If you do 'x' at work, I want you dead

I'm more focused on this OP for its post when it comes to meriting such a response.

Instant message me and say only hi.

So now you have interrupted whatever I am working on and not even gotten to the point. Now when I respond, you may have taken a call or walked away from your desk so then I will have to wait to hear back and be interrupted again after I’ve regained my train of thought. (My work requires intense focus and concentration.)

And inevitably the instant message was to ask me a non-urgent question that they could’ve posed via email to avoid interrupting my concentration. Like, so is that meeting on the 20th still on?

Don’t send me an email asking me to call you. Now I have to respond to your email AND still call you. It’s twice as much work. And usually your stupid question could have been a two-sentence email.

OP is a kiwi farms troll so she will get her doxxing/hacking friends to attack you if you mention the wrong thing.

[quote] (My work requires intense focus and concentration.)

It has to, if you want to give your client the best blowjob you can give.

[quote] Don’t send me an email asking me to call you. Now I have to respond to your email AND still call you.

I don't think you need to send an email response.

I'm sick of LOUD talkers at work. Yes, I still report to an office most days. The office is pretty cramped quarters and thin walls, so STFU.

Some of you must be really hard to work with when those things spoil your day.

Also, don't send me an email that cc's a bunch of people, dislike my reply and then email me (no cc's) an entirely different response and think I won't put everyone back in my reply to the entirely different replied to email.

Dont eat hot food in the office, you inconsiderate cunts! The rest of us don't want to smell last night's Chinese chicken and broccoli that you microwaved and now it's stinking up the whole office.

Oh, you have to leave work early so you can "take care of your kids?" Jaydyn is 15 and Britneigh is 17. They're old enough that they'll be fine for the rest of the day.

Go dilate, R4.

Not me, but my son talks about a sneeze “screamer” at work. He says everyone nearly pees their pants when this guy sneezes, it’s terrifying.

Pressure the whole team to sign a card/buy a gift for someone, do Secret Santa, or ask for donations.

Don't deny insurance coverage at work because I'll want you dead!!

First of all, don’t call me. Your question can almost always be a short email.

When you insist on a phone call, I know you are trying to get me to answer questions outside the scope of what you hired me to do and / or you haven’t hired me yet, but you want immediate work for free.. Don’t tell me you “just have a question about the intake form” then get me on the phone to ask for free advice.

I have coworkers who never respond to emails. I match energies these days so I’m not chasing them down. Things either get done or they don’t.

[quote]I don't think you need to send an email response.

You’d think so. But I’m often stuck in meetings all day, and if I don’t respond to the email saying “I’ll call you after 4:30,” the moron will send 4 more emails throughout the day asking if I got their original email.

You see, they think I am just sitting in front of my computer, anxiously awaiting their email requesting a phone call.

Don’t call me by some nickname I have never in my life used. We’re not friends. I don’t even like you.

Eat your cereal every fucking morning from a ceramic bowl and then forcing me to listen to the dink, tink, dink, tink, tink of the metal spoon against the bowl as you scrape out every molecule of the milk.

1. Who the fuck eats cereal for breakfast every day at work? Eat at home, BITCH, or get a muffin or something

2. I will BUY you a fucking gallon of milk, BITCH, if you agree to end your cereal eating after 5 minutes so we don't have to listen to the 5-minute dink-dink-tink-tink coda, BITCH.

3. Choke on your fucking Kellogg's, BITCH. Choke on it so I can film it and put it on social media so everyone can cheer,

4. BITCH.

Don’t do a FaceTime call with your kids. I don’t need to hear your daughter’s latest high school drama. Pick up the fucking phone and hold it to your ear.

I admire r20 ‘s rage.

Stink up the bathroom and clog the toilet with half a roll of toilet paper.

Leave me a FUCKING VOICE MAIL after you've teams me and emailed me. I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME, maybe I'm busy.

Actually, anyone who leaves me a voice mail is screwed because they all get deleted. No questions asked.

Speakerphone

R20 You are fabulous

R20 maybe you should gift your coworker a plastic bowl and spoon set instead?

Sending important info and files via Teams/messenger instead of an email.

For me, Teams or whatever work-text platform is for short communications and/or group chat. I find it VERY difficult to go back and find attached files and communications in a text.

In an email - it's very easy and I can forward it on quickly. Or reply with comments/edits.

I feel like we need a distinction between these 2 platforms - Gen Z wants to send everything over via text and it's maddening.

If you say to me 'I left you a voicemail about xyz' you can fuck right off. My voicemail SAYS 'I have vm because I am required to but I do not check it. please email me at xyz'. If you are the receptionist, whom I have told this multiple times and you tell me you transferred someone to my vm, drop dead too.

If something is urgent enough to warrant a phone call, then YOU SHOULD PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL ME.

If you have time to do some elaborate phone-call-scheduling Kabuki theatre, then your issue is not urgent and should be an email.

And God help you if you call, don’t leave a voice message, and expect me to magically know you want a return phone call. Even worse if you repeatedly call and hang up in an attempt to bully me into answering. That’s stalker behavior. What kind of trash are you that you think this is acceptable in a workplace?

Sales people who call into the call center to get transferred to me because I won't answer respond to their solicitation emails or voicemails.

And DO NOT then email the CEO or even co-workers in my department (people who report to me?? wtf??) saying that I haven't replied to your SALES pitch email.

I can't tell you how many times C-level execs have come to me over a sales email they've received- hey, we should look into this - NO WE SHOULD NOT. You don't know ANYTHING about this and they are misleading you in this email by saying X, Y, Z. Sales people will say ANYTHING and unfortunately the top execs have no clue how most things work.

I know some people hate voicemail, and I agree email is almost always preferable.

But if your issue warrants a phone call because it’s too long / complicated to put in an email, then leave a detailed vm so I can have an answer for you when I call back. DO NOT leave me a voicemail saying “yeah, I have a question so call me back.”

If you quiet quit and you have direct reports, I want you dead. I receive half of your departments calls in error and I’m going to cold-transfer every fucking one of those calls to your work mobile.

If you are a counselor and it’s one of your “work from home” days (but you come in anyway to concentrate) it is, in theory, productive and none of my business. When you take a break every 20 minutes to stroll out in front of your clients to vape, I will not explain any WFH policy to any of your clients. They see you. They want your help. You won’t give them it. I just whisper, “they’re lazy” or “They mentioned they don’t like you.”

Micromanaging the fuck out of my day. It kills every incentive let alone enthusiasm i ever might have had. Combine with meetings three times a day.

Try to figure something out yourself before you come and interrupt my day. And if there is a problem, come to me with different solutions or options.

Don't just come into my office with a problem for me to solve for you. I'm here to help but I'm not your parent.

If you hand write on forms you printed and pop them in my mailbox instead of filling the fucking forms out online and emailing them to me, I want you dead you troglodyte

I love R20.

Following that- if you hand write an entire list of client financial information that you want a report from instead of opening a spreadsheet, typing the information and emailing it to me so that I have to type the information myself I am not doing it and I... want you dead.

earrings

Caftans!

Do we really have to stare at each other over every phone call now? Do we really need a Zoom for a 10 min phone call?

I like to read other emails and do some other stuff while on a routine call - I don't need to be held captive to a camera while you run your mouth.

I hate this.

Complete my secret tomb.

Oh. A text message does it for you? Tsk.

Somebody upthread said they wanted a detailed voice mail. That’s the worst.

What’s also shitty is a voice mail that asks you to call back—but to call the person at a different phone #.

r28, do you also find that the person who does that is also the person who emails you asking if you have the information because they now can't find it? I have one of those bitches.

Office “parties” that happen outside of normal work hours.

I voted to have our Christmas party during normal working hours. They scheduled it for Friday night. I’m not going.

Send and email and then hover behind my desk chair to make sure I read the email immediately and push your request to the front of the line.

R44 - oh don't get me started on that. People who don't know how to search their emails is maddening to me.

Also - I hate the people who spend so much time every day putting their emails into 50 fucking subfolders. A lot of times emails do not fit into one group or project or another. Why are you filing them away like documents? You know who it's from and the general topic - use a fucking search - and the problem is, if you have a subfolder, you have to search within EACH subfolder.

This 'organization' of emails into subfolders always baffled me. Nobody cares that you have only 3 emails in your inbox - it's not a physical thing to keep clean.

Man, the view is nice up here on this soapbox!

Typically organized by white heterosexual women who are single, between 25 and 45 , loud talkers and devious underminers. Office " Team Building " events like "hat day" , "twin day" , " wear a particular color day" etc. No one recognizes their incompetence they have been present in every single workplace I've ever worked at

If you are in HR, I want you dead.

Full stop. I don't care who you are, what gender you are, what age: You are an HR Cunt.

You can take your mandatory training and your meetings and your backstabbing and your phony collegiality and shove it so far up your puckered frau rectum that you'll end up as a case study in the [italic]Journal of Coloproctology.[/italic]

R48 - ugh, the WORST. And these are always the biggest gossips and ask intrustive questions about people's personal lives all the time.

You have to go along with it - and I guess I would mess SOME of the events to break up the calendar and take us away from work. But it's a LOT of time and effort - I can't tell you how many times I've heard "yeah, I can't help with that - we've got X in 2 days and I'm tied up with planning this event".

If you can't work your job because you're doing a company morale day, then you've spent way too much time and energy on this.

If you cosplay online as a bat shit Vermont lesbian when you should be answering your phone and tracking emails (= your job), then you are DEAD TO ALL.

Would you rather have to listen to a detailed voicemail or listen to someone prattle on when you call them back?

Then, once they’ve taken 15 minutes to tell you their question, you have to hang up and find the answer— which leads to another phone call.

Voicemail forces people to get to the point. You can also email them back if you know their question. (This is sometimes considered bad manners, but fuck that when some idiot calls to ask a question I answered for them several times already.)

She sounds awful r51!

R52 - send an email. The problem with voicemail, even with transcription, is that people speak faster and it's just the tech of having to rewind back and replay it to get what they're asking.

If you send all of this in an email, I can reply back right below each statement/question. OR I can reply back with questions because most times you need more info and what you said quickly in a voicemail wasn't enough info.

Now I have to type up your voicemail and my responses. It's fucking rude. Plus - with email, I now have written file and documentation. Voicemails? Those get deleted and there's no track of our conversation.

And yes - I need to track EVERYTHING because too many stupid people have said I responded verbally one way when I didn't say that. Or they say I never responded when I did.

I have to keep track of everything because I work with stupid people.

R54, I totally agree. Email is always best.

But I have people who REFUSE to email. I prefer for those people to leave a detailed voicemail.

Lately, people have been requesting in person meetings to discuss an issue that should be a brief phone call at most. (But, really, everything should be an email.) It’s always clients whose project does not include in person appointments for these tasks. Then they bitch when they’re told they’ll be billed for the meeting.

When the suits send out a company-wide email, there are always a couple of brown-nosers who hit reply-all just to say "That's great, Sean!" DIE. Do your ass-kissing on your own time.

R56 - and it's only to the upper execs - they don't have the time or effort for their co-workers.

You see them at every company - ditching their teams to hang out with execs only, who really don't want them there.

At my old firm, it was the CEO who hit reply all with some lame comment or question back (obviously intended only for the People Manager or similar)...you could hear the chuckles roll across the floor.

We had a dumbfuck who replied-all to a general email from the boss about the new schedule. Inadvertently letting everyone know she'd been fired.

Someone upthread mentioned “theme days.”

Some idiot at my old job suggested them and to his credit my boss asked her if she was fcking kidding.

R53 you don’t know the half of it

I'd say ass kissers are the worst. They're pathetic. Grown people trying to be teacher's pet.

The sad thing: it works. Most managers are so fucking dumb and actually respond to the ass-kissing. ("Bob is going on this sales trip with me to Las Vegas.")

R62 - you're right and I'll never understand it. The ass-kissers waste so much time with useless chatting in people's offices and it's SO TRANSPARENT for everyone else.

But that's why I also don't hire people who are too charming and comfortable in an interview - these people know how to use charm and a silver tongue to get their way. 99% of the time - they're nightmares and trouble.

People who reply ALL with a “I don’t think this email is for me” when clearly either spam got through to a multi- thousand person listserve or some poor schmuck copied a listserve accidentally.

Punch and delete on many levels.

People who don’t put a return date on their ooo messages or at least specify if the leave is indefinite. I don’t want to have to go to your boss to find out who else can do this thing if you are back in the office tomorrow.

Call a meeting that could have been an email. (What 99% of what all meetings should be)

Start group texts about nonsense.

You shouldn't be on my platform at work. Save the lies, porn and fascist fantasies for home.

I work in a law office, so am hyper aware of emails and texts getting subpoenaed. I just keep things to a minimum.

What r65 said. Drives me batshit when a meeting is called when whatever it is could be discussed/resolved in an email exchange.

Wanting to friend me on social media or LinkedIn just because we work at the same company. Nope. We are co-workers, we are not friends.

Those damn birthday and other cards - every other day one is being passed around, but then nobody knows who has it and where it is, and is sent to the same people again.

There's NOT ENOUGH ROOM for 30+ people to write in the same exact message of "Happy Birthday - Make it a Great One!"

Am I the asshole? I just don't care about most of these people - I truly don't. We're civil, we're friendly, we work together - but you're a co-worker.

I'm retired now but the other day I looked at the bottom of my stapler which still has a sticker on it which says "this is(my name's) stapler. Move it and die" so apparently the same rules apply at home.

r70 people who treat the workplace as an extension of their social lives are just sad to me. I'm there to work, not be best friends with my co-workers. I really don't give a shit about their lives outside of work.

R70 you have Linkdin friends? 😂🫣

LinkedIn IS FOR co-workers

I hate Linkedin. It's such a privacy killer.

If you feel the NEED to constantly tell me how busy you are, you're not busy.

Say any variation of "We're like one big family here."

Really? Am I in your will? If I get arrested, will you bail me out? If I'm in the hospital, will you come visit me and make sure I get the best treatment? If I drop dead, will you cry? Will you remember me fondly for the rest of your life?

No? Then I call bullshit. It's at the point that any form of the "we're like family" claim is a giant red flag. It means "we demand loyalty and sacrifice, but don't expect the same from us."

Oh yes, "we're one big family." Until you get a better offer and more $$ somewhere else and you're out the door in two seconds.

Weaponized incompetence.

“I’ll set up a meeting so you can show me how to do that again.”

No bitch. I’m not doing your fucking job for you while you sit and watch. Again. Fucking take notes, look at the User Guide, record the first design… whatever it takes but fuck off and stop pretending you don’t know your job.

That "family" shit usually comes into play when the pay is low. If you pay someone a decent amount, you don't need to tell they they're "family." The money does the talking.

R4 is blockhead Liz Fong Jones

Have we discussed the cunts who send a big print job to the printer, it kicks an error and they send it again? and sometimes again and then they abandon the whole damned mess? The printer is gacked and Kevin- I know it was you your goddamed name is on the print file. I want you dead.

R72 - some people just need to know TOO MUCH about everyone. I'll never understand it.

I feel it's common with people who were born and lived in the same area their entire life. They've literally never lived anywhere else - which I can't imagine - but there's a large percentage of people who never move more than 20-30 miles from where they were raised.

Co-“workers” who use the office equipment for their personal projects— the worst offender was constantly doing huge full-color print jobs for her kids’ homework assignments. (Yes, Lynda, printing 11x14 copies of the flags of all 181 nations uses two months’ worth of toner and should have been done at Kinko’s.)

r83 they annoy the fuck out of me with their incessant personal questions and oversharing about their own personal lives (like I could give a shit) but I also feel sorry for them. In many cases they don't have much in the way of social lives and so the office becomes their social group.

Phlegm coughing and KNOWING you swallowed it.

If you are an ABSOLUTE CUNT! Fuck your can don't attitude!

R82 - yes, and precious few people know how to delete their printer feed to prevent every print job to be printed once it's fixed.

If you ask me follow up questions, I want you in the air fryer.

Then you must work at home now as well, R89.

R20 - that reminds me of an ex coworker who used to scrape and scrape and scrape every last bit of her yogurt outta the plastic cup.

Really, I just wish I could have my own bathroom at work instead of having to share it with a bunch of men who have bad aim and apparent digestive issues. A bathroom should be a sanctuary, not a free-for-all of splattering and sputtering.

Every office I've ever worked in has had disgusting men's rooms. White collar professional men with advanced degrees and you'd think they were raised by animals from their bathroom habits. It's unbelievable.

R92 - from what I've heard in every workplace from women, the women's bathrooms are 10x worse.

The worst stuff I've seen in a men's bathroom are snot rockets on the wall in front of the urinal - I don't see how that can happen from a sneeze, but I guess it's possible. Then there's the overflowed shit toilet - but that happens everywhere.

Also I hate how men can't seem to get the paper hand towels in the garbage.

Maintenance had to have a group meeting at my last place with the women staffers because of what they found in the bathroom. They literally found shit on the floor once - that's the only thing they'd tell me, but apparently that was just one scenario of many things.

I will say it's amazing to me how brazen some men are - not many, but every company I've worked at - who DON'T WASH THEIR HANDS. No shame? One of the worst was the mailroom guy - gross.

Reading this thread makes me very grateful for the job I have where the only thing that gets under my skin is when I have to work with some decrepit MAGAt or when people just can’t show up on time.

But y’all did make me think of office antics and I wonder how you’d deal with either David or Shannon…

The shared bathrooms, alone, are why people like working from home.

[quote] If you ask me follow up questions, I want you in the air fryer.

Huh? You don't ever expect people to ask you follow-up questions?

X = visit kiwi farms

Yes r96, the ironic thing about this thread is, it’s flushing out the people everyone else actually wants dead at the office.

Sending me emails with the subject of "have a few minutes?" or "can you call me?" Who are you and what is this about?? I have 35 clients and no time to figure out who you are and what you want.

Sending detailed emails at the end of the day. You've been at work since 7 am and, at 4:58 pm on a Friday, you need either an involved reply to all your questions and sub-questions? Nope. You'll receive my reply first thing Monday morning.

I have a client that intentionally sends me ambiguous emails that she know I will result in a phone call. Her ability to ask questions that have absolutely NOTHING to do with what she really needs, is truly astounding. The resulting phone call is always way too long (we have to discuss her personal life; she has to ask about Cosmo because he's been on Teams calls) and a total waste of my time.

Reading through this thread makes me so very grateful I have a 100% wfh, independent contractor job with the law firm. I went into offices 5 days a week for over 30 years, minus the brief wfh time frame during the pandemic. At this point, I doubt I'll ever agree to go back into an office, even 1-2 days a week hybrid. The idea makes me physically nauseous. Not even for salaries that are almost a doubling of my hourly pay. That world is over for me (and should be for most industries where wfh is doable. The return to the office justifications are bullshit. Conspicuous control tactics.) Next up for me is retirement along with part-time work focused on community support maybe for a non-profit. I've been financially responsible all my life and it will finally pay off when I retire. I realize I'm much luckier than most, but to be honest, it wasn't all luck. Nor was it inheritances of any kind. Fuck hybrid schedules. That's the corporate parasite class clinging to control. It's almost over for them, though.

r92 my female friends and relatives have told me that women's restrooms are just as bad as men's, which is crazy to me. Men are absolute WILD PIGS in public restrooms and at work, but I've heard stories that women are equally nasty.

R100, I have the opposite problem. I send a short, clear and concise email to someone:

[quote]I am working on Project A. I need your November 18 slide deck to incorporate in the section about topic B. Project A is due at the end of the week, so please send your deck ASAP.

A few days later, I get a call (if I'm lucky), and they ask wearily, "Now what was this about? What do you need? What project are you working on?

R102, I get really passive aggressive with emails like that. Or ones that say they haven't received a response from me on something they asked me last week. I will resend my email. I usually respond within 2 hours. There is the occasional email that I mark as read but haven't responded but those are few and far between.

Before we moved to our current buliding, we shared the restoom with PWC employees from India (or similar countries). The women would pee on the seats and not clean it up. Or worse, some twisted asshole would squat over the toilet!! You could see the footprints on the seat!! WTF???

Most of the men I've worked with have been white executive types, and they're disgusting pigs in the restrooms, but friends of mine who work in tech have told me that the Indian guys take the disgusting piggery to a whole other level.

How did this thread take a turn? What the hell?

I work for myself but started in the corporate world at Amex. God I hated all of it. It sounds like nothing has changed in 20 years

A woman in my office reheated fish in the microwave. (which is practically a cliche for what not to do) The entire building smelled like death. This occurred while our board was in town. I said something to her, she called HR, turned it into a whole thing. She actually said to me, “So you can be gay and everyone supports that, but I can’t eat healthy?!” I was speechless. And I was fine. Everyone was opposed to what she did, but HR has to be careful when handling these things.

R107, that makes no sense. Fish is not a protected class and not indicative of anyone's religion. No wonder everyone hates HR.

One time there there was half of an egg salad sandwich on the floor of a stall in the ladies room.

The thought of someone sitting on the toilet eating an egg salad sandwich- mind boggling.

omgoodness EL r109, I was working somewhere that had bathrooms with multiple stalls. I was peeing and heard 'crackle crackle crunch crunch crunch pffffffttt crunch crunch'

Some. bitch was eating while shitting! I had to run RUN back to my office because if I had seen who it was I would have 100 percent made a scene. It wasn't anyone who I worked with because I was the only chick but I would never be able to look at someone again after knowing that they did that.

[quote]One time there there was half of an egg salad sandwich on the floor of a stall in the ladies room. The thought of someone sitting on the toilet eating an egg salad sandwich- mind boggling.

We had a bitch try to flush chicken bones down the shitter in the women’s room. She was obviously sitting there eating wings while talking a dump. There was also shit smeared on the walls and toilet seat. We knew who the 350 pound heifer was. Amazingly, all the plumbing issues in the women’s bathroom stopped after she quit.

R110 - at one place where I worked, there were some seats (for what, I have no idea) in the women's toilet. Some women used to take their lunch in there and eat it while sitting on the seats. It wasn't an area before the door to the bathroom - it was IN the bathroom area, about 4 feet from the stalls.

Nasty. I've heard many stories of there being shit and piss all over the floor and seats in the women's bathrooms, plus used sanitary napkins and tampons on the floor.

Men may not have good aim, but I've never seen shit or blood on the floor. in a men's restroom.

R110 and R112 so gross!!! After that we moved to an office where my group had the entire floor and the ladies room there was spotless and contained all kinds of sprays and potpourri.

Sadly backed to a shared bathroom. Oh and let me say again that I do not appreciate people who talk on their cell phones in a public restroom. I did not sign up to have the sound of my tinkling be the background soundtrack of your phone call.

Clogged toilets have been a constant problem in every workplace I've ever employed. Also every gym I've ever been a member of. The number of grown men who don't know how to properly use a toilet while taking a shit are unbelievable.

I've ever BEEN employed, sorry.

WTF is all this claptrap about.

I wanted ALL my x's dead, and they are.

Faith.

Stop using the microwave in the lunchroom to heat up your fucking stinky fish.

if you pack my fast food bag without napkins i draw my concealed carry

Enough

with

the

black

woman

five-scents and a quarter-cup of rose toilet water

aroma.

We had some bitch that would light matches to cover her shit smell in the ladies room. This was in a place where everyone was execs and made shit loads of money. God knows what her home was like.

R120 maybe a cultural thing because they do it in Y Tu Mama Tambien

[quote] The rest of us don't want to smell last night's Chinese chicken and broccoli that you microwaved and now it's stinking up the whole office.

That I could handle. Leftover liver & onions nearly had me puking. Another un-favorite was reheated snails. "But it's Escargots Sauvagionne!!" Have you ever had reheated escargot? It squeaks on your teeth.

If you masturbate in the break room, please don't do it at lunch time.

X!!!!

R120 - have you never heard of people lighting a match in a bathroom? That's why there are matches in many home bathrooms.

Hasn't everyone seen that - or just me? Or has it gone out of style?

Wearing so much perfume that I need to use my inhaler.

Ordering food and then making yourself unable to be found.

You KNOW you got food coming in the next 30 mins - don't make people track you down because this poor delivery guy asked us to help him cuz you aren't answering your phone, texts or emails.

So fucking rude to everyone involved.

Oh, you have to leave work early so you can "take care of your kids?" Jaydyn is 15 and Britneigh is 17. They’re old enough to be turning tricks.

NO FISH IN THE MICROWAVE!

R121, with all appropriate respect to my Mexican brothers and sisters, the "lighting of the match" ritual is just a symbolic activity from a populace that cannons and depth-charges poorly digested hot beans, peppers, cheese, eggs, fish and heavily-spiced pig and goat meat into the half-flushing toilets and leaning-over outhouses.

A slight improvement:

NO FISH USING THE MICROWAVE!

R131 - that's sexist!

R131, an HR cunt is even now furiously scheduling a meeting about your use of a slur to describe your female-identifying colleagues!

[quote]We had some bitch that would light matches to cover her shit smell in the ladies room. This was in a place where everyone was execs and made shit loads of money.

Are you saying the shit of execs doesn't smell? People who make money don't shit smelly turds?

No fish

R94, I almost didn’t click on that link. But it cracked me the fuck up. I was actually in tears. Thanks.

Men who don't flush deserve death.

Any personal postings on LinkedIn. LinkedIn is bad enough these days without reading about your daughter’s amazing SAT scores or how little Kai brought home a Black friend without telling you in advance that the friend was Black.

Such a proud momma!

For managers:

Send Teams chat that says you need to "discuss something very important with me after I return from lunch" with no other context, knowing there are mass layoffs and firings going on within the company, leave early for the weekend, so I'm stressed until Monday, only to finally tell me in the impromptu meeting on Monday that I'm getting a raise.

It was loud. It was uncalled for. My nerves are bad. Die in a grease fire.

^ I can't even hear this sound without my blood pressure going up, now.

Seriously. FUCK YOU, for that.

Impromptu meetings with no stated purpose; this clearly falls under the category of "micromanagement" and it's just some needy bitch who thinks they're not getting enough attention so they call some bullshit meeting, interrupting everyone & almost always results in absolutely nothing.

Another voting for The Office Underminer. They exist everywhere, but are more prevalent in situations in which senior-level power is present, so the Underminer looks to get a leg up on their colleagues by cozying up to this power. By no coincidence, these people are low/poor performers at best.

This has been covered exhaustively by DL, but I also get tired of "I HAVE TO LEAVE BY X BECAUSE I HAVE TO PICK UP MY KIDS!" I know this - you tell me this every fucking day. I don't really care whether you're here or not, but why must you bludgeon me with it?

During Covid lockdown my then boss decided that it would be great for team building if we spent a team meeting with everybody taking our team mates on a video tour of where we live - not just our home work space but the rest of our houses / apartments.

Then boss was proudly vegan, Christian and a long distance runner. She was English and smelt.

My response that it would be a gross invasion of my privacy and that if I wanted my workmates to see where I lived that I would invite them over was met with a directive to do it - I was on probation and she was responsible for releasing me from probation.

So I found a background picture of a totally Austin Powers groovy baby plush swinging bachelor’s den and used that. Then when asked to take people on a guided tour I developed “technical issues” and the visual dropped out.

I resigned the day before she knocked back my probation. Cunt.

Glad to hear it r136!

The one where he’s put in charge of new hire interviews is pretty hilarious too.

When I'm working on a rush-rush-urgent project and have to attend multiple meetings whose purpose is to EMPHASIZE just how short our timeline is.

And each meeting shatters my workflow and makes me lose about 2 hours of productive work on the urgent project. Multiply that 2 hours by every team member.

And then spend an hour a day reassuring people by email that yes, we know the project is urgent, and yes, we're working as fast as we can when we're not attending meetings or answering emails to acknowledge that we know the project is urgent.

Suck up to those with power because you're fake

[quote]Men who don't flush deserve death.

In every public restroom, there shoud be a poster saying, "Only men with small cocks don't flush." The number of piss leavers would drop instantly.

I hate coworkers that just sneeze openly, can't make the slightest effort to hold off until they can go outside, or to their private space.

[quote]my son talks about a sneeze “screamer” at work. He says everyone nearly pees their pants when this guy sneezes, it’s terrifying.

R13, my oldest sister has done this my entire fucking life (I'm 60), AND I HATE IT. I have a low startle threshold and those screaming sneezes freak the bejeezus out of me. and it takes me a good while to re-gather myself.

My cats will narrow their eyes, put their ears back and STALK off in high dudgeon when she does that in their vicinity, and I have always wondered if her work peers have the same inclination. She's an ops chief in a high-pressure field (Emergency management/response for our state), and I cannot imagine that shit going over well.

The people who only care about status and climbing the ladder. Which is everyone.

Death just seems like such a strong measure for mere workplace idiosyncrasies and etiquette aloofness.

R148 you're 60. Is it alright? Go by fast? Crazy how fast it goes.

It can have its uses in the workplace R150.

We just recently had to fire a bitch who took a giant dump in a stairwell, all caught on security cam video.

I have a ton of questions r153 but I am not sure what they are.

almost anything a sales person does. either one of ours (dumb as a stump) or one of the vendors I deal with. are any of these people not soulless assholes?

Handle ANY phone call while on the floor of an open floor plan, especially if loud, and especially if on speaker. GET A ROOM!

If you put a Girl Scout Cookie fundraising sheet anywhere near my cubicle.....

Or your Patagonia race pledge fuck form or whatever that thing is. The sign-up thing......

If you ask me to donate to your spawn's school fundraiser...

If you ever start a Teams chat with me unannounced, on the spur of the moment, and expect me to interrupt what I'm doing for you....

If you send me an email saying, "Thanks!" Nothing else. Just "Thanks!"

Ask me to do something

Add up everything in this thread and it's what I see on a daily basis in my office. By the way I work in a very white collar private bank. The shit has no boundaries.

R82, I've done that. Uh oh.

Some of you cunts need to learn how to be more agreeable. Plain and simple cunts.

I enjoy when people use our company's Teams forums to share pictures of their pets, particularly during COVID, but I am highly annoyed by the humble bragging employee that posts things like "got up at 2:00 AM to hike Mount Crumpet. It was only 20 miles in 0 degree weather with a steep incline, but so worth it" followed by pictures of said Mount Crumpet and #lovemylife and #blessed hashtag. The cynical bitch in me hopes that the next time we hear about this person it's on a "missing" post on social media