Let’s be 1980s music

I'm the reluctant synth use by older rock bands that gives them new life on the charts.

I'm the wildly expensive fever dream of a music video.

Pleasure… little treasure…

I’m walking on sunshine.

Take me on!

I'm the brand new record label 'Geffen Records', making its debut in early 1980. Founder David Geffen signs up Donna Summer - the hottest female recording artist of 1979 - as the first artist on his label, at a record-breaking $2M deal for a six-album deal over ten years. Once she signs, Elton John, John Lennon and Joni Mitchell follow her over. Barbra Streisand is 'courted', but Jon Peters talks her into staying at Columbia. Smart move Barbra ! Your friends who came over to Geffen will soon see their recording careers disappear within five years.

I'm the thousands of samples that was the foundation for rap and hip hop music for many decades later.

I'm the saxophone solo

Im the celebrity who makes a random cameo appearance in the video......Cyd Charisse, Keith Carridine, Christy Brinkley, Tawny Kitaen, Danny Aiello . . . .

I am the re-recording in English of a hit song from another country:

"Der Kommissar," Falco

"A Different Story," Peter Schilling

"99 Luftballons," Nena

"Living on Video," Trans-X

I'm Midge Ure, my hands in everything (when not warbling overwrought vocals).

I'm all the non-dancer artists pretending to dance.

I am gated reverb. If it’s the 80s I am omnipresent. You hear me in the echoey Slam! of every beat.

I'm Al Corley, attempting to break into pop with "Square Rooms."

I am a hit in Europe, but only a minor one in America because I'm played in a few gay bars to honor the OG Steven Carrington.

I'm:

"Hello, can I speak to Mr. Don Quichotte, please?"

"No, señor, Don Quixote y Sancho Panza no están aquí!"

I’m that moment in 1983-1984 when the pop/country crossover fad of ‘80-‘82 was completely and irreversibly OVER. Sorry, Juice Newton. You too, Ronnie Milsap.

I'm the song Don't You Want Me by The Human League. Superior.

I’m a sneering know-nothing who just watched Madonna roll around the floor in a bridal gown and veil at the very first MTV awards in September 1984. She sang some weird new number called “Like a Virgin” and it doesn’t sound at all like a hit to me. “Her brief pop career is finished”, I tell anybody who’ll listen to me.

[quote] Sorry, Juice Newton.

Juice Newton was Taylor Swift with much worse marketing.

Oh gawd, I forgot the Urban Cowboy craze (Travolta's last stand). Mickey Gilley, Kenny Rogers, Dolly, Dottie West, Waylon Jennings, Crystal Gayle, Johnny Paycheck, Sylvia...

Thank God for Gary Numan.

I'm tenor solo voice parts suddenly everywhere!

I am wildly overteased hair with frosted tips!

Exposé reminding us that seasons change!

I'm the slow Narada Michael Walden build up to a banger ( How Will I Know, We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off, Who's Zoomin' Who)

I'm Roger Linn, and I am why 80s music happened the way it did.

I'm New Romantic and I didn't take off the way record executives thought I would. I did give the Village People their most embarrassing album cover, though.

I'm SAW (Stock Aitken Waterman) , you'll never be able to escape me.

I’m Rick Astley.

I'm the Fairlight, digital synth/sampler that cropped up in countless 80s records

I'm the Shep Pettibone remix

I am Liza Minnelli’s RESULTS, closing out the 80s!

[quote]I am the cocaine-induced overproduction.

This could also apply to mid-'90s dance music.

I'm Band Aid.

I raised lots of money but killed the creativity of post-punk new pop, when weird left-field singles could still be hits.

British chart pop music stopped being something parents disapproved of (or laughed at) on Top Of The Pops and became totally safe.

I'm also Stock Aitken and Waterman, putting the final nail in the coffin of creative chart music.

R10 You forgot Laura Branigan's 1982 hit "Gloria" which was originally an Italian hit a few years prior.

I'm young Bob Summers, and my job as VP of RCA is to revitalize RCA Records for the 1980s. The first thing I do is sign up Diana Ross in the Spring of 1981, for a record-breaking $20 million dollar deal which extends for 6 albums in ten years (take that Donna Summer!). The next thing I do is sign on Kenny Rogers for the same deal, in the summer of 1982. Two of the biggest recording artists of the 70s is now under RCA; a win-win for all. Stockholders are so impressed with my wheeling-and-dealing, I become the President in 1982. My tenure is rather short -these were horrible investments, and each artist is releasing flop album after flop album.

GE takes over the financially troubled RCA in 1985, and blames Summers for their financial mess. Money wasted on Ross and Rogers. Summers is dropped from the company, and promo for Ross and Rogers comes to a complete end. GE plans to let them run out their contracts and be done with them. Rogers ends up suing RCA by the close of the decade for 'breach of contract" for not promoting his albums after 1985. Ross goes back to Motown in 1989, citing a 'mutual decision' between her and RCA to split up.

[Quote] I am wildly overteased hair with frosted tips!

What am I chopped liver?

I’m the sax solo

I’m the gospel choir, adding gravitas.

I'm U2. Greatness awaits me.

I'm IF YOU SEE KAY

*giggle*

I'm rent-by-the-day wind machines. Music video producers for Bonnie Tyler and Stevie Nicks love me!

I'm Cyndi Lauper, whose foray into WWF wrestling seriously damaged my credibility. The flop movie "Vibes" sealed the deal. For the next 20 years I will watch my rival Madonna become a top-selling artist, author, actress, director and cosmetics magnate.

I'm Michael Jackson in the Billie Jean video. I seemed normal at the time!

I'm the synthesizers.

I'm Rockwell, my songs about my own questionable mental health were a little too accurate, and I was probably the last adult male dick Michael Jackson had.

I am Rockwell. Michael Jacksn sand "back up" on my song, but basically carried the entire song. My dad is Berry Gordy.

I'm Billy Squier's weird "Rock Me Tonite" video

I'm Olivia Newton-John. Somehow, I started the decade with a bang and finished it with a whimper. My gosh, where do I begin ?

Let's start with Hollywood in 1980, where I'm still basking in the afterglow of the box office success of "Grease" just two years ago. I have fooled everyone (including myself) into believing I'm a bona fide actress, and my mailbox is flooded with movie offers for my second Hollywood film. Even Barbra Streisand is rumored to have suggested me to Andrew Lloyd Webber to actually star in 'Evita', when Barbra turns him down. I'm offered to costar opposite Richard Gere in a movie called 'An Officer and a Gentleman'. But I choose very wisely, and for my all-important 'sophomore' project, I pick "Xanadu" - in which I play Kira, a rollerskating muse, who helps a young man named Sonny achieve his artistic vision of opening 'a rollerdisco' nightclub with the help of an aging bandleader played by Gene Kelly. What could go wrong? Well, Andy Gibb - picked to be my original costar 'Sonny' - is fired before he's even officially hired. So I costar with the hunky but totally wooden actor Michael Beck instead. It's all downhill from there as we're panned by every critic and we flop at the box office. But the soundtrack is the monstrous hit with tracks by me and ELO ! I score another chart-topper with "Magic", do a duet with Cliff Richard, and sing the title track with ELO - scoring hit after hit on the Billboard chart. I solidify my reputation as being 'hot' in the 80s music industry, and tossing aside my 70s 'country girl' innocence. My movie career - not so hot.

As a prelude to the movie opening in the summer, I do an ABC special in April, 1980 called 'Hollywood Nights', with guests Toni Tenille, Karen Carpenter, and Tina Turner. We rock and we roll for 52 minutes to introduce the world to the new 'Olivia' they heard at the end of the 70s with 'Totally Hot'. The special is a ratings success, reviews are good and the one who really wins is Tina Turner - who hired my new manager Roger Davies and asks him to turn her career around like he did mine. Stick around for a couple of years - she succeeds.

After the success with the 'Xanadu' soundtrack, I'm given a project I'm actually hesitant about. It's called 'Physical' and it's vastly different from anything else I've recorded - an album that covers songs about environmentalism, sex, dolphins, sex, the new physical fitness craze, and sex. I do music videos as well, and hit it big with the MTV audience. The title track 'Physical' tops the charts for 10 weeks starting in November 1981, and becomes the #1 track of 1982, as well as the decade - according to Billboard. The album itself peaks at #6, becomes one of the best-selling albums of my career, and sells multi-platinum around the world. And...I settle my lawsuit with MCA (which started in 1978) and sign a new contract with them, rather than go to Geffen Records...(but that will change). My short sporty haircut and headband starts an 80s trend. Everyone wants 'the Olivia'.

Wait for it ...

... wait for it ...

... almost here ...

Olivia here to finish where I left off...

On to 1982, where MCA rushes out 'Olivia's Greatest Hits, Vol 2' which includes all the songs I released from 1979 - 1982. I also include two 'new' songs, which were recorded a year earlier for 'Physical' but didn't make the final cur. The first one is 'Heart Attack' which becomes another top 3 hit, and pushes the album to one of the biggest sellers of the Holiday season - selling multi-platinum. (The other single, 'Tied Up' barely cracks the Top 40...oh well). There's no stopping me in the 80s...

Except in 1983, I decide to my third movie with John Travolta called 'Two of a Kind'. It's a disaster, and ends my movie career. But the first lead single from the soundtrack is the dance-pop recording I did called 'Twist of Fate' - a multi-platinum selling single around the world, which propels the soundtrack to sell just as well. My music career is hotter than ever. Nothing can stop this force of nature !

However, by 1985 there's a new pop / dance diva taking over my territory called 'Madonna', who's 10 years younger. She comes out like a rocket, singing about lust and sex, and pushing me aside. It's time to take the riding crop into my hands and go to battle with this one. I outdo her with a pop-dance album called 'Soul Kiss', and the title track is exactly what you think it's about (you best be thinking about blow jobs, as I croon 'I get down on my knees and beg you baby'). I also sing about sex with my gynecologist, threesomes, and kink. I'm no longer asking 'Have You Never Been Mellow' - I want to know if I can whip you with the riding crop I pose with on the cover. (And yes, that's me and not Dale Bozzio on the cover!). Alas, It doesn't sell as well as Madonna's album, as it peaks at #29 and sells Gold. The title track doesn't do much better - it stalls at #20.

I take a couple of years off to get married and have a kid, and return with the pop-dance (and much tamer) album 'The Rumor' in 1988. This time around, I cover the AIDs crisis, the environment, and single-parenting. In return, I achieve my lowest-selling album since 1971 ("If Not For You"), when I peak at #67 and quickly fall off the charts. The title track - produced by Elton John - is fun and dance-worthy, but no one notices. It stalls at #62. It's my last album under Mercury Records (which bought out MCA and other labels in the 80s), as they don't want to renew with me.

On to Geffen Records, where I sign on and release an album in 1989 titled 'Warm and Tender'. It's an album of ....Lullabies? An album of Lullabies? I'm reduced to Lullabies to close out the decade? Wait a second - I was topping the charts with sex ("Physical"), seduction ("Make A Move On Me") and musical heart-attacks! Now I'm singing fuckin' lullabies ? The fates have made me crawl...

I am the best decade for popular music, ever.

Marry me, R48/R50! Either that, or recap Linda Ronstadt's decade.

I’m Tiffany, posing nude in Playboy 15 years later.

Speaking of marriages, I'm Elton's sham with Renate Blauel.

And I'm all the booze and coke that got Elton to marry her.

I'm Boy George