Datalounge in Biblical Times

Shut up, OP. Go to bed and sleep it off.

That Methuselah's boyish charm makes me feel like a little girl again!

FAG!

Judas Iscariot?

Judas Nasty!

He’s a fisher of men alright. Reels ‘em in by the boatload, if you catch my drift.

Mary Magdalene is a prostitution whore!

He’s not the messiah! He’s a very naughty boy!

Judas - who's had him?

Hold it! Someone tossed the daughter of Ithobaal out the window!

Here comes a pack of dogs…. I wonder if they’re rescue dogs… Oh, and they’re eating the body. Maybe they’re not suitable for some households….

"New Testament" lunacy is not "Biblical"

To be Biblical it needs to be lunacy from the Tanakh.

A trans slave of color parted the first sea.

Shynoptic goshpelsh.

Doubting Thomas to Andrew: "I don't know what's going on with Jesus and that John, the "Beloved." Desperate much, "John" ? We all get our feet washed.

Some of those Roman centurions at the crucifixion were HAWT!

Anyone been to Sodom lately? Need restaurant recommendations.

So, I guess John the Beloved is back on the market. Anyone got his digits?

The Queen of Sheba’s tits are fake.

Those caftan? So last season!

That Barabbas has got Momma’s mussy wetter than a desert oasis after the monsoon!

Has everyone seen how that shepherd boy David keeps acting around Prince Jonathan? Pretty sure Goliath isn't the only guy that's been brought to his knees lately.

Ma'am, this is a Falafel Stand.

If we don't change the name of Sodom to Fire Island now it could be a long time before we have another chance to establish ourselves!

Would suck/rim Pontius Pilate for days!

Anyone watching the big game this weekend: Lions vs. Christians?

Kaftans! Canes!

MAGA = Make Assyria Great Again

I love groping slave boys through their togas

Bitch, I'm stuck on the roof!

MARY!

Who was Mary's REAL baby daddy? We know it wasn't God!

In Jesus time.

"What is that? A Red Delicious? Ugh. Pass."

Used to have this neighbor, Susanna I think her name was and she was always sunbathing in the back yard. They had a pretty high fence, but it was not foolproof. Anyway she would sponge herself to cool off from the heat, and these two horny elders from our church would sneak over and peep at her . They were inflamed with lust and insisted she lie with them, but she refused and those fuckers had her sentenced to death and stoned. I stopped going to synagogue after that. I mean she was Babylonian and a lot of guys assume they're loose but those two old farts were disgusting.

I started a scroll on whether sandals should be removed at one's door or not-- quite innocently, I swear it-- and now certain elders of this place are hurling the most foul abuse at me. They are an odd people, with many living in the bowels of their mother's homes.

Oh, dear: "mothers'"!

Are there any good tea rooms in Galilee?

Am I the only one who talks to burning bushes?

I was so glad to see the back of him. Jesus, man, I hate fish and every fucking time he showed up we had t o eat fish for days and after a while it starts to stick and spoil and people got sick. So people puked and had cramps and shit themselves. And for what? So he could show off.

Starting an epistle on the same topic that another evangelist has already addressed in a previous epistle, makes you worse than Pilate.

Jezebel? I got yo' number, hussy!

I heard that Moses is a pass around party bottom

Anyone know where I can find a good deal on Moses Baskets?

Lot's Wife's All Salt Diet!

Please note the Canaanite god gets really petty when dipshits molest its minions.

What Lot's daughters did to their father wasn't rape rape.

And then the young Jesus said, "Look, Mama! For I have fixded my hamerder!"

And He had.

Life was so much better before Hammurabi. I had a much better time in the pre-Code era.

R47 = Luise Rainer

I’m stuck at home all day waiting for a delivery from the souk.

Next time I’m ordering from Euphrates.com.

King Herod? Just the sort of firm, unsentimental ruler we need in these licentious times.

You’re all a bunch of European colonial invaders, you know. Go back to where you came from.

Boy, am I looking forward to the seven fat years!

Joseph—that coat. No, honey. Just no.

Life after Twink Death: the Lazarus story.

'Miracle' loaves and fishes? Pffffft. Just another shortcut for greedy fat whores.

Looking for a plus one for my Dad’s ark. Must be able to pass as a woman.

OK Berniebros, but if you throw *all* the moneylenders out of the temple, they will stop creating jobs and move to another part of the desert.

But has anyone ever asked ME how *I* am doing?

And with that, Moses said, the Lord commands you go only ONCE around thy garden!

Genocide in Jericho!

Salome, we all know you're a filthy whore

I’m looking to start The First Little Darlings Beauty Contest. My daughter needs to see what some real competition is like. Any interest?

Nyaaaaaaa. Where's your messiah now, Moses?

Abraham? A quitter.

^actually, Billy Cystal, r63, in a parody.

I had a foreboding when I saw David and Jonathan at the last Cher Farewell Concert. They were in danger.

I changered my poopy into myrrh!

I just saw Catherine Zeta-Jones at the temple. Is she still claiming to be 33?

Biggus Dickus—Who’s had him?

The Son of God- I want him in me, quite deeply!

By boyfriend is a closet Sadducee. Punch and delete?

And, lo, in colors of scarlet and gold, sat thy neighbor, crouched like a gargoyle. And many an eye was turned to her.

And God told her, "This child you will name Vivian, which means goddess, for she shall rule over the Datalounge alongside fellow angels Liza, Bea, and M. Do not be frightened, for she alone knows the full lyrics to, 'Shortnin' Bread'. So it shall be done."

Jezebel versus Salome - who's your favorite diva?

I don't know why Sarah won't leave Abraham. That fucker has had a lot of affairs but then he actually had a kid? A baby, with another woman? it's pretty sordid. She was the fucking maid. Hagar and she had an affair with Abraham who was literally old enough to be her grandfather, and their kid Ismael has had so many behavior problems, but who can blame him. Then, that bastard, Abraham, insisted they all live under one roof. He even wanted his son with Sarah, Isaac, to get along with Ismael. It was just a lot of shit. Sarah finally put her foot down, and Abraham threw Hagar and Ismael out of the house. It's been quite the scandal.