Have you or a family member ever gotten scammed?

This is so sad. You should do a gofundme account. It's worth a shot. Just be honest and authentic and people do like to help. Let us know what happens.

R1 has the right idea, OP. You have nothing to lose (anymore!), so why not?

OP, that's positively horrible. Perhaps your mother can sue this wretched bastard? Probably, others were scammed and a class action lawsuit could be filed?

GFM is an impossibility.

She’s very proud and honestly her ego is all she has left. I am still trying to get her to find the IP address of the people who emailed her, and to report this to the police - she has to her bank - but she is dragging her feet because she has this “shut it away and pretend it never happened” coping mechanism. I taught her how to get the IP address off Gmail, even if it is spoofed it is something to report, but she went it use the library PC and said she forgot how to do it. This was 4 months ago and she didn’t tell me until I asked to see what she was presenting to the police last week:

I confided in one of my friends and she wasn’t happy - “are you fine with people saying your mother is stupid?”. I personally don’t care what people think, I want her to get the money back. Or at least make an effort. Or if all else fails get a job she needs to get a job.

^ I am OP at r4.

The guy at the company wasn’t romancing her or anything, but she was totally groomed. She would get a call every day and say “oh it’s my financial advisor!” And go off to chat with him. I’d say, does he call every time your account compounds 5c and is asking if you want to reinvest it?” And she’s like, “no he’s just checking on me!”

I told her that no financial advisor has to the time to chat to clients all the every day for half an hour and it sounds dodgy. She told me to shut up and mind my own business and she’s taking care of things. So I did, until I heard her tell the guy that she was coming with me and some other family members for a road trip over Christmas and I blew up and read her the riot act for telling someone she has never met and to whom she gave her address when exactly her home will be unoccupied. She said “no, it’s fine!” but then started to expect the worst.

She is a widow who nursed my father years of care before he died. And I give her a lot of leeway for dealing with those emotions in an unhealthy manner when she could have gone to church or made new friends or joined a walking club or volunteered but she did none of those things. I worked hard not to get mad at her about throwing away everything, but as it is she can no longer afford a psychologist or even fall prevention physical therapy that would be useful at her age.

But her dragging her feet on making it right and wallowing is what I find hard to forgive.

My partner's evil stepmother (now 91) gave her boyfriend next door about $300k from savings and tried to destroy all the records on the transaction and denied anything happened.

He had already been in prison for insurance fraud years before, I learned.

My oldest brother was scammed by a friend - maybe not a planned scam such as OP's mother experienced, but a kind of a scam nonetheless. During the 2007-2008 economic meltdown, my brother, who loved to play the stock market, saw many of his investments crashing. A friend came to him putting together a commercial real estate "no fail high return" deal, but needed bridge-loans to put it all together. I think the buy -in to the deal was something like a $200,000 investment. My brother, who had recently paid off his mortgage for his home in the Seattle metropolitan area, re-mortgaged his house to buy in. Of course, the entire thing collapsed as banks called in chips to save themselves in the crisis. No real recourse - maybe pennies on the dollar. It really was the start of a decade of misery for him, culminating in his very premature death in 2024.

My older sister has a high-school friend who is currently being scammed by one of the Nigerian fake online boyfriend schemes. My sister and a few of her friends have staged interventions to prove to the friend that it is a scripted situation and that eventually the person will be requesting large sums to be placed in a special account just for the two of them. She's a widow in her late 60s, desperately lonely, convinced that this complete stranger that she's never met in person is her soulmate, and loves her for herself. Very sad. She'll soon be $500,000 poorer and will likely have to sell her beautiful home just to keep from being out on the streets.

R7, those are both very sad. I hope your sister's friend has a lawyer giving good advice.

I don’t understand - you are waiting to report this to the police because you don’t have the IP address? And it’s been months? And you got mad at her for giving the FA her vacation schedule because you thought he might physically rob her home, but at that point you were still semi-OK with her investing all her money with this guy?

Just let it go, you are trying to force your mom to do something she does not want to do. 4 months? Please, most older people are very bitchy and protective about every cent. She's just going through the motions to please you, that's why she's dragging her feet like going to the public library to use a computer. If she lost 250k, she can afford a basic laptop or desktop from Best Buy and got on it that same day. I am sure you could have helped her get set up.

Bottom line, she screwed up and got scammed. She wants to move on and let it go. She does not care about the money enough to do anything about it so why should you?

A coworker of mine scammed out of close to $15,000 a few months ago. He's an intelligent guy and mindful of his money, but they got him, to the point where he left work and took money out of his bank account and deposited into a "safety"account. Yuhese people had set up. I will go into all the details because they're absurd when you see it on Paper. But basically he came and told me what happened in the whole time I've seen myself. This sounds like a scam. I googled some of the things he said. Had happened and sure enough results came up right away that this is a well-known scam. I called him that night and told him he could tell me to butt out if he felt like it but I let him know. I'm pretty sure he was scammed. Sure enough he called police explained what happened and they said Yep we were. And there's no way for them to trace who has that money. I felt awful for my coworker, but it goes to show anybody could get easily tricked into some of these scams. So you really really need to be aware.

I got scammed thinking this thread would be interesting.

This one was minor as scams go.

Mom and I had parked her car, on our way out to eat. As we got out, two young guys (carrying some kind of tool kit) approached us, noting a medium-sized dent in the body near the front left wheel.

“We can pound it out, smooth it, paint it to match. We do good work,” they told us.

I don’t recall how much they charged us. It might have been $200. Neither of us was savvy about car stuff (obviously!). Mom had been nervous about getting the dent taken care of because the car was leased. She knew it had to be returned in better condition.

We paid them, they started working on it right away, we left them to go have dinner. They assured us it would be done by the time we got back.

Oh, it was done, alright. It looked horrible - as if their tools were Fisher-Price tools. I felt pretty bad afterwards (I think Mom looked to me to decide/trusted my judgment) but I was relieved that Mom was a good sport about it. She was able to laugh it off. (Not that either of us was cavalier about blowing that money. Just realized we had no recourse.)

In retrospect, and I’m not proud to admit this, I’m sure I was swayed by the one guy’s good looks. Not just good looking, but he was right out of Central Casting for a tv ad for home repairs or pest control. That type. A type I’ve often been drawn to.

I’ve learned my lesson.

R13, you’re that stupid?

The car dent parking lot scam often leaves the car in worse shape than it was to begin with.

A man and a woman tried to pull it on me at a Petco, but I got out my phone and said "My brother's a cop, and his car has lots of dents. Let me call him to get down here."

They amscrayed quick.

quote]I don’t understand - you are waiting to report this to the police because you don’t have the IP address? And it’s been months?

She has been given the link to report it to the regulatory authorities but she is dragging her feet, telling me she can’t log the form until she has the IP address. She hasn’t walked into the local police station and filed a report or anything.

I am the only person outside of her bank that knows, apart from one friend I confided in who lives in another country.

[quote]And you got mad at her for giving the FA her vacation schedule because you thought he might physically rob her home, but at that point you were still semi-OK with her investing all her money with this guy?

No, at this point she told me she has invested $20k and I was appalled. She told me she gave them everything a months later because they told her she will double her money.

[quote] Just let it go, you are trying to force your mom to do something she does not want to do. 4 months? Please, most older people are very bitchy and protective about every cent. She's just going through the motions to please you, that's why she's dragging her feet like going to the public library to use a computer. If she lost 250k, she can afford a basic laptop or desktop from Best Buy and got on it that same day. I am sure you could have helped her get set up.

She currently no money at all other than the small government old age pension. She can’t afford a laptop. She was a lifelong Mac User, has a very slow 6 year old PC netbook and uses the Macs at the public library for writing longer form emails. I currently don’t have the money to buy her a MacBook. And on some level I’m mad at myself for giving her $50k to begin with.

[quote]Bottom line, she screwed up and got scammed. She wants to move on and let it go. She does not care about the money enough to do anything about it so why should you?

At this point, I’m going to have to push her harder and take over the reporting myself. I’m mad at her and I want her to do it herself but clearly she’s too depressed to do so.

I was raised to be an extremely cautious person and suspicious of anyone I didn't know who claimed to have good intentions. Many years ago I was having my hair cut in an out of town shop. I was wearing a very expensive watch I inherited. The barber commented on what a beautiful watch it was, no big deal, and then the come-on started. He was part of some outfit that guaranteed massive returns on your investment and thought I might be interested. This line of BS started just as he was finishing up my cut. I didn't even wait for him to remove the drape and neck wrap. I stood up, snatched it off and looked him in the eye, and said "NO THANK YOU!", as I handed him his money and turned and walked out. I looked back at him as I passed by the big glass front of his shop and was standing there looking shell shocked. Crooked bastard thought for sure he had found himself an easy touch.

R13 So the guy was attractive - the kind of guy who gets your attention ? Was your dick doing the thinking for you and decided to hire him ?

GET HELP.

Is there another family member that could help her navigate this? Someone who could step in and be the police contact and reach out to any relevant law and regularly agencies?

The FBI, the FTC, any local adult protective services agency, FINRA. Are you sure the bank 100% understands the situation? It’s possible someone there could give you a to-do list. I’m not sure exactly what her situation is, but it seems like maybe the bank has dropped the ball a little bit. Bank employees are given training on how to drag their feet and ask questions when someone older starts making unusual transactions. Although, “I just sold a home and I am now investing the proceeds” is a reasonable response that would not raise flags.

$250k is a lot of money and, honestly, OP, you are your mother’s son. It’s good that you aren’t too mad at her, you have a good heart. She probably won’t get the money back, but I can’t tell if it’s a 100% impossibility from the info in this thread. Maybe it wasn’t outright fraud, maybe just a bad investment and the advisor doesn’t want to own up and there is still some recovery possible. Even just 10% of $250k is a lot of money. But someone needs to get it in gear and it’s not going to be you. Seriously, GET HELP. Neither one of you is equipped to deal with this. If you don’t have a friend, family member, or former employer who can advise, maybe a lawyer would take it on contingency (at this point it’s not so much a legal issue as you just need someone with some administrative competence, but you might be able to pay a lawyer for that). If she is completely uncooperative, I would consider hiring an attorney to press the issue by going after the $50k you loaned her. Not to punish her, but to find out WTF is going on. Do you attend any religious services with people who might be able to help?

She should not be embarrassed that she got scammed. But she should be embarrassed not to be dealing with it.

GET HELP

Also, OP, if you have siblings who are not aware of the situation or are under the impression that some minimally reasonable effort is being made to recover assets and they find out later how this was (not) handled, there could be very bad feelings.

[quote]Even just 10% of $250k is a lot of money. But someone needs to get it in gear and it’s not going to be you. Seriously, GET HELP. Neither one of you is equipped to deal with this.

Thank you r20. I’m not offended and I needed to hear that. I kind of hoped she would lodge the complaint by herself because I more angry with her than I want to admit. She won’t. I talked my employer into paying for further professional training so I can earn more money and I spent the last 2 months buried in study. You have correctly noticed I am a chip off the old block.

[quote]Also, OP, if you have siblings who are not aware of the situation or are under the impression that some minimally reasonable effort is being made to recover assets and they find out later how this was (not) handled, there could be very bad feelings

I have an older half-sibling who I’m not close to and who has been increasingly silent with my mother since before lockdown. He cannot and will not help her financially or emotionally due to his own family issues. Like her, he is proud and cares deeply about appearances. Once I have lodged her report to the government authority and made a preliminary police report, I will ask her to tell him.

A big hug to you r19/r20.

PS, to add insult to injury, my mother is a major Robert Redford fan.

My dad’s cousin got involved with a “woman”. Not sure if it was online or just the phone but he sent tens of thousands of dollars. I was shocked when my dad told me the vague details. His cousin has a reputation for being stingy and cheap. His last wife left him for his stingy ways. So, I wouldn’t expect someone like him to fall for a scam like that. Eventually men were calling him harassing him for more money. It stressed him out so much he started having health issues.

Luckily my parents are/were pretty savvy and gossipy. There was a scam going around about grandparents getting fake calls from their grandchildren asking for bail money. My mom has a no bailing out grandkids policy and she’d call me and my sister to gossip.

Yes. It's too embarrassing to discuss.

I don’t feel sorry for stupidity. These scams have been around for years.

My elderly aunt got a call that her son was arrested and needed bail sent to a third party. But she was smart enough to call her son immediately. Another more addled senior might have fallen for it.

R21, I have a lot of respect for the way you took that. You seem like a good person with a lot of self awareness. Try to outsource the follow up, but please do it. Think about how you are working hard to achieve a raise and calculate how long you would have to earn that raise, after taxes, to save $250k. It’s a lot. It doesn’t sound like you are 100% sure this was pure theft and that the guy is untraceable. You might get some back.

It’s probably better to preserve what sounds like a very loving relationship with your mom if you outsource this to a third party willing to help. But if there is nobody, Google elder fraud, FTC, consumer protection, FINRA complaints, elder abuse, and start dialing. Someone at the other end of one of those calls might give you more help than you expect. I had that happen once with an unrelated govt agency. Even if it’s just their job, people tend to want to help an innocent person who has been taken advantage of.

I feel for your mom being embarrassed, but the embarrassment is so misplaced. This really could and does happen to anyone. I have degrees in economics and finance, I’ve worked in financial institutions for decades, several attorneys in my family. One of my attorney siblings recently got a tiny bit ripped off (IMO, judgement call to let it go) at a house closing. I recently engaged in a financial transaction and then realized too late I was locked into it for a longer period than I had thought. Not fraud, but a dumb mistake. Another family member buys a specially etf that really isn’t designed for achieving medium term exposure and holds it. Nobody who knows anything would think less of her because of this mishap. This kind of thing is confusing. Everyone makes mistake.

I would love to get one of those "Grandpa, I'm in jail" scam calls:

"GOOD! It's about time, you rotten little bastard!"

Op, its always good to use the explanation that She can Stop it happening to others.im the guy who suggested a GFM. Also, explain in the GFM that she is embarrassed. Also give details about the scam, so u will help others know about the scam. Ur mom will get over the embarrassment. Tell her, if it was a movie, the audience wud be routing for her character, and wud want the scammers caught. Please try the GFM, even if u try to keep it as anonymous as possible. If it doesn't work its no loss to you. It costs nothing.