My fat daughter wants all of you to stop speculating right now about Joe Biden’s health

And here is my fat daughter four days ago.

Lawd this post is funny 😆

Even a fat clock with dead batteries is right twice a day.

your daughter is a pig.

Oh please if he was president or it benefitted the pigs in any way she would be saying the opposite. Slob.

You are 1000% correct r4. Sometimes I am amazed that my fat daughter is genetically human, when she has so many porcine characteristics-she loves lying in the middle of; she eats ANYTHING; she’s prone to aggression; she squeals; she has fine, wispy, patchy hair everywhere.

Sorry, I meant to write “she loves lying in the middle of a muddy sty.” I crushed a couple of Klonopin on the rim of my margarita glass tonight.

Ambassadress, I take it that your fat daughter needs more time to make it ALL about herself.

Correct, r8. My fat daughter is angry unless people are discussing the fat daughter of dead Senator John McCain, and how her status as an obese offspring of a dead politician gives her special insight.

I wanted to stop and drop her here immediately after leaving the hospital (where she RUINED ME DOWN THERE), but John thought she was cute.

And here we are, 40 years later.

Sigh.

My fat daughter is a fucking CUNT with a clearly selective memory.

Bald headed skank need to STFU and siddown.

Miss Piggy has more class and intelligence.

You have to be very careful when you tell my fat daughter to sit down, r11.

I can’t tell you how many pieces of furniture have been replaced, and how many building foundation repairs have been required, over the decades because my fat daughter was careless with her tonnage.

My fat daughter throws her 1000 pound body around with an alarming amount of force. She is shockingly maneuverable.

I want to ask your fat daughter to help me move this couch into my van.

Wait, is she a great big ole fat person?

Big through the hips. Roomy.

It doesn't matter if Biden had cancer the entire 4 years he was president because donald trump announced that everyone's medical records are private, even presidents. trump had Covid and didn't share his records. All his followers cried on Twitter about trump's hipa (none of those fuckers could spell it correctly) rights

HIPAA

My fat daughter has “a unique perspective and much to say” about Biden’s cancer, so she waddled over to a microphone to prattle about it.

I have told my fat daughter before not to wear patterns (she just looks like an oversized sofa set from the 70s) or David Koresh eyeglasses (they emphasize her bald spot), but my fat daughter was probably too busy sucking the meat off 3 Costco Rotisserie Chickens to hear me.

When the terrible realisation dawned that my terrible fat daughter was going to be a person of size (a great, big, chunky, humongous heifer), I begged John to run off with me to Canada with the human-sized offspring and just leave her in the house, just like the nice Indiana couple did with the 30 year-old little Ukrainian who pretended to be their 6 year-old daughter.

Poor John, he was always too soft-hearted, even with fat women who emit hateful sounds constantly unless you keep stuffing their cakeholes with gateaux of various kinds.

After spending the past two days proclaiming she is an expert on celebrity cancer announcements, my fat daughter is now tweeting about cartoon pigs.

You would think a morbidly obese person with an unpleasant personality would steer clear of such a comparison, but not my fat daughter.

I saw Chrissy Metz in the same patterned frock, R19. They could be twins but for your sake Ambassadress, I’m glad they’re not.

Ambassadress McCain, do you allow your fat daughter or her fat husband to use the bathrooms in any of your homes? I can only imagine how bad those two clog up a toilet especially with all that southwest and TexMex foods they both inhale!

Perish the thought r22! Giving birth to my fat daughter RUINED ME DOWN THERE. Giving birth to my fat daughter and Chrissy Metz would have killed me.

To answer your question, r23-the last time my fat daughter and her fat husband stayed in my home, they broke two toilets from their bulk, and my fat son-in-law got stuck in the bathtub like President Taft. Additionally, my fat daughter terrorizes my staff with her demands-“I AM JOHN MCCAIN’S DAUGHTER AND I AM HUNGRY!” Since then, I get the two of them a room at the Biltmore-the one with the heavy duty furniture and reinforced floor.

Happy Birthday Ambassadress! Did your fat daughter remember to call you or send you a gift?

My fat daughter sent me a box of a dozen cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery, r25. 11 1/2 of them were missing from the box.

I had it delivered because it would have been rude of me to eat 11 1/2 cupcakes in front of you on your special day. I knew you’d understand with me having low blood sugar and all.

There’s more to life than macros and ready to wear retail apparel.

We know Biden's cognitive decline was covered up by staff, and announcement that he suddenly realized this prostate problem was covered up, doctors say he's probably had cancer during his entire presidency. The current question is "What Else Has Biden Been Hidin'?"

I appreciate you not buying 3 airline seats and dragging your heft to Arizona to see me, dear. The 1/2 cupcake was plenty.

So do the servants and the fast food workers of the Phoenix metropolitan area.

Apparently she is in the 10% of people for whom Ozempic doesn't work. And I love that for her

There isn’t a needle big enough to pierce all that fat, r31z

Miss Thing needs help with her FUPA.

"Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" - 'When Will Josh and His Friend Leave Me Alone' if only for this number. (Seriously - that show has SO MANY excellent episodes, it's hard to pick one.)

It can’t be helped, r33. That area on my fat daughter just keeps getting bigger and bigger, like the garbage patch in the ocean.

My fat daughter once hired a personal trainer. My fat daughter killed him when she lost her balance on a stair climber and fell back and on top of him. Her girth left him flattened, like a pancake. The floor of that 24 Hour Fitness in Scottsdale still has a grease stain on the floor from where he met his demise.

Yet another wrong death settlement the McCain family had to make after some unfortunate soul collided with my fat daughter.

Wrong thread.

[quote]doctors say he's probably had cancer during his entire presidency.

Which doctors, r29?

R37 at least three interviewed on television.

Oh, r38, I see...

Ambassadress, your dark adopted daughter is also heavy. J’accuse! You are at the bottom of this national drama.

R40-my fat adopted daughter has a pleasant personality and demeanor. I don’t feel the need to warn my fellow Americans about her because she is kind.

My fat daughter, however, is a rotund nightmare of excess and misguided anger, and anyone within a five mile radius of her presence must be warned to steer clear.

Otherwise, you could end up crushed under my fat daughter’s bulk, or on the receiving end of one of her screaming fits, which are usually caused by a fast food worker not throwing a couple of extra patties on her burger for free.

You mean "witch doctors," R37

🙌

Who hacked her account?

OP, I love the "My fat daughter" trope. But I'd like to encourage you to use, My Fat Daughter - capitalize the MFD, This way, My Fat Daughter and Our Gal Val could be developed as back-to-back sitcoms.

Wouldn't it be great if this were true? Each week, My Fat Daughter could be wrong and obnoxious followed by Our Gal Val being insufferable. The crossover possibilities are endless!

Ambassadress, this is an unpleasant subject, but has your fat daughter ever detailed how she and her fat plagiarist husband manage to engage in coitus?

And I apologize for all the times I mistook you for Callista Gingrich.

I can do that, r45. From now on, she is My Fat Daughter.

I try not to think of such things, r46. I imagine if you google “mating rituals of feral hogs” you’ll get your answer. And CALLISTA GIJNGRICH? I look and act nothing like that woman, she looks like a marzipan figure from a nativity scene.

I am no longer a fan of his, but I wonder what Steve Schmidt would think if he came across this thread.

My Fat Daughter is talking tough on X today, saying that “liberal rich white kids are about to FAFO with this administration.”

My Fat Daughter always gets like this when they run out of mashed potatoes at KFC. She’s ready to rumble!

The irony of My Fat Daughter gloating about “rich white kids” getting their comeuppance.

I asked Joe Biden to please send My Fat Daughter to a Supermax prison for treason when he was President, I figured My Fat Daughter would lose 200-300 pounds in solitary confinement. But being a decent man, he said My Fat Daughter had a right to have her own opinion.

Sigh.

Ambassadress, your fat daughter is very bossy. Did she have any friends growing up?

r50 - Cunt

As the memory of John McCain fades, so shall she. The only thing she will be remembered for is her hideous hair-don'ts.

R51 = the fat bossy daughter

I was referring to Meghan's excretion, r53. You'll notice I didn't use the equal sign.

My Fat Daughter didn’t have any friends growing up until John started paying the popular girls at school $500 each weekly to pretend to like her. After spending a week with My Fat Daughter, these 12 year old girls unionized, and demanded a raise to $1000/week, plus a 401 k and bonus payments for every time My Fat Daughter’s girth caused them injury or damage to their personal property.

For some reason an entitled, morbidly obese, shrieking wildebeest doesn’t attract people.

Ambassadress McCain... your posts are, for me, so much more fun with the capitalized MFD. And this? "For some reason an entitled, morbidly obese, shrieking wildebeest doesn’t attract people." Marvelous. Thank you.

What do John's children from the first marriage think of their half-sister?

You are welcome r56.

John’s older children, like most Americans, alternate between disgust and fear of their Fat Sister.

When My Fat Daughter was 3 (and 300 pounds already!), she walked into the family room and saw my stepson talking to John. Enraged, My Fat Daughter lumbered over to the two of them and shrieked “HE IS MY DADDY” before sticking her unusually sharp incisors into my stepson’s leg, severing tendons and requiring surgery.

It is a little known fact that My Fat Daughter is in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the strongest bite force of any human on record-stronger than a grizzly bear, and just slightly less powerful than a hippopotamus.

Why has she not tried the ozempic?

Speaking of Cindy's fat daughter and health:

Meghan McCain announced on Wednesday that she had partnered with a “detox” product for people who “regret taking” the Covid-19 vaccine.

Idiots can use code MCCAIN to get "Dr. Peter McCullough's all-natural Ultimate Spike Detox" for 10% off + free shipping on all orders of the latest snake oil from one of the most prominent anti-vax grifters.

What is fat daughter's aversion to taking Ozempic? Does her fat husband forbid it for fear of losing her aka her inheritance should she slim down?

My Fat Daughter cannot take Ozempic because they don’t make a needle long enough for human consumption, to pierce through My Fat Daughter’s fat.

My Fat Daughter’s Covid vaccines were administered in the elephant enclosure of the Bronx Zoo; the needles they use to inoculate the elephants were the only ones long enough to pierce her flabby flesh. ABC insisted that My Fat Daughter get the vaccine before waddling back into the studio.

One of the male elephants mistook My Fat Daughter for a female elephant in heat (probably because of her wailing), and attempted to mount her. The zookeepers yanked My Fat Daughter away, to protect the elephant.

Since then, My Fat Daughter has been anti-vaccine.

She’s an opportunistic cow.

My Fat Daughter wants the people who have grifted off her father’s good name to stop calling My Fat Daughter a “Nepo Baby.”

My Fat Daughter is a Nepo Baby who grifts off her father’s good name. My Fat Daughter cannot construct a sentence that doesn’t begin with the phrase “As John McCain’s daughter.”

The thousands of gallons of saturated fats, MSG and high fructose corn syrup My Fat Daughter has consumed over the decades have blocked and clogged her brain, just as they also cause clogs in My Fat Daughter’s toilets.

JFC. They just can't help but become snake oil shillers. What absolute garbage.

[quote}One of the male elephants mistook My Fat Daughter for a female elephant in heat (probably because of her wailing), and attempted to mount her. The zookeepers yanked My Fat Daughter away, to protect the elephant.

"...to protect the elephant".

I am on the fucking floor, I am laughing so hard!

Seriously, this stuff is gold. I hope you're preparing a stage act, or a YouTube channel or something.

My fat daughter couldn’t fit into J. Jill so we settled for Lane Bryant.

R66, please remember formatting... it's "My Fat Daughter" - capital letters make all the difference, the was we use, "Our Gal Val" for the endless navel-gazing/woe is me posting Ms. Bertinelli does on socila media or to People magazine.

My Fat Daughter, a plus sized boutique in Old Scottsdale

My Fat Daughter’s favorite boutique. Everything they make is so roomy , with deep pockets that are perfect for snuggling a couple of rotisserie chickens into a movie theater.

R69 next door to Four Seasons Total Landscaping

My Far Daughter finds it amusing that Greta Thunberg has been deported from Israel and has to sit in the last row of a commercial jet.

My Fat Daughter could never fit in only one plane seat. And My Fat Daughter is not allowed to sit in the back row of an airplane seat. Her ballast is dangerous and can damage the plane.

This is an FAA rule, renamed “Meghan’s Law” by Pete Buttigieg, after My Fat Daughter was particularly aggressive and nasty toward his husband on an episode of The View.

Once, My Fat Daughter attempted to take a last minute flight home from JFK to Phoenix. She heard her favorite Phoenix Burger King was closing down and wanted to return to get one last meal of 25 Whoppers, 16 Chicken Sandwiches, and a couple of shakes to wash it down.

When My Fat Daughter lumbered to the back row, her fellow passengers heard the plane creaking and groaning. When My Fat Daughter thrust her swollen body into 3 coach seats, her tonnage caused the front of the plane to lift up , skyward, on the tarmac. 2 flight attendants and a member of the ground crew were seriously injured.

Since then, My Fat Daughter has flown only on UPS jets, where her bulk can be managed in a safe manner.