If you have a dick and you haven’t even tried to put it in your own butthole

Edison bulbs, purple daikon radish, vent brush (bristles forward) ...yet I'm still an exclusive top.

No traffic cone R1?

Is this the male equivalent of the vagina being a self-cleaning oven?

Exactly, OP! I took pictures of myself with mine in my hole and had the best one made into a holiday card for this year. It reads:

"Happy HOLE-idays to all! xxo, Matt"

I've seen videos of guys who can actually stick their dick into their own butthole. Mine doesn't bend that way and it's not nearly long enough, too bad. Cause that would be really pleasurable.

I used to have a video of a Colt model (Fred Slinger?) and he could do that.

There are many guys who can do this, but you can't really get a full boner when you're doing it because you have to twist your cock around (basically inverted) to get it to even aim toward your ass. I've seen a number of videos of guys doing it and cumming in their own assholes. It's kind of hot.

Demonstration.

GFYS.