Important Information You Learned From Tv or Movies

When someone walks into your boudoir suddenly cover your nipples.

Never let your spouse convince you to get a life insurance policy

Never watch anything with Faye Dunaway in it.

If you hear scary music playing in the background, you are about to die a horrible death.

"Serpentine! Serpentine!"

When you’re down on your luck, the entire gang will pitch in to help!

Stay clear of Midsomer County.

r7, or Cabot Cove

If you're rich and your parents make you a full spread for breakfast you will never be hungry for it, and would rather dash out the door with a dry toast in mouth.

If you need to kill someone fast, stab them in the inner thigh.

Aliens always go in the air vents.

When you are running away from bad guys, expect to trip several times and your car engine not to start right away.

If you need to make a fast getaway and happen upon an unlocked vehicle, look for the key under the floor mat or tucked inside the sun visor.

Single-sex private colleges are more likely to offer opportunities for witchcraft or Satanism than actual gay or lesbian action.

You’ll end up banging the guy you fight with the most.

People who ghosted you are the only ones who remember you as thin.

When you get out of bed after a sexual encounter, take the top sheet with you to cover your body.

Brown rice and vegetables tastes like Doggie Chow.

R10 OJ learned that cos that's how he defeated Ron Goldman.

That Pam Bondi is a rancid CUNT.

If there's a serial killer running around and you're the only African American member of an otherwise white friend group, you will die first.

Never say goodbye when ending a phone call. It's just a waste of everybody's time.

When a vehicle spins wheels on dirt, the sound it makes is the exact same sound as if it were on asphalt.

never hide in the basement

If you move from the city to the country to start a new life, your house will absolutely not be haunted.

When you kill someone make sure they are actually dead because somehow they will have enough strength to get up and try and kill you again.

Check for a penis first,

If you’re a detective, you’ll be eating Chinese food out of a carton with your feet up on a desk a lot.

and r28, there's always a ceiling fan over the detective's desk.

If you plan on having sex at summer camp be sure to complete a will beforehand.