Do you have private nicknames for your co-workers?

That cunt.

The Skank

Dullard

Dimwit

Marbles (talks like he has marbles in this mouth)

[quote]Do you have private nicknames for your co-workers?

Only one. Behind her back I call her Miss Upper Deck.

Years ago I had a short, fat co-worker who was just a total asshole. I referred to him as "the Oompa Loompa" in private.

The Beast

Ginger Nuts

Sarah Conner: buff blonde lady

Michael Cera: looks like MC

Mushroom: very flat and wide afro

“Left” - has a spinal issue that has her bending to her left

“Head Start” - has a stutter at the beginning of his sentences kind of like a revved engine

“Troll” - fat rectangular face with foundation that’s two shades darker than her second chin. She has the biggest head of cotton candy yellow blonde hair that could only be natural -think of E.T.

“Slurp” - loud ass motherfucker in the staff room eating out of a giant container of pho. And there’s a beard because of course there is. He didn’t last long. Twat monkey.

Retard.

Fag.

Joy Behar had a lot of nicknames for My Fat Daughter. Her favorite rhymed with “blunt.”

Years ago my team used to have a manager who we all called Fuckwit. One of the senior guys actually used to call him that to his face quite regularly. He was the worst manager I've ever had. I have gotten on with pretty much everyone else I've worked with

Sleestak - Guy who audibly breathes through his mouth and is on the top of the list to shoot up the office.

Catsuit - A manager who's...curvy...and wears animal skin catsuits under capes

Sea Biscuit

Sweaty Teddy: nervous, as he should be, because he did little to no work. Undermined by staff, gone.

The Farmwife: big rawboned gal who’s not so big anymore. Ozempic worked. But raising kids made her look like she was up at 4 am milking cows.

Evil Empress: it was a play on Reagan’s “Evil Empire” but her regime changed rather quickly after she pissed off a big donor.

The Broccoli Lady ( she once picked up some broccoli in the staff canteen and waved it at the servers shrieking ' Feel it! It's cold!'

Mr Rude ( obvious)

The Ballerina ( elderly, thin, with a tightly drawn topknot and superior NN anner).

Manner, not NN anner, obvs

Ours were so specific and often plays on the names.

One was Scaroline. She was a jumpy individual named Caroline.

We had a boss we called Cheeto Fingers.

An engineer known as Jingles because he had a huge key ring.

Another known as Grimace because she had a purple sweatsuit.

The most recent boss, who was there when I left, was That Fat Prick.

Not at work, but I do for the people I see frequently at the gym.

Just one: Hal (short for Halitosis)

R18 Yep, at mine there’s a guy who hums and sings with one of the towels on his head while using the elliptical.

I call him Asshole.

We had Swiss Miss. She was from Switzerland and wore old sweaters with holes in the elbows.

Not at work, but in a language class. We usually spend a while going around summarizing what we did the week before. This prissy old woman just LOVES cultural events, and seems particularly enamored of museums. Someone could be selling tickets to an exhibition of his collected toenails and she'd be first in line to buy tickets! She blabs on and on about boring museums, so I call her Mummy Dearest. (In secret, of course).

Cat Suit sounds interesting and eccentric.

Yes, OP nearly everyone does this at their job.

At my workplace:

The Bride of Frankenstein (walks with a limp)

The Parking Lot Gargoyle (she must always get the front parking spot)

Brows (she stencils her eyebrows on...badly)

The Ultra Humanite (400+ lb hairy guy)

The Backstreet Boys (20 something gaggle of new managers)

There was an annoying nellie priss I worked with. His name was Garrett and he was the Cindy Brady of the office. Always chattering on, seldom working, and a total tattletale.

After a while I started to call him Gretchen....which then became Princess Gretchen or Lady Chatterly.

We had a Realtor who carried some kind of designer bag with her initials on it: BSB. Partner and I nicknamed her Big Sweaty Betty.

The best play on their worst traits in an obscure way. After explaining it, everyone gets it and remembers it always.

My fave was CS Manager who used any random complaint to demand a change in the product or mkt. materials. The product group called her Ring-a-ling: all she does is answer phones and take msgs.

The dad had a Cuban architect, pompous braggart who claimed descent from Spanish hero, El Cid. My dad said the was descended from El CID’s horse “Babieca.” Even secretary knew the new the name and would respond like “Babieca” After a while a group his real name.

^^^^^ like “Babieca is at a meeting” After a while a group of people forgot his real name

Sorry on the phone

John Wayne with a purse...a colleague who pretended a macho swagger but carried a messenger bag

Doesn't everybody?

I had two unrelated employees I hired on the same day in the 90s at the height of Ren and Stimpy's popularity; a woman who complained endlessly and a man who was a fireplug build but wholly uninterested in the work: Rant and Stumpy.

I had an admin assistant who looked like and talked with a slight lisp; forever Cindy (Brady).

I once had a really overweight coworker and while it wasn't a nickname for him, I started saying I felt like Tom (Lastname, which I will omit for obvious reasons) whenever I ate, and it caught on with everyone in the company, so after a business lunch or office party, we had to be careful to not waddle around saying "I'm Tom (Lastname)".

The absolute worst was not actually mine, but my brother-in-law's: he called his boss "Miss Annie" for years and I thought that was her name. So, a few years ago at his big retirement party hubby and I went and when BIL introduced me to his boss, I exclaimed "Miss Annie!" much to his chagrin. She was [italic]not pleased[/italic] and it was really good that the party was on his very last day.

No never which probably means someone has a nickname for me.

I had a boss whose head tilted to the left (walking behind him) or to the right (when facing him). He was either 5 to 6 (as in, o'clock) or 5 after 6, respectively.

I had a coworker who had great nicknames for people: "Motion Light" because she only worked when you walked by her office, and "ET" because the minute he arrived at work he only wanted to go home.

My friend worked with someone who was British and consistently left unflushed remnant of her poops in the executive bathroom toilet. Her nickname was Cornwallis.

I was a team leader at my job and had a very short haircut for like 6 weeks of the two years I was in that position....but I learned near the end of my time there that a few members of my time had been calling me "Sinead" for most of that time.

And I'm a guy - not a woman with a shaved head. It was about 10 years after that song came out so.....*shrugs*. Who knows why. I mean, I loved her so I wasn't insulted.

I've been told (not at my job) I looked sort of like Drew Carey....now that one wouldn't surprise me. (Though I was never as big as Drew was at his fattest, but I did have big chonky glasses for years.)

I used to refer to a young woman I worked with as “the Manson chick”. She presented herself as a naive hipster but she had a cold, vacuous look in her eyes.

A guy I know has nicknames for everyone in his life. I've gotten used to updates on Rachael (guy who likes to cook), Tyler Perry (a black queen), Neck (who knows why), and others. I have been christened Stephen King.

No, but they had nicknames for everybody, especially customers. I don't know what they called me and I don't want to know.

That Cunt and The Other Cunt

Box of Hair

"helmet Head Battleaxe" - former exec who was a total B and no one liked, made life difficult for all

Twinkle toes - light in the loafers big kahuna

Asleep at the switch/lazyass - former boss who did nothing but got paid for doing everything

I had a friend who hated his supervisor whom he thought was evil. He referred to her as "Cuntula."

Teflon Tom

That useless cunt, the chocolate teapot, skank, career whore, lazy cunt

Weeble

Bulldog

Campbells Soup Kid AKA:

Pink faced freckley motherfucker who I want to cover in honey and roll into a nest of Killer Bees (this is true)

and Casper (This useless CUNT who never helps)

and "that MAGA CUNT Anne"

Mr. Bush-after some of us saw him shower at the gym we worked out at. I think he liked to show it off.

China bitch. She's actually Korean and hates to be confused with other Asians, therefore the name.

El murcielago (The bat). Nasty cleaning guy, he steals food after hours.

Tammy d'Orleans. The boss' secretary who thinks her taste is more European than American. It ain't.

America's Hitler

America's Favorite Idiot.

"The Fuckhole" - The exec assistant who everybody knew was fucking her boss who was married, had kids and was nearly twice her age. Whore.

"Half-past-six" for a guy whose spinal deformity caused his head to permanently lean to one side.

A Frau known as live laugh love - she has the sign in her home 🤢

Love laugh leave, that’s my sign

[quote]Pink faced freckley motherfucker who I want to cover in honey and roll into a nest of Killer Bees (this is true)

That's not really a nickname.

R36 Your friend sounds fun. My best friend and I love to nick a name. We have insane ones from the most random things in the past. Some are short hand. Hilarious to me.

Two from my last job: The Professor of Micromanagement and the Post-It Note Queen.

Yes, I call one of my coworkers “Dark sided” as a reference to the crazy Christian lady on wife swap.

Booby Boy

I had a few...

"Shelf". She was a boss of mine, who was 4' 11", about 250 lbs. with 48 triple Zs. She was a know-it-all, who when she was feeling superior to us, she would talk to us with her arms crossed, resting on her tits. One day one of my friends (who is female) said "I can't stand when she does that titty shelf thing." The name was born and stuck ever since.

"Mrs. Beasley". This poor woman looked like a real life Mrs. Beasley doll from "Family Affair".

"Shrek". This guy looked and sounded like Shrek

"Table Tits". A woman, who looked like "Shelf". Every time we would see her, she'd be in a conference room and her tits would be sitting on the conference room table.

"Blessed Mother". Mother of four, holier than thou, looked down on everyone.

"Church Lady". Repressed lesbian, 30-something, most likely a virgin. She hung out with her grandma. Her favorite hobbies were knitting and going to church. She would blush if anyone said anything harsher than "darn".

Moobs was one coworker's nickname, and then, after he left, there was Moobs Jr.

Razzle Dazzle

Cuntella for my boss. It's been shortened to "Tella" amongst my colleagues and her boss, who is my former manager.

Although I outrank her, my former boss put me under her so that she could get a promotion and have me keep an eye on her. She's great at her job but is unlikable and lacks people skills. No one else is willing to report to her. I'm not sure if she's insecure, a narcissist, or is bipolar.

I'm actually retired now but have been working occasionally as a remote consultant. I still care abut the organization but am losing my interest in the office politics quickly, much to my partner's delight. I used to be addicted to the gossip but it's become tedious.

Nothing. In the past there was asscrack/Johnny crack for a guy who was always showing his crack, Sub Monster for the sub leader, and Baby Huey for my creepy neighbor/coworker.

Carol the Shiv, a fellow choir member who is all sweetness and smiles but after every rehearsal or performance manages to get a jab into any other singer she felt had let down the side.

We had a cranky older woman with white hair who looked George Washington. She was called George.

Another one named Ruth was called Roots, sometimes to her face, from a perennially incomplete dye job

Roxy Sparkle-balls = This utter swish of an intern with purple highlights and sticky eyeliner

Tight-ass = Another intern, named Titus, with a taut little dumper

Kitchen Witch = Our office's version of the uppity twat who constantly scolds you about microwave hygiene

Gums = A sweet but unfortunate-looking Black girl whose smile is 400% gums

The Admiral = An older guy who still works out like a navy recruit, and has the abs of an 18 year-old. Discipline!

Pepper = A demure redhead who occasionally has outbursts of personality

Honey-tits = A mother of four who wears vintage Betty Page-style bras that give her chest the dimensions of a billiards table

Granny Fudge = The office's oldest woman. Not sure if they call her that because she bakes constantly, or because she's had a few mishaps in the ladies room

Orson = A rotund man with a baritone voice and the beard to match. He's constantly irritated, and used to do really good work back when we first hired him.

Holy Roller = A batshit Nigerian woman who speaks in tongues on the floor of her office, and never seems to do any actual work

Fuckin' Sean.

The grass and shrubbery outside my building are maintained by a pair of young guys, who look similar enough that they could be related. One of them is rather handsome, the other is average looking. Because of their similar hairstyles, I named them The Top Knot Brothers. The handsome one is Hot Knot; the other one is Not Hot Knot.

I have a coworker who is a complete moron. We found out he has a brother named "Perfecto". So we call the moron "Imperfecto".

I'm not working in an office right now, but I'm having a great time reading all of these nicknames.

Signed, former colleague of Tard, Mumbles, Booger, and Cropduster

This one isn't mine, but I laughed my ass off and just thought I would share....