Let's be the Widow Kirk preparing for her BIG MOMENT!

"There's a woman named Lisa on line 3 ... she said something about cinnamon rolls."

"I want head-to-toe glamour shots of my widow's couture! I don't want to be upstaged by that Slovenian whore! I need my best waterproof make-up, someone get a recommendation from that f@ggot Vance!"

Is she not worried that some other nut might not want her to be the voice of her husband's movement?

I would be.

O what a circus! O what a show MAGA has gone to town We've all gone crazy Mourning all day and mourning all night Falling over ourselves to get all of the misery right

"I don't want to talk to Candace Owens's 'people', put me through to CANDACE this moment you fuckers!"

"You there! Vietnamese girl! You speakee English? Make sure those nails are PERFECTION! I'm going to be posting a close-up of me touching my husband's corpse to Instagram! You know INSTAGRAM?"

"Well, how soon can you have the 'Never Forget: Charlie Kirk' hoodies and sweatshirts ready? ... THAT'S the best you can do? The demand is there NOW!"

I'm One tear, left eye, go!

Her snatch is snatchtastic

"An ALMOND milk latte? I specifically asked for an OAT MILK LATTE. I don't care if they were out of oat milk. You should have gone someplace else. I cannot BELIEVE you're making me fire you fifteen minutes before I have to give the most important speech of my LIFE."

"What do you MEAN there's already a fragrance line called 'Charlie'?"

R1 for the win

I'm Mrs Norman Maine!!!!

“Where did Brittany Aldean get this pathetic bouquet? TRADER JOE’S? Well, that’s one name off the VIP list for the funeral!”

"You find out what length Karoline Leavitt's serpentine chain is right. This. Instant. 'Cause you can best bet I want my gold cross visibly nestled between these griefstricken bosoms. Time to shine!"

Doing her best as a white trash Jackie Kennedy.

There's now one less available slot on next season's Dancing With The Stars.

She should give me a call. I can give her lots of tips to parlay a dead husband into lots and lots of publicity.

I have a few tips for her, too, if she wants to.....shall we say, extend her time in the spotlight.

"Make his hands more yellow! It shows off my $200 manicure better!"

"Hey, you Chink, where's my goddamn dry cleaing? Did you send it to Beijing?"

I’m ready for my KKKloseup.

"Why doesn't Donald Trump keep calling me? I don't want to have a meeting, just him and me, in his hotel room."

No, Mr. Giuliani, I do not want to have a private meeting in your limo

Don't invite Kayleigh McInierny. She is jealous of my looks.

Putting on my red dress right now. I'm the next big star on Fox News.

"If Courtney Love calls again, tell her she's not invited. I don't need advice from her. "

Call me Meghan McCain - she knows how to use a close dead relative for famewhoring. I need to up my game.

Also, Meghan is so chunky and unattractive that I'll look Sevier in comparison

Oh, shit that should say sexier

Fallon didn't get nominated?

R13 for the win! You know that even after her fourth divorce this bitch will still be "Mrs. Charlie 'Bobble-head' Kirk!"

Just always remember that you have the moral high ground.