The suburb thread. Name a suburb, and describe it in a sentence.

Bedminster, NJ: It’s an okay place to visit but you wouldn’t want to be buried there.

r1 LOL

Cherry Hill, NJ: south Jersey gay tops will pound your ass into pudding

Overland Park, KS: a suburban favorite of many, but to my senses it’s an overrated sprawlplex of garish subdivisions and hideous strip malls. The further south you go, it only becomes more grotesque with each passing decade of development (a more accurate term may be ‘metastasizing’). But the Karens and Kevins there think it’s the pinnacle of civilization.

It does at least have a MicroCenter though, so I’ll give ‘em that.

That’s 4 fucking sentences.

BITCH

Mill Valley, CA: Everyone looks like Blythe Danner.

R5 indeed! My bad!

I was just there, r6, and it’s too true.

Grosse Pointe, MI: We prefer not to discuss Detroit.

I’m goin’ as far away from Yonkers as a girl can get.

Arlington Va: bland.

New Canaan, CT: if you're white, you're all right.

Montclair NJ: Try the lump crab citrus salad with the little apple wedges, it's delish -- Eulalie, no honey! put that down! That's not for touching, Eulalie -- so I forget, are you from Manhattan or Park Slope?

OP Actual quote from former Concord, MA resident and Thoreau fan I used to work with: “I didn’t find Concord. Concord found me.”

It lost him, too. Brooklyn found him this time.

Weston: A suburb of other suburbs in Broward County that has spawned its own suburbs.

Cologny: “Claude is waiting right now at Terminal 3, with the 7500, to take us for seeing the new boat at Port Vauban.”

Acton, MA: Desperate to be Concord, but forever in its shadow.

Oak Park, IL: Frank Lloyd Wright and lesbians.

Gainesville, VA: Because I could not stop for death.

Dublin, Ohio: Golf, McMansions, vacuous inhabitants, and lots of Indian expatriates.

Clear Lake - redneck astrophysicists

Hinsdale - We’d like to be Lake Forest, but they didn’t allow Catholics.

Fountain Lakes, Victoria. It’s nice, different, unusual.

Roeland Park, KS. Starter homes and diversity (by Kansas standards). The minor leagues for major league Overland Park.

O'Fallon, MO. Full of angry white people/MAGATs because they were "forced" to leave their ancestral homes in neighboring St. Louis County by invading throngs of black people and other savages.

Lake Forest, IL, never would have LET Buck drown in a boating accident.

Naperville, Illinois (noun) 1. A suburb of Chicago that thinks it’s Manhattan—if Manhattan were built entirely out of Pottery Barn catalogs and HOA regulations. 2. A magical land where every cul-de-sac is a runway for athleisure moms in matching Range Rovers, and children are pre-enrolled in Ivy League schools at birth. 3. A place so safe, the most dangerous thing is a passive-aggressive HOA email about your slightly off-white mailbox. 4. Urban excitement reimagined—as a Trader Joe’s, a dozen fro-yo shops, and a Starbucks every 500 feet. 5. The answer to the question: “What if we made a city out of LinkedIn profiles and parent-teacher conferences?”

See also: Affluenza, Wine Moms, Midwest Beverly Hills.

R27 All true, but also not really very specific to Naperville....that could be any number of other places.

San Pedro, CA. Port city; ethnic types. Good food, half of it is slummy (below Gaffey), half of it is snooty (above Gaffey) and thinks it's Palos Verdes. Bukowski lived and died here. The Minutemen are from here. Union town. You can get beat up here. Dive bars are extra divey. Not tres ghey - go to Long Beach instead.

Keller, TX is just Temu Southlake.

Bay City: We do not live in this world alone, but in a thousand other worlds.

Schaumburg, IL. The Olive Garden of suburbs.

R32 I love you!

Worcester, MA - Would you prefer Oxy or Fentanyl?

Bexley, OH: Liberal, white Protestants and Jews — keeping the riffraff out for over a hundred years.

Anaheim, CA: A rodent-run theocracy, wrapped in fireworks and merch or meth, depending on the freeway exit.

San Pedro is a neighborhood of Los Angeles since 1913. It is not a suburb.

Waukee, Iowa - we have a Target now!

I’m disappointed with my lack of upvotes.

The votes are in Moonee Ponds, R23.

Moonee Ponds.

R35 Worcester, MA isn't a suburb.

Edina, MN - Let them eat cake.

Here's a more accurate description:

Naperville, Illinois: Where fun goes to die.

East St. Louis, Illinois:

Gazans felt better about their lot after seeing photos.

Ranui, Auckland, New Zealand. Rough round the edges, but also in the middle as well, lots of social housing, the place you'd go to buy meth, a pitbull, or a used (up) car at the very bottom end of the market, many homes here will have at least a couple in various states of decay on the front "lawn" guarded by said pitbull which may be chained up, or not as the case may be.

I grew up there in a houe very similar to the one linked below. It was rough then, its worse now. I'm glad I dont live there now.

Torrington, CT: You can't get there from here, but also, you really don't want to.

What part of the instruction to use ONE SENTENCE do you morons not understand?

Plano, TX - One giant mall with houses and ever-widening highways.

Your chins jiggle when you’re angry, r48

Omaha, Nebraska - We eat our suburbs and then fill them with strip malls.

Shively, Kentucky: [quote]Your chins jiggle when you’re angry,

[quote]suburb: noun 1 a) an outlying part of a city or town b): a smaller community adjacent to or within commuting distance of a city; c)suburbs plural : the residential area on the outskirts of a city or large town; 2 suburbs plural : the near vicinity : environs

R38 in this definition, San Pedro is an outlying part of Los Angeles, so yes, it qualifies.

Palm Desert - a white, middle-aged, middle-class Northern suburb replica in the desert because you don't want to be near the fags and the fun/culture in Palm Springs. Iowa in the desert.

(I know this is gonna cause some fights!)

Rumson, NJ - home to Jon Bon Jovi

Oak Park, IL The Wright side of Chicago, particularly if you have a fondness for HOAs and governance cults.

San Pedro is WITHIN the city limits of Los Angeles, R53. LOL. Now look up the word “outlying” SMH.

Les banlieues de Paris: nous ne sommes pas Charlie.

The Valley where that slut Brooke Logan is from.

R56 The People’s Republic of Oak Park

R57 I lived in San Pedro for several years. None of it ever felt like a “suburb” to me. LA is just different in that sense.

However, “outlying PART OF a city” would include it in the definition.

You have made my point R61. San Pedro is a neighborhood within the City of Los Angeles. Just like Wilmington and Harbor City.

R62 I’m aware of the geography of the city of Los Angeles. Very much so. Likely much more than you. No need to educate me. I don’t consider San Pedro to be a “suburb” in feel, but in that definition, one could say it is.

Redwood City, CA. Climate Best By Government Test.

I’m Kenosha, I’m not sure if I’m a suburb of Chicago or Milwaukee.

Plattsburgh NY, Montreal's American suburb.

Del Mar, where you're expected to drive over potholes at freeway speeds on narrow residential roads.

R65 - neither city wants you - you're not a suburb Kenosha - you're an unfortunate little city on your own. But - give it another 10 years of upward Chicago encroachment, and you may just be a suburb some day.

R67 - I would say Del Mar: we're not LaJolla, and thank GOD for that.

R62 then you’d know that no one in San Pee-dro would ever define where they live as a suburb of Los Angeles…it is the very last thing they’d say down there. that’s sn enclave if there ever was one.

By the literal minds around here: Boyle Heights, Willowbrook and Wilmington are also suburban L.A. I think not.

Brentwood TN: random subdivisions and shopping centers in search of a community.

Piedmont: where wealthy Stanford and Berkeley grads live to avoid an Oakland zip code.

Palm Desert is NOT a suburb—there are no suburbs in the CV…they are all other desert cities.

I am very well aware of that, R69. I used to live in San Peeedro. I deal in facts, not emotions.

I’ll ignore your inane cuntiness, R63, and stick with the facts. How exactly are you more knowledgeable? Can you explain the Korean Bell? The Rock House? How and why San Peeedro became a part of LA in 1913? Otherwise just fuck right off.

R73 reality too much for you? Please quote a single person in San Pedro discussing their lifei n a suburb of LA. We can wait.

Girls! Girls! GAUUURRRLLLLS!!!! You're both cunty.

You’re dull^. get a new one

R75, You’re a very confused, Mary. I’m not the one who ever said it was a suburb, just the opposite. Are you drunk?

Then post more clearly—you come across very inconsistenty TBH.

Chicopee, Massachusetts- at least we’re not Holyoke.

Holyoke, Massachusetts - “Que?”

West Springfield, Massachusetts - no, no we’re “west” Springfield, not Springfield proper.

Longmeadow, Massachusetts - “I don’t know her.”

r6, spot on. And they all wear billowing Vera Wang scarves.

No one wears a VW scarf anywhere. You’re mixed up about MV.

these are hilarious

Conroe, Kingwood, Spring, The Woodlands:

Home of Bert & Bertha Bigot - who will wave at you with one hand and shoot you with the other.

MAGA heaven.

So much nonsensical banter about San Pedro. Everyone says it doesn’t act like a suburb, and at the same time there is a dictionary that has a definition that could include it. Some minds aren’t large enough to comprehend both things being true. Quite sad.

Roseville, MN. "Heaven is a place on Earth"

Not as sad as your nonsensical post. When did a rudimentary dictionary definition, copied by an anonymous person, trump the real world praticality of specific, factully correct posts? Just out of curiosity…

Neither trumped either? Hence “both things being true”. Sorry these things seem to be so difficult for you.

Did that come from the Thomas Guide or your ass?

San Pedro has killed the thread. Who knew the power it held?

The Croats and Italians knew…and the LAFD.

I’m Lake in the Hills, IL, an hour from Chicago and a giant subdivision of cookie cutter goodness.

Princeton, New Jersey: So much better than you.

I’m Renton and I need Dr. Quim Methadone Woman down here stat - dentists needed as well…..

R90, consider ourselves lucky no one’s swanned in to correct us with ‘Sahn PEH-dro’ like they just flew in from a semester abroad and a rimjob in Sevilla.

Santa Barbara - Where you'll find the newlyweds and nearly deads.

Anaheim: That fucking mouse.

Anaheim aka North Disneyland.

Last night, I dreamt of San Pedro.

Fairfield, NJ- highest percentage of Italian Americans in the US, bunch of MAGA loving, Soprano wannabes living in their little red bubble surrounded by a sea of blue.

Scituate, MA: the most Irish town in the United States and so boring, people there are sober on St Patrick’s Day.

Cross Lanes, WV: At least we're not Dunbar...

Trump's Oval Office meetings have been SHITTASTIC DEPLORABLE CATASTROPHES, the shitting on Ramaphosa a notable one.

You’re on the wrong thread, but FYI Ramaphosa did just fine—made Trump look bad.

What state is Ramaphosa in?

Santa Barbara and Princeton are not suburbs.

Alpharetta GA -- none of us are native Georgians!

Andover, Mass.: the town so dominated by a prep school all the buildings look like dorms.

Another non-suburb

I am shocked—maybe not so shocked—that so many have completely missed the mark on what was the start of a decent/fun thread.

Town & Country, MO—If you think our name is obnoxious, just wait until you meet our residents.

That’s more like it^^

R111 Chevy Chase, MD: if you think our namesake is obnoxious, you’ve already met him.

Murfreesboro - a garden of red earth sultriness wasted upon mouth-breathing bigots who have marketed meth and ditch weed since at least 1979.

St. Charles, O'Fallon, St. Peters, St. Paul, Wentzville, Warrenton, Augusta, West Alton, Lake St. Louis, New Melle, Cottleville, Flint Hill, Foristell, Dardenne Prairie, Peruque, Black Walnut, Whitecorn, Toonerville, Schluersburg, Weldon Spring, Portage Des Sioux, Defiance, Josephville, Blase, Marais, Croche, Matson, Mechanicsville, Nona, Femme Osage, Orchard Farm, Pauldingville, Gilmore, Harvester, Howell, Boschertown, Cappeln, Elm Point, Enon, Kampville, Klondike, and rest of the St. Charles County, Missouri, suburbs:

Don't tell the blacks in St. Louis City and County we exist.

St. Paul, Minnesota: Minneapolis is a suburb of us.

Minneapolis, Minnesota: St. Paul is a suburb of us.

The rest of Minnesota: learn to write.

North Las Vegas: You know that Vegas is the devil; we're the devil's asshole.

Monterey Park, CA. Billed as the 'Chinese Beverly Hills', just don’t expect anyone to use their turn signal.

San Marino: the actual Asian Beverly Hills.

Or to back her Mercedes into a parking space that’s ten feet longer than the car in less than six or seven tries, R119

Bigots bigoting. Good to see on a “lighthearted” thread.

Arcadia, CA - Peacocks, horse-racing, and too many Asian McMansions.

Arvada, Colorado - Where ice-covered Target parking lots are considered scenic.

Falls Church Virginia : The Shitty lil’ City

Rockville, MD: One big Trader Joe's parking lot

R126 - LOL, so true. But that Silver Diner evens things out.

Reston, VA: If AI created a town.

Acton, MA: Our taxes are high, our restaurants are laughable, but our high school makes Yale look like preschool!

Arlington, MA: Where legions of MIT and Harvard grads think the math adds up to pay $2m for a yard the size of a postage stamp (in fairness, it is a very nice town, but you will pay through the nose for a tiny home and lot).

Avon, CT: When the nearest city is Hartford, you know you're in trouble.

Somerville, MA, specifically Union Square: the 38th coolest neighborhood on earth.

Can’t say that about Arlington…

Fairfield, CT: We don't know Bridgeport.

Springfield, MA: No hablo Inglés .

Mountain Brook, AL: Courtney Cox...!

Mountain Brook AL: Call 911, I saw a black person driving without a chauffeur cap

It’s like you died and went to Jew Heaven.

R127 They have one in Silver Spring and NOVA.

R128 Similarly Tysons VA is if AI created a city in the form of a mall.

Wrentham, MA: from nowheresville swamp Yankee to McMansion Central Boston exurb in barely two generations.

Silver Diner is all over the area, r138. There's even one in Cherry Hill, New Jersey.

R134 Springfield MA isn't a suburb.

Aurora, Colorado, where illegal Venezuelan gang members take over your apartment buildings!

Wilton Manors

Make room for daddy.

Nashua, NH - home of tax-free shopping and the glamorous Pheasant Lane Mall.

Paramount, CA: No Time for Trump’s Sargeants.

[quote] No Time for Trump’s Sargeants.

Oh, dear.

Oh dar—it was a Trump post

Lake Forest, IL is much more relaxed since that cold Beth Jarrett split up with Calvin and left town.

No one in Lake Forest really ever liked Beth Jarrett, R149.

I’m in the same area and no one talks about me.

What city is Nashua, NH a suburb of?

It's not a suburb. It's a city in NH.

r152, Boston.

R153 I live in the suburbs of Boston. Nashua is not a suburb of Boston. It's in New Hampshire. 45 miles from Boston.

Somerville, MA: Formerly Slumerville; now unaffordable

Hampstead, Quebec

[quote] The town is noted for having the highest percentage of Jewish residents of any city in Canada, and the third highest worldwide outside Israel.

Residential only. No commercial zoning.

A "new Hampstead" house

R154 I’m sure you are right and know your region BUT time/distance from major city does not mean a place can’t be a suburb of something. NYC and LA both have suburban towns/cities that are 45 mins away WITHOUT TRAFFIC from the city proper.

I’m Scottsdale, and I’m better than ALL of you.

r154, Nashua is a Boston suburb, full stop.

Short Hills, New Jersey - Refuse to say we live in Millburn Township.

R149 Home of Daniel Travanti and partner. Long time residence of radio's Paul Harvey.

River Forest: Decrepit deco mansions of Mobsters, long-time residence of radio's Paul Harvey and boyhood home of the former Boatslip barback and later founder of Towleroad, Andy Towle.

Explain the difference(s) between Short Hills and Millburn, r161, if you would.

Gilgo Long Island. Sleepy town with charming residents and restless serial killers.

I’m Lincoln Park, I just attract suburbanites.

R164. Short Hills is a neighborhood within Millburn Township. Residents think they're better than the rest of Millburn's population.

Sudbury, MA - Chris Evans wants you to think he's from Boston but this is the affluent, lily white Leave It To Beaver town 33 miles away from Boston where he actually grew up.

Silver Diner is still around?!

Revere, MA - Come to Revere Beach to see your fill of hairy backs, fat beer bellies and tattoos….and the men are even worse.

Arlington, Ma: NPR tote bags, Quince glad rags

Ballard - we’re old and we don’t have hills and we hate that you moved here. In theory, we love all people but realize they will suffer and die. We’re ready for newcomers to die. Go away. Perhaps the bridge will close for repair and we won’t have to deal with you.

Also, our joggers have the best man titties you have ever seen.

Ballard hasn't been a suburb for over a century. It was annexed into the city of Seattle in the early 1900s. Lynnwood is a suburb - trailer park with tract housing.

Hawthorne CA—the fun stopped when The Beach Boys left for good.

Lawrence Harbor, NJ: slightly more bougie white trash

R175 The trashy new money white of North Jersey makes the ghetto new money black of Montgomery County, blush.

R168 Sudbury is an old colonial town and a wealthy town, a lot nicer than anything on Leave it to Beaver.

Sudbury is very quaint and woodsy, but not classic suburbia a la Leave it to Beaver. More "The Ice Storm." All those western Boston suburbs are like that.

Atherton, CA: We have nothing to say to you.

Silver Spring, MD: We wish we were Bethesda, but we're not.

Chagrin Falls, OH and Gates Mills, OH: We look more like New England towns than most actual New England towns

Westlake, OH: We have strip malls, cops who work in Cleveland and a dizzying array of ugly mini-mansions.

The suburb that other suburbs try not to emulate--every place has at least one: Rockville, MD, Mentor and Parma, OH, Berwyn, IL.

Brookline, MA: America's first suburb.

Lake Forest. We had a Black homecoming queen in 1974.

Bethesda, MD: More mediocre restaurants per square foot than anywhere else in America.

Shaker Heights, Ohio. Known for its stringent zoning laws and building codes.

Surprise, Arizona: Temperatures can get up to 110 degrees in the summertime, but sadly, most of the men who live there are not as hot as the weather.

[quote] Silver Spring, MD: We wish we were Bethesda, but we're not.

R180 Bethesda, MD: We wish we were Chevy Chase, but we’re not.

Let’s be a suburb in Wisconsin, I have 1,001 roundabouts.

San Marino, CA: the most sought-after zip code in all of Beijing…too bad the ice-blonde, athleisurewear-clad surgeons’ wives have mastered the art of passive-aggressive bare minimum civility toward those “ghastly” nouveau riche and their striver children.