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Let's be a DL murder mystery

I am the intense smell coming from one of the bedrooms. It's not the dead body. It's...

Cheryl's very-much-alive pussy!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 111May 6, 2025 6:36 AM

šŸ˜‚ šŸ˜† šŸ˜†

by Anonymousreply 1April 26, 2025 9:34 PM

I'm Muriel in a blood-soaked caftan.

by Anonymousreply 2April 26, 2025 9:38 PM

[quote] I'm Muriel in a blood-soaked caftan.

I'm Muriel's period. I happen twice a month.

by Anonymousreply 3April 26, 2025 9:42 PM

I am the vague odor of fish and prunes coming from the kitchen, not-quite-masking the stench of a dead body.

by Anonymousreply 4April 26, 2025 10:10 PM

I'm the Tina Turner clock, missing from the wall.

by Anonymousreply 5April 26, 2025 10:18 PM

Colonel Mustard killed Cheryl in the study, with a knife

by Anonymousreply 6April 26, 2025 10:19 PM

I'm the copious amounts of pot, silly. No one knows if I'm poisonous and nobody cares.

by Anonymousreply 7April 26, 2025 10:22 PM

I'm the wall of books in the victims apartment. He thinks it makes him look cultured and sophisticated.

by Anonymousreply 8April 26, 2025 10:22 PM

I'm Truman Capote and I've called all the DLers together to my manse.

by Anonymousreply 9April 26, 2025 10:23 PM

Hopefully, I'm the victim.

by Anonymousreply 10April 26, 2025 10:35 PM

I'm Gore Vidal's murdered corpse. Capote murdered me!!!

by Anonymousreply 11April 26, 2025 10:48 PM

I'm the perpetrator's doll and curios collection.

by Anonymousreply 12April 26, 2025 10:49 PM

I'm a high heel through the eye.

by Anonymousreply 13April 26, 2025 10:50 PM

I’m the dark and stormy night playing hell with everybody’s hair.

by Anonymousreply 14April 26, 2025 10:59 PM

I'm this thread, failing horribly.

by Anonymousreply 15April 26, 2025 11:02 PM

R15 is the killer.

The thread killer.

by Anonymousreply 16April 26, 2025 11:03 PM

I’m Gerg, the cook. More monkey’s brains?

by Anonymousreply 17April 26, 2025 11:04 PM

I'm the shattered soup tureen from Mother's china set. I made the most ghastly sound when I hit the wall.

by Anonymousreply 18April 26, 2025 11:14 PM

I'm the lead investigator. I'm hair-triggered Butch on the streets, and an insatiable bottom in the sheets.

by Anonymousreply 19April 26, 2025 11:16 PM

I'm the soft butch sous chef. I did it

by Anonymousreply 20April 26, 2025 11:17 PM

I'm dialing 'M' with a pencil.

by Anonymousreply 21April 26, 2025 11:17 PM

R21 wins.

by Anonymousreply 22April 26, 2025 11:23 PM

I am rescue chick's pitbull gently dabbing her mouth with a napkin and contemplating her alibi.

by Anonymousreply 23April 26, 2025 11:24 PM

I am the emotion underlying the motive for this crime. I am love.

by Anonymousreply 24April 26, 2025 11:24 PM

Is it a rescue pit bull?

by Anonymousreply 25April 26, 2025 11:24 PM

I am the poisoned nutloaf.

by Anonymousreply 26April 26, 2025 11:25 PM

Will it be entitled ā€œSquirrels, Deathā€?

by Anonymousreply 27April 26, 2025 11:25 PM

I'm the cash bar being hastily set up for the funeral.

Let the bitching commence!

by Anonymousreply 28April 26, 2025 11:31 PM

I was molested

by Anonymousreply 29April 26, 2025 11:41 PM

I'm the terribly-pleased-with-myself poster musing that "something doesn't add up" about the story, in-between inhales of Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies.

by Anonymousreply 30April 26, 2025 11:42 PM

I am the person accusing the corpse of being an EST.

by Anonymousreply 31April 26, 2025 11:43 PM

I'm the utterly useless clue that an eldergay wearing a caftan was seen fleeing the area, screaming "I look 25!"

Well, no shit, Sherlock. Can you narrow it down a bit.

by Anonymousreply 32April 26, 2025 11:44 PM

I am the layers of nacreous permacum congrealing on the bedroom floor.

I have nothing to do with the murder, but I will keep the forensic team busy for months!

by Anonymousreply 33April 27, 2025 12:23 AM

I'm Janbot with a pink bedazzled rifle.

by Anonymousreply 34April 27, 2025 12:43 AM

I am the mysterious femme fatale played by 70s Islamic supermodel Ypir.

by Anonymousreply 35April 27, 2025 2:54 AM

I am the emotional courtroom confession.

by Anonymousreply 36April 27, 2025 2:57 AM

I'm the fat whore.

by Anonymousreply 37April 27, 2025 3:00 AM

I just wish they'd stop telling me "I am NOT one of your fans!" r36. I really don't care.

Also, I know you're not the perp. Just stop.

by Anonymousreply 38April 27, 2025 3:02 AM

I'm the clandestine meeting between partners in crime.

In the second floor men's room in Macy's at 8pm.

by Anonymousreply 39April 27, 2025 4:19 AM

I’m dialing from inside the house - with a pencil.

by Anonymousreply 40April 27, 2025 4:24 AM

I“m the second victim. A beloved sassy musical star who after performing her signature number is warned by her mousy dresser that there is a murderer in the building.

My last words in life are "Stop acting like a silly school girl! The only murderer here is the Orchestra Leader."

I“ve planted my last tree....

by Anonymousreply 41April 27, 2025 7:43 AM

I'm the cryptic note, "Ask for a murdered bussy, get a murdered bussy"

by Anonymousreply 42April 27, 2025 12:48 PM

Don't you dare fucking look at me.

by Anonymousreply 43April 27, 2025 12:49 PM

That's Darfur Orphan in the kitchen! He's raiding the fridge!

by Anonymousreply 44April 27, 2025 2:23 PM

i'm the loaf of bread left in the Refrigerator

by Anonymousreply 45April 27, 2025 2:50 PM

I'm Jessica Fletcher, volunteering to help catch the murderer

by Anonymousreply 46April 27, 2025 3:45 PM

I'm the sassy maid. I know everyone's secrets and where all the bodies are buried, literally and figuratively.

And I ain't nobody's damn fool.

by Anonymousreply 47April 27, 2025 3:53 PM

I'm the DOGE inspector reviewing the gender and ethnicity of the cast for deviations from the 1928 original. If I find one more hint of DEI, your funding is GONE!

by Anonymousreply 48April 27, 2025 4:09 PM

I'm the hushed whispers in the courtroom:

Psst**

"Look at the cheekbones on Darfur: surgery or diet and exercise?"

"And those flies flying around his head, gurl needs to change his cologne."

"Bitch is guilty, though."

by Anonymousreply 49April 27, 2025 4:29 PM

I am risen, 'cause I know the shit is going to hit the fan any moment now.

by Anonymousreply 50April 27, 2025 4:51 PM

The murderer was an illegal!!!

by Anonymousreply 51April 27, 2025 4:59 PM

There is no mystery here.

by Anonymousreply 52April 27, 2025 5:00 PM

[quote] I was molested

Amazing that you worked that into the victim's eulogy, Lorna.

by Anonymousreply 53April 27, 2025 5:07 PM

"I'm Jessica Fletcher, volunteering to help catch the murderer"

This is THE DATALOUNGE. Let me fix this for you:

I'm Jessica Felcher, volunteering to help...

by Anonymousreply 54April 27, 2025 5:40 PM

I'm Jan Terri, your singing telegram!

by Anonymousreply 55April 27, 2025 5:59 PM

I'm sorry miss OP, but with all due respect, I've got problems of my own!

by Anonymousreply 56April 27, 2025 6:09 PM

Jessica, take your old ass back to Cabot Cove. I got this!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 57April 27, 2025 6:11 PM

I hate to step on anyone's toes, of course, but FUCK YOU, LaToilet.

by Anonymousreply 58April 27, 2025 7:41 PM

I'm the Last Will & Testament of the murder victim. At the reading, in the presence of the detective and the suspects, gasps and choked cries were heard at these words: "I hereby do not make any provision for any of my children. For reasons well known to them."

by Anonymousreply 59April 28, 2025 4:11 PM

I'm the basic bitch circuit gay and I'm too busy thinking about my outfit for the upcoming White Party to pick up on any of the clues!

by Anonymousreply 60April 30, 2025 7:41 PM

I am the murderer. I have a ten-inch dick that will get me off -in more ways than one.

by Anonymousreply 61April 30, 2025 8:15 PM

I'm the soft butch sous chef who found the drained pasta in the sink

by Anonymousreply 62April 30, 2025 8:20 PM

I’m the blood stained can of powdered floor cleaner in the bathroom that the recently fired Ms. Jenkins said was clean.

Close by are the clothes taken off of wire hangers that they weren’t supposed to be on.

by Anonymousreply 63April 30, 2025 8:28 PM

Touch nothing!

by Anonymousreply 64April 30, 2025 8:38 PM

I’m a crumpled receipt clearly marked ā€œOnce Around the Gardenā€ found in the victim’s pocket.

by Anonymousreply 65April 30, 2025 8:40 PM

I am a Dallas A gay heading to the gym at 5 AM.

by Anonymousreply 66April 30, 2025 8:50 PM

i'm the can of frosting

by Anonymousreply 67April 30, 2025 8:59 PM

I'm the cloth bag (as a child might have) left behind at Ruth's Chris

by Anonymousreply 68April 30, 2025 8:59 PM

I'm Jive

by Anonymousreply 69April 30, 2025 8:59 PM

I'm the can of Crisco found under the bed. I stymie the poor, straight detective who feels this out-of-place item must be an important clue -but he can't figure out what it means...

by Anonymousreply 70April 30, 2025 9:30 PM

I’m a wheeled suitcase found abandoned on the streets of New York

by Anonymousreply 71April 30, 2025 9:41 PM

I'm the bloodied Madame Alexander doll in the clutches of the 2nd victim. Several of the suspects are circling the evidence bag, hoping to clean it up and get out.

by Anonymousreply 72April 30, 2025 9:53 PM

I’m the crab walk

by Anonymousreply 73April 30, 2025 10:17 PM

I'm the crabs. In the bed. Sadly, the victim was such a slut that crabs won't necessarily prove who the murderer is.

by Anonymousreply 74April 30, 2025 10:31 PM

I am the suitcase stolen at Minnesota airport containing African designer clothes and two medium sized Manila envelopes.

by Anonymousreply 75April 30, 2025 11:49 PM

I'm the homicidal fatty on the lam, and there's a statewide manhunt for me.

by Anonymousreply 76May 1, 2025 12:07 AM

I’m Erwin, the Filipino houseboy. My lips are sealed…for now.

by Anonymousreply 77May 1, 2025 12:14 AM

I'm the excessive amount of Red Dragon Cheese on the counter, much more than I was entitled to purchase.

I'm probably the motive.

by Anonymousreply 78May 1, 2025 12:14 AM

I'm the title of the novel, "The Murders in the Rue McClanahan."

by Anonymousreply 79May 1, 2025 12:22 AM

I'm the graxy down the front of the victim's trousers.

by Anonymousreply 80May 1, 2025 12:44 AM

I'm the rough trade with an icepick!!!

by Anonymousreply 81May 1, 2025 12:54 AM

I'm the who, the how, and the "Ha!"

by Anonymousreply 82May 1, 2025 1:18 AM

Wait! There’s something in the victim’s mouth.

Hold on. Just a second . . .

Is that a frozen meatball?

by Anonymousreply 83May 1, 2025 1:18 AM

ā€œHa, I’ll sayā€

by Anonymousreply 84May 1, 2025 1:21 AM

I’m motive: what the victim found in Muriel’s nightstand drawer.

by Anonymousreply 85May 1, 2025 2:05 AM

I'm the colander in the sink with pasta in it suggesting motive....

by Anonymousreply 86May 1, 2025 2:09 AM

Were Margaret O’Brien and June Allyson in our Depends and wheelchairs, offset still competing as to who can cry most and first as they prepare to film their upcoming cameo in Datalounge Soundstage G!

by Anonymousreply 87May 1, 2025 3:00 AM

^ Fcuking ā€œā€We’reā€¦ā€!!!

by Anonymousreply 88May 1, 2025 3:00 AM

R77, a Filipino houseboy is not called Erwin. He is called Newton.

by Anonymousreply 89May 1, 2025 3:56 AM

I’m the reminder that trans women of color are far more likely to be murdered than whoever got killed here.

by Anonymousreply 90May 1, 2025 4:31 AM

I’m the mistaken identity

by Anonymousreply 91May 1, 2025 11:44 AM

I’m the title: ā€œThe Lethal Load: Dawson’s Deadly Weekendā€

by Anonymousreply 92May 1, 2025 12:26 PM

I'm the hunky chief inspector who mysteriously knew all the victims....

intimately.

by Anonymousreply 93May 1, 2025 4:59 PM

I am an axe, four mutilated rose bushes and the appalling misuse of two dozen wire hangers in the murder garden,

by Anonymousreply 94May 1, 2025 5:01 PM

I'm Posey McGlynn.

by Anonymousreply 95May 2, 2025 12:48 AM

I’m Parker posey

by Anonymousreply 96May 2, 2025 2:50 AM

After a preliminary investigation, I can announce that this murder was LITERAL VIOLENCE!!

by Anonymousreply 97May 2, 2025 3:33 AM

Tonight, we finally find out who killed Jani Lane!

by Anonymousreply 98May 2, 2025 3:12 PM

Finally!

by Anonymousreply 99May 2, 2025 6:04 PM

I am a lithe Turkish muscleboy named Cigarette, gently rubbing my thumb between my lips and beckoning the new Detective Sergeant with a smoky-eyed confession of hoped-for guilt. Neither of us hears the music in the club, or notices that the dancers in the spotlight have disrobed and he is strangling her with his whip.

In two nights I shall be served in a daube at Le Bar de la Marine.

This is my story.

by Anonymousreply 100May 4, 2025 12:38 AM

YES!. r87. I sold a bejeweled caftan to Margaret o Brien.

by Anonymousreply 101May 4, 2025 6:34 AM

I'm the library where the body was found. A bloodied Tom Ford book, weighing 12 pounds, was found next to the victim's caved-in cranium.

by Anonymousreply 102May 4, 2025 12:46 PM

I’m the air-fried potatoes in a small box. It has an odor that wafts across the building and helps with the dead aroma.

by Anonymousreply 103May 5, 2025 12:12 AM

I'm Mike, only here to provide the bitchy commentary that moves the story along.

by Anonymousreply 104May 5, 2025 12:23 AM

Youre the bitch

by Anonymousreply 105May 5, 2025 10:57 AM

[quote]I'm the library where the body was found. A bloodied Tom Ford book, weighing 12 pounds, was found next to the victim's caved-in cranium.

Still, we have no leads.

by Anonymousreply 106May 5, 2025 3:29 PM

I'm tracing a set of dark brown footprints left by the suspect, leading backwards through the Bellagio to the ladies' room...

by Anonymousreply 107May 5, 2025 4:20 PM

I am the tiny hole drilled into the wall of the victim's bedroom, where a small camera was nearly invisibly mounted. What was it doing there? Who had removed it? And when? The police detective vowed to scour the darkest corners of the internet in search of the footage that might break this case wide open...

by Anonymousreply 108May 5, 2025 9:51 PM

JIMMMMMMAAAAYYYYY!!!!

by Anonymousreply 109May 6, 2025 1:15 AM

I’LL SAY!

by Anonymousreply 110May 6, 2025 1:44 AM

I'm the victim's landlady, a well preserved former actress who wears a lot of hairspray. The victim knew every play and TV show I was ever in, and that's why I never raised his rent.

Basically I'm in the story to provide a role for actresses of a certain age. I also noticed something significant once when I let myself in with the superintendent's key... but that scene may be cut for time.

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by Anonymousreply 111May 6, 2025 6:36 AM
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