I'm tired of being nice to people

I’ve found that people tend to overestimate their own niceness. We all display a wider range of emotions to others than we realize.

Try just being reasonably civil.

OP, you sound like Eeyore.

OP thinks slipping the shiv into a non-lethal location is being "nice," based on the depth of asocial issues evidenced in that post.

Alternatively, early-onset dementia sometime includes this sort of mental processing.

I know how you feel Op. I’m a little older, and I still wonder the same thing.

I just pick different reasons to be mean. They’re a whore, or they lack intelligence or they’re fat. Always a reason, if you’re willing to look.

Don’t turn into a martyr, OP. Just do the best you can and don’t become bitter.

We’re living through a brutal and cruel time.

I'm with OP and R5. I don't regret being (overly?) nice, but there was a time when this was the norm. It wasn't considered being needy or a martyr, it's just that civility was something inculcated in us (I'm 67). It's not even a Boomer thing; I see it with younger people too, but it is getting rarer.

I'm not tired of it, but the entitlement can be irksome.

OP- I went to Whole Foods this morning and was in the checkout line. A woman cut right in front of me to pay for her loaf of bread. I said to her sarcastically yes you can cut in front of me in the line. I don’t mind.

I'm nice but if I don't get it back I can turn cunty in a second.

Same here, r10. It means more when I'm a bitch, because it's rare

I'm generally nice to strangers, but I avoid them as much as possible these days.

Sometimes a simple smile is enough. When I’m out running errands, I notice people who look weighed down or miserable. If our paths cross, I make eye contact and smile and, more often than not, they smile back. It lifts my mood, and I like to think it lifts theirs too. I know I've experience a bit of a lift when someone smiles at me when I'm feeling low.

How do you define “nice”? Do you mean a pushover without a backbone or do you mean someone who is kind and empathetic but also who knows when to say no? If someone thinks the mantra “nice people finish last” applies to them, then you’re likely not really “nice.” If you’re only being nice because you are hoping to get something out of it, that isnt nice—that is manipulative

I would say nice is like opening a door for someone or asking them how they're doing if they look glum. I'm far from a manipulative pushover, bitch.

What r2 said. I save nice for people I know or want to know.

I'm sure you're not as nice as you think, OP.

People who claim to be nice often are not.

The first clue is that you're a paid subscriber of Datalounge. Nobody pays for DL to be "nice."

Your life will be harder if people despise you, OP.

The only people I show my cold side to are people I know for a fact are Trump lovers. One example: a lady who has worked a register in a store I frequent often. I used to chit chat with her whenever I was in her line. Then one day after Trump won his second election she was all aglow with joy and said to me "aren't you ecstatic that Trump is back in office?". My smile turned to a frown and I looked her in the eye and said "I most certainly am not, he's a sick lowlife criminal who deserves to rot in hell". Her mouth fell agape and she just said "you're kidding". I didn't even respond. I just took my purchases and walked out. Since then I will go out of my way to not get in her line.

[quote]People who claim to be nice often are not

This is such horseshit.

When they almost hit you with your car as you’re crossing the street and then when they finally stop for you, you flip them off and walk the other way.

r20, there are people who are passive aggressive or vulnerable narcissists or have martyr complexes or savior complexes. We don't know that OP's like that but the assertion "I'm sick of being nice" is a bit of a tell.

I think that applies to all "self-describers", r20. When people go out of their way to tell you that they have a positive trait, it's usually because they're not good at actually demonstrating that trait.

I'm immediately on guard when I hear someone describe themselves as nice, kind, funny, smart or generous. Normal people show rather than tell.

Like the OP and a few others here, I feel the same. I'm 61 and was always taught to be kind and considerate to everyone, including strangers. When I go into work in the morning, I try to make eye contact with everyone 9not just coworkers, but everyone I cross paths with on my way to the office) and greet them with a genuine 'Good Morning' and a smile. I hold doors open, I m holding elevators for them (and get neither of that in return). That's how I was brought up. The percentage of those who respond in kind is about 10%. The percentage of those who even acknowledge me in some way is about 15%. The rest try not to make eye contact or just keep walking by, staring at their phones.

And that's just the start of the day.

I wouldn't be surprised if I get called into HR some day because a Zoomer reported me as being 'creepy' and 'cringe', although a few months ago (unbeknownst to me) the President of the hospital (who I wouldn't know if she fell down in front of me) apparently observed my interacting with others a few months ago. She found out who I was, and where I worked in the hospital and sent a very kind email to me and my supervisor - so that was a reward in itself, I guess.

OP- I don't like excessive friendliness from strangers.

No, I’m on stage when out in public - not too much talking takes place because I’m gazing off into the distance. I’ll will walk away if someone utters more than a sentence.

I’m Rosalind Russell walking home from getting fired and graciously giving my last dime to a very nasty organization.

People pretty much leave me alone.

The world needs people like you now more than ever, OP. Don't forget that you are likely teaching at least SOME others to be kind via your kindness to them. Never change, pal.

You don't have to be nicey nice, but you also don't have to go out of your way to be rude. Just be on the alert for people who mistake kindness for being a fool. I've found that with some people, if you give an inch they will try to take a mile. Beware.

R3, I love Eeyore & think that he was depressed, not un-nice. It makes me feel a little better to be nice to strangers, so there's that.

Are you nice like Fargo nice?

The world would be better with more people like r13

Being mean to people is not a worthwhile goal either - so what is the option? Just be. It is about your own state of mind - no need to fake being nice but generally if you’re a happy, content person you’re not going to come off as mean.

I mostly only get annoyed at the supermarket when people stop in the middle of an aisle with their carts. Now I tell them to pull over. I don't give a shit, I'm old and only have so much time. I'm not wasting it on the rude.

Don't let anyone steal your inner light, OP. I'm 55 and I still greet the world with a smile. I encounter more ugly than nice but what do I care about miserable assholes. They don't take away from my joy.

I'm old and tired and have recently started saying NO to family members who have almost never heard it from me before. I still prefer texting it to actually saying it, but I'm surprised how good it sometimes feels, and wish I started saying it way back when.

I’m 68 and used to have an acid tongue and used it frequently (sometimes with immediate regret). I think I’m the opposite from some others—it now feels like too much effort to be a bitch (deciding not to be—it’s what we have instead of God, as Lady Brett observed). I still have my inner caustic commentary, but I keep it to myself. Also, my husband is 87, mid-stage Alzheimer’s, and uses a wheelchair outside our apartment. I’m grateful for the small kindnesses total strangers do (opening doors, greeting him like an adult, and so forth). I’m also struck how the omnipresence of cell phones has seemed to make the screen generation utterly insensitive to sharing space, performing basic courtesies.

Why are there people like R19 that let their lives revolve around Trump and who is or who is not a Trump supporter. Aren't there far more other things in life to focus on? Not judging him at all but but enough already. Trump isn't sitting around obsessing over who doesn't like him. I doubt he'd care one way or the other how R19 feels.

Nice? What’s nice? I never smile much or pay much attention to other people unless I need to, but I’m polite and cordial and courteous. I will help or answer questions. I’m usually not the one to engage first though.