Let's Be Poorly Disguised Dealbreakers on Dating Profiles

I'm the passing reference to herpes.

I'm the twisted-lips facial expression in every picture, meant to conceal The Trans for ten seconds.

What is 'dateing'?

I'm the Planet Fitness workout pic

I’m the halting and painful consent negotiations that Gen-Z prospective dates must go through:

“Hello, I request your consent to notice your eye shape and color.”

“You may proceed, as long as you refrain from microaggressions.”

“Thank you. I must say, you have beautiful eyes!”

“Your language is gendered! You are problematic!”

I’m the TATTOOS!

I am the 'strong preference for local dining and activities'.

Probation

Being an old fart conservative who complains about "Gen Z"

Using a photo that was clearly taken in 1989

I’m the security theft tag peeking out of the flared hem of the wedding dress.

"I don't drive"

license suspended for DUI

Photos taken from strange angles instead of a clear shot of their face

“Berrisexual.”

As a male-presenting individual , I steer clear of the Laurians out of fear that any attraction is doomed.

Abbreviations: R U 2?

"No games." Worse, "NO DRAMA" in all caps.

I agree. "NO DRAMA" = don't be like my ex

Yes with the NO DRAMA. Huge red flag.

"My hobbies are tanning, going to the gym, and having fun" = shallow himbo

I’m the blue line US flag watermark in that one picture.

[quote]“Berrisexual.” As a male-presenting individual , I steer clear of the Laurians out of fear that any attraction is doomed.

So glad to be too old for this shit.

The family photos. I don't want to see pictures of your parents when I just want to fuck you.

I like to make the most with my limited free time.

I have 5 kids, 3 baby mommas and a situationship.

Any photos involving children. Someone else's? He thinks women want a man who likes children. His own? ewww. looking for a bangmaid.

The ones who say NO DRAMA usually mean MY DRAMA ONLY.

Zero effort to make themselves appealing but long lists of what they require from other people. Delusional.

Gay guys who post tons of pictures hanging out with their faghags

"I need to be discreet" = closeted megachurch pastor

R25 It’s fun when you can’t tell if it’s a woman or a drag queen.

The Laura Ashley bedspread and impressive collection of of Clarins products in the background. MARY!

I only host = I have an ankle monitor

Any reference to “masc” or “thicc”.

The one innocuous doll on a bookshelf in the background of the photo. Maybe it's a GI Joe in a uniform. Cute. You a cop? A doctor in scrubs? A surfer? An athlete?

It's the first in a huge collection on specially constructed shelving units that surround the whole other side of the room. All girls in frills, all waiting to BITE YOU like the dolls in Barbarella.

Let’s be the puppy mask photo. So hard bro.

[quote] "I need to be discreet" = closeted megachurch pastor

"Discreet" until they call you from the church office for phone sex and then you do a reverse phone # look up.

I'm the "bear smile" and the PnP reference.

Then you go to the church and loudly chant from the audience that he’s a cocksucker and he’s going to hell you have proof!

I should have r35. But he was only a Craigslist hookup that went on for a few months. And he wasn't scary and didn't steal anything when he came over.

And fun in bed.

There are still "dating profiles"? As far as I know it's just incurable sluts with 6 different std's trying to hookup with anything.

No limits.

I'm the pictures with Snapchat filters

I'm the nipples that look like gnawed erasers.

“Your labubus must not clash with mine”

A meeting of the gunts.

I’m your half-reliable memory, saying you think you saw this same profile — and same photo — eight years ago.

I'm MOTHER in the next room, asking if we're hungry for latkes and sour cream when we're done.