Let's Be Autumn in New England

I'm fat southerners going to Salem in October to get the "authentic" New England experience.

I’m the municipalities of Salem and Sleepy Hollow raking in the tourist money.

I'm Cabot Cove!

Im the roadside farm stands selling pumpkins, apples, cider, and cider donuts. I am nostalgia.

I'm the quintessential drive through Smuggler's Notch, Vermont. But the linked image is a mirage. In reality, there would be bumper-to-bumper traffic on the road.

I am a pumpkin spice latte from Dunkin Donuts.

I'm "leaf peeping."

I sound a little bit pervy.

We're the hot but vacuous bros moving into off-campus housing at Amherst, Brown, and Williams.

I am the perfect blue sky and gorgeous weather.

We’re the scarf and sweater gays at Emerson and Bowdoin.

I'm the apple picking!

I'm the apple cider donut. If you've never tasted me warm and fresh at a farm or farmers market, you don't know what you're missing. (Groxery store imitations dont count. ) 'm the culinary version of the best sex you've ever had. But don't eat too many of me unless you want the whore label you wear so proudly to be changed to FAT WHORE.

I'm Dunkin's

I am Grace Metalious saying "Then there is the time of Indian summer and fall, when the leaves are bright and beautiful, and that's when you're really grown and can do all the things you've always wanted to do."

I’m the smell of cinnamon. I am everywhere for the next few months. You cannot escape me.

[quote]I am the foliage.

Which is pretty much all there is to be.

I'm the local weatherman lost in the "Corn Maze" calling 911.

I’m the hot guy, from Prague, who learned the 13 ways to serve a lobster roll in Maine this summer. I’m now in a dentition center-I won’t be working on my Ph.D at Berkeley this semester.

Detention*

English is my fourth language 🤷🏻‍♂️

I'm a freshly cradled mug.

Geez, way to bring down the mood r18!

I’m the Salem traffic.

There isn't much to the Salem, MA. Seeing it once is MORE than enough.

In the money pole at the Topsfield Fair.

R21

I’m Nobody! Who are you?

Are you – Nobody – too?

Then there’s a pair of us!

I'm the freshmen Ivy League student from Cedar Rapids, Iowa wondering if I'll flunk out first semester and by the way, why are the store clerks so mean? Haven't they ever heard the word, Hi? So grumpy!

^freshman

I am Vermont. Go home.

I'm the WOODSTOCK INN of Woodstock, Vermont. I ooze charm and spiked cider.

I'm Harvard Square, packed to the gills with nowhere to park. I mean PAHK.

I’m the sophomore who goes to school “in Boston”—there’s more Dick than you can shake a stick at, down on the Charles River’s bank, near the houses…just some free advice.

I'm Formaggio Kitchen, rife with eye candy as far as the eye can see.

R18, ugh. We all know what dictator Trump is doing, but this is supposed to be a fun thread.

I am a vast collection of mugs at the Vermont Country Store. They're perfect for cradling.

I'm L.L. Bean. Slip into my crisp fleece vest.

I'm all the fuckin' tourists comin' to see the foliage, and they're all fuckin' drivin' like they're fuckin' RETAHDED.

I'm the trees turnin' their leaves into FAUL CULLAHS.

I'M THE SWEATAH WEATHAHH

for R25

Don't tell! They'll banish us, you know.

r36 only the ones from Rhode Island.

I'm The Big E in West Springfield, Massachusetts. If you grew up in New England your parents dragged you to this every year.

I’m Gerg! I’m back-/along with aging recipe!

I'm the collective disappointment of the thousands who go to "Sleepy Hollow" and find nothing...NOTHING remotely authentic helps visitors connect the place to America's best-known ghost story.

* fall fig recipe

Thanks Muriel!

R43 flunked Colonial geography in 3rd grade…and never recovered.

Wasn't born there, but lived there for a time, r41, and have fond memories of it. All the booths from all the different states. And all the men (Grindr being especially fun.) Never understood why the fucking baked potato was so popular tho. Why would anyonewait in line for an hour for a fucking baked potato?

The potatoe saved NE, Dan Quayle and BrendaD. Beat that!

I'm the corpse in Hitchcock's *The Trouble with Harry*. I'm sadly oblivious to some of the most magnificent autumnal New England scenery ever committed to Technicolor.

I'm Decorative Gourd Season, mothafuckas!

Have any of you been to the Berkshires in Autumn? It's supposed to be gorgeous.

I’m one of those small towns that goes all out on Halloween decorations. I’m infinitely more interesting than Salem or Woodstock, VT.

I have, r51. It is indeed goddamn gorgeous.

I'm a fall festival. I love corn dogs.

Im the $800 bed and breakfast in Vermont - that used to be $300 before the pandemic. Yet I’m still sold out because a bizarrely large group of people seem to have no limits on how much they can spend,

R52 that’s every town in the USA! Where have you been?

I'm Stowe

I'm L.L. Bean's fleece jacket. You will never have a better or more comfortable fleece jacket, and I last for years. I am so worth $70.

I'm Old Sturbridge Village, site of many a fall field trip for young New Englanders.

I’m the drug-addled child of a B-list celebrity using AI to write poetry. My analyst tells my step-dad that I might actually graduate…

I’m the Hallmark Channel. I show Fall-themed movies for about 2 weeks in October and immediately move to Christmas movies on October 20th.

I'm Mt Washington who sometimes has an early coating of snow on the peak which looks beautiful against the colorful foliage.

I’m the much better fall foliage found in Michigan, the New England of the Midwest.

I am the foilage.

I'm the von Trapp Family Lodge

I'm Nat King Cole on the golden oldies station at the security desk at Wigglesworth Hall.

We’re the 30-mile traffic backups to stare at orange leaves and buy tree syrup!

I’m the Masshole driver who’s honking at you for slowing down to look at the foliage.

Raking lots of leaves. Hard work but they smell good.

I am the golden evening light.

I’m the bowels. I get loose while everyone is stuck in the Berkshires

I'm every psychic in Salem, gearing up for a swindle.

I am the fall-decorated front doors and porches. Used to be only Christmas required this level of artistry but now every door needs a wreath of foliage, pumpkins of various sizes next to the door, a fall-themed welcome mat, and other sizable knick-knacks on the steps. These include odd pears made of twigs, lanterns with battery powered candles, glitter covered twigs and terracotta leaves. I include velvet ribbons in olive, orange and sunset yellow tied in sloppy bows.

(The mother threw away the twig pentagram the oldest daughter made.)

I’m a covered bridge, so much more photogenic in the fall.

I’m a cornucopia spilling forth shiny apples, miniature pumpkins and variegated corn.

I'm me...on the West Coast, living in Northern CA and wishing (as I do, every year) how much I could be back Western NY, seeing and smelling the gorgeous leaves juxtaposed against a brilliant blue sky, waking up on the crisp mornings to the leaves skidding along the driveway with the breeze, tall corn stalks waving in the fields, the cider mill full to the brim with people getting freshly pressed cider, filling up on cider donuts, and buying little and big pumpkins.

I really miss it so dearly every year since I moved back here.

The covered bridges surrounded by autumn leaves is a sight to behold.

I'm fortunate enough to live near one.

I am an old lady face made from an apple

I am the darkness that falls at 6 pm, in October.

I’m an undergraduate in a raccoon coat at the Harvard-Yale game.

I’m Maura Murray’s skeleton being bathed in some lovely fall foliage!

I am the Yankee Pot Roast at the Peyton Place Inn

Im the dread of the shortened days heralding the beginning of the the cold, gray, claustrophobic winter - when California Dreaming plays constantly in my head. Love New England in the Fall - but Nov to April I’ll take anywhere warm and sunny. The sacrifice of 6 months for 1 month (often less) of Fall color will never make it worthwhile for me.

[quote]by the way, why are the store clerks so mean?

I'm me and I still haven't gotten used to this after being here 15 years.

[quote] …why are the store clerks so mean?

R26 It’s New England. You want friendly? Visit the South, but don’t let them catch you being gay.

I'm the Topsfield Fair. I reek of manure.

I’m the first frost in early October.

We're the ones who came late and saw bare trees and snow.

I'm the trees that are starting to turn already. Only a few leaves, but it's there.

The Topsfield Fair is about as "fall in New England" as it gets. Great as a kid but not so much for adults. Plan on dropping way more money than you expected to.

And what I always find funny is the Salem nonsense. The actual witch stuff happened in Danvers and the hill where the poor women were hung is behind a Walgreens. In Danvers. The townies in Salem created a cottage industry based on bullshit and now it's gotten away from them.

Apple picking isn't as fun as you might think but the cider donuts and apple fritters make it worth the bother.

Hanged.

r91 is correct. Back in 1692, "Salem" was a much larger area. The current town of Salem was only a fraction of what was known as Salem back during the witch trials.

[quote]what I always find funny is the Salem nonsense.

I've always found it tasteless that they sell all these tchotchkes because innocent people were executed.

[quote] I’m the municipalities of Salem and Sleepy Hollow raking in the tourist money.

[quote] I'm the collective disappointment of the thousands who go to "Sleepy Hollow" and find nothing...NOTHING remotely authentic helps visitors connect the place to America's best-known ghost story.

R2, R43. You guys know Sleepy Hollow is in New York, right? Just north of New York City...@ 20 miles. Not New England.

I'm the home town football games.

...And the beginning of the Pat's regular season.

It’s Pats

R98 Everyone loves a corrector!

New England colleges excelled at producing copy editors.

I’m Reba wondering whosever in New England.

Im the couple who for the last 27 yrs missed the peak by a week........

The Halloween decorations have really gotten out of hand here the past decade or so. Before the Christmas lights, now there are all the Halloween lights. (How did purple become a Halloween color, btw?) And the overblown decorations. It's still summer but the fall decorations are already being sold.

Listening to out of state folks pronounce Worcester, Gloucester, Bangor and Ogunquit incorrectly.

Woos - TAH

Glous - TAH

Ban - GORE

Ah - GAHN - QUIT

R105 You're not from here, are you?

Gloss-Tah

Born and raised New Englander r106

r91, much like a whole city sprang up around Bram's Castle in Romania-it was rumored that he based, "Dracula" on it, but it's a rumor. Yet they made a whole industry supporting this castle.

Living in L.A., I miss autumn and winter so much- the slanting angles of the sun, the slightest whiff of the crisp winter in the air, the crunchy sounds of leaves as you walk through and on them, wearing scarves and being chilled, getting a mug of hot apple cider or hot chocolate to warm you up.

Worce-ster

Glouce-ster

BANG-or

Ogunquit???

You can do all of that in LA.

We have these things called the mountains.

Glouce and Worce aren’t phonetics

R108 Isn't it Bang-or, or BANG-gor (emphasis on 1st syllable)? And Uh-GUN-quit, not "gahn".

Huh? Explain

It's Ug-gahn-quit depending on your region of NE.

You add syllables r112?

Out of towners usually mispronounce "Woburn" as WOE-burn, instead of WOO-burn.

I never heard anyone draw out the "u" in Ogunquit as "ah" unless they were a tourist.

r118 I hear ah all the time.

R109 You could go to Big Bear or Idyllwild for a weekend?

(Or a day.)

Oh Gun Quit

R119 That's bizarre. Maybe it's just how we hear things. I think R122 is correct.

Ya cahn’t get thare from hare.

I spent a lot of summers near there.

I knew a couple who used to go to Steuben, Maine, where there are a lot of blueberries. They always said Stu-BEN. This is right, but it always sounded stupid to me.

I’m a flooded cranberry bog.

I'm the rain later in the fall. Then that one rain that finally takes down what's left of the leaves on the branches. And the miserable, damp cold.

And that rain can happen early in the season and ruin Fall. Though last year was an amazingly extended Fall because it didn’t rain - if I remember correctly.

Not only does New England have the four seasons, but every year each season is different from last year's.

I'm September. It's impossible to pick an outfit when the morning feels like a fall day and the afternoon feels like the middle of July.

Ask Vanessa Friedman. She’ll have some bs answer to your problem.

I'm Katharine Hepburn, pruning trees at my house in Old Saybrook. Get out of the way or these branches will land on your goddamned head!

I'm Flea Market Flip's Lara Spencer (who seems and acts like a lesbian volleyball and lacrosse player) wishing the show was still filming episodes at the Brimfield. Massachusetts Antique Show and Flea Market.

R98, Yeah. Cheers. Thanks a lot.

lovely

I love listening to the flatlanders and tourists mispronounce Calais, Charlotte, Vershire, and Barre.

Which part Vare-mon are you from?

I'm the 'Parents Weekend' at all the private colleges and universities, which means all the hotels can triple their prices and still sell out, and all the restaurants can offer their special 'Parents Weekend' menu with the same dinners but doubled the prices..

I'm one of the quaint, colonial, picturesque congregational churches sitting in the shadow of the enormous Baroque Roman Catholic Church across the street.

I'm the bigotry.

Where would that be 140? On the village green?

I’m Goody Hesther’s Indian pudding.

I'm Lake Squawm or Squawm Lake in New Hampshire. "On Golden Pond" was filmrd here but on the shore.

The wealthy Coolidge family owns a large island and if you are unlucky old Bob the blob will invite you for a visit. Expect to have lots of his saliva in your ears, even if your only reason for being there is to help close the place up for winter.

I'm WooBin. I'm not fahhh from Billricka and Tooxberry.

I'm thr Kankamanagas Highway. I am impossible to spell.

Im Peyton Place.

We're the Newport mansions ready for a blockbuster season. We're going to open our doors to a shitload of tourists spending top dollar to come in here thanks to that 'Gilded Age' show on HBO. Those poor volunteer tour guides will have to answer the most idiotic questions from these tourists such as where Bertha's boudoir is located.

“I’m an AG!”

My name is Victoria Winters. My journey is beginning, a journey that I hope will open the doors of life to me, and link my past with my future. A journey that will bring me to a strange and dark place, to the edge of the sea, high atop Widow's Hill, a house called Collinwood. A world I've never known, with people I've never met. People who tonight are still only shadows in my mind, but who will soon fill the days and nights of my tomorrows.

I'm The Clarke Cookhouse in Newport, RI. You may have heard about me the past couple of weeks no matter where you live around the world ? Our busy season usually winds down by Columbus Day, but this year we are booked solid with reservations though the new year. Don't bother stepping foot inside unless you have one of those reservations - and don't you dare pull a 'do you know who I am ?' with the host if you don't. That won't even get Newport residents Judge Judy or Jay Leno in the door these days.

IF you are lucky enough to come in, do order our very new cocktail - the "I'm an AG" Bellini. It contains non-alcoholic sparkling wine, peach nectar, and simply syrup. And even without the booze, it will set you back $18.

[quote]I'm the 'Parents Weekend' at all the private colleges and universities

This reminds me of "The Four Seasons."

I'm "Moonlight in Vermont".

Gorgeous melody and did you ever notice the song is written as a Haiku? Nothing rhymes.

It’s called Family Weekend

R153 wrong link!

I'm Sam Adams Pumpkin Ale

No, Ms. Whiting's original version with the big band sound is far superior to icey Ella's.

My name is Melinda…

I'm Storrow Drive, Boston's main thoroughfare, which is not designed for large trucks. Every fall, a U-HAUL driven by a hapless student or family gets stuck in me, and hilarity (plus traffic jams) will ensue!!

I'm a raging freshman year hangover complete with a piercing headache and plenty of puke, caused by cheap beer, even cheaper vodka, a mysterious fruity 'punch,' and lack of hydration. I will be remedied with oily Chinese food and Gatorade (not Pedialyte, which is for seasoned binge drinkers). They say Gen Z doesn't drink much, but this is just a silly myth!

I'm the obsceneties that Bostonians are shouting at the hapless student whose U-HAUL has caused traffic to come to a standstill on Storrow Drive.

Sorry, that's "obscenities." It's Friday night and I'm already half in the bag.

R199 Hence this story from WBZ today.

I wouldn't call Storrow Drive Boston's main thoroughfare, though, since it runs along the Charles River, which is the northern boundary of Boston, and it's on the short side.

r164, a thoroughfare is a main road in a town or city. Storrow qualifies.

That doesn't make it "Boston's main thoroughfare".

^Reply to R165

r166, I am also a lifelong Bostonian. It is indeed Boston's main thoroughfare, connecting the western suburbs with downtown, without being classified as a highway. I suppose you consider Truman Parkway a quiet lane?

I'm a rake and/or a leaf blower.

Boston doesn't have a main throroughfare.

But Storrow Drive doesn't go through the city of Boston, it goes around the outer edge of Boston. Mass. Ave. or Boylston Street would be more like a main thoroughfare in the city of Boston. At least they go through the city.

[quote] I suppose you consider Truman Parkway a quiet lane?

I have no idea what you mean by that. But I don't know why you have to get sarcastic with me. (Oh, yeah, you're from Boston. Never mind.)

I'm not very familiar with the Truman Parkway. I've never spent much time in that area. (Milton, etc.)

^For R168

I'm Faces nightclub.

I'm Wellesley, Massachusetts, a serene burg with lush foliage, groomed hedges, and secrets behind every door. The air might be crisp--but the gossip is truly chilling. Beware!

I'm the "Weekend in New England. The song breaks my heart, of what might have been.

I'll always love you, JJF.

I’m the earrings

I’m the (flannel) caftans!!

I’m Mass Ave, which everyone agrees is a main thoroughfare.

I'm the idiot Brown, RISD and JWU students invading the historic East Side / College Hill neighborhood of Rhode Island with over-sized U-Hauls and other vehicles on the narrow streets and steep hills which were originally built for walking and 'the horse and carriage'. But drive that big-ass U-Haul up to your dorms with mommy and daddy and see how much private property you can destroy on the way.

How much stuff do kids take to college that they need a U-Hall?

*Haul

Pfft. It's unbelievable the volume of stuff they have. My neighbor's niece had a STORAGE UNIT for her precious items to bridge the undergrad in Syracuse-grad in Boston three month period.

HOW MUCH STUFF for these Zoomers ? They need to recreate their bedroom at home and create a 'safe space' complete with stuffed animals and their Star Wars toys and furnishings. And even that's not enough.

A friend of mine sent her son off to college last week for his freshman year. She bought enough 'furnishings' to furnish a 3 bedroom house, just to keep 'his anxiety' in check. AND he got a doctor's note requiring the college to give him a single, so he's not sharing the room and bathroom with anyone (I didn't realize that many colleges offer a private room with private bath in the freshman dorms these days). Doctor said her son is a 'germaphobic' and suffers from 'anxiety' when he shares small spaces with others.

I would have rescinded the acceptance letter if I worked for the college.

Wow, I remember when all we brought were clothes, bedding, and our stereos & records, and grooming stuff.

I'm the reminder of the town where you were born!

[quote]Wow, I remember when all we brought were clothes, bedding, and our stereos & records, and grooming stuff.

Yup. Those days are long gone. Now you bring in a whole Toy Store to surround yourself in Disney Princesses and Superheroes to protect you from 'the bullies' you will meet on campus.

Those damned snowflakes, r185! What's wrong with them dadgum whippersnappers today?

What's the matter with kids today?

r182 isn't it nuts? These kids bring everything they own with them. When I was in college in the 90s most of us moved into the dorm with a couple of duffel bags, a leather case with our CDs and a CD player 😂

And we were thrilled to be away from our parents' supervision so we could drink, smoke, fuck and party. These kids never stop texting/calling their parents for five minutes.

This is insane. I guess only rich kids can afford college now, anyway.

Even this kid....formal wear...? A steamer for clothes, a lint brush? A rug??

And what's with all the double beds, in dorms?

Mine was narrower than a twin.

[quote]Those damned snowflakes, [R185]! What's wrong with them dadgum whippersnappers today?

Oh, R186 - where would you like to begin ?

With their neurodivergence ? Their ADD? Their ADHD ? Their preferred pronouns ? Their sexual fluidity ? Their laundry list of prescriptions they're on ? Their victimization ? Their mistaken idea that being corrected is being bullied ? Their inability to socialize with other human beings ? Their delayed adolescence? Their designated 'safe space' ? Their sense of entitlement ?

I'm Boston, bloated at the gills this weekend with 18-year-olds running wild. Help!!

I’m the crisp air.