I dread Office Potlucks during the holidays

go off yourself

People don't get it. WFH is a necessity.

go eat shit, you antisocial retards

I have been working in corporate America for nearly four decades and have never once worked for a company that held office potlucks. Find a new job, OP. This is not the norm.

Is hating potlucks a 21st century thing or a Datalounge thing? I used to go to them at AA meetings and at one particular place where I worked, and didn't think much about it (I usually brought dessert). But the shrieking about the awfulness of them potlucks endless here. Does the rest of the world hate potlucks nowadays or are they just one more thing for Dataloungers to bitch about?

I'm British and have never heard of anything like a potluck. I can't think of a single thing in British culture like it. It would probably be illegal in the workplace. No thank you.

I dread listening to all the farting all afternoon. Please don’t bring your mom’s famous chili to the potluck.

I’ve always enjoyed ours, but I really like my coworkers.

Yes, you’re going to stick out if you immediately retreat to your desk with a plateful of food. The question is what you’d stand to lose. Nobody else can make that call for you.

[quote] I have been working in corporate America for nearly four decades and have never once worked for a company that held office potlucks

It really depends on your office environment, your line of work, and the type of people who work there.

The people in my office are all very sociable, and they love having get-togethers throughout the year.

The office managers and supervisors all participate as well, so it's condoned by the "higher ups."

Which also sort of implies that attendance is mandatory.

Our agency is pretty relaxed, but I'm sure there are companies where profit is such a huge motivator, that office potlucks would be out of the question.

How many office potlucks do you have 'during the holidays'?

Christ on a fucking crutch, one would be way too many, but you have multiple office potlucks.

Just say 'I don't do potlucks' and schedule part of the afternoon off to pick up Fluffy from the groomers or something equally vital.

op works at Cozy Girl magazine

Ugh, I hear you, OP. Especially when you see how sloppy co-workers are and how many don't wash their hands after using the bathroom: we SEE you! I wouldn't want to eat anything they cooked OR brought. If you're in a big enough organization, just drift out and disappear during these cringe-y, meaningless frau fests. I used to conspire with a couple like-minded co-workers. We ditched and went out for lunch. No one noticed and no one cared.

FIVE FUCKING FRAU HAWG FESTS IS BEYOND EXCESSIVE. JESUS PETE!!!

[quote] How many office potlucks do you have 'during the holidays'?

[quote] Christ on a fucking crutch, one would be way too many, but you have multiple office potlucks.

I work in a government office, and believe me when I say that the work pretty much comes to a grinding halt, starting with the week leading up to Thanksgiving, and lasting all the way through New Year's Day.

I'm not going to blame "Fraus," but it is all women who plan, organize and carry out these Potlucks and other holiday festivities.

Additionally, they start decorating the office like it was Santa's workshop. It's insane. I'm not kidding.

People just get lazy towards the end of the year, the holidays take precedence, everyone is in a festive mood, and nobody wants to work.

Also, a lot of people start taking vacation leave (we have a use it or lose it policy by the end of each year), so the office starts thinning out, as well.

Some work gets done, but not much.

does all that work need to get done asap? are you uncomfortable when coworkers aren't in their usual work mode? do you feel too seen when everyone stops working?

Tell them you're vegan.

Five is absurd. You must work for the frauiest frau workplace in existence.

My strategy would be: find out when they are, take off a couple days for "holiday shopping", and show up to two or three of them riding a well timed micro-dose of molly. If no molly connection in your life, then some really good quality cacao gets you halfway there. You can smile and chat with Denise from Accounts Receivable for ten minutes if neurochemistry gives you just a little assist.

I hate when they mention how "Little Gobby" helped prepare the food. Make sure you've had your flu shot.

I wouldn't go but I also wouldn't sit at my desk alone. Leave likke you have an important lunch engagement. You're fasr too important for these feeding hog fraus, aren't you?

^ apparently already drunk from my important breakfast meeting...

just don't fucking go, problem solved

Never eat food prepared by your co-workers. Unless their kitchen is regularly inspected by your local health department.

Show up for one out of the five. Bring something store bought so you can't be blamed for anyone's allergies, etc. Eat only what was store bought.

For the other four, leave the office, don't hang around. Don't offer an excuse unless asked. If asked, make it vague "I need to attend to a personal matter".

Good advice, R23.

Ginny in Billing works hard planning these potlucks. Show respect.

One thing COVID was good for.

I worked for a company that had an office Thanksgiving. The HR frau even brought a rotating turkey cooker and basted it throughout the day.

Somehow all the viable women in the office go on the rag at the same time any time there's a potluck. Squeals of joy, sudden temper flares, and twice they threw Swedish meatballs at each other. People walk into the conference room where they're set up and immediately smell that "something extra" in the room.

The ladies' restroom must look like a surgery tent after Antietam.

OP, just go to one of them, sit in a corner away from everyone else and smile brightly throughout as if you're having a lovely time. Then leave as soon as you decently can.

The people who throw potlucks are more interested in the process than the actual event and won't care about your non-participation (unless you were supposed to bring something and forgot).

I have been self-employed for 27 years in large part because I was a classic 80s office temp worker and became intimately familiar with these rituals.

Don’t go, OP. They don’t like you anayway - you won’t be missed, I guarantee

I would submit a long, detailed list of your dietary requirements and restrictions and then ask if the theme and decorations are inclusive. Just to fuck with them.

From a statistical perspective, a non-negligible number of these potluck fraus are whipping up their crockpots in a hoarded up home with a disgusting kitchen. So it’s a luck-of-the-draw scenario. How adventurous is one feeling?

You don't want your superiors to get the attitude that you're not a team player, and avoiding group functions can do just that eventually. It's best to just hold your nose and take part. It's just a minuscule amount of time out of your life.

I'll never understand this attitude. There are so many things to hate about office life and politics. This is one of the few good things.

My office will have a Christmas lunch, but I think it will be purchased food (that we chip in for). I won't call it "catered" because it's not that fancy.

I do tend to make a plate and take it to my office. I also don't "take a little bit of everything." I just take the things that I think I'm actually going to like.

I'm probably known as anti-social, but at my age, there should be some perqs in life, like not giving a shit.

[quote] go eat shit, you antisocial retards

I'm a very social person-extrovert even--but it's precisely because I DONT want to eat shit that askew potlucks.

I'm picturing Kathy Bates in Misery in charge of these things.

Here’s a history lesson about a pot luck meal gone wrong

Yes you autistic asshole, OP. It would not help your image and insertion if you skipped the potluck and ate at your desk alone.

Fake it, since you can't make it.

[quote]Would it reflect badly on me if I just refused to go, and sat at my desk instead?

I always bring something, fill a plate and then go sit at my desk.

R28 that is REVOLTING.

I add a little extra ex-lax into my “3 bean surprise”. Hee hee hee

I refuse to attend the office Christmas party. A potluck would horrify me. Thanks goodness I have a few fellow coworkers who feel the same way.

Now, the place I volunteer does a catered holiday get-together at a historic home it owns. I will be there with a smile, since it’s bound to be lovely.

Slap faces randomly and viciously

Our office fraus used to have quarterly potlucks. They would carry the food on the train and then it would sit unrefrigerated until lunch because there was never enough room in the refrigerator. I made sure that I never participated or ate any of it. One summer, 8 people got food poisoning from some crap that had gone bad. HR never allowed another potluck.

I had visions of some of these fat fraus sticking their fingers in the food while cooking, or their cats’ butt holes winking while in the kitchen counter.

I hate them! And they are de rigueur in Academia for a range of parties and get-togethers in departments, Studies programs, and other groups. The departments et al can well afford to lay out a spread for their invitees.

I just don't go anymore.

[quote] I work in a government office, and believe me when I say that the work pretty much comes to a grinding halt, starting with the week leading up to Thanksgiving, and lasting all the way through New Year's Day

Ha, I worked in a government office as well, and we always had potlucks and birthday cake for the people in the office who were senior or well liked. The rest just got a “happy birthday” in passing and a group signed card.

OP, I would take a plate of food and then pretend you have to make a call or someone is calling you and go sit at your desk if it’s that difficult.

I agree with R48. Just take a plate of the least questionable food and go back to your desk. That's what I used to do. Nobody will notice you're not there. Just be sure to bury the food very well in your trashcan.

I don’t so much mind the social aspect, I just get grossed out by the “spread.”

In these troubled times, here are some related insights.

So don't go!

Believe me, NOBODY misses the presence of boring introverts who add nothing to every occasion!

I don't believe what I am hearing. You hate office pot lucks? That is just un-American. We have potlucks every two weeks at my place of work, a large 500-person call center, and my little ones help with the preparation, especially decorating the cookies with icing and sprinkles. My grandmother, bless her heart, prepares her special tuna surprise from her bedroom as she is bedbound, and then I put it in the oven. Katheena is known for her special fruit salad surprise, SO TASTY. She has a vast kitchen she shares with her 12 family members. Talk about togetherness! So that's what potlucks are about. Love and togetherness. My boss, Mr. Ricks is such a busy guy, he even participates by getting a plate and then taking it home.

Potlucks are wonderful

I don't understand the vitriol against OP for not wanting to hang out with a bunch of office fraus and their casseroles.

[quote]I don’t so much mind the social aspect, I just get grossed out by the “spread.”

I feel similarly. I'm a little Victorian in my inclinations and would prefer that the food not be the topic of discussion at the table. Raving excessively about food puts me off it. The more people go apeshit oohing and ahhing over the food and "the spread" in the loud bright exclamatory voices usually reserved for Second Grade teachers and facial acrobatics usually reserved for charades, the more any appetite I might have had wanes.

Ages ago i worked in an office where intercom announcements were sometimes made that "the leftovers from a Sales pitch sandwich lunch in the big conference room were available for anyone interested." Ordinarily meek colleagues we're get their elbows up and run faster and with more purpose than if the place had been on fire. People were transformed into animals over nothing more than sandwich crusts! Bits of lettuce with drippings of mayonnaise! A thin rather too green tomato crescent that may or may not have a tooth imprint!

People who don't want for food disgrace themselves over "free food.". It's disgusting for me.

[quote]Eat only what was store bought

Good advice. I guess I'm lucky that our office never does pot luck, but they do cater lunch for us on Wednesdays and Fridays which is very nice of them. The leftovers go in the fridge. Come Monday people bring out Friday's leftovers to feast on. Who knows how long they sat out Friday, plus who has been in the office over the weekend and left them out on the counter for a few more hours. After a severe case of food poisoning from some leftover chicken I won't touch even a leftover bread roll from now on.

I just Googled and see that it's not a British thing. It's embarrassing to ask people to bring food to your house. In the workplace, though, it doesn't make sense for one person to host. I still don't enjoy potlucks.

"I just Googled and see that it's not a British thing."

Most things are not.

One time I brought six turkey legs in and left them on a Christmas platter. It was a "Spring Holiday" potluck.

They all disappeared.

And I keep a flask of Everclear for those times when a "punch" shows up.

I'm amazed at how many germaphobes DL has.

Avoid the macaroni salad.

Introverts tend to be smarter than extroverts. That's why we hate forced social events with tedious co-workers.

In addition to potlucks, I loathe being hit up for money for bridal/baby showers every time I turn around.

Years ago I worked at a company where a nasty little nutcase threatened to sue the company over the bridal shower gift she received. The company then put an end to all celebrations. I was actually grateful to the little bitch for putting an end to the incessant collecting of money for showers despite her grievance being ridiculous.

The gift she received was a $50 gift card to Target. She complained that a girl who had gotten married the month prior had been given a $50 gift card to Macys, a high end store, whereas she got $50 to Target which is a low end store. Same amount, different stores. The reason the other girl got Macys was because she had specifically said she wanted towels from Macys. The reason nutcase was given Target was because she sat in the breakroom and CRIED about how her microwave died and because the wedding was costing so much money, she and her fiance couldn't afford to replace it and there was such a CUTE microwave at Target she really wanted. Nutcase.

Anyway, I'm surprised there haven't been more lawsuits from assholes complaining about their office gifts thus forcing companies to do away with the idiotic practice of holding showers in the workplace.

Too many people get the shits from office potlucks.

R55 I want to marry you.

My tuna montezuma is always the first thing to disappear. I think someone hides it and flushes it.

Haha, R65. Thanks very much, but believe it or not, I'm taken. It was an incredibly long line of suitors, but one 'lucky' man took the prize.

Or maybe it was a typo and you want to marry some other poster? Surely so.

Roach shit, cat hair, licking fingers, old ingredients, stop it all.

And of course the Brits had to slither in and look down their fucking noses, how's the BREXIT spiral going bitches? Everyone go FF r6 the bitter Brit.

I was lucky enough to be able to go home for lunch every day. I never participated in the potlucks because of all of the different smells which made me feel nauseous and I don't trust how strangers prepared their food.

Bitter is as bitter does, R68.

It seems potlucks are more popular in government agencies where there isn't a budget for parties.

There was this older guy in the office I worked in circa 2002 and the dishes he brought in for potlucks were very popular because he was a good cook who made interesting and varied dishes.

That all stopped after I noticed he wasn't a bathroom hand washer. I told a couple friends and word quickly spread.

His popularity declined.

CMS is a tremendously complex and consequential agency. Oz is in way over his head — I give him 6 months.

I've never worked in an office that's had a potluck, thank god, but when food from a meeting is left over in the conference room or there's a catered lunch there's a stampede of frau support staff. It's like a pack of animals, just embarrassing.

The female executives and attorneys I work with all have various eating disorders and barely eat anything. The men in the office, regardless of what their job is, will wander in and take one or two things and then quietly leave.

This is the reason I'm glad i work for a small, 3 person non-profit. We get to go out to lunch about twice a month for staff meetings and aren't forced to make small talk with people/personalities we don't like eating questionable food.

However, we're getting a new Executive Director in the next month and I will my current Executive Director quite a bit. He has become a good friend to me. But the new guy coming aboard seems like a good egg and I'm hopeful he'll be just as great to work with.

At my office, it's like "Sows at the Trough" everytime there's a food thing at work...

Sows At the Trough was hilarious.

Yes not showing could ruin your career. As an employer I can tell you i'd hold anyone in contempt who didn't show up to a potluck. You must also bring something thoughtful, not chips, Oh and engage in converasation with your fellow "team.." The way out would be to have a really good excuse. Death in the family, car accident etc.

r72 did Mr. Poorhygiene sicken anyone with his dirty food?

But what is he bringing to the potluck before he goes, R73

I'd have preferred we didn't have them, but some, I truly could not get out of for good reason.

I always brought restaurant food like a big pizza from a popular pizza place or ordered up a bucket of fried chicken from the grocery store deli.

Then I ate some of that and whatever else was store or restaurant prepared.

That way, I'm not poisoning anybody with my cooking, And I certainly don't want home-cooked food from a co-worker's home kitchen.

I'm puzzled as to why some here on this thread think a person is spoil sport for that.

[quote] Ages ago i worked in an office where intercom announcements were sometimes made that "the leftovers from a Sales pitch sandwich lunch in the big conference room were available for anyone interested." Ordinarily meek colleagues we're get their elbows up and run faster and with more purpose than if the place had been on fire. People were transformed into animals over nothing more than sandwich crusts!

OMG I could picture this so very clearly, and had a good, hearty laugh!

Thanks for that, R55!

Thank goodness I’ve been lucky enough to work remotely and not have to endure or deal with our former in-person office’s corresponding Girl Scout Leader Frau’s monthly hokey food get-togethers. I think the last one before the initial Covid shutdowns, because most other themes had since been repeatedly exhausted—was “Renaissance Swedish Puffin-Themed Appetizers.”

[quote] As an employer I can tell you i'd hold anyone in contempt who didn't show up to a potluck. You must also bring something thoughtful, not chips, Oh and engage in converasation with your fellow "team.."

As an employee, I can tell you that I'd appreciate it if the employer would just pay for the entire spread if it's THAT important for "team"-building. Now, THAT might increase morale!

That way, no need for a potluck. No need to worry about who's bringing "only" potato chips.

Go for a few minutes, hold a glass of water or soda and be seen by the higher ups. Then you can discreetly slip away. I dislike them too, but I have some co-workers that I genuinely like. I usually have a more enjoyable time than I expected, probably because I’m only there under 30 minutes,

[quote] One summer, 8 people got food poisoning from some crap that had gone bad. HR never allowed another potluck.

*ding!*

A light bulb just went off.

Haha, just kidding.

I think this is an opportune time to revisit the immortal "Sows at the Trough" thread.

R72 I don't know. Don't care.

DIDN'T WASH HIS HANDS AFTER PEEING/POOPING = No go for eating his poopy food.

If it is not in your job description, feel free to just skip it.

We don't do potlucks at my office but on Dec. 23rd. The office closes at noon and we have a catered lunch. It's really nice, but of course the office heifers stampede to the conference room and are the first ones to heap food on their plates and then sit on their fat asses to chow down.

It's crazy how some people act when there's food in the office. You'd think they hadn't eaten in days.

This quick video shows how most people prepare food for potlucks.

46 people hospitalized with food poisoning in Maryland after sharing meal prepared by co-worker

potlucks are disgusting. Either have lunch catered or skip it altogether

After seeing several of my male co-workers walk out of the men's room without washing their hands after taking a shit, you couldn't pay me to eat any kind of food they'd prepared.

How did you know they were shitting r94?

R94 I generally feel the same, but not just the guys who don't wash their hands. I will eat a cookie or a slice of cake at a potluck but never anything else. I have no idea what their homes look like or their kitchens, and I don't care to find out.

One of my co -workers once told a story about seeing these tiny little black crumbs in her drawer where she keeps the flatware, forks, spoons, knives, etc. for daily use. Then, one day she realized it was mouse shit...she realized this because she actually saw a tiny mouse running around inside the drawer. She got a kick out of that story. But it convinced me to never ever eat food at a potluck.

Most people just aren't good cooks. That's another reason to not eat potluck food.

R5 it's more that we have a large number of prissy queens here who are poorly socialized and awkward, and they can't handle a potluck.

r99 you've never worked in an office

I enjoy the food, and most people don't force you to socialize. A lot of people just sit at a table and eat with a little light conversation.

Nowadays a lot of US offices just cater since some people are creepy and they don't want to deal with food sickness.

After our last potluck, the noises that came out of my ass that night at home were something!

One thing I've learned, r99, after more than a decade on DL, is that many of these queens don't like [italic]anything[/italic] , including people and things that I find anywhere between acceptable and delightful, cf. Tim O'Tay, Macaroni & Cheese.

I'm always amazed at how many Dlers come from very modest backgrounds and how they have such bizarre ideas of what's "high class" and "low class." Overcompensating for their miserable trashy upbringings, I guess.

The last several office environments I’ve worked in, the holiday party is catered. Some of you sound trapped in the year 1996.

I'm no prissy queen and I am quite well adjusted socially. But all you need to do is look at some of the Facebook videos or You Tube or Tik Tok to see what some of these home "chefs" call good food.

Thank you to R106 for offering everybody a modern and up-to-date viewpoint on the communal eating aspect of office worker culture.

We have to have the potluck. It’s the only thing Ginny in Billing does all year. Plan the potluck.

R95 Well, Rose, what else would he doing in the toilet cubicle that produced foul odors?

[quote]After our last potluck, the noises that came out of my ass that night at home were something!

What's your excuse the rest of the year?

R111 is a nasty CuntFrau!

We had some amazing potlucks about twice per year at an old workplace back in the 90's. They'd usually start around noon, and there was plenty of food and snacks for people who came in for the late shift. There was always an excellent turnout.

[quote]I'm British and have never heard of anything like a potluck. I can't think of a single thing in British culture like it. It would probably be illegal in the workplace. No thank you.

In Britain it's usually called a Christmas buffet. People bring food in on a plate with cling film wrapped over it, everyone takes what they want and the fatties take what is left home.

I don't enjoy them so I just say my IBS has flared up and give it a miss.

I shudder to think of what Eunice from accounts payable does with her turkey baster when it isn’t the holidays.

I would certainly NEVER go to a pot luck in Nevada. Only 10% of boys born in Nevada get circumcised and you just know that Nevadans are a very dirty population.

-- DL Resident Prisspot with firm beliefs about office fraus and unclean uncut scoundrels.

[quote]Introverts tend to be smarter than extroverts. That's why we hate forced social events with tedious co-workers.

Tell me you're old without telling me you're old. The Introvert/Extrovert dynamic was disproven many years ago. Less than 5% of the population fits into one category... for most people it's situational... and anyone who publicly self-identifies as an introvert, isn't.

R117 Thanks for changing my life!!! I'm now leaving my cozy apartment to go out and socialize every night because I've apparently been missing it!!! Bless you and your brilliant words of wisdom and knowledge!!!!