Found out yesterday my best friend has Stage IV cancer.

I’m sorry this has to happen, OP. It sounds to me like you already know the best thing you can do. It’s wonderful that she asked you to do something together that you can look forward to, even if you do cry.

Good luck to you.

[QUOTE] She doesn’t have a treatment plan yet, but can chemo or radiation do much at this point?

DL cannot answer this question. Only her team of doctors can.

Stage 4 or not, if she hasn't been told it's terminal and there's nothing they can do, then there are things they can do. Stage 4 cancers are cured all the time. It's not easy and it's probably a long haul, but it happens. You have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

What kind of cancer? That will determine prognosis

Put her first tomorrow. Hug her. Laugh with her. Let her talk. Tease her if that’s how you normally communicate. Make her feel like your relationship is not changed by this bombshell. Talk to her about her diagnosis, but also about, work, family friends, the people you both know and love (or hate). Do all those things humans do to make others know we love them (even if we don’t say the words).

I’m so sorry she (and you) are facing this, but if you need to cry, do it when you get home.

Stage IV is usually the last stop.

Sorry for your friend. Just be supportive and let her know you're there for her.

OP - a college friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer middle of last year - she handled it unbelievably well. I felt the best thing I could do was just be as normal as possible. During the 8 months she lived post diagnosis we had one long call, and I flew out to visit her twice - I dropped by her house for just for a few hours, each time as her energy wained in the afternoons.

Before the first visit I was naturally both sad and apprehensive. She quickly put me at ease, and we just talked like old friends do. I let her take the lead about how she was feeling and discussing her illness - and she was quite open about both, but that wasn’t the main topic - we talked about family, other friends, old times etc.

Again - she handled her illness with extraordinarily grace and acceptance - and everyone is different. But your friend wants to just hang out and have fun. Do that. It’s really all you can do for her. And if she lives close by keep on doing that - lots of people get so freaked out by illness and death that they basically abandon the ill person because the feel uncomfortable or “don’t know what to say.”

Your friend is still herself, not her illness. Treat as you always have, perhaps reaching out a bit more often than you normally had - because time now may be limited. I’d never flown out to specifically visit my friend - we would get together at various times with our whole group - but you need to both face the situation and rise to it. You can also write your friend a heartfelt letter telling them all the things you admired about them over the years, since some things are easier to say in writing.

In short be a bright spot in her life from now on.

I’m so sorry, OP.

I agree, FUCK CANCER

And yet whenever anyone says, try veganism to prevent cancers, there’s a huge hullabaloo against it.

A constant diet of meat and milk is food for cancer.

Can I have her stuff?

I'm sorry OP. If it's in her bones and organs I don't think there's anything that can be done to stop the advancement of the disease; at this point they most likely might perform palliative radiation to help with pain.

I'm sorry about your friend OP. My best advice is just to be there for her and her wife. If you can, maybe make them meals or give them gift cards for Door Dash, Uber Eats, or local restaurants so they can be order out during the nights they are too tired or don't feel like cooking.

Thanks for all the nice comments. Found out more yesterday..it’s even worse than I thought.

She’s smart and a fighter, though. I’m hoping she will get the best treatment possible, and soon.

I was positive/neutral when I was with her, but after I dropped her off I stopped at the end of her street and had a total ugly cry meltdown.

Cancer, cancer go away

Give it all to Donald J !