Why did you adopt me?

What?

maybe just a little bit for the publicity..

All the good ones were already taken, OP.

Because no one else wanted you and I don't now either, cunt.

Why my kids always ask me that?

I did NOT ADOPT YOU LOURDES! You either Rocco, so stop smirking!

After 13 posts on the Underwhelm Me Christmas thread, you decided to keep shitting in the DL elsewhere?

On a related note, which one of you bitches is my mother?

OP there is a liquor store to the right.

I needed someone to mow my lawn free of charge.

Because the orphanage was having a white sale, and you (and Christopher) were marked down 50%.

Maybe just a little true.....

WHY DID YOU ADOPT ME!!!!?

MOMMIE!

Because

Why not?!!

...because I wanted a child. I wanted somebody to love.

Don't you "act" for me. I want to know. Why did you adopt me??!

I figured you would grow up to have cute friends. You did. Thanks.

r8 knows where to find the booze and the boys.

Stop asking questions and MOW, MOW, MOW!!

I was in Darfur, and you were a handy orphan.

Because you were the perfect size to whip with a car aerial.

Love.

R19 THATS A LIE.

R23 One time I used that line and the way it was said over and over and over to co-workers one Friday afternoon. I had a blast!

Because I assumed your were a homeless schnauzer.

They said you wouldn't live long and I bought health insurance.

Free labor.

Barbara, please.

To give you a good home so you could become something better than the low trash you were born to be. Now look at me so you can see it coming.

(SMACK)

You had a hot ass and I knew you wouldn't last forever.

Because African Darfur orphans weren’t fetch yet you stupid cunt.

For reasons which are well known to you.

I said your pay is on the table, Paco. Ándale. Adios.

A weekend-party treasure hunt in the Berkshires.

I won.

I was running that freak show at the time.

The prospect of a novel Easter ham.

For the last time, I [italic]adapted[/italic] you because the first draft showed it needed to be a short story.

Christ.

Can I get back to you on that? I’m busy decorating my pussy for Christmas.

Barbara, please!

You followed me home.

To hide in plain sight, Nestor and Michael! DUH!

Adoption Tax Credit

To fuck your mom.

Why must EVERYTHING be a CONTEST??

Eventual sacrifice.

How's that younger brother of yours doing?

Adopted children are the luckiest, because they were chosen.

For a Redbook cover story.

Please. Seek. Help.

I don’t know what to do with you.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU!

I don't know what to do with you, gurl.

WHY NOT?!!!!!

Oh, quit whining. At least SOMEBODY did.

You deliberately embarrass me in front of a reporter! A reporter!

I don’t know what to do with you, GIRL!

You were the last one…and I had an itch…

You had a five-star rating from Bryan Singer.

You can’t start a fire with a wet match

Movie star manages to have it all. Career, home and family!

This is Jenny Stewart. The show must go on!

To teach you fancy manners at Chadwick.

Because you love it, don't you? You love to make me hit you!

Because God has brought you to our convent school.

Someone needs to make cocktails for all my dapper fuck buds while I'm limbering up.

So we could wear my gay butlers’ matching checkerboard aprons, Tina darling!?!!!

And I think you are UNDERreacting Mrs Chadwick!

I think you’re OVERreacting, Miss Crawford!

Maybe be just a little bit