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Analysis needed for a friend, is he potentially closeted?

Our friendship is roughly 20 years old, since we were in our youth. He knows that I'm gay....I came out to him years ago. He's been through countless relationships and romances with women....yet he still hasn't found the right one. He was pretty gay friendly....until a gay guy hit on him, resulting in him lashing out at the guy....now he's not as gay friendly. He's also right leaning now....which he wasn't before. I'm getting extreme closeted vibes....is my gaydar pretty off? For visual purposes, he resembles a young Antonio Sabato Jr.

by Anonymousreply 71July 10, 2025 4:16 PM

Perhaps. But why waste your energy on a person who doesn’t even know what they want?

by Anonymousreply 1July 8, 2025 8:26 PM

Avoid.

by Anonymousreply 2July 8, 2025 8:28 PM

R1 Point taken....its actually the friendship I'm trying to salvage....full disclosure, I did have a crush on him years ago.... except now not as much

by Anonymousreply 3July 8, 2025 8:31 PM

R2 HA!

by Anonymousreply 4July 8, 2025 8:31 PM

Doesn’t sound like much of a reason to stay friends. I wouldn’t be friends with a guy who doesn’t like gays anymore.

And he doesn’t sound gay, OP. He’ll never present hole.

by Anonymousreply 5July 8, 2025 8:32 PM

R5 I asked him how does he feel about gays as a whole, seeing how we are friends....he says that as long as they don't hit on him, he's ok....the guy that hit on him was actually an openly gay friend from work....guess that was too much of a mind fuck for him.

by Anonymousreply 6July 8, 2025 8:54 PM

^An openly gay friend of his, from their job. I never met the other guy.

by Anonymousreply 7July 8, 2025 8:55 PM

How old is he, OP, and why do you think he maybe gay/in the closet (other than what you told)?

by Anonymousreply 8July 8, 2025 8:58 PM

R8 He's 30, soon to be 31....the reasons I'm thinking he might be are the classic telltale signs....his violent reaction to his friend hitting on him....right leaning....now overly religious....not sustaining relationships with women.... although those can be signs of an average straight guy, right, so I'm pretty unsure....

by Anonymousreply 9July 8, 2025 9:04 PM

Right, r9, at 30/31 inthink he’s to yoing to jump to conclusions based on dating history/unpartnered situation. Wouls be different at 40 , where this is much rarer.

Violent reaction can also be due to surprise, shock, etc. Right wing and religious also do not men closed per se (god knows there are some out gay men right wing ans religious).

So yeah, based on what you told us alone there isn’t any clear industrial, though he still may be gay, of course.

by Anonymousreply 10July 8, 2025 9:18 PM

(Apologies for the typos)) ^

by Anonymousreply 11July 8, 2025 9:19 PM

If he was closeted gay he would have presented you his dick for sucking long ago. He’s straight and kind of a homophobe. Let the crush go and move on.

by Anonymousreply 12July 8, 2025 9:21 PM

That's so true. No clear industrials? He’s to yoing wouls not men closed.

by Anonymousreply 13July 8, 2025 9:23 PM

He likes pussy lots of different pussy and it sounds like for him the best pussy is the next one. And he clearly is not interested in sex with men based on his reaction to being “ hit on” ——as in groped?.

Only on DL would a pussy hound who has no interest in sex with other men be seen as a closeted gay. It’s like upside down world here.

by Anonymousreply 14July 8, 2025 9:27 PM

R10 Yeah I suppose a 40 year old guy who's unmarried would be more of a red flag.... he's also becoming quite misogynistic, which could be another form of heterosexuality also....he's really the only straight friend that stood by me after I came out, so there's that aspect of holding on to our friendship....

by Anonymousreply 15July 8, 2025 9:28 PM

R12 Ha! He was always heavily into threesomes, mfm....before he knew I was gay, he would suggest we have one....this was well into our youth....the crush is fading

by Anonymousreply 16July 8, 2025 9:30 PM

You missed your chance, loser. You should have said yes to the threesome invitation. At least you could have licked his cock a bit while you were eating out the lady pussy he was fucking. Maybe got your nose up his ass why you were down there.

by Anonymousreply 17July 8, 2025 9:33 PM

He sounds like a total jerk. What makes you think the friendship is worth saving?

by Anonymousreply 18July 8, 2025 9:34 PM

R17 Loser? I had a boyfriend, secretly but still I'm not a whore like you hahaha and it wasn't worth risking my relationship

by Anonymousreply 19July 8, 2025 9:36 PM

R18 Because he stood by me when I came out....and we were always good friends, so nostalgia purposes

by Anonymousreply 20July 8, 2025 9:37 PM

R14 Hahahaha no he wasn't groped by the guy....the guy propositioned him after transferring to another job....guess he figured he'd shoot his shot since they were no longer co-workers....my friend was caught off guard and threatened to kill the guy, telling him how he knew he wasn't gay, so for him to disrespect him in that manner ruined their friendship

by Anonymousreply 21July 8, 2025 9:41 PM

Your friend sounds a little delicate.

by Anonymousreply 22July 8, 2025 9:45 PM

R22 Delicate....well he's pretty sensitive at times

by Anonymousreply 23July 8, 2025 9:47 PM

Be completely honest, OP. Would you be friends with this guy if he was unattractive?

This sounds like a classic case of tolerating someone's dog shit personality because you're hoping sex will happen.

by Anonymousreply 24July 8, 2025 9:49 PM

R24 Ha! Honest question....probably not as good of friends as we are....I've had friends who were unattractive....I've never really judged my friends based off of looks....there's also the whole childhood aspect, since I don't have any other ones anymore besides him.

I'm not sure I want sex to happen with him anymore.... whenever I was single, he wasn't.... whenever he was single, I wasn't....besides the whole heterosexuality factor, we were never aligned until now.

by Anonymousreply 25July 8, 2025 9:54 PM

R24 He's been single for a month now and we talk everyday, if that means anything

by Anonymousreply 26July 8, 2025 9:56 PM

R23

I was referring to his over-reaction:

[quote]...and threatened to kill the guy,

That's a man that seriously questions his own masculinity, or for other reasons, is very homophobic.

Armchair analysis: has thoughts and doesn't want to deal with them. And thoughts don't mean a guy is gay.

by Anonymousreply 27July 8, 2025 10:01 PM

Threatened that kill a coworker? Punch and delete.

by Anonymousreply 28July 8, 2025 10:01 PM

R27 I understand now hahaha....you're on to something, for women have accused him of not being masculine enough.....the pretty boy thing also irks his nerves.

When you say thoughts, what type?

by Anonymousreply 29July 8, 2025 10:06 PM

R28 You're not wrong....I didn't think he was gay growing up....he didn't really come off as homophobic either.... except now his personality seems different to me....

by Anonymousreply 30July 8, 2025 10:07 PM

Do you think its whorey to say ok to a mfm 3-way you can see your 20 year long beloved Antonio Sabato nude and hard and having sex and maybe double fuck the lady and feel your cocks rubbing and coming on each other in her hole. Feel his dick pulsing through the walls if you are in her butt and he is in her pussy. or fuck her face together. make her lick both your dicks and balls while they are touching?

by Anonymousreply 31July 8, 2025 10:25 PM

R31 This guy hahahaha....when he offered I was in a relationship, my first boyfriend actually, so I was thinking of how wrong it would be to cheat....yeah I was one of those faithful types

by Anonymousreply 32July 8, 2025 10:36 PM

I would assume there’s also a slight problem with it in that you are gay and presumably don’t want to fuck a woman?

by Anonymousreply 33July 8, 2025 10:49 PM

Move on. If he crumbles over being hit on he is not ok with the gays

by Anonymousreply 34July 8, 2025 10:55 PM

R33 Exactly hahahaha I have no desire to be with women at all

by Anonymousreply 35July 8, 2025 11:00 PM

No he’s not closeted. There is your answer Op. don’t get yourself hurt.

by Anonymousreply 36July 8, 2025 11:04 PM

And I mean both mentally and physically.

by Anonymousreply 37July 8, 2025 11:05 PM

R34 Yeah we had a slight disagreement over his reaction....I explained to him his friend didn't mean any harm....except he didn't see it that way....his reaction was what made me think he's homophobic, his opinion is he's not....he couldn't get over the fact his friend was made aware he's straight, yet still propositioned him....he says he always talked about heterosexual sex with his friend

by Anonymousreply 38July 8, 2025 11:05 PM

R36 R37 Appreciate that, Teacake Darling. The guy saying that I should've taken advantage of the threesomes, R17 R31 yeah in theory it was a turn on....except if he's this butthurt over a friend offering to suck his dick, imagine what he would've done to me had I actually tried?

by Anonymousreply 39July 8, 2025 11:09 PM

OP, your friend’s overreaction sounds like it’s based in deep trauma.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a history of having been abused at some point.

by Anonymousreply 40July 8, 2025 11:45 PM

R40 Interesting Russdog....an ex-girlfriend asked him that before....he flew off the handle.

by Anonymousreply 41July 8, 2025 11:52 PM

Op what does he do for a living?

by Anonymousreply 42July 9, 2025 12:01 AM

OP, get him drunk and have him sit on your rimseat and then give his anus a curly-whirley that he'll never forget!

by Anonymousreply 43July 9, 2025 12:05 AM

Sounds like it's time to cut & run OP. If he's so immature he can't simply tell a gay guy hitting on that he's not gay and not look at it as a personal assault, then he doesn't need to have a gay friend. He's clearly not all that gay friendly if he's so ignorant that he doesn't know that not every gay guy he comes into contact with is going to hit on him.

by Anonymousreply 44July 9, 2025 12:11 AM

R42 Construction

by Anonymousreply 45July 9, 2025 12:18 AM

R43 Ha! Not sure how he'd feel the next morning....

by Anonymousreply 46July 9, 2025 12:19 AM

R44 I believe you're right.... We've distanced ourselves from each other before....then we usually reach out to each other

by Anonymousreply 47July 9, 2025 12:21 AM

He sounds mentally defective. What if he hit on some straight woman who was not into him at all? Should she suddenly decide she hates straight guys? It’s ridiculous. Closeted or not - and i wouldn’t even care about that especially after threatening the other gay guy - he acts like he is eight years old. Despite who he might have once been to you, he isn’t worthy of your friendship.

by Anonymousreply 48July 9, 2025 1:12 AM

R29

Curiosity about. the male body, or more seriously,. (to him), curious about sex with a male.

Maybe saw a magazine. Maybe watches a lot of MFM threesome porn, and is edging "accidently" into MMF. Maybe had a drunken experience with a man once long ago, and it both excites and repels him.

Those types of thoughts.

by Anonymousreply 49July 9, 2025 1:37 AM

R48 Yeah, I see your points....everyone's points.

by Anonymousreply 50July 9, 2025 1:40 AM

R49 A drunken experience and the thoughts would explain a lot. You've all given great points of view.

by Anonymousreply 51July 9, 2025 1:43 AM

[quote] Our friendship is roughly 20 years old, since we were in our youth.

[quote] He was pretty gay friendly....now he's not as gay friendly.

[quote] He's also right leaning now....which he wasn't before.

[quote] He's 30, soon to be 31

[quote] he's really the only straight friend that stood by me after I came out, so there's that aspect of holding on to our friendship....

[quote] he's also becoming quite misogynistic

OP, here's what I'm sensing. If you're also in your early 30s like your friend, then this friendship may be a life lesson for you. The one where you discover that some people may have played an important role in your life at one point, but aren't destined to stay in it forever. Believe me -- been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It can be rough to face, but necessary, and ultimately for the best.

It's great that you've had a 20-year friendship. It's wonderful that he was supportive when you came out, when no one else apparently was. You can always be grateful to him for that. But sometimes, people grow apart as their lives progress. It sounds like you have less and less in common now than you did before. That you're not liking that he's less gay friendly, more right-leaning, more misogynistic.

It's not for me or anyone else here to draw the conclusion on what you should do. Only you can know that. But if you're really wondering how to move forward, you have to be willing to ask yourself if you've grown apart and if there are too many differences in values/priorities between you now. Face the dragon, contemplate the tough questions, and listen to your gut. It'll know what the right answer is. Good luck.

by Anonymousreply 52July 9, 2025 2:18 AM

This will end in tears

by Anonymousreply 53July 9, 2025 2:44 AM

R52 Very thoughtful of you, much appreciated. Most of you are on the same page, that isn't lost on me.

by Anonymousreply 54July 9, 2025 3:06 AM

R53 Nope. There was a crush....a long time ago.

by Anonymousreply 55July 9, 2025 3:07 AM

R21 interesting how many threads we have here at DL from gay men that are obsessed with and constantly want to ruin good long time friends relationship by hitting on and wanting to have sex their straight male friends. I get it the ultimate sexual get for some,

There are many straight men that really do not want to be hit on by those they see as close male friends. For many it’s a friendship breaker,

by Anonymousreply 56July 9, 2025 4:26 AM

R56 I feel like I'm being respectful of the friendship

by Anonymousreply 57July 9, 2025 4:58 AM

R56 Sorry, didn't realize that I'm at R21 until scrolling up to see. Right I noticed that it's pretty common....on here and other places

by Anonymousreply 58July 9, 2025 5:03 AM

OP tell him to call me and bring some baby oil. I’m coming home soon.

by Anonymousreply 59July 9, 2025 6:30 AM

R57 you are a good person

all my “friends “instead of talking directly to me on something like this would go to public forums and start threads and complain about me and talk about my personal life like little bitches all the while claiming they were trying to save our friendship.

My talking behind my back friends are not real friends like you are they are sneaky little bitches who won’t talk directly to me

by Anonymousreply 60July 9, 2025 8:29 AM

R59 Ha!

by Anonymousreply 61July 9, 2025 6:18 PM

R60 Am I really talking badly about them? I have had conversations with them, so you don't exactly know what you're talking about...I wanted to get perspectives from other guys. At least I'm not giving out their real name or showing pictures of them.... something happened this morning that I haven't even shared, because I feel like that might be a lot....I wanted different opinions that's all, I'm not trying to embarrass them

by Anonymousreply 62July 9, 2025 6:23 PM

Update guys....without giving out too much information, his ex-girlfriend is trashing him on social media, accusing him of being secretly gay....he's telling me that they're not true.

by Anonymousreply 63July 9, 2025 10:09 PM

OP, you lost me at Antonio Sabato, Jr.

by Anonymousreply 64July 9, 2025 10:16 PM

Could be bi or ace too, we can’t assume.

by Anonymousreply 65July 9, 2025 10:56 PM

Psycho ex gf. Huge red flag Steer clear

by Anonymousreply 66July 9, 2025 11:04 PM

R64 Ha! Not a fan?

by Anonymousreply 67July 10, 2025 3:26 AM

R65 Ace? Asexual? I've wondered....

by Anonymousreply 68July 10, 2025 3:27 AM

R66 Those were his words exactly, "she's psychotic"

by Anonymousreply 69July 10, 2025 3:27 AM

R66 After he told his ex-girlfriend that I'm gay, she wasn't comfortable with him being around me either

by Anonymousreply 70July 10, 2025 3:40 AM

Again: your friend is a homophobe who dates homophobic people. This is a lot simpler than you are making it.

by Anonymousreply 71July 10, 2025 4:16 PM
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