I have been invited to DelMonico's restaurant

Be honest, and tell him.

If he judges you, then fuck him.

If he suggests somewhere more affordable and tries to accommodate you, then it's worth going on the date.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

Especially on a first date.

If the person ends up being someone you really like, lying about yourself could really turn him off.

Just be honest. About EVERYTHING.

God, in Flyoverstan City you hardly even meet anyone who can afford a good restaurant. And they’d love it because they’re all mostly OBESE.

Do you have elegance?

I hope you have elegance.

If you ain't got elegance,

You can never, ever carry it off.

r4 - um

Money can't buy you class.

Elegance is learned, my friend.

I am considering going but I need to pay in cash.

R1 and R2 give good advice. Tell him. You have nothing to lose because if he dumps you over it you just saved yourself a ton of drama and negativity.

If he invited you on the date, why are you paying for anything?

Or just say: Can we do something simpler?

Not a New Yorker, but looking at the menu it does seem somewhat high end for a date of someone (who it sounds like) you don't know well.

Even if he were paying I don't know how great I'd feel about being taken out to a $150-$200 meal (assuming you drink) for a run of the mill date.

R1 & R10 are right. Suggest somewhere more low key.

Have you considered using nature's credit card?

#9 is right: if you're invited to dinner then the inviter pays. Unless it's established up front that you're 'going dutch'. If confused, it is acceptable to ask, "Your treat?".

Why not suggest something more in your budget like Golden Corral?

I suggested Semma.

R14 Or Wendy's.

Can't you leave an hour earlier and turn a couple of tricks on the way to your date?

Not these days r9 and r13.

Delmonicos for a first date should ring alarm bells. He’s being a show off. I would suggest someplace else or don’t go.

I would go if the date is paying.

When did gays start dating?

OP, bottoms don’t pay.

That sounds like an asshole’s first date. Is he a CEO? Most people wouldn’t waste the money on a first date that might go poorly.

Even if he’s paying, it’s a bizarre choice for a first date.

Yeah, he should have chosen White Castle.

Tell him that the choice is out of reach for you. He could be a dine and dash asshole

[quote] I would go if the date is paying.

Even if I got asked out on a date with someone offering to pay for everything, I would still feel bad.

Personally, I would feel obligated to at least drop the tip or something.

I could never - and I mean never - go out with someone and make them pay for everything.

I wouldn't even do that with friends, much less with someone I don't even know.

It's just tacky.

Is Groupon still a going concern? Check there.

Another alternative is to go, tell your date that you had an enormous lunch, and order the smallest and cheapest thing on the menu - an appetizer and a glass of house wine, for instance, or a cup of soup. The trick to this is to eat a little something at home before you go out. Otherwise you're going to feel bitter that you've just spent $40 and are utterly ravenous.

He sounds gross, OP.

Totally disagree r28. That is the most awkward thing to have dinner with someone who barely orders anything. I would be pissed if someone pulled that if we had plans to go out for a nice dinner together. I would much rather they tell me they didn’t want to go there and suggest something else.

Delmonico’s is for business lunches paid on expense accounts.

Maybe, r30, but isn't it also awkward to invite someone you hardly know to a very high-end restaurant without consulting them as to their preference. I think normally that date invitation would go, "I'd love to have dinner with you. Do you have a favorite cuisine, or a favorite restaurant?"

Or, "I'd love to take you to my favorite restaurant, Delmonico's. You'd be my guest, of course".

As long as the lady is paying, why not take the vicuña?

You know what you can do with your vicuña ...

This is a Big Red Flag. He's clueless and presumptuous. A high-end place for a first date is absurd.

Note: I once actually did go on a first date with someone I'd texted with for several weeks who turned out to be a CEO of a major tech company. He "invited" me to dinner at a high-end, but not ultra high-end restaurant that happened to be one of my favorites (Restaurant LuLu in SF, sadly it closed). He spent the 30 minutes talking about his power and implied wealth until it became clear that I wasn't going to fuck him right after. He was also physically unattractive. He suddenly asked the waiter to split the check, paid his half, and left. I got to polish off 2/3 of the bottle of wine as I enjoyed the rest of my meal. The cute waiter was a scream -- he figured out it was a failed blind date and bought me dessert and a double espresso. It was one of the best evenings in a long time. He helped me download Scruff on my phone, among others. I was newly single after 26 years and these phone apps were fairly new technology at the time.

I wonder if OKCupid even exists anymore?

Keep trying, OP! Had some adventures for a few years. Dating became a full time job until I got bored. And then I hooked up with a guy randomly on a beach In Mexico. We've been married for 6 years. An unpretentious guy, more my speed.

What if the date sucks, op?

I'll tell you what. There is nothing worse than shelling out BIG BUCKS for an evening that you would like to be over very quickly.

It would suck to waste all that money on a dinner with a person that you might never see again.

First dates should be casual and quick.

If you hit it off, then you can arrange something longer and better.

If you don't, then you can both get out of there and not waste each others' time, and more importantly... MONEY.

OP, this could be your one chance, do you have anything you can pawn?

I took Aaron Carter to Ma Maison and he stole my wallet..

Do they have a drive-through?

You have to go to see the shows and close the town in a whirl!

R35 To paraphrase an old saying, “Why pay for the bull when you can get the semen for free?” If that date wanted sex, he could have hooked-up using an app. Maybe he needed to puff himself up to get it up.

R33 wins.

OP, do you have any idea what in the world made this ridiculous flosser think you wanted to go to Delmonico's?

He invites, he pays.

However, just in case you want to be prepared to go dutch:

Looking at the current menu, you could get the campanelle pasta ($36) and add a salad if you want to go crazy ($26). Skip a drink or get a Coke. Or you could add a glass of wine or a cocktail for around $25. (Ridiculous, but it is what it is.) You can order a perfectly respectable combination + tip for about $75-$100.

It's a lot for a first date, but it's not cutting off a testicle. It's an historic restaurant, and if it's not someplace you would go by yourself, why not look at it as a chance to treat yourself and live a little. Can you cut back on takeout or other junk spending to finance it?

Relevant questions:

1) How old and/or broke ARE you?

2) How cute is this guy?

You people talking about ordering conservatively to keep down the bill - I dont understand. The check will be picked up by the invitee, or if not, the check will be SPLIT. Do you really go on a date and start adding up and bickering about who ate what? Then refuse the invitation. Sheesh. Cheap miserable bastards.

The check doesn't have to be split.

Bring cash to pay for your portion.

If that doesn't work for them, too bad! That's all you have. And there's your answer: No second date.

Refuse the invitation, refuse an opportunity. DL has too many people sitting at home already.

[quot]This is a Big Red Flag. He's clueless and presumptuous. A high-end place for a first date is absurd.

WOW, some of you bitches are low class trash and talk like you have never been on a real date before. You know, if OP was a woman instead of a gay man, everyone would basically expect her to not only go, but they would trash the date for being cheep if he suggested some tacky low budget restaurant. They would be celebrating finding a good man with a good job not screaming about red flags.

That said, just asking someone to go out to dinner is not necessarily an invite to a free meal. That's very, very old school. The geriatric crowd are the only ones who still think like that.

Unless they phrase it like R23 said above. "I'd love to take you to my favorite restaurant, Delmonico's. You'd be my guest, of course". Or "I would to take you to ______ restaurant, my treat."

If he did not make it sound that way and you want to still go out but cant afford that. You could say "you know I really want to check that place out some time, but right now my budge is kind of tight, I know a great place not too far from here and the prices are more moderate, would you be up for doing that instead?"

Ok dear. and be sure to calculate your portion of the 14% tip (be sure to low ball it) based on your portion of the check. Ride the subway to the date. When he suggests sharing a cab uptown, tell him you prefer to walk or take the subway.

I’m with R12, OP. Just get out the hairy checkbook.

This thread is like watching a bunch of blind people try to coach a baseball team.

Does he work down in the financial district? That might be the main reason he suggested it. Iv been there, not much around except tall office buildings and very few residential ones. The food was really good if you decide to go. Very old school but it's just reopened / remolded last year. It's the oldest steak house in America. Started by Italians, even though it's not an Italian restaurant. A lot of history of famous patrons. They also invented the Delmonico Cut, which is basically a Rib Eye steak.

He could be a grifter and as the meal winds down he excuses himself to go to the men's room and does a dine and dash out the door leaving you with the bill.

Easy way to fist that R53, meet at his place first. Make sure he lives there.

Now we’re on pre dinner fisting r54!

I have questions:

Is this a blind date? Or, have you already met before? Is he aware you're not on equal terms when it comes to finances?

If this is a first time meeting, then it's a solid NO.

If he's aware you're poorer than he is, and you know for a fact he's the real deal (a dude with money/a good job) then it's a maybe as long as he's definitely paying.

If in doubt, then don't.

[quote]If he's aware you're poorer than he is, and you know for a fact he's the real deal (a dude with money/a good job)

Then work that pussy for all it's worth.

Rich guys in NYC don't grow on trees — and they won't be interested in your broke ass for too much longer.

OP, may I suggest....

To start, order the Kumamoto Oysters + Osetra Caviar. (28 + 40)

Also order the Seafood Plateau to share with him. (69 + 50)

Then I'd suggest the Wedge Salad and the Maine Crab Cake. (28 + 37)

For your entree, order the Risotto (43), the Wagyu Côte de Boeuf (255), and the Lobster Newberg (at Market Price, of course (approx. 65)).

Be sure to get a side of Sautéed Wild Mushrooms and the Pommes Purée. (18 + 15)

Don't forget the Delmonico’s Martini (25). Three of those (for you) should suffice.

And to finish your meal, order the Delmonico’s Original Baked Alaska. (24)

Before tax, your meal should come out to about $750. With tax, that's about $815. A 25% gratuity will be about $205.

Bringing your grand total (your share only) to approximately $1020.

The most important part is to BE SURE to put the bill on that big mouth CUNT R48's credit card.

She's SOOOOO high and mighty, and can naturally afford to pay for you. Hopefully, that will make her SHUT HER FAT TRAP, and never speak again.

We should be so lucky.

If this was a movie the audience wid be on your side...And if he understands ur predicament theyd love him too. Dont be ashamed. U can say it with humour.

This why we need to back to strict tops and bottoms. Since most of us (if we're being honest) are one or the other.

It was so much easier.

Tops pay, are older and not as hot. Bottoms don't pay, are younger and cuter.

It's the way nature intended.

[quote]R47 Refuse the invitation, refuse an opportunity. DL has too many people sitting at home already.

I would tell him I resent his manipulations to guilt me into sex on a first date. He is obviously hoping to have to pick up the check out of necessity - in exchange for which you will be ravished in his car in the underground parking garage. Don’t fall for it!

Your date is a sick, sick man and you don’t have to put up with his obvious, and sordid, games.

My Dad taught me to never eat out with anyone unless I could afford to pay for the meal and to leave a generous tip: he was a Union man. I'm grateful to him, since I've been stuck paying for my date's meal before.

[quote]they would trash the date for being cheep

What a bird-brain!

Just say you’d prefer another restaurant. It can’t be that hard.

I went to Delmonico's for one of those restaurant week meals. But it turned out it was not available that day. I was with friends and we made the best of it ordering only drinks and appetizers. We survived. The drinks were excellent,

[quote] If he judges you, then fuck him

Fuck him RIGHT in the Delmonico’s!

You call the guy and say, in your charming way, "I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind but could we maybe go someplace other than Delmonico's?"

He'll then possibly say something like, "You don't like DelMonico's?" And you can say, no, it's all right, but I was thinking about this little place I think you'd like..."

He might even say, "Don't worry about it, I'm paying." Then you can protest and he can insist. One of you will get your way on that one.

Or, he might just say, "Sure, where would you rather go?"

OP, I think you're too worried about this. He's not in charge,just because he asked you out. You need to speak up. Just do it nicely and it shouldn't be a problem, unless he's an unreasonable person, in which case it's good to know that before you go any further. But most people aren't.

Are you a fucking Frau, op?

No, then sack up. Say the last time you ate there you were unwell after though it was a fabulous place.

If he presses for detail say you had EXPLOSIVE shits for hours after. That should solve your date dilemma.

R68 Why lie?

Besides, his date will know he's lying, and that's not a great way to start out.

Anyone telling OP to lie, use a credit card, or order a tiny meal and then nickel and dime him over the bill is not giving good advice.

If OP potentially wants a future with this guy, and it sounds like he might otherwise he wouldn't care so much, he should just be honest about his situation and let the guy show his true character up front.

Can you pivot this to just meeting for a drink at the bar there? You could tell him you’d be more comfortable with that.

Have we even established that the date is somehow dead set on going to Delmonico's? (The M isn't capitalized, btw, I just looked it up.)

OP, we're on 71 replies, what have you decided to do?

Why not just meet at a bar for drinks and appetizers?

Wouldn't that be cheaper and faster (in case you want to bail from the date)?

Having an expensive, two hour meal with a stranger you may or may not be into, seems ridiculous.

Isn't it kind of shitty when someone has asked you out to dinner, to say you want to meet at the bar for a drink?

If it’s a first date, you definitely don’t want to be stuck with a long meal.

(Back when I dated, I could often tell within the first few minutes if it was a bad match.)

OP- Delmonico's?

Are you posting from 1904?

R75 Yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like--I only want to meet for a drink, because I might want to bail.

We don't even know how well OP knows this person.

OP seems to have left the chat, btw.

OP, is this guy HOT?

Can you take him behind the dumpster& just blow him? Make sure you swallow too (if he's good looking).

He screwed up royally by inviting you to this restaurant without knowing you and revealed himself to be out of common sense. OP, your discomfort is entirely reasonable. Now you'd be a fool to go along with it considering how you feel. At this point I'd tell him, "Hey, I was thinking about our plans and I think I'd rather start with coffee or a drink if that's OK with you" and have a favorite place of yours in mind to suggest to him. See how he responds. If he's anything but totally easy about it, run.

OP went on the date and was never heard from again.

[quote]R73 Why not just meet at a bar for drinks and appetizers?

Or in a men’s room somewhere?

I can tell you that whatever sync there was in the beginning, the other guy has already broken.

Hi, op?

This is X.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel our date at Delmonico's.

Something suddenly came up.

I'll be in touch.

OP went on the date, felt pressured to go back to the guys place since he picked up the check, and is now in the guys freezer. I do hope OP ordered more than a salad.

I'm the OP and haven't gone on the date yet. It's tomorrow. And yes he works down there and we met once at a friend's party (seems nice), this is our first actual date. He suggested it offhandedly, I don't think trying to be snobby, but looking at the menu, it's way out of my price range. I haven't said anything yet and no, I am not chopped up in anyone's freezer.

Actually, OP has inherited over 1 million from dead relatives and can afford it. OP just can't decide which caftan to wear.

R85 So...have we given you any ideas? Have you come closer to a decision?

r86, this isn't the White Lotus thread.

Just make a joke of it and say you’d like to go somewhere a bit more casual

"Hey, do you mind if we go somewhere a bit more casual?"

Sounds perfect to me, R89.

iTs NoT rOcKeT sCiEnCe, Op

Thanks, all. We're going someplace more casual. Anyone been to Txikito, in Chelsea?

R92 You don't share much, do you?

R52 it’s really just called lower Manhattan. And there is plenty of residential in the immediate area. And the restaurant is for boors—it’s not very good.

Bring a cockroach and sneak it into the salad. Works every time.

[quote]Fuck him RIGHT in the Delmonico’s!

If people are paying those kinds of prices, they're all getting fucked in the Delmonico's.

r93, huh?

R97 After all these people replied, many giving you advice, this was the entire response.

[quote] Thanks, all. We're going someplace more casual. Anyone been to Txikito, in Chelsea?

No story of what happened, why/how he changed his mind. Why he wanted to go to Delmonico's in the first place, etc.

Why even make a thread, it doesn't sound as if it was needed.

Thanks for wasting our time, OP.

I hope you have a lovely casual Mexican meal and shit all over his sheets.

How unfortunate. We were so looking forward to OP's Presentation of the Coupons (all for other restaurants, and expired)

And that's it, apparently.

[quote] Thanks, all. We're going someplace more casual. Anyone been to Txikito, in Chelsea?

Sorry, op.

I heard they were closed down due to a rat infestation.

You'll have to contact him and arrange to meet somewhere else.

The date has yet to happen. What more detail do you want?!?

R103 You started a thread having a problem. Presumably, you wanted advice. Advice was given. You then basically posted, "problem solved" and never said how you got him to change his mind, whether you had to admit you were too poor to go to Delmonicos, nothing. And you still don't get it.

Forget it, never mind.

Hmm, Txikito was closed. We went to Guy Fieri's Flavortown. Anyone heard of it?

R104. Just block the OP troll. Then you can see all of the awful, rambling, mind-numbing nonsense it also posts. Its like the mind of a schizophrenic.

R105 Like OP could afford Flavortown.

R106 Oh, God, you're right. Blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Isn't Flavortown Fugo Fieri's version of Chik-fil-A meets Burger King?

I suppose if the conversation drifts you can always watch something on the TV.

Yes, they put on Wheel of Fortune for us. I got a Banana Pudding Shake for dessert.

R99 it’s Basque tapas, not Mexican. Txikito is a fantastic place for a date. The food is excellent. A perennial top 50 in NYC dining ( I’m a regular ).

R110. Sad...

So, will there be a second date?

European rules.

If someone invites you to some thing, it means he is acting as host. It's his treat.

If he *invited* you to dinner, his treat. (You could always invite him to drinks after dinner.)

If, however, this was some mutual agreement to share a dinner, you're shit out of luck. Explain that you're not big on steaks and suggest something more modest

[Delmonico's menu from April, 1899}

[quote] So, will there be a second date?

The op's date blocked his phone number.

He doesn't do POOR.

[quote]I have been invited to DelMonico's restaurant

Is OP posting from the Gilded Age?

sounds delicious r58.

Exorbitantly expensive, of course.

But some high end restaurants sell bottles of wine that cost hundreds and thousands!

R114 American rules in 2025, dates split checks unless the inviter says it is on them. And for a first date that is a red flag .

if a bill comes up to 700 dollars per person, I got it. It would hurt me to get it but I got it for a one time thing. 7 grand? 15 k?

Nope.

Don't got it.

As R53 said, I got dined and dashed on a date, in 2012 or so.

I could cover up to 700 USD in an emergency but if a grifter ordered a 6 thousand dollar bottle of wine and dashed, I would be fucked.

Some high end restaurants dont even price their expensive wines, "if ya hafta ask"

Be careful, OP. For all you know, he could be an EST.

R114 I love old menus.

I wonder how they had so many items in stock, though. Just the birds: chicken, squab, reed birds, plover, red head duck, mallard duck, snipe, ruddy duck, canvasback duck...and the fish of all kinds. They didn't even have refrigeration, did they? (But also, who provided all these birds, and the types of fish, regularly?) And the varieties of fruits and vegetables and meats.