Juice

He blew his brain off?

Yeah, he grabbed a gun and shot himself behind the right ear.

Just call me angel of the morning!

Was your brother's name R. Budd Dwyer, OP?

I loved Rusty Hamer.

No, Raphael Halm.

She was the Queen of Farts.

OP, if that link at R6 is really your brother, I'm sorry for your loss.

I made a joke at R4 as gallows humor.....but I also have a sibling that died by suicide.

Of course he's my brother. He was so dumb, I'll never know why. Ralphie was pretty. He was 6' 2 and just so kind.

OP: my heart aches for your loss. You are courageous to share this memory . Please don’t torture yourself with thoughts that you could have saved him.

As survivors of loved ones who kill themselves, we struggle to maintain some type of control — so it won’t happen again , if only I had done A,B or C…..

I tortured myself with this thought. It is mental illness that causes someone to do this. My good friend hung herself knowing her children would find her. She loved those girls more than anything and never would have done it unless she was out of her mind, which she was.

Be gentle with yourself OP. Hugs to you

Are you William Jr or Joseph?

I'm little Willie.

Sorta weird coincidence - close friend who blew HIS head off (almost 30 years ago) and he and i had bonded originally over our mutual Juice love (among other things) and every day since his passing I get my extreme guilt fix over failing him at the end with either this very song or Alanis' Hand In My Pocket at least once during the course of my workday, and I seldom ever talk about that so that I'm even doing this feels weird as fuck but necessary in the context of your post and the eerie similarity.

Anyone who's been around the results of a point-blank firearms suicide knows that the term is "bloody brains and spatter matter," not "brain," whether blown off, out, or aware.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. No one knows what goes on inside the head of someone with severe depression/mental illness. There is no point in second guessing.

Saw Juice Newton at a retro concert of mostly one-hit wonders from the 1980s at Mountain Winery in Saratoga, CA a year or two ago with an audience of geezers like me. She and her band were in top form. She had gone to college nearby and was a fixture in local bars, especially Santa Cruz, where I first saw her. Of course, she performed "Angel" and "Queen of Hearts".