Things you've learned as you've gotten older that surprised you

How wonderful a fiber supplement truly is. Why did I not start taking these when I was younger?

Fucking the total top is more exciting than fucking the boys with the loose holes.

And if your fuck buddy that you top finds out that you want him to fuck you, he probably won't come back.....

I always assumed Jean Stapleton was a warm, fuzzy little old lady, based on her character on ALL IN THE FAMILY.

But just now watching a long interview with her, she kind of seems like an impatient sourpuss.

I was in my late 40s when I discovered "cemetery" doesn't have a "n" in it.

I can still turn a head!

Aww you’re cute OP. And I thought the same so now I have learned something new.

There are profound differences between grief and loss.

Many adults are emotionally immature and have a huge amount of baggage. Someone can earn 150k a year at a white collar job and still have the emotionally maturity of a 20 year old.

R9 Just got dumped.

I wish, r10! I'm still babysitting a man who makes more money than me.

Agree about fiber supplements.

[quote]Why did I not start taking these when I was younger?

Because you weren't full of shit when you were younger?

That looks in the end are really about your genetic makeup, and that beautiful people usually aren't smart or engaging.

That television gets worse every year.

Americans always vote for celebrities of some type.

Avoid crazy and angry people, at all costs.

W&Ws have no monetary value.

I am surprised that age has taught me this:

"If it's yellow, let it mellow, though if it's brown, flush it down."

She was Monty cliffs faghag along with Nancy Walker.

I learned how easy and liberating saying no is. I would stress about over committing and feel a lot of resentment until I just finally started saying no. With or without an explanation.

That in spite of a degree, upbringing, looks, privilege -- none of us really know what we are doing most of the time. We all have faked it until we made it, some more than others and some of us do it daily and that's essentially our job. Some of us are good at guessing and make it look easy. But if you think most adults know what they are doing most of the time, or even like it, you're mistaken.

Well hopefully our plastic surgeons don't apply to this.

R16 True and so that seemed deserving of an W&W, paradoxically enough.

[quote]I was in my late 40s when I discovered "cemetery" doesn't have a "n" in it.

But it does in Spanish, "cementerio."

That people suck

A marriage is whatever you say it is.

I've never had a serious, committed, relationship in my life. But I have had plenty of time to observe the heteros around me.

Just these past two weeks, coworkers whom are in dear marriages for 10+ years w/ kids were talking about how bad their holidays were.

One said her husband dislikes her Mother SO much he spent Thanksgiving in Jamiaca while her and the kids gathered at Grandma's house.

Another said his kids aren't really talking to their Mom at the moment, so this passed weekend he went to see Wicked with the kids (all are damn near grown) while his wife has been in Aruba.

I don't doubt that partners allow each other some space to solo travel at times. In fact, it sounds quite healthy.

The unhealthy part of it sounds like the spouses were only in Jamaica/Aruba because there are family problems around the holidays they can't reconcile. I didn't dig any deeper, but it was illuminating to hear my coworkers speak about their troubles.

Most people not interested in rocking g the boat, or asking why?

Dementia sucks.

R27 You thought dementia didn't suck when you were young?

[QUOTE]But it does in Spanish, "cementerio."

R23 - Yes, my parents are from Spain so that's where I got it from. I also think a lot of native-born Americans pronounce it with an "n." I pronounced "passport" with an "a" in the center like the Spanish spelling for the longest time, but always spelled it correctly. I guess I pulled mine out enough over the years to see it spelled on the cover.

[quote]I was in my late 40s when I discovered "cemetery" doesn't have a "n" in it.

At least you know it doesn't have an 'a' in it. That's the most common misspelling by far.

As I've gotten older, I've learned (through most of my 'closest' friends, no less) that people are really only interested in themselves, and no one else. No one is truly interested in your problems, or your life for that matter - yet they can't wait to interrupt the conversation and make it all about themselves. So I've learned to let them.

People are inherently selfish and self-absorbed. We are all the stars of our own movies. Those among us who have been raised well just learn to disguise that fact much more believably than most others. My mother is one of those rare people. She is genuinely interested in the lives of other people. Consequently people flock to her like moths to a flame.

All that cliched stuff about old people, how they get cranky, and slow down, and have aches and pains and become interested in constipation as a conversational topic — it happens to you, too, no matter how very young and unique you’ve always felt you are!

It sometimes takes a huge effort of will to remember it’s not interesting to anybody else when it’s so weird and awful, and unexpected, to you.

That a small circle of close friends is a lot better than numerous acquaintances.

[quote]this passed weekend he went to see Wicked

At R25, and signed, "30s Millennial."

Like I couldn't have guessed that...

I also think a lot of native-born Americans pronounce it with an "n.”

Nope. Nada.

I knew this when I was younger, but it remains true that it’s better to spend your life with someone who genuinely loves you than with someone who looks good.

Eventually, everyone doesn’t look so good, so the young ones should learn this now, rather than later.

[quote] I wish, [R10]! I'm still babysitting a man who makes more money than me.

Why don't you dump him, if you're babysitting him.

I've learned that politically the same issues arise repeatedly on a cycle, and that many so called liberals are not so liberal after all. Scratch the libersl veneer to reveal how conservative they actually are. Finally, you really do have to look after number 1.

There are gay xenophobic bigots and they use their own wolf whistles.. These fuckers came from family wealth, get placed for an advanced education, and maintain a solid advantage over others.

Yet, there’s zero empathy for other oppressed groups and the excuse is “circling the wagons”.

Don’t argue, don’t engage. Avoid.

I’ve learned to let it simmer a while before judging people. Some of the worst people I know made incredible first impressions. Some of the best people I know were very slow burns. Time is the best revealer.

[quote]I’ve learned to let it simmer a while before judging people. Some of the worst people I know made incredible first impressions. Some of the best people I know were very slow burns. Time is the best revealer.

I'm much the same R41. I prefer to let people reveal themselves at their own pace and in their own way. Of course some people are memorably likeable or off from the start are remain so for as long as you know them, but I don't like that rapidfire dating barrage of questions and answers. Ask a few questions when you want them to draw out a point, or to clarify something, or if you're truly curious, but better to let them do the talking and you the listening; you learn much more than if they are simply answering your questions.

I've had friends for years and barely have a good idea of what it is they they do professionally because it's not a topic they bring up on their own. For other people, half of what they tell you relates in some way to their work or their professional identity. Working from how people present themselves just seems the best start.

Watch, too, how they respond when other people are talking. Are they forever chomping at the bit to get their words in? or do they seem genuinely attentive to the speaker?

Some time and patience when you're forming an opinion really helps. It makes it easier to have friends and aquaintances who are not all perfect or not all bad, bt people you can appreciate in different ways.

Don’t seek closure it isn’t real.

The relationships in my life that have endured have been the ones that I'd least expected to r42.

Off the top of my head:

At their core, most adults are children in adult bodies. It's hard to accept, because as children, we hold adults to a higher standard and look to them for safety and stability. Now when dealing with difficult people, I picture them as children, and it's a bit easier.

As I've gotten older, I've come to appreciate true humility. It's an overlooked virtue. The world is full of ego, and people who genuinely recognize their limitations make life easier for all of us.

No one who is not a celebrity of some sort (and I use the term loosely) is remembered more than a couple of generations after their death. You, too, will be forgotten within a hundred years, and probably much sooner.

Progress is cyclical. We make gains, as a species, and then we lose them. When I was younger, I thought progress moved in only one direction. Relatedly, each generation thinks on some level they have things figured out in a way all preceding generations did not. History shows that it's a farce.

We change across our lives in ways that we can't anticipate.

Also: Vivian Vance was more talented than Lucille Ball.

[quote]A marriage is whatever you say it is.

A casual relationship is whatever you say it is, not a marriage. A marriage is more structured than that.

A marriage is a piece of paper.

R20- Ha.

I used to FAKE looking confident in a gay bar . I perfected this aloof detachment while standing in a gay bar- in 1995 guys would literally be cruising me left and right simultaneously some nights butI never went home with anyone back then because I was terrified of talking to them.

at 64 years old, I recently learned that there is a difference between a liquid measuring cup and a dry measuring cup . I always thought they were the same and interchangeable. Food police, don't arrest me!

r9 So much this. I thought for the longest time something was wrong with me or I was emotionally stunted but no, most people lack emotional maturity. It explains Maga so much.

That the youthful energy love and sex “split” as we get older.

Much of what we seek isn’t really the sexy or desirous guy, but at the end of the day, it’s VALIDATION when they pay attention back to us.

People don't change. When they show you who they are believe it.

We are all a collection of masks and mirrors

That all gay men are not nice guys, and are not smarter and more empathetic because of what they endured when younger.

I was naive. Came out later than most.

Yea DL has taught me that gay men, despite their hardships, are definitely not more empathetic. And a quippy man with an encyclopedic knowledge of film and popular music is not necessarily smart.

r28 I didn't realize just how awful it was until it happened to my mother.

When it comes to hiring neighborhood kids to help with yard chores, the old-lady rule for such workers remains true:

One boy's a boy.

Two boys are half a boy.

Three boys are no boys at all.

Agree r56.

I've learned that over-tipping as a regular at a restaurant or for on-going services does not always guarantee good or better service. If you are always too generous, some people become too comfortable and entitled and take you for granted. Need to pull back with the generosity when the quality slips to remind them the great tip is for great service not mediocre service.

[QUOTE]Progress is cyclical. We make gains, as a species, and then we lose them. [Bold]When I was younger, I thought progress moved in only one direction[/bold]

💯 And it took me a while because I resisted so very much. GWB? Election stolen, he was a blip. Elation with Obama's victory and hopes for politicians like the Castro brothers in Texas because [italic]society is getting better![/italic] And then the backlash. It's disheartening, but I remind myself that humanity in my neck of the woods is better than it was 50, 100 years ago.

Rich proles on vacation are more than I expected.

That I really don't know life at all, I'm serious. In the past year, I've had this profound sense of how strange being alive is and the strangeness of what is being played out on this earth. I don't have a sense that it is bad or good, just a sense of how bizarre it is that it is all actually happening.

Turning 63 a year ago was jarring, like somehow I've gotten on the exit ramp everyone talked about but I never thought would arrive. I'm not depressed, thought there are some regrets, I just understand and sense mortality and that death, is, in fact, going to happen and much sooner than I realized.

How pathetic human beings are. Growing up somehow I believed that (other) people were strong, that they made the right decisions, that adults were, indeed, adults.

Now, as several others have also said upthread, I've realized it's not true. I've become what might be called cyclical, but instead I believe it's reality. Most people are not good. Not that they're bad. They're just not anything except creatures that look out for themselves as much as they can. Sure, some people will do you a favor, some people will help others, but most people spend their lives trying to figure out how to get their own needs fulfilled. And, most people don't succeed, which means that by the time they're 70, which I am about to turn, they're mostly bitter, worn out, and sad. A lifetime of failures buoyed up, when possible, either by religion or family, both of which are just external means to try to compensate for internal failures.

Humans are brain-overdeveloped primates with the same urges as their fellow chimpanzees. Read Jared Diamond's best book, The Third Chimpanzee. If any book ever made a claim for how pathetic homo sapiens are, it's this one.

I've learned that people lie more about their past than about anything and everything else and nothing is more fatal to a close friendship than being a witness to bad behavior of a friend - because that friend will dump you in a heartbeat in order to stop being reminded of their own misbehavior.

The "this is not the American I knew feeling," r62? Stranger in a strange land feeling? The resurgence of blatant racism, the acceptance of blatant lies from politicians as an unchallenged norm, etc, etc.? Yeah, I've got that, too.

I learned attraction is something I rarely experience. Rare doesn’t mean never, it means i appreciate it a heck of a lot more than the average guy.

R32–my Mom was like that, too. She loved getting involved in other people’s lives and had a collection of “adopted” children as a result. She was not so interested in me, alas.

All of life is childhood.

You being attracted to others? Or others being attracted to you?

R67, was one of the last things she said, “I ruined you”?

[quote]People don't change. When they show you who they are believe it.

R52: "People change and forget to tell each other.'

R39 a liberal is a conservative who hasn’t been mugged yet.

[quote]Finally, you really do have to look after number 1.

Frankly, I think it wiser to look after number 2.

r73=Erna.

No, R65, nothing like that. It is more about feeling that life itself is no longer what I thought it was. Just being alive often has a surreal quality now, perhaps because I now understand and feel how finite, miraculous and strange it all is just for happening....and that it will soon end for me, as it does for all of us.

R72, adages like that sound better in the repetition than bear up under truthful scrutiny

R55 I agree and disagree in part. I am a lawyer, film historian, country music fan, and an avid reader - all at 60 years of age. There is more that I know but what I have found is that although gay men are not smarter than your average frat boy, neither are straight people. In fact many straight people are obtuse to facts that gay men take for granted that have nothing to do with pop culture, i.e. most gay men know how to enjoy sex just for itself. Most straight people I meet are still treating like it's Detente.

What I have learned about gay men is that anytime a person is oppressed and dissuaded from being their organic self, they are set up for unhappiness, failure , and regret. From Indians and blacks to women and Jews. Once you are treated as though your true self is a sin you have few very options that allow real happiness to unfold. One must try to live beyond the society's fake desires and wants- that takes a great deal of energy and can leave you far behind. Scarlett O'Hara had the right course of action- think of your own happiness, try to always be in that state, and ignore anyone else who wants to box you in. You will glad of it - that is until Melly dies, and Rhett leaves.

A long life has led me to agree with Lincoln's opinion:

[bold]Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.[/bold]

For a decade, I've had enough hotel and airline points to go anywhere but staying home with my animals and husband is more fun than any vacation in the world. Over the years I've planned and canceled multiple trips when I really thought about what was important to me. I never thought I would be a guy who passed up a free trip to Spain to stay home with his cats. Also, too old for sex so the allure of any romance is gone from the travel fantasy.

I like the island Manhattan.

If he only tells you he loves you right before he cums, he doesn't really mean it.

All the things you acquire over the course of a lifetime are just STUFF. When I was young, I couldn't wait to buy myself whatever I wanted.

My Mom saved our report cards from grade school. She kept the receipts from each mortgage payment she made over 30 years. She took pictures of everything and everyone. Remember that camera that shot out the photos after you took them? Yep, he had one. When she died and we sold the house, it was all just STUFF.

Same with my sister when she died. She was never a neat freak but I had to hire 1-800-GOT-JUNK to clear her apartment. I've started looking at the things I have now and tossing a lot of it. I've never seen the Marie Condo thing but I certainly understand it.

Cosmo, there's a book called "Goodbye, Things" (Fumio Sasaki) that you might like. It's an enjoyable audio book. The guy is pretty extreme, but he's funny and self-deprecating. E.g., he talks about all of the pompous collections (of things) he had for his imaginary life.

That some people enjoy publicly humiliating other people so much.

I saw it as a kid but realizing it was so prevalent as an adult was disturbing. Noticing it in a couple of people I used to be close to, was very scary. That's a type of sickness I do my best to suss out and avoid, now.

someone upthread said that measuring cups are different for dry and liquid ingredients.

the measuring cups are the SAME

I was well into my forties when I learned there was a little arrow next to a car's gas gauge that indicated which side the gas cap was on. An epiphany for this renter from NYC! And I learned it here.

PAO symbol on skincare which stands for Period After Opening.

It's a little symbol on the packaging that shows an open jar inscribed with a number and an "M", i.e. 12M , 24M, etc. Meaning the product is good and effective after opening for 12 months or 24 months or whatever number of months listed.

Everybody’s fucked up

Acne never dies.

Less talking and more learning, please.

I've learned that people who speak with the voice of experience often have less of it than they think.

As in basing a deific critical judgment of any species, including ours, on one book.

Corn is delicious.

Depression and sadness and very different and distinct things to experience.

* are

The stealth of depression and its several masks were a surprise, yes.

Give me good old anxiety.

And take the mere mopes away, too, please.

I shit after so many farts

r84, A "dry cup" and a "liquid cup" technically hold the same volume, but they are designed differently to accurately measure their respective ingredients; when measuring dry ingredients, you should use a dry measuring cup, and for liquids, use a liquid measuring cup, as the key difference lies in how you fill the cup to ensure accurate measurement - by leveling off dry ingredients and filling a liquid cup to the meniscus line

R86 whoa

The majority of organized religion in the US is nothing more than a brainwashing and social control mechanism, and serves mainly those who were raised in it.

If you really want accuracy and don’t want to wash out measuring cups, just use a scale. you can measure both dry and liquid ingredients with a scale.

The second you get in a relationship you become 1000% more attractive.

Last year I saw a friendquaintance mentioned in a newspaper article about blacks in [occupation]. Even after knowing him for 10 years, I had no idea he was black.

Called one of his best friends to confirm and was told, "Oh, yeah. I didn't know at first either."

That surprised me more than anything.

r98 Totally agree, but the eternally backwards U.S. of A. hardly ever has recipes with weight (the unwashed masses just can't figure it out, I guess) or using the metric system. Isn't it great to be in the company of Myanmar and Liberia?

Is a fart just a fart? I mean, hell. Does it mean something much more?

They are my one minute warning, R102. Better find a pot!

Run away from anyone whose speech patterns resemble movie dialogue

I understand, now, why my mom stocked up on things. I like to have at least 4 to 6 months' worth of everyday items.

Doing everything average as an American makes you wind up fat and broke.

R106, taking the different road every time isolates. Yeah, you’re fit because of the different functions, but you’re still broke. Average job loyalty pays much better than my tour of employment.

What has surprised me as I’ve aged? The sheer amount of nonsense people will devote their energy to. For example, why do people care so much about skin care? You’re not going to outwit time with a serum. Or how no one tells you that you’ll spend the latter half of your life trying to figure out why your hip hurts for no reason. And let’s not forget how horrifyingly fragile the human body actually is. One bad sneeze, and suddenly you’re in physical therapy.

Ultimately, the biggest shock is realizing that most people don’t actually know what they’re talking about, yet they somehow keep talking. Myself included.

[quote]I like the island Manhattan.

I KNOW you DO!

Most of the people you think about, hardly think about you at all.

I learned I might be kind of short, but that means jack shit when it comes to other body parts.

Everyone has their own agenda. No one is looking out for you except you.

Career success rarely correlates with competence. Being competent does not create job security.

You are more likely to be successful in any career if you're well-liked. Competence often operates against being well-liked, even in jobs like law and medicine.

You merely have to be NOT incompetent.

r65, yes, that's me, too.

r62, what a superb writer you are. You've described my life perspective now, too.

One recent Fall Day while walking, I looked at the trees. Suddenly, the obvious dawned on me.

Trees are tough, resilient things.

They survive, stand tall, endure outside in raw elements through both the hottest of Summer days and bitter cold Winter days, no overcoat, no fan.

Before I was conceived and born, the trees I see were here. After I die, they won't notice my absence and will live on.

I feel kinda silly about all of this.

While writing these banal words, I remembered that Betty Smith, when I was child, made a deep impression on me when I read "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn", which remains my favorite popular novel.

That I'm not ALL THAT.

I do not find your post banal at all, r114.

Knowing I am an infinitesimal momentary speck comprising a conglomeration of particles left over from ancient supernovae does not keep me from remembering how bad the coffee was at a hotel in Oklahoma City I stayed in traveling in 1985.

You’re sweet, r116. Thank you.

What r115 said, and lol, r117.

As I've gotten older, more people I know have been diagnosed with cancer and I've learned that cancer "cures" can cause a whole range of complications, ranging from annoying to debilitating.

I’ve learned that every bowel movement is a gift.

r121=Erna

I’ve learned that perception is very uneven on the DL

R123: But perception is always > reality.

I've learned that aesthetics are easy to mistake for morality.

That it is impossible to live an ethical life in a corrupt environment.

That there's no reason to think there will be a happy ending.

That happiness itself is nothing if it is not fleeting.

That engagement with others, with your surroundings, with this world, with yourself, is the path to whatever happiness there may be.

That all living things in youth believe in love.

That reality is far stranger and more awe-inspiring than it seems it could possibly be.

That all great art is an echo of eternity.

70 came faster than I imagined it would

Seeing the world before the rest of the world did. It was a lot cheaper then and way less crowded.

I’m smart, attractive, talented and sweeeet

R121 if it's not too personal, who is the recipient?

I've learned that, yes, indeed, one does get a catch in one's get-along, at times.

Everything heals more slowly and the body remembers even the slightest offense.

This has practical repercussions when considering sex acts.

While my interior dialogue runs like a bad copy of ”To The Lighthouse”, my exterior dialogue is curt, polite, but coarse.

There’s a moment of translation each way and it throws people off.

Not sorry.

R83, it’s odd when adults attempt to humiliate others, but try to see them within a space that there’s a hidden shame or a fear within them, that they might outgrow, or not.

Many, many years ago, I used to hang out with someone who I long suspected was a down low racist, but I wasn’t quite sure.

About 3-4 months ago, perhaps a bit longer, this person drove up to the corner of my home, and yelled out, “White Power” from the street, & then drove away. I’m absolutely positive of who it was, because I recognize their voice.

I guess he thought it was funny, however, I wasn’t hurt nor was I angry. I realized that he felt he needed to feel better about himself by doing something that he felt would humiliate me.

It was so ridiculous & unexpected, but the moment it happened I had a lot of compassion for him, & realized how powerless he felt, and I also realized that I instinctively made the right choice by not allowing him back into my life.

Humiliating others has more to do with the person attempting to exact humiliation, rather than the person they want to humiliate.

It’s all about shame. Theirs… not yours.

Inevitably, most people will start to take you for granted.

[quote] Knowing I am an infinitesimal momentary speck comprising a conglomeration of particles left over from ancient supernovae does not keep me from remembering how bad the coffee was at a hotel in Oklahoma City I stayed in traveling in 1985.

I remember a particularly bad bowl of clam chowder (the white kind) that I had in North Carolina. I was really young, at the time, and I told the waitress that it had no flavor. Waitress said: "It's supposed to be bland, so that you can add salt and pepper."

[quote]70 came faster than I imagined it would

That was my experience, also. Worse, I learned that it's not as though you hit 70 and then stop having birthdays.

Things can always get worse, and they often do. When I was younger I just never thought of life that way. Yes, things were hard at times, but not like these last 6 years.

My. partner and I have a better relationship now when we don’t live together.

That’s it’s them, not you.

How much of the world is a pointless big dick contest.

People's expressed attitudinal beliefs are often contradicted by their behaviours. Market and user researchers know this very well.

Good sex is rare, unpredictable, and often hard to sustain over multiple encounters.

We've been tricked into thinking that evil is cinematic when it is mostly banal, often served up in boring, procedural moments.

Most people don't enjoy learning.

In America, high school stereotypes last a lifetime.

That the best time of your life is the fours years in college or four years in high school and the rest of your life is regretting things you didn't do in those four years.

Finola and MEK were good yesterday.

If saw a house on fire with people still inside I’d except the gop voter to run inside long before the liberal voter.

Oops, r142 was meant for the GH Thread.

Crazy only worsens over time, never gets better.

Abusing your body always comes back to bite you.

Very few people care about you or ever really did.

[quite]That the best time of your life is the fours years in college or four years in high school and the rest of your life is regretting things you didn't do in those four years

That there are two types of people in the world: those who never get over there high school or university heyday, and those who do.

Everything in life is about money. And if someone says "it's not about the money" -- it's even MORE about the money.

r143 idiot.

Men should never be given the benefit of the doubt. Far too many have or will engage in despicable behavior if they can get away with it. The phrase "men are only as loyal as their options" can be applied to their entire personalities. Better to treat them all with neutrality until proven otherwise.

R148 YIKES

As memories collect, memories and media that are meaningful to you carry more weight and become more moving. I tear up a lot more as I get older than I expected.

The more time you have behind you, the faster your perception of how quickly time passes becomes.

Joy isn't in the big things, it's the small things, the daily things.

In many cases, giving people exactly what they want is the best way to torture them.

It's a miracle the world doesn't implode every day given the infinite points of failure we have in everyday living.

Forcing outcomes nearly always leads to disaster. Better to set intentions, do the best you can, and just let it unfold than take a "coffee is for closers" approach.

A lot of life is sheer luck, but it requires effort on your part to make the luck work for you.

The more libertine and undisciplined you are, the less freedom you have over time.

There are many, many, many forces out there trying to get you to part with your money. Some of them are total surprises.

[quote] In many cases, giving people exactly what they want is the best way to torture them.

Can you give an example? R151

Damn near everything I learned prior to age 21 set me up to be an order taker in life. School, church, home messaging. It was not until I started rubbing shoulders with privately educated people and the "management class" that I learned how much they make up their own rules.

Companies, neighborhoods, and apartment buildings have an unofficial mayor who is always present, always curious about your goings on, and always free with gossip.

They’re important. Share the minimum - tease with minutia, crowd the field with meaningless details, and keep them occupied when you have real shit going down.

Great post, r151.

That "straight" men who talk a lot of shit against gays are huge bottoms that become trapped adults. Some of them have to constantly prove they have a WOMAN and CHIILDREN just to get others to think they are straight when what they like is to be reamed by men.

R156 explains once again that homophobes are just gay bottoms.

r157 I knew this when I was young because of my encounters. I tried to tell others when I saw them feel down about being bullied, but a lot of people- I guess- have to xp that for themselves.

They're all bottoms. It's the craziest thing.

Not everyone who hates gays is himself gay. Just as not every racist has a deep secret in his family tree. Just as not every man who is a misogynist is himself a woman. Just as everyone who is xenophobic is himself a secret immigrant.

Huh?

R156 That is eye opening. I didn’t know this but it does sound and seem probable. I’m not having a great life but glad I’m not pretending.

R158 as you point out once again gay bottoms are the worse, I will file that under things I have learned at DL.

He's saying that this idea that men who trash gays are all secretly gay is not true. Some men who hate gays just hate them, it's not because they want to fuck men. R160

r163 I will stick with my original thoughts on that. They could be hung and fine, but they want what they want. That box they're in frustrates them. This is the source of all their lash out. I've seen in it for years and I've been around a lot of people.

Some men have a visceral hate for gay men because they were sexually abused by men.

A “not” in the final sentence would help were that the poster’s intent, but it’s not there so given the preceding examples it makes no sense. Everyone who is xenophobic is not a secret immigrant, contrary to the response. Or even a “ him.”

I decided that true racists are children of abusive parents.

When a parent is using their child as a verbal or physical punching bag whenever the “Mood” strikes, I believe the child takes this as instruction and looks for people they too could use as punching bags - people who are weaker from an imagined caste, who have to take it.

Most humans don’t value physical romance the same way I do, and they’re not worthy of my effort.

But when you find one who does, R168, it’s bliss for both of you.

R169 Exactly. That’s the guy who learns what not having a refractory period means.

Most adults are idiots. When I was a kid, I thought adults were smart. Now that I'm an adult, I realize that is far from the truth.

[quote] while her and the kids gathered at Grandma's house.

Oh, dear!

[quote] I can still turn a head!

Me too.

Except now it’s away from me.

It's far, far easier to become embittered as we age. It takes work to stay open and accepting of people younger than you, while also staying open and accepting to the embittered older people around you. The latter is surprisingly harder work than the former.

As one ages, colored underwear is always the right option.

-That you can never truly know another person. Even with the person you are in a long-term committed relationship with, you only know what they want you to know.

-While it isn't impossible, the last time a man will make new friends is in college (or his 20s)

[quote] colored underwear

Oh, yeah, I’ve got my eye on you buddy.

i'm still surprised at how fucking stupid some people are. dumb straight guys who think their gf/wives are into them for themselves and not for their $$$

[Quote] -While it isn't impossible, the last time a man will make new friends is in college (or his 20s

Horseshit. I’ve made several new friends since hitting 30. I’m 52 now.

[quote]I can still turn a head!

And a few stomachs!

Well, most recently that humans seem to be turning back- how can so many vote for a criminal? I am surprised that we humans don’t seem to have evolved for the better- at all. Every way I turn I see the same shit that has plagued man fo ever. Science and tech advance but not much else. I wanted to believe otherwise and it has been a slap in the face if not a surprise as I grow into old age.

I've met my best and most loyal friends after college. You know, as an adult.

99% of people asking for advice don't want advice, they just want to vent and have someone listen and commiserate.

Once I realized that and adjusted my expectations, life was so much better. Now I never offer advice. It's great. Other people don't feel condescended to, and I don't feel frustrated. I let 'em vent, I sympathize, and we're both happy.

If I could turn back time. I would date a fetus.

I let ppl vent, but not over and over. If theyre not going to change their lives, then shut it.

I had a friend who actually did ask for advice, but would never change anything.

R185 doesn’t understand the concept of “vent”

[QUOTE]The more time you have behind you, the faster your perception of how quickly time passes becomes.

This. It seems like just yesterday I met my neighbor's 5 year old who was enamored with fire trucks. He's graduating from college tomorrow.

Is his name Joel?

R185, yes, I have friends like that too. They will tell me X disrespected him blah blah blah but he still allows X to be in his life or go on the same way...over and over.

I was back home last weekend, helping my parents and I ran into a couple of people I graduated high school with. After being caught up on some of my classmates lives, I was pretty shocked to see how many who seemingly had promise, flame out so spectacularly. As in, multiple marriages or multiple arrests. And it seemed like they learned nothing from their mistakes, either!

Others who I thought would never make it seem to have found stability or learned from any mistakes they might have made at a young age, at least as far as normal metrics are concerned.

Life is just weird.

Completely untrue R165. In fact, every single one of these storis is probably a lie since people who were really abused don't continually share, Back in the 90s every right winger I knew pretended to know a woman whose cheating husband gave her AIDS, and every single one of these stories turned out to be a lie.

Old people become invisable. Perfect time to get away with whatever!

Don’t encourage steaking while man titted…

135, My husband absolutely CHERISHED a bowl of homestyle chowder at a local haunt every time we went to visit my mom just outside Boston. It was a fabulously redone 1920’s hotel and restaurant and served up comfort food and simple lodgings. Run by a local guy I suspect was a closet gay.

One Sunday visit, the chowder arrived at the table and had bits of celery in it and was a different color. I could tell it was Sysco- definitely a thinner, tasteless industrial version out of a thick plastic bag.

When hard pressed, the waiter denied anything had changed, but we could tell and never went back after that.

I worked in restaurants for years, the trick to great chowder is the potatoes are cooked twice and you keep all the broth slowly cooking for hours. You also need to use higher quality cream and butter. But it also requires paying someone to do it and Sysco is cheaper.

My mom made a good corn chowder and it didn't seem that complicated or time-consuming. No twice-cooked potatoes and, IIRC, just whole milk. (Bacon was involved, though.)

It's CHOWDAH!

Tinyurls are not private and track like a website does. They'll know your location, browser, operating system, etc.

She's can't understand it...

Everybody is almost exclusively out for themselves.

Elderly sales or service people are just as manipulative and dishonest as younger sales people.

Don't fall for the grandma/grandpa appearance and fake kindly demeanor, they are ruthless too.

The most conniving realtor I ever had was a grandma in her late 70s/early 80s. Don't let your guard down just because they are old!

There’s much to be said for being healthy, but at a certain point you become the only member of your family who’s still alive and your best friends are dead, too. It’s a real shock and especially if you lived recklessly for any length of time while all those dead people never did.

[quote]The most conniving realtor I ever had was a grandma in her late 70s/early 80s. Don't let your guard down just because they are old!

Let your guard down for what, FFS, R200?

Afraid they will see you a house you don't want? Certain they have undervalued your house that you want to sell? Insist the seller wants more than your buyer's offer? Insist a weak buyer's offer is the best you will get? Worried that your buyer's agent isn't showing you the houses you want to see?

The least but of backbone will serve the spineless well. I've bought and sold a lot and never been manipulated by a friendly demeanor or pity for an 80-something-year-old to buy or sell anything I didn't want or to pay too much or accept too against my will.

Realtors as a class are lazy fucks and lose their "sparkle" once you've signed a contract to list a property or to buy one. Why would anyone expect otherwise?

I've learned that being not so much I still perceive I'm less mean and nasty than 99% of my fellow American citizens I encounter daily.

Across demographics, cultural factors, income levels, education, and place of residence.

Thanks for the input, r202!

Bless!

This relates to my own personal hypomanic behavior;

If I’m looking to throw money at a problem and the phrase, “This will fix everything!” pops into my brain, I know I’m taking a shortcut and I’m creating a polyanna fantasy that will disappoint.

I have experience from taking in rescue dogs, buying cars that accommodate seniors with dementia who demand BMWs, and buying a house in racist county so my racist can live near other racists - just because the new location is close to a good hospital,.

Thing 1: No one is coming to save you. You must find it within yourself to advocate for your interests and well being.

Thing 2: Whatever is happening, it is only for Now. Change is constant. A good thing to think when you are in a bad situation, or difficulty. It helps to know that you are not stuck forever. When things are good, enjoy them fully. That too will change.

Farts have no propulsive power to get you to the bathroom quicker.

Alas.

The thing that suprised me is when you stop peeing, you are actually not done which is why my free ball days are over.

Another thing!

My dick began resting in a girthier state at about age 45. Sure, it could go cashew or mushroom, but the shaft remained much thicker.

I thought it was odd, but I looked it up and there’s a weakening of the pelvic floor with age that lets my mouse demand more room.

Your life is a story and you are the author.

[quote]Your life is a story and you are the author.

Apparently I'm a lot more Jacqueline Susann than I am F. Scott Fitzgerald.

But a drunk either way

I've learned to identify and then avoid narcissists and those that only hang around to try and use me.

I have learned to never let anyone borrow money and personal items that I love. On rare occasions if someone I know is in dire straights and needs money I will sometimes gift it to them and let them know upfront it is a gift with no expectation of it being returned.

I have learned that not everyone is worthy of my time or attention.

One of the best things I have learned is the ability to say NO and leave it at that. It is not anyone's business why I am saying no.

I was shocked to learn what booze and weed do to your body after I got a Apple Watch, then later a Garmin watch with more extensive data. Changed my consumption habits a great deal.

Can you provide a little more detail, r214? I'm getting a Samsung model for Christmas and I'm a little afraid of what it will tell me.

Everyone's different, but your heart rate variability and sleep quality scores crash, for starters. It shattered my belief that cannabis was a wonderful sleep aid.

Could you be a little more specific re heart rate, BP and sleep quality scores, R216? How did it vary from your previous baselines for you once you realized via this monitoring? Does the watch actually provide a sleep quality score based on a composite of physiological measurements picked up by the watches monitors?

I'd rather not share my personal health data on Datalounge with all the crazies here using the block feature and other methods to track posts. Sorry. Reddit has a lot on this if you search there.

Why can you not share in generalities? I never asked for your personal health data, r218.

.

Why don't you look it up yourself, r219? .

I thought I made it clear that people track posters here using the block feature and other methods. I'm also not your monkey, luv. Sorry.

R220 - Tell me the specific parameters (e.g. your weight, BMI, resting BP, oxygen saturation levels), as well as the model and years of your watch and phone so I may come to understand their algorithms and reporting. Also, your levels of prior THC consumption so I may come to a complete understanding instead of relying on your spotty reporting. TIA!

With age, I learned that small bits of seemingly anonymous information across posts on Datalounge can be strung together to make it personally identifiable to trolls who want to stalk or harass people...or worse.

There are members of DL that have been arrested by police for real time harassment and stalking of internet or forum users., That member is still active on DL AFAIK.

This is exactly why GDPR exists.

R213, it took me a very long to realize how nasty and terrible people are and to act accordingly. It is like people keep telling me and showing me who they really are, while everyone else is oblivious to it or see it but say nothing. I am far from perfect, but I think that there is some of us who can see the world as it really is, or a close approximation of it. I think being gay somehow atunes one to it somehow and unfortunately.

R226 once again you are correct and every one else who does not agree with you is wrong. And this happens all the fucking time.

Shrinks have a name for this

Forgiving means unburdening yourself.

Don't look at it as if you were doing the other person a favour: It's you, the forgiver, who will be better off.

It was only in my fifties that I realized that Mario was the male for of Maria.

^^^I was surprised.

That people are just people, they have the same recognisable yet complex mix personality traits the world over. But cultures are quite different. A kindly socially conservative person in one culture will bless you for delivering their mail and in the next culture they will politely point out your shoes need polishing. Both people wish you well and and want to see the social order adhered to.

There's no point in taking offence where none was intended.

that I was one of the butchered, battered and betrayed children of this earth.

That so many people have no idea what a conservative is vs what a radical is?

Still haven't learned about the banality of evil, have you? Or about what they did to us during the AIDS crisis.

R210 mentions a truth:

[quote]Your life is a story and you are the author,

but, more completely, since it's true for each individual, it means we all act like members of the writing team of a sitcom none of us signed up for in which the writers all expect to be the star of the show.

[quote]On rare occasions if someone I know is in dire straights

Oh, dear.

[quote]Your life is a story and you are the author

I need a ghostwriter.

Most DLers are in dire [bold]gays.[/bold].

R234 were they spreading HIV to cause aids?

Don't need to say a thing to that. You've shown what you are.

Awful people have always been around, but good people, too. Took me decades to focus on the good ones. Then I met some true role models who opened my eyes. Once I started to no longer fret about people and instead tried to learn from the good crop it improved my outlook on life in general.

I now surround myself with people who don't get bogged down by other peoples' behavior. The friends I choose try to do the right thing and be better people. I'm also not too pessimistic about Gen Z or Gen Alpha. I know Gen Z-ers who are smart, very educated, career driven and still find time to intern at human rights organizations to build a better world. I've met 9-year old twins a couple years ago who explained to me why Obama was a great president. That just blew me away. Those may be exceptions. But I rather focus on them and support where I can.

[quote]Your life is a story and you are the author

I'm already on the remainders pile.

R231 But they will make sure to vote Republican and let the “justices” & lawmakers create & enforce their evil

I learned that there are self described lesbians or gays on DL that will sign a document saying they do not support gay marriage in order to get a slightly bigger piece of the $$$.

Not a slam more an observation.

^^^Where did you read this, R244? What did it say?

^ on DL within the past two week.

What did she say?

She said she signed and gave her oath that marriage is strictly between a man and a woman,

Most would have signed because it meant more money and a career boost no doubt. Most bravery we read about is more fictional bravery than real time boots on the ground bravery..

Wow, R247... Link, please?

R248 you don’t keep up with the reading here but want people to go thru weeks of posts to keep you informed?

Sure Jan I will get on that for you real soon

R222, I have a FitBit that tracks sleep and heart rate.

When I was drinking red wine or brandy before bed, my sleep quality was low. I'd get maybe 5 or 5 1/2 hours of sleep with very little REM or deep sleep. Without the alcohol, I sleep about 6 1/2 hrs a night with more deep and REM sleep cycles.

As for my resting heart rate, that went down from about 78 bpm to 70 or 72; sometimes as low as 68 or 69.

I should point out that I'm 60 lbs overweight and really don't exercise regularly so my RHR is probably high. I do take a THC gummy at night but only on the weekends. They do not appear to negatively effect my RHR or sleep cycle.

[quote]you don’t keep up with the reading here

Well R249, I didn't think I have much of a life, but apparently I have more of a life than you.

I mean, some of us do leave the house on occasion.

Then don’t expect you have people here who are going to spend their time looking up posts for you.

The Where is the Link Troll showing up once again demanding others do his/ her searching for them.

Charisma nearly never equals good character. In fact, it usually signifies the opposite.

Every accusation is a confession.

So simple, simplistic even, but it works on a personal, corporate, and political level. Once you've started noticing it, you can't "unsee" the truth of it.

Unplesant people no one wants to be around are usually the best people with the best character. Those with charisma like Obama….

Does the past six weeks count as getting older?

What I have learned since the election has finished is that without massive help from the GOP the Dems have absolutely no chance for 2028..

R253, someone on DL once mused that charisma is just mental illness lurking under the surface. Ive now observed that most charismatic individuals have mental or personality disorders.

Someone on DL once mused they ate bloody stools.

[QUOTE]Unplesant people no one wants to be around are usually the best people with the best character.

Like Faye Dunaway or Ted Kaczynski?

People are more stupid than they used to be.

Most people are in your corner and want to see you succeed. There are a few who are not nice. I avoid them.

[quote] Unpleasant people no one wants to be around are usually the best people with the best character.

I have not learned that yet.

Oddly, my sleep data is excellent when I use Indica strain gummies. I consistently score in the 90s for deep, restful sleep. Booze I can see causing issues since your liver is working overtime.

It crashes my REM.

First and foremost I've learned that modern technology does not make people smarter. It makes people dumber and lazier.

There are soooo many fake people around.

You really need to start taking care of your health...

Honey, I do take care of my health

But not your punctuational health, apparently, R268.

Oh, dear.

When you get past 60 you realize most people you grew up with are broken in fundamental ways and trying to hide it.

And it's not clear why. Life is hard. Nobody expects you to get through it unscathed, except for you perhaps.

Most friends of my youth turned out okay as adults, but only one or two were actually good parents. Most of them were just dreadful as parents and their spawn are horrible people.

Why do you think that is, r271? Could you have predicted it knowing your friends as you did? Or maybe they changed or underestimated/misunderstood what parenting was about.

Gay men, especially those that vomit when near a vagina, are the true experts on lesbians, straight women, and couples.

These men have an uncanny insight to know what these populations do, why they do it, and what they are thinking.

They are likely the smartest people in the country or delusional fools and liars and those who just make up crazy shit.

And of course parenting. Gay men who have never been married or raised a kid actually know more about raising kids than professional child experts and actual parents

As a gay man who was partnered (never gave a fuck about marriage) and was always horrified at the prospect of raising a kid, r274, respectfully, you are full of shit.

R275 well then you are not one of the self-identified gay men experts on raising children that has never raised a child..

It’s DL we are all full of shit

I want to know where R5 thought the “n” went….

R273? Marry me!

That it's OK not to need or want to change the world, that I can just quietly exist in my small corner of it.

I'm surprised that ageism in hiring ever happened to me.

Me? That only happens to the other person.

Anyone on the interwebs who tries to monetize your time or attention is not leveling with you; they are entertaining you...for their own financial gain. As in: PT Barnum's mantra

Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides - is a good thing to remember.

Do what makes you happy because no one else will. It will make you happier. Just because someone is dressed in manner that you wouldn't be caught dead in has no effect on you.

There is a reason stereotypes exist.

There is a reason stereotypes exist.

[quote] There is a reason stereotypes exist.

I learned that as a cynical teenager. Later I learned that stereotypes are just that - a formulaic and oversimplified opinion that needs to be questioned and verified before giving in to them.

If there's money being made, it's not a community. It's an industry.

,,,,

being uncles & aunts gives gay people a huge window into the world of children

Only if R273 was not being sarcastic.

Floor hard. Fall bad.

[quote] being uncles & aunts gives gay people a huge window into the world of children

Most DLers don't want a huge window into the world of children.

R282 I don't even know what you mean. My insides to other people's outsides?

I grew up in California always preparing for the "Big One" from the San Andreas fault, scrambling and dropping under school desks. We've had Loma Prieta and Northridge, but nothing will prepare the Pacific Northwest for their eventual hell that the Cascadian subduction and Juan de Fuca will unleash.

There is no preparation, even though a 9.0 is predicted to destroy everything west of I-5 or either be inundated by 45 - 100 ft waves and washed out to sea.

It's happened before in 1700 and seismologists didn't know that it did until the mid 1990s, more than a century after the PNW became a population center.

Haha! I guess they didn't teach proofreading at seismology school, r294. Wrong article.

Indeed, r295.

Here it is. And it's long, and more than a bit distressing

Hope this works.

OP and R7 Me too!!!! I try to impress friends with my knowledge that light roast is stronger than dark roast …… all those years kinda suffering with the dark roast coffee, I needed the caffeine

R293, it means to not compare how youre feeling inside your head with what other people choose to project to the world.

What does that even mean? That you should compare to what they "really" feel? But you can't know that.

I can’t explain it any further. Perhaps google it. It is a pretty well-known saying.

Professional writers—PROFESSIONAL—using the word grizzly for grisly.

There are no total tops---just guys who won't let *you* fuck them.

Most people effectively shut off responses triggered by personal morals and even professional standards of ethics when a directive comes from above, or expedience is any issue at all. Everyone has been conditioned to do their job and "mind their own business."

That the Nakba was the real tragedy of the 20th Century,

People are always after your money. Whether it's a pyramid scheme, donations to some obscure cause, fundraising for some minor bullshit, or deals that someone can get you for a better price, someone out there is always trying to get their hands on your wallet.

Most people will want to make friends with you depending on how much empathy you have to listen to all their problems, children trauma, and daily grievances.

^^^***CHILDHOOD TRAUMA ***^^^

Peoiple who type "bless" belong in hell.

How manipulative, nasty and crazy women are, especially childless and single ones. I dumped 4 longtime friends in the past two years because I was done with their shit, best thing I ever did. In my everyday life, I no longer play their games. I pity men who need pussy.

You’re working through the holidays lol

Many gay men simply have an extraordinary amount of common sense coupled with the ability to retain information we see and hear which ends up making us very knowledgeable about things we have little to nothing to do with.

[quote]I grew up in California always preparing for the "Big One"

Me too. I pre-lube every day.

[quote]People who type "bless" belong in hell.

I'm working on it.

^ translated

Gay men can make up inane bullshit with the best of them

R305...and how much they can manipulate you, which also applies to your first few lines, too.

Friends are like food. You'll be healthier and happier with less, higher quality food than with all you can eat of crappy garbage.

Fewer friends, higher-quality friends have improved my life.

And I no longer put up with even the slightest amount of fuckery. Even one manipulative stunt, and it's over. I know people have bad days, even bad years, and that's fine. We're all only human. But the minute I feel I'm being jerked around intentionally, I'm out. This rule has improved my quality of life immeasurably.

R315, it took me a long time to see this. I often reacted badly, but after some more insight, I now realize that my instinct was right. They were fucking with me, my affection my loyalty, and my profound naivety when it came to people. I had a three strikes you're out rule....I'll tell you three times and if you still don't get it, it's over. I would still feel terrible about it and, often, ruminate over it and blame myself for it all for years. It also amazed me how most people will not apologize or even own when you point out something they'd done that was rude, disloyal or hurtful. That's another red flag.

Older generations only look out for themselves & just pass the debts/problems onto the younger generations.

It's like that in every nation that I can think of.

The fact nothing surprises me anymore.

That The Price Is Right has over 100 plus games in its history. I would've guessed 80 or 90 some games but not in the 3 digits.

1 in the 70s was taken out of the game because it was "like a concentration camp like game".

I don't see the connection but it was before my family starting watching the show.

I've seen The Silver Bullet film several times as a teenager & as a 20something but never knew the uncle

in the film was cray cray Gary Busey until about a decade ago when I looked the film up on IMDB.

The going never gets easier. Circumstances may change, but so do problems. You need to learn to find enjoyment and fulfillment around the stresses and struggles of life. While they are all playing out, life passes by...

I may never meet my Mr. Right.

I may never meet Dudley Do-Right.

The rarest quality is self- awareness.

[quote] That The Price Is Right has over 100 plus games in its history. I would've guessed 80 or 90 some games but not in the 3 digits.

I would have thought that the Price is Right has maybe 20 games, at most.

TIL people still care about The Price Is Right.