The 4th was exhausting. My Fat Daughter, her fat husband and their offspring descended upon Arizona for the holiday.
After posting this tribute to Arby’s, My Fat Daughter appeared to be in good spirits, basking like a large lizard poolside, until the barbecue. My Far Daughter had become hangry, and when she is like this, anyone within 500 yards of My Fat Daughter is in danger-now that she has the Hoveround scooter, she can descend on her prey quickly.
My Fat Daughter wanted her baby back baby back baby back ribs, STAT, but the maid wasn’t moving quick enough. My Fat Daughter became livid when Lindsey Graham was served first.
She lumbered over to his seat and yelled “MINE” at the maid and at Lindsey, who was wearing a beautiful two piece bikini with an American flag print and matching coverup, and pretty lucite heels with his toes painted red, white and blue. He made a bitchy comment earlier to My Fat Daughter about how pretty and skinny he looked, and that Donald Trump told Lindsey that his spindly legs reminded him of Ivana’s (as they are now in New Jersey, not back in the 80s), so My Fat Daughter was already annoyed by him.
At this point, Lindsey decided to stand up to My Fat Daughter. “This is MY PLATE Meghan, and you will wait your turn like a lady. I will not be bullied by you! Our Daddy would be ashamed!”
This enraged My Fat Daughter, who grabbed a steak knife and stabbed Lindsey in the arm before biting him and lunging on top of him . It took 6 state troopers and a crane to hoist My Fat Daughter off Lindsey, who is resting comfortably now in a Phoenix hospital with broken ribs and stab wounds. I got him a muscular private RN named Jesus, so he is very happy.
Lindsey is not an Arizonan, and he is unaware that the state’s children are taught early-stay out of My Fat Daughter’s way when she is hungry.
As for your other questions-I have always thought My Fat Daughter should enter an eating contest, the only celebrity she admires besides Donald Trump is Joey Chestnut. She’s eaten 70 hot dogs in a sitting before.
As for Dancing With the Stars-perish the thought! She would look like an elephant from Fantasia, flopping around the stage.