Analysis needed for a friend, is he potentially closeted?

Perhaps. But why waste your energy on a person who doesn’t even know what they want?

Avoid.

R1 Point taken....its actually the friendship I'm trying to salvage....full disclosure, I did have a crush on him years ago.... except now not as much

R2 HA!

Doesn’t sound like much of a reason to stay friends. I wouldn’t be friends with a guy who doesn’t like gays anymore.

And he doesn’t sound gay, OP. He’ll never present hole.

R5 I asked him how does he feel about gays as a whole, seeing how we are friends....he says that as long as they don't hit on him, he's ok....the guy that hit on him was actually an openly gay friend from work....guess that was too much of a mind fuck for him.

^An openly gay friend of his, from their job. I never met the other guy.

How old is he, OP, and why do you think he maybe gay/in the closet (other than what you told)?

R8 He's 30, soon to be 31....the reasons I'm thinking he might be are the classic telltale signs....his violent reaction to his friend hitting on him....right leaning....now overly religious....not sustaining relationships with women.... although those can be signs of an average straight guy, right, so I'm pretty unsure....

Right, r9, at 30/31 inthink he’s to yoing to jump to conclusions based on dating history/unpartnered situation. Wouls be different at 40 , where this is much rarer.

Violent reaction can also be due to surprise, shock, etc. Right wing and religious also do not men closed per se (god knows there are some out gay men right wing ans religious).

So yeah, based on what you told us alone there isn’t any clear industrial, though he still may be gay, of course.

(Apologies for the typos)) ^

If he was closeted gay he would have presented you his dick for sucking long ago. He’s straight and kind of a homophobe. Let the crush go and move on.

That's so true. No clear industrials? He’s to yoing wouls not men closed.

He likes pussy lots of different pussy and it sounds like for him the best pussy is the next one. And he clearly is not interested in sex with men based on his reaction to being “ hit on” ——as in groped?.

Only on DL would a pussy hound who has no interest in sex with other men be seen as a closeted gay. It’s like upside down world here.

R10 Yeah I suppose a 40 year old guy who's unmarried would be more of a red flag.... he's also becoming quite misogynistic, which could be another form of heterosexuality also....he's really the only straight friend that stood by me after I came out, so there's that aspect of holding on to our friendship....

R12 Ha! He was always heavily into threesomes, mfm....before he knew I was gay, he would suggest we have one....this was well into our youth....the crush is fading

You missed your chance, loser. You should have said yes to the threesome invitation. At least you could have licked his cock a bit while you were eating out the lady pussy he was fucking. Maybe got your nose up his ass why you were down there.

He sounds like a total jerk. What makes you think the friendship is worth saving?

R17 Loser? I had a boyfriend, secretly but still I'm not a whore like you hahaha and it wasn't worth risking my relationship

R18 Because he stood by me when I came out....and we were always good friends, so nostalgia purposes

R14 Hahahaha no he wasn't groped by the guy....the guy propositioned him after transferring to another job....guess he figured he'd shoot his shot since they were no longer co-workers....my friend was caught off guard and threatened to kill the guy, telling him how he knew he wasn't gay, so for him to disrespect him in that manner ruined their friendship

Your friend sounds a little delicate.

R22 Delicate....well he's pretty sensitive at times

Be completely honest, OP. Would you be friends with this guy if he was unattractive?

This sounds like a classic case of tolerating someone's dog shit personality because you're hoping sex will happen.

R24 Ha! Honest question....probably not as good of friends as we are....I've had friends who were unattractive....I've never really judged my friends based off of looks....there's also the whole childhood aspect, since I don't have any other ones anymore besides him.

I'm not sure I want sex to happen with him anymore.... whenever I was single, he wasn't.... whenever he was single, I wasn't....besides the whole heterosexuality factor, we were never aligned until now.

R24 He's been single for a month now and we talk everyday, if that means anything

R23

I was referring to his over-reaction:

[quote]...and threatened to kill the guy,

That's a man that seriously questions his own masculinity, or for other reasons, is very homophobic.

Armchair analysis: has thoughts and doesn't want to deal with them. And thoughts don't mean a guy is gay.

Threatened that kill a coworker? Punch and delete.

R27 I understand now hahaha....you're on to something, for women have accused him of not being masculine enough.....the pretty boy thing also irks his nerves.

When you say thoughts, what type?

R28 You're not wrong....I didn't think he was gay growing up....he didn't really come off as homophobic either.... except now his personality seems different to me....

Do you think its whorey to say ok to a mfm 3-way you can see your 20 year long beloved Antonio Sabato nude and hard and having sex and maybe double fuck the lady and feel your cocks rubbing and coming on each other in her hole. Feel his dick pulsing through the walls if you are in her butt and he is in her pussy. or fuck her face together. make her lick both your dicks and balls while they are touching?

R31 This guy hahahaha....when he offered I was in a relationship, my first boyfriend actually, so I was thinking of how wrong it would be to cheat....yeah I was one of those faithful types

I would assume there’s also a slight problem with it in that you are gay and presumably don’t want to fuck a woman?

Move on. If he crumbles over being hit on he is not ok with the gays

R33 Exactly hahahaha I have no desire to be with women at all

No he’s not closeted. There is your answer Op. don’t get yourself hurt.

And I mean both mentally and physically.

R34 Yeah we had a slight disagreement over his reaction....I explained to him his friend didn't mean any harm....except he didn't see it that way....his reaction was what made me think he's homophobic, his opinion is he's not....he couldn't get over the fact his friend was made aware he's straight, yet still propositioned him....he says he always talked about heterosexual sex with his friend

R36 R37 Appreciate that, Teacake Darling. The guy saying that I should've taken advantage of the threesomes, R17 R31 yeah in theory it was a turn on....except if he's this butthurt over a friend offering to suck his dick, imagine what he would've done to me had I actually tried?

OP, your friend’s overreaction sounds like it’s based in deep trauma.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a history of having been abused at some point.

R40 Interesting Russdog....an ex-girlfriend asked him that before....he flew off the handle.

Op what does he do for a living?

OP, get him drunk and have him sit on your rimseat and then give his anus a curly-whirley that he'll never forget!

Sounds like it's time to cut & run OP. If he's so immature he can't simply tell a gay guy hitting on that he's not gay and not look at it as a personal assault, then he doesn't need to have a gay friend. He's clearly not all that gay friendly if he's so ignorant that he doesn't know that not every gay guy he comes into contact with is going to hit on him.

R42 Construction

R43 Ha! Not sure how he'd feel the next morning....

R44 I believe you're right.... We've distanced ourselves from each other before....then we usually reach out to each other

He sounds mentally defective. What if he hit on some straight woman who was not into him at all? Should she suddenly decide she hates straight guys? It’s ridiculous. Closeted or not - and i wouldn’t even care about that especially after threatening the other gay guy - he acts like he is eight years old. Despite who he might have once been to you, he isn’t worthy of your friendship.

R29

Curiosity about. the male body, or more seriously,. (to him), curious about sex with a male.

Maybe saw a magazine. Maybe watches a lot of MFM threesome porn, and is edging "accidently" into MMF. Maybe had a drunken experience with a man once long ago, and it both excites and repels him.

Those types of thoughts.

R48 Yeah, I see your points....everyone's points.

R49 A drunken experience and the thoughts would explain a lot. You've all given great points of view.

[quote] Our friendship is roughly 20 years old, since we were in our youth.

[quote] He was pretty gay friendly....now he's not as gay friendly.

[quote] He's also right leaning now....which he wasn't before.

[quote] He's 30, soon to be 31

[quote] he's really the only straight friend that stood by me after I came out, so there's that aspect of holding on to our friendship....

[quote] he's also becoming quite misogynistic

OP, here's what I'm sensing. If you're also in your early 30s like your friend, then this friendship may be a life lesson for you. The one where you discover that some people may have played an important role in your life at one point, but aren't destined to stay in it forever. Believe me -- been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It can be rough to face, but necessary, and ultimately for the best.

It's great that you've had a 20-year friendship. It's wonderful that he was supportive when you came out, when no one else apparently was. You can always be grateful to him for that. But sometimes, people grow apart as their lives progress. It sounds like you have less and less in common now than you did before. That you're not liking that he's less gay friendly, more right-leaning, more misogynistic.

It's not for me or anyone else here to draw the conclusion on what you should do. Only you can know that. But if you're really wondering how to move forward, you have to be willing to ask yourself if you've grown apart and if there are too many differences in values/priorities between you now. Face the dragon, contemplate the tough questions, and listen to your gut. It'll know what the right answer is. Good luck.

This will end in tears

R52 Very thoughtful of you, much appreciated. Most of you are on the same page, that isn't lost on me.

R53 Nope. There was a crush....a long time ago.

R21 interesting how many threads we have here at DL from gay men that are obsessed with and constantly want to ruin good long time friends relationship by hitting on and wanting to have sex their straight male friends. I get it the ultimate sexual get for some,

There are many straight men that really do not want to be hit on by those they see as close male friends. For many it’s a friendship breaker,

R56 I feel like I'm being respectful of the friendship

R56 Sorry, didn't realize that I'm at R21 until scrolling up to see. Right I noticed that it's pretty common....on here and other places

OP tell him to call me and bring some baby oil. I’m coming home soon.

R57 you are a good person

all my “friends “instead of talking directly to me on something like this would go to public forums and start threads and complain about me and talk about my personal life like little bitches all the while claiming they were trying to save our friendship.

My talking behind my back friends are not real friends like you are they are sneaky little bitches who won’t talk directly to me

R59 Ha!

R60 Am I really talking badly about them? I have had conversations with them, so you don't exactly know what you're talking about...I wanted to get perspectives from other guys. At least I'm not giving out their real name or showing pictures of them.... something happened this morning that I haven't even shared, because I feel like that might be a lot....I wanted different opinions that's all, I'm not trying to embarrass them

Update guys....without giving out too much information, his ex-girlfriend is trashing him on social media, accusing him of being secretly gay....he's telling me that they're not true.

OP, you lost me at Antonio Sabato, Jr.

Could be bi or ace too, we can’t assume.

Psycho ex gf. Huge red flag Steer clear

R64 Ha! Not a fan?

R65 Ace? Asexual? I've wondered....

R66 Those were his words exactly, "she's psychotic"

R66 After he told his ex-girlfriend that I'm gay, she wasn't comfortable with him being around me either

Again: your friend is a homophobe who dates homophobic people. This is a lot simpler than you are making it.

R72 HA! Point taken.

r45 So his days are spent in a milieu in which jokes targeting gays are pretty standard fare, as is teasing someone if he happens to do something which somehow seems less than masculine in that environment--important because it's his livelihood. My experience (YMMV) is that in most construction situations, a longtime male-dominated field, it's felt important to maintain the workplace façade, whatever the inner truth might be. Sure, there are plenty of gays in construction, but you're generally expected to outwardly play the "we're all straight" game, even if "everyone knows." Likely he lashes out automatically largely due to the mind-set this has instilled in him, making him feel an urgent need to protect his status as a straight (whether he really is or not). Whether closeted or not, his perceived need to protect his status probably trumps any other consideration in his mind, and any attempt to erode this would just make him more desperate to maintain his status, to himself as well as to others. Me, while I wouldn't break with him, I'd definitely put him on a way way back back burner until time would show his progress or lack of progress in his own dealing with this. Until he's at peace with himself, he's going to be kind of dangerous.

R73 You hit the nail right on the head, thank you. He brought up the gay jokes at work before....how he and his co-workers use the term "fruity" and how they sometimes "play gay" or in his words "act sus" in front of each other as jokes....he has a coworker, who happens to be of short stature with long almost waist length hair....my friend says that he would always call the coworker "girly nicknames" because of their height and hair....he says if he sees him from behind, he reminds him of a girl

^says that he will call the coworker by "girly nicknames"

When I want drama, I watch Shoah.

Punch and delete, OP.

R76 HA! Punch and delete is hilarious.

[quote] If he was closeted gay he would have presented you his dick for sucking long ago.

Not necessarily. I was in the closet for years, but I was also friends with this openly gay man who I knew had a crush on me, but I did not remotely feel the same way. He used to drive to my house in his Mercedes Benz and take me out to the movies and the nicest restaurants in town. I never had sex with him, but I did accept the free dinners and the free gifts and the occasional cash he would give me. Then I would go after guys I actually liked.

He knew I was in the closet and hooking up with guys but never called me out on it, and I never gave him false hope that we could be anything more than friends. We grew apart and now we never see or speak to each other. Eventually, I did come out, and I'm now very happy with my boyfriend, who told me straight up that he wouldn't date me if I were still closeted. I say all of this to say that even guys in the closet won't fuck you if he's not physically attracted. That's true of all men gay or straight. The friend zone definitely exists in the gay community. Not everyone hooks up with their friends.

R78 Yeah gay guys, closeted or not, can be pretty selective. He was anticipating sex with you.... he wasn't your type. Glad you were able to have your happy ending....even if he is closeted, I'm not sure if we would be a good match. Today he's a little tipsy so he's joking saying I'm acting like a girl

Randomly asking....when guys are drunk and come off as possibly easy to fuck....is that the liquor talking....or their real personality? This isn't exclusively about him, just guys in general

R80 It might be statutory rape depending on how drunk they are. Be careful. Every straight guy I’ve hooked up with I got them to take it there with me sober. Well mostly everyone. A guy I’ve known since childhood, we were both drunk the first time.

R81 Statutory rape....never thought of it that way. I would prefer to be with a guy while he's sober....I'm not as interested in straight guys as much anymore but I'm curious about your experiences....where would you meet them usually and was it more of an ease into thing situation? This guy is also a childhood friend we were high together at times....never drink because I try not to drink a lot

^never drunk

This is all so tiresome. Anyone who is that defensive and rigid about being hit on is too self-involved to live. Have a sense of humor for chrissakes. Loosen up. Men who take themselves and their straightness that seriously are typically insecure across the board. I like people who are open minded and curious, not closed and defensive. BO-RING!

R84 Points taken