A line in movie that gave you a stitch in your side from laughing

If you are tardy, you don't get fruit cup.

It's what I live for. Perhaps you'd like me to come in there. and wash your dick for you, you little shit.

Actually, most of his lines in the movie.

What the fuck?!

I get a fiendish delight thinking of you as the mother of seven. How do you plan to do it?

Darling, haven't you ever heard of a delightful little thing called boarding school.

Baroness Machiavelli.

It was Meryl's gift in your face. Even Bruce was fighting to keep a straight face. Perfection.

"I know I seem a little bit on the kinky side, but deep down I'm a sensitive and vulnerable girl. Don't let my dildoes, vibrators and handcuffs fool you."

Yes! Yes! Say it! He vas my BOYFRIEND!”

"Someone has to go back and get a shitload of dimes!"

“Is that…. is that hair gel? Great! I could use some, I just ran out.”

- Cameron Diaz to Ben Stiller

"I am not 'A' Eunice Burns, I am 'THE' Eunice Burns."

- Madeline Khan in 'What's Up Doc?'

“Well then, I just HATE you, and I hate your ass FACE!!”

Except the Irish. We don’t want the Irish!

“Does Jeff know?”

George Gaynes to Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie.

That's a great one R13. Thanks for reminding me.

My beloved Keith David, playing my beloved King, in my beloved film, [italic]Platoon:[/italic]

[quote]March, man, in Tennessee... sniff the pines... sniff that cross-mounted pussy down by the river, hot damn!

Great line, PERFECT line reading. Sitting in the dark in a Boulder theater in 1986, I immediately saw and smelled cross-mounted (did he actually mean "cross-[italic]mountain"[/italic] pussy?) pussy. And the theater erupted in laughter.

[quote]“Does Jeff know?”

You SLUT!

"Did you ever sucked the jelly out of a jelly donut...?"

--Fatso

"What's [italic]wrong[/italic] with Muriel Puce?"

"Gentlemen, you can't find in here! This is the War Room!"

--Peter Sellers, Dr. Strangelove

Different PLACES!!!

"There's nothing worse than an old Queen with a head cold"

TODDY

That lalalalala song by Trini Lopez in Marriage On The Rocks. How did this guy ever make it?

[italic]”Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh ! ! !”[/italic]

Okay, it’s actually quite predictable, but the first time I saw that I laughed so hard.

"Oh, I'm sure he's a real gentleman. I bet he takes all the dishes out the sink before he pisses in it!" - not sure. McClaine in SM?

"I can see your dirty pillows."

Is this the Cocksucker residence?

What a filthy mess!

I don't know, a little paint, a few flowers, a couple of throw pillows.

What do you know about it, you…piano player!

Wait! …. Lock the door!

On what grounds are you shutting me down?

I am shocked, SHOCKED, to find gambling going on in here.

Here are your winnings from tonight, sir.

R16, I must’ve seen TOOTSIE 40 times in the theatre. That line never failed to bring the house down.

I’ve killed the boss! You think they’re not gonna fire me for a thing like that?!

Goldie has my favorite line in Death Becomes Her:

“I talked to my PR woman. She said. ‘Madeline Ashton goes to the opening of an envelope.’ Those people can be so cruel. I fired her. Well, I almost fired her.”

Almost everything out of Paul's grandpa in A Hard Day's Night takes me out.

You don’t think I have feelings? I’m an actress! I have ALL of them!!

Who? Guns-N-Roses?!?

"No, I can do anything. Except snakes. I don't have the counter space."

I want to come back as a bird so I can fly free with the wind, hover over my house, and shit on her head.

Was there...oh... ANY OTHER TIME YOU MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME THIS?

What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater and tan trousers and red shoes. Hmm? No, he's not retarded!

R13: You SLUT!

First Wives Club during divorce proceedings between Hawn and Gerber as his attorney rattles off the movie titles: "And my personal favorite "Animal Instinct" where she played an extremely sensual veterinarian." 😂

“…and Steven Seagal in ‘Snowball in Hell.’”

“Sexual assault with a concrete dildo?!” from the original Naked Gun

“They bump you, and then when you stop, they multilate you and take your car.”

“A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.”

What a story. Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at her rear end.

Does this count as a line?

The high-heel shoes footsteps sound of the dog wearing them in "Bowfinger".

"If I had a dick, this is the part where I'd tell you to suck it." —Betty White in Lake Placid

"I just went out there and performed sexual favors. Six hundred and thirty-four blow jobs in five days... I'm really quite tired." Julia ROberts in Erin Brokovich

"Excuse me please, my ear is full of milk."

R40 has won the thread.

Oh wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I've just remembered, is Grail-shaped.

Tsk. It’s a smutty book.

What Elinor Glyn reads is HER mother's problem.

Have you ever seen such cruelty?

Honey, did you see? I put a hamper in just for your shirts. The other one is just for socks and poo-poo undies.

“For those that like that sort of thing that is the sort of thing they like.” Miss Brodie to Emily Carstairs on her Girl Guide merit badges

flaaaaasiiiiiiduh, didn't make me laugh so much as when she started rolling her head on her neck to tell him off.

[quote]Was there...oh... ANY OTHER TIME YOU MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME THIS?

FUCK BARBRA STREISAND !!!

And you! What a bunch of cocksuckers!

I'd like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?

How do you feel about Cleveland?

"Outside, Countess. As long as they've got sidewalks, YOU'VE got a job!"

YOU WERE A TOMATO!!!!

Could people please list the movies your lines are from? We're not living inside your head.

Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a shit.

Perhaps you need to see more movies.

R64 is from this scene:

^^ re:

[quote]r65 Could people please list the movies your lines are from? We're not living inside your head.

Grandma from DBAMISCWDYJITH: "ASHTRAY!! YA BITCH ASS MUTHA FUCKA!! COME 'N GIVE YO GRAND MAMA A KISS!!"

It's not really a quotable quote, but in the scene in "Re-Animator" in which Herbert West's roomate is horrified to find his cat dead in the refrigerator, the psychopathic Herbert explains by saying, "He got his head stuck in a jar." Something about Jeffrey Combs' supercilious delivery of that line.

"There was a huge spider in the shower, hes there doing his hair right now" - Goldie Hawn in Bird on a wire

(R10)

It's all in the delivery, isn't it?

"Would ya do me a favor, Harry? Drop dead." - as said by Judy Holiday in the original Born Yesterday...

Margo, you were an unforgettable Peter Pan. You MUST play it again soon.

"Listen, baby, blues singers like you are thicker on Broadway than brunettes in Africa."

Do you mind if I smoke while you eat?

[quote]Could people please list the movies your lines are from? We're not living inside your head.

No, R65. Fucking figure them out your damn self, and pull that stick out of your ample ass while you're at it.

NOW, a warning?

"He ate the ONY!"

R48 never saw the movie, but I had to look that up.. 2:00 is hilarious the way the dog was running!

Adrien Brody’s line around 38 seconds into this clip from The Grand Budapest Hotel.

It was so unexpected to me I laughed very loud in the theater.

And Ralph Fiennes’ “How is that supposed to make me feel?” Got me again.

The whole scene is gold.

"She sure is the eat, drink, and be merry girl."

"Yeah, and soon she'll be fat, alcoholic, and miserable."

You sonofafbitch, R79!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!

[quote]“Well, I thought someone in this house ought to be having sex. I mean with something that doesn't require batteries.”

- Martha Plimpton to Dianne Wiest in Parenthood shortly after Wiest’s vibrator is accidentally exposed to the entire family

Now I've seen a lot of bullshit... angel dust…switchblades…sexually perverse photography exhibits involving tennis rackets.

This one always gets me

But Jan, you don’t have any friends

The always great Beth Grant in Donnie Darko:

"I'll tell you what he said! He asked me to forcibly insert the Life Line exercise card into my anus!"

The French must be taller than me.

Oh yeah, the noise, the smog, the crowds, the muggers, sex fiends, white slavers, politicians, it's a pistol. I got about as much use for it as a toad has for spit curls!

Well, nobody’s perfect

"No, that actually clears up a lot of stuff for me."

Or Is it Cline?

r57, the way she delivers "poo poo undies" kills me every time.

“…Pastels?”

I tried to push her out of a window in Little Rock once

"Who gave you permission to read my underwear?"

"No Fronk, tell Honk it's not okay."

PUSSYWILLOWS

"I'm sorry, Prudy, but some of your personal stains require pounding out with a rock!"

John Travolta (Edna) to Allison Janney (Prudy) in Hairspray

“Is this how we dress for the office? You look like a blood clot!”

“ YOU'VE F***ED WITH THE WRONG PERSON! My husband does business with the Mafia! When they track you down, you, your entire family, everyone you ever KNEW will all get chainsaw enemas!”

“And that’s when the whores come in!”

As soon as they turn that camera off he gonna fuck that little dog

Look away!!! Look away!!!

I was a lesbian before. It was all too wet for me in the end. Men are so wonderfully dry

You

Wretched

Idiot

slap slap slap slap slap

Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!

What a stupid fucking retarded quote. You're delightful!!

I thought you said your dog does not bite?

That is not my dog.

Are there bears around here?

Oh yes! One came around last week and ate an old lesbian.

“Dat’s da suck job!”

"Don't say penis in this house!"

"Big fucking erect penis, mom!"

Tom Cruise to Caroline Kava- Born On The Fourth Of July.

“Forty-seven… Forty-eight… Forty-nine…”

Thank you, Ms. Fleming. You call me when the shuttle lands.

Was she a great big fat person?

Don't you know it's bad luck to let retarded people in your home?

"If Mrs. Bates is still alive - who's that buried up in the cemetery?"

r117 lol which one?

Sorry, you're right r119--that's Polyester, not Hairspray.

My bad.

“Your days of finger banging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are OVER!”

"She threw it in the can - I'll kill her!" - Valley of the Dolls

"Why don't you just light your tampon and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart."

"Oh, and she's lovely. Firm thighs, supple, pouting breasts. It's a shame you two don't get along."

You’re a lying, sexist, egotistical, hypocritical bigot!

“Haven’t you heard of Miranda Rights?”

“No, Carrie is the one who writes. Miranda’s a lawyer, Charlotte’s an art dealer, and Samantha’s a whore.”

"Calling you stupid is an insult to stupid people."

“Paula? Paula? I’ve gone blind…”

Jessica Tandy (as her glasses begin to fog up from the steam from Goldie Hawn’s bathwater), in Best Friends. It’s the line reading that really gets me.