Need some DL input, glutton for punishment today

^ I'm OP. Forgot to sign.

Don’t overthink.

Punch and delete.

Do they have a health problem that makes driving difficult for them? If not, and that's really what happened, they don't care enough to see you.

Unless they’re old or unwell, definitely punch and delete.

100% they did not really care to see you in the first place

r3 No. But, the festivities are at someone else's home (this scenario involves multiple people...family members, specifically). Here's the situation:

My rear tires apparently have a slow leak and I didn't notice until yesterday because I rarely drive anywhere (I work from home). The next available appointment to fix this isn't until Friday.

The suggested option was to pick me up and I will cover gas both ways. I don't want to really bother the host (my aunt) because she's busy enough as it is preparing her house for us all to come there, though she has offered to Uber me. I still don't want her worried about that and am trying to make arrangements with other family members (mother, baby brother, and baby cousin) to just pick me up since we're all going to the same place, and I would pay them gas both ways.

The host's home is actually 25 minutes away from my cousin and me, 30-35 minutes away from my mother and brother. I am, as stated in the OP, 35 minutes away from my cousin, and 45-50 minutes away from my mother and brother. I have visited all of them multiple times.

My cousin has never driven out to visit me once, and my mother and brother have only come to pick up something they really needed from my place (i.e. a check, some important paperwork, etc). We're all supposed to bring something tomorrow. My assignment is the only wine that will be present (dessert and dinner wines), but only my aunt knows about my wine assignment.

If I tell my cousin, mother, and brother, that I'm responsible for the wine tomorrow and without me there will be none, and then they decide to bite the proverbial bullet and pick me up, should I feel some type of way about that?

Don’t get tangled up in resentments. If you want to go, try the wine gambit and if it doesn’t work take an Uber. If you don’t want to go, don’t go.

r7 I agree. I would rather have paid them instead of an Uber, but I think I'm hung up on the principle behind the "that's a long drive" comment, considering how many times I've taken that "long drive" to see them without even thinking about the distance unless it's a safety concern (i.e. a blizzard, icy roads). They likely weren't thinking when they said it.

Also, just because you're willing to do something for someone else, doesn't mean they're obligated to respond in kind. It still stings a bit when it happens, though.

Well, some people just really hate driving. I have friends who have no problem driving long distances. As for myself, I can't stand it, and would just offer to Uber somebody. It's not personal.

Remember you are not asking someone to visit you. You are asking them to pick you up and bring you home. That’s twice as much driving as visiting you, plus the travel time to your Aunt’s . Unless you are on the way to your Aunt’s in which case I don’t imagine anyone would say no.

r9 That makes sense.

* T * E* D * I * O * U * S *

r10 Yes. That was my concern, also, which is why I offered them more than what the Uber or Lyft would cost ($90 both ways). I offered them $150 both ways for the trouble. Here's where it doesn't make sense to me, they offered to pay for my Uber or Lyft. So, this is really about them having to drive, at all. Not money.

It should be noted that in the past when I have expressed that I didn't feel like driving out somewhere, I was guilt-tripped about it (mainly by my aunt and mother). Imagine being part of this family. This is our normal.🙃

[quote] You normally would be the one to visit someone who is about 35-45 minutes of a drive away from you, 50 minutes - 1 hour in inclement/icy conditions.

So this is the pattern then, you normally driving there? Forget for a moment about this particular incident. Why are you the one who is always driving? Has this someone EVER driven to you? If not, why is that? Do you not like having people come to you and prefer to be the visitor since you can leave whenever you want? Or is this the only way you can see this someone?

This happened to me with two separate friends. When I stopped driving to their houses they didn't reciprocate, one of them even cutting me off when I said I couldn't make it to some beach house he rented for the week (a party house). How dare I not crawl over to him. Then I realized I didn't miss either one of them that much. They just didn't want to make the effort. Weirdly, both of them loved talking on the phone for hours which I hate, maybe that's relevant.

If I am understanding: hosting and driving to pick you up + take you home is a lot. Hence: "That's a long drive." For a host who had to clean, cook, ect. But not for someone only bringing the wine.

I wouldn't be offended. I'd take the Uber if I wanted to attend and, if I didn't, I'd enjoy my time alone a drink the wine myself.

*my time alone and drink

They really don't like you OP

Kill yourself.

r14 I normally prefer to drive out to people because I know I'm a long way so I never dream of ever asking people to come to me. I let them make the decision if they feel like making the trip. I also like the luxury of being able to leave when I want.

Anyway, I'm now on a conference call with the fam as they try to deliberate another solution because my aunt apparently forgot to buy all the ingredients she needed for the desserts. Now, they're trying to hunt down Muslim-owned grocers and bakeries in the area (they're always open on Christmas Eve and Christmas). This is like a comedy skit at this point.

r15 I more or less agree. Like I said, you can't fault people for not being willing to do for you what you are willing to do for them. Everyone is different. Sometimes I just do too much, though.

I would have offered to drive to you and help change your tire but I'm a sap like that.

Agree with R9. I could get ready for 10-days in another country much easier than I could convince myself that a 45-minute drive somewhere would be "fun" or at least not a miserable chore. If it's a scenic drive in some unfamiliar place, I can rise to the occasion. But I just don't like to drive in most situations. I wouldn't be so rude/transparent as your relative, but it's possible my lack of enthusiasm might be visible. As with the earlier poster, it's nothing personal.

That said, I suspect from your account that the relative is a lazy git and not easily persuaded to do anything that isn't solidly to his gain. I think I might just beg off and not offer any further solutions other than it seems best that your party carry on without you. "But do have a grand time!"

You offered a solution, it was rebuffed. Just terminate things clearly with s "sorry, under the circumstances there's nothing I can do, and I'll have to bring the wine another year I'm afraid ". Done. Enjoy a day on you own terms at home

OP, your response at R6 was convoluted and hard to understand, but I'll take a stab.

"Some people just hate to drive." Bullshit.

The "drive is too long" for THEM. Not too long for OP to drive, though.

My family is dysfunctional with a few cunts in the mix. HOWEVER, I know that someone would drive to my house if I had car trouble at Christmas.

Now you know where you stand and you can reciprocate accordingly.

Oh, Teafake/Mao good lord.

One perk of outliving your relatives is that you don't have these worries.