People like you are what's wrong with the world today.

r45 sounds trollish

This guy is such a dimwit he deserves the kind of advice you wish Abby would give to the most stupid questions. Unless he's the troll.

Given that I am the OP of this thread, r47, I would have to be a very visionary troll

Quickest way to get them to go away: hit THEM up for money.

"Actually, the end-of-life expenses here are beyond my means, and I was hoping you could help me out."

They'll be gone faster than the witch in the cartoons who leaves her hairpins spinning in mid-air in her wake.

I wish my problems were all as easy to solve as this one is. Stop bring a doormat and block his number.

[quote] Actually, the end-of-life expenses here are beyond my means, and I was hoping you could help me out.

Best answer so far. Explain you didn't the extent of her insolvency. People burying a dead mother or father are very vulnerable and he is taking advantage of the situation.

Thanks r51

R37 reminds me of my Econ 101 lesson: “money is fungible”. If you pay his rent, then whatever money he was using for the rent is now his drug money.

Drop. Him. Cold.

Drugs, or he is not the same person but someone else has now his phone number (if that's his old one.) Anyway, as everyone else already said: say no and end this.

My cousin, whom I was never really close to, would do this to me regularly.

I'd give him 50 bucks at a time, but it got annoying so I stopped.

He died this year from his addiction. Anyways, I just told him I couldn't do it anymore with no further explanation. He was fine with it.

That's sad, r55. I'm sorry.

Thank you, R56. It is sad. He was handsome and charismatic as a young man, but never found his way in life.

I just cut him off and said, "No more."

Can’t he just sell some art or liquidate his brokerage?

R58 OP Good for you and what did he say?

r60 "Okay thanks"

OP/R61, It looks like he figured you'd stop sooner or later. Someone upthread mentioned 'ghosting' and that's what you need to do now.

I’m sorry for your loss, OP. I agree with the overwhelming consensus on here—don’t let yourself be exploited by this guy. Red flags aplenty. Sometimes you have no option but to slam the door on somebody for your own wellbeing. You’ve been kind, but he’s exploiting you, knowingly or unknowingly.

r62 I wonder if he'll start up again in a week or so. I am prepared to ghost him now though

Thank you r63

Condolences on the loss of your mother. You've shown great character in giving this old friend a little money. It was a kind gesture. Now use that same character to stop. You have no obligation whatsoever to send him any more money. Simply tell him that you are not in a position to part with any more money and wish him well. That's it. If it's drugs, he'll either get his shit together or he won't. No amount of money will fix that.. If there are other less sordid and legitimate explanations for his predicament he'll find another solution.

Thanks r66.

That thought crossed my mind more than once. I wondered who he would have been pestering for money if not me, considering he only started it up when I texted him about my mom's death.

The answer is easy OP. YOU DON'T LEND MONEY, TO ANYONE, EVER!!! If you have it to give, and want to give someone money, then give it to them with no expectations of repayment. But making loans to anyone, including close family, will only end in the end of the relationship.

And, if you don't want to give him any money and he is actually bold enough to press you about an inheritance just tell him you don't have any discretionary funds at all at this time and that your mother left tons of debts.

r68, I wrote in my original post: " I don't lend friends money; I only give it freely, and as I get older, even that is rarer. "

R70 you were raised right.

He sounds fat.

No comment, r72

[quote]you need to worry about yourself. I’m sure if you ask about when he’ll start paying you back you’ll find that he suddenly disappears.

R29, laughing at your post. My late best friend used to laugh at me because in my friend group I was known for lending money to "friends" who then ghosted me. He used to tell people "If you have a friend you want to get rid of, get 'X' to lend them some money; since you're in 'X's' friend circle you'll never see them again."

OP, don't be me. You're better than this.

I'm so sorry about your mother and your loss; don't let that vampire steal the energy you should put into grieving your mother and revivifying yourself for your next chapter.

Good luck.