OK, DL Doctors & Nurses Part III: Ow. Just....Ow.

Oh no! The bed was supposed to be your saving grace. :( What is Raleigh's opinion of it?

I'm sorry, friend.

Damn. I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe tonight. At least you gave the friend that arranged the bed for you great oleasure in thinking that he was able to ease your pain a bit. I’ll bet that made him feel like a million bucks!

Links to previous threads?

For you r4:

OP, here's hoping you didn't chuck your "behemoth" sofa! (Loved your description.....)

So very sorry the adjustable bed didn't help. You probably had no opportunity to test it, either. Such a bummer. You just can't get a break these days, can you?

Sending love your and Raleigh's way, and very happy you got Part III of this thread going. Thank you for that!

You need a nice Epsom salt bath

Epsom salt bath??????

I'm so sorry, OP. I was hoping the new bed would finally allow you to sleep lying down instead of sitting up.

I'm going back into it tonight. I don't give up that easily.

I never heard from my oncologist's office today about why they want to administer the old chemo in a new way that will make things much harder for me. I called, I sent messages, but no one could spare 10 min to bother, so I canceled the appointment and that's that. Wednesday I have an in-home appointment scheduled with a hospice agency, and I should be signed up with them this week.

I'm not a doctor, but I know my body better than anyone else, and all I ask for is to be listened to and not dismissed. And I just don't have any more fight in me to battle overworked doctors. It's too late to start over with a FOURTH oncologist, and for what?

I had a good session with my therapist today. That helped. I'm going to be getting into bed soon, but I have been taking far too many sleep aids this past week and I don't want to become reliant on them, even though my time is short. I'll try it without first.

Good night.

Goodnight Friiend - I hope that you won’t have to count sheep. I’m so glad that your therapy appt went well. . Crazy, crazy that no one called you back from the doctor’s office. How is your mouth these days? Wow too much pain . I hope that this new hospice care situation has better reviews than the last one. ….kisses for Raleigh.

Another horrible night. If I got 3 hours sleep it was a lot. I don't know what I'm going to do, I am in so much pain. And I cannot take morphine again until I've cleared the pipes, so to speak.

Oh wow OP - Have you been able to “clear the pipes” and take the morphine? Do you have an appt today or a friend who can stop over? You must be losing your mind! I am so sorry that you are in this unending pain!! Do you have any edibles that can take a little bit of the edge off?

[QUOTE] And I cannot take morphine again until I've cleared the pipes, so to speak.

I think you should be taking daily laxatives and making use of suppositories and enemas. Ask your doctors!

In hospice they'll prescribe you a nice strong sleeping pill like Ambien.

OP, sorry you’re going through this. Do you have any Colace to help you shit? It’s very gentle. A trick I learned in the hospital is to eat something cold (ice cream, popsicles, jello) and then immediately drink something hot like tea or soup. It really helps get things moving.

I hope you can get some rest. I suppose you've tried pillows under the knees, at your lower back etc. Sympathies and love, op.

Another really bad day. I am starting to feel like all I will be doing on here is complaining and being miserable. I am so sorry.

Have youbtried being hung on a stretching frame?

It's okay r18, if you weren't you wouldn't be human!

OP, no apologies needed. Zero. You are going through a hellish time.

Would your doctors--if they ever deign to respond to you--prescribe a sleep aid like Ambien, as R15 suggested? I seem to recall you already tried or considered that?

Love from Flyover Land. ❤️

OP, Flyover Land here again.

I am not a medical professional, and I don't want to encourage or trigger even more stress for you, but if your care team is not responding to your requests for help, it seems to me they are failing you. You are their patient, and they owe you their best efforts to manage your pain.

Do you have a friend or advocate who could step in and make it clear to your docs that they need to do better? Now?

I'm not necessarily thinking Shirley McLaine in Terms of Endearment, where she throws a fit at the nursing station, but maybe something close to it. Because you need better responsiveness. No one should have to go through this. Seriously.

R22 “Give My Daughter the SHOT!!!!” - I agree with you - that was a great scene! op - I wish we knew how to help you!!

Another horrible night of little sleep. I started on the recliner with a rolled up towel for a lumbar support and slept maybe an hour. Then I moved to my bed, tried on my back with a gigantic folded body pillow under my knees but my back felt like it was on wet sand. Then I moved to my left side, hugging the body pillow. That got me maybe 2-3 hours. Woke up, tried flipping sides and that was a disaster so I got up. I have been trying to build my core muscles by sitting for 10 min at a time with my spine aligned, but it's really hard as I have no muscles left. I was going to take a shower at 5:30am but I wound up throwing myself on the couch on my side and managed another 90 min.

To the person who asked about confronting my doctors, I kind of did that yesterday, but it doesn't really matter. Once I go into hospice, none of them are my doctors anymore. Hospice takes care of everything with a whole new set of doctors. I'm not crazy about that part of it, but I'll manage. I just want to get through the approval for compassionate care quickly. This is too much for me to take any longer.

[QUOTE] Another really bad day. I am starting to feel like all I will be doing on here is complaining and being miserable. I am so sorry.

OP, we are fine with you expressing ALL your thoughts. After two years, we feel very attached. You're such a sweet soul and anything that gives you a tiny bit of relief is okay with us

Seconding this all the way, OP. We're all here to be a collective sympathetic ear.

Love you. ❤️🙏

Sunny & Co., hope all's well with your mother. 🙏❤️

Ruh-Roh. I may have developed some sort of bodily aversion to morphine now. I took some tonight and within 90 min, I had the same really sharp pain on my right side (which turned out to be gas). I gotta figure this out because morphine is the only thing that keeps the pain at bay.

I signed up with hospice today officially. Within a few hours, I began having doubts. I've skipped a few pieces of information from the past few days and will try to fill them in without dragging it on.

I finally talked to my oncologist's nurse yesterday who told me that the reason I was put on the pump is that my Dr. decided he wanted me not back on Irinotecan, but on a drug combo that can only be taken over 48 hours. This drug combo was offered to me the same time I started Irinotecan back in March. I asked if one was more effective than the other and was told they were the same, so I opted for the one that I didn't have to wear for 2 days and then go back to the office to have removed. This is what he was putting me on now. Without telling me, without discussing anything about the drug, including why he NOW thought it was better, what the side effects were, etc. It was just a done deal and I was supposed to accept it. So I told the nurse I wanted no part of it, that I was angry at the way I've been treated there the past few months and that I no longer trusted my oncologist. All of this mattered not since I had decided to go on hospice.

Also, I did further research on the diaphragm surgery and found out recovery time was 8-12 MONTHS. I thought- I won't even be alive that long. So I canceled the consult for that.

I got a little pushback tonight from a friend when discussing this and so I did some research on the drug my oncologist wanted to switch me to and it sounds like it's super powerful, enough to cast some seeds of doubt. But I know it's not as cut and dried as all that. Again, it's something I should have had a conversation with my oncologist about, and that opportunity was denied me. This is all making me a little mental right now. I've read that the median survival rate on this chemo is 49 months. I would assume that I'd have to count time already spent, but that could still give me close to two more years. But again, am I the average patient or am I too far gone in treatment to be able to apply those standards to my situation?

I can't even sit up straight for more than a few minutes, this is how weak I am. I am in pain. I can't eat. I cough like crazy and vomit nearly daily. I yearn for a release from all of that. But if I could buy enough time to see my two projects get completed... and there you have it, I'm back in Dreamland, thinking "What If?" I know what if and it's not good.

I will, of course, bring all this up with my therapist tomorrow, but it's cutting through that nice morphine buzz right now.

Sweet OP! Ok Mission #1 - we (Royal We?) We need to get you out of pain. now. You just cannot make these big decisions in this pain. I can still hear your desire to live. I think the pain is driving you mad. You haven’t been treated well for a very long time but don’t let one crummy on colorist who doesn’t communicate ruin a possible ray of hope. …… As I recall you had a period of time in late summer when you were in this terrible pain cycle and you went into the hospital to break the pain cycle. Is that a possibility now? I am just soooo sorry!

Oncologist not colorist!

Last night's pain was pretty low key, so much so that I was able to sleep on the couch. I had that same weird pain/gas reaction to the morphne that I had on Fri night, so I hope I'm not developing some sort of issue with it. I took it for nearly a month with no problems, but then I also remember they had me on multiple daily gas-x chewables.

Will the morphine make you constipated?

Yes it will. They gave me some oral meds and suppositories for it, but it's hard to know if i'm constipated these days or i'm njust not going because i'm not eating much.

OP, would CBD or THC supplements help with the pain?

Hi Checking in - I think that we are sending our collective thoughts your way tonight - praying that you can get a little relief and you and Raleigh can get some sleep tonight. …….. I am thinking about getting my mom a “Human Dog Bed.” She still keeps kicking her legs (Ala skinny Carol Burnett legs and sharp knees) yelling Help! I’m Falling! Then she flails past the bars of her hospital bed. I have tried putting her on an air mattress surrounded by couch cushions after she goes over the side. The third time she did this in ten days - I couldn’t help but grumble that my life was passing me by …. The human dog bed has sides. ….. And OP - reading that long story should have put you to sleeeeppp zzzzzzzzz

On a tiny level I relate to your communication problems with your doctor, op. It makes the situation harder than it has to be. I just had a messy root canal with a new to me dentist. She was supportive and cheery, but didn't give me some basic info along the way. I hope you're able to sort it out and backtrack if you decide to. Carry on OP

OP, just sending you a message of love - hope you're getting some quality sleep.

Last night was awful, but today wasn't bad. The visiting nurse came to see me and explained my new meds to me a little better, and then she gave me a nice cocktail to relax me this afternoon. No sleep, but I felt much calmer and the pain lessened. My bathroom issues seem to have been relieved, at least temporarily. Raleigh slept in all day and cuddled on or near me when he could.

The debacle with my oncologist got even worse today, but it's such a long story. Maybe I'll bore you all with it this weekend. All I will say right now is after everything I've pieced together over the past week, I think this guy basically robbed me of another 8-12 months.

OP, thank you so very much for the update. Hugs to you and sweet Raleigh. ❤️🙏

Here he is, world!

OP, this made my whole week brighter! He's so happy with you.

Many thanks for sharing!

The meds allowed me to stretch out on the couch for a while today. First he wound up at my head, then he was along my side and I was spooning him, and now he's on the other end of the couch. I just put the heat on so I exppect lots of cozy poses. I will have to send his snowman blanket along with him wherever he goes next.

I adore you OP. You are so giving to us, I wish we could give even more back in a meaningful way.

Gentle (((hugs))).

R43 (and everyone), you have helped me more than you will ever know. That I cannot see you and thank you in person is a huge regret for me, but know how much I appreciate and am grateful for each and every one of you.

Awww, R37, thank you. Pretenders are one of my all time favorite bands. I've loved them since I was a kid. They were also my first official concert when they toured with Learning to Crawl.

^ Oh, I'm so glad you like the Pretenders! I grew up with them, too. Message of Love is my favorite of theirs.

OP, your continued posts--and pics of Raleigh!--are a real gift to all of us. Thank you for letting us continue to be a part of your life through this board.

❤️🙏

Good morning, all. I managed to sleep on my side on the couch last night relatively pain free. It's not a long term solution because I already know certain parts of my body will wind up hurting, but it was a great relief from the recliner and wet sand bed. My massage is in a few hours.

I have got to trot down to my mailbox today. I am sure it's jam packed.

Have a great weekend, all.

I hope that you had a soothing massage - SO good to hear that you are feeling a bit better compared to last weekend. It is cool and cozy in LA - I hope that you and sweet Raleigh have a happy night! Love his little pink toes!

OP, I pray that you continue to have comfort, good rest, plus quality time with Raleigh and friends. My wonderful mentor was in hospice care and the range of pharmaceuticals they have was remarkable.

Thank you so much for letting us be part of your life and help you in whatever tiny way we can.

It's 3:20am. I've been awake for about an hour and in pain. I am not taking my meds as often as I'm supposed to, and tonight it hit me why. And that realization scares me.

I'm not sure I have come to the full understanding of what this particular part all means. (Or maybe I understand it, but I'm not ready to accept it.) Until now, I have been operating under the view that I am taking meds enough until I start to get better, as opposed to keeping myself doped 24/7 because I'm never going to get better. I should be taking my pain meds every 4-6 hours. I'm taking them every 12 hours because I don't want to be excessive and get addicted. I have to remember- it doesn't matter if I get addicted. The goal is to be comfortable until I die.

That realization has been really difficult for me and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm certain I will figure it out soon, but right now, it's been tough.

Raleigh has the middle of the night zooms and is zipping from one end of the living room to the other. In between he stops to bite me.

Hey Op - Sunny & I are on late night patrol tonight. I totally understand your breakthrough - but TAKE your PAIN MEDS! Maybe in some small way - and you don’t even realize it - the pain makes you feel more alive. Or controlling your pain meds makes you feel more in control. Whatever the reason - I am so sorry that you are in pain right now. Raleigh is a precious little guy!!!

OP, you have been so conscientious and self-disciplined about not abusing pain meds; your providers are saying it's all right to take more, and you deserve not to be in pain.

Sunny & Co.'s observation about maybe wanting to feel more in control seems very astute. Highly intelligent and responsible people like you often have an acute sense of agency about their lives. That's normally a great thing, but now you're in pain and deserve relief.

Love you, OP, and thinking of you each day from Flyover Land. ❤️🙏

~~Checking in on OP. We are having cool rainy weather that reminds me of the day I made my first really independent move away from my home town -- not all that far but a million miles from a traditional lifestyle. I remember the green gabardine coat I was wearing, and my good shoes as they hit the wet leafy pavement. It was a turning point, and every late fall I look for the excitement of That Day and dreams of my youth. Keep cozy OP. x

Love to OP and Raleigh from Flyover Land. ❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏

R53 - what vivid lovely memories. I was deeply in love with someone that I never got over - I even rode a motorcycle the only time in my life. That was a very special November many years ago - sights and sounds and fireplaces and damp leaves bring it all back. ….. Hey Op! hey everybody. Sunny and I are waving hello! Sending everybody good thoughts on this late November evening.

Dearest OP, I'm thinking of you this Thanksgiving. So very thankful to have gotten to know you through DL. What a remarkable and wonderful person you are!

❤️❤️❤️

Hi OP and Raleigh and my “Thread Friends” - Wishing everybody a sweet and quiet Thanksgiving!!!

❤️ Happy Thanksgiving, Sunny & Co. Hope you and yours have a peaceful day.

Hoping we hear from OP soon. OP, you are in my heart and mind today, as you are each day and will continue to be. ❤️

R58 Happy Thanksgiving to you, too Flyover Land! I hope that you are having a festive day surrounded by people OR PETS who love you!!

Ok folks - breaking the 4th wall here - on this Thanksgiving Day my mother is suddenly obsessed - dumbfounded - at war with her diapers, plastic pants and be pj bottoms. plus yesterday her insurance put a “pause” on any in home care. She has been so docile for a while - I don’t know why I am so disappointed right now. …… I have pumpkin pie and sweet potato pie. I think I am liking the sweet potato pie more this year.

Oh, S&C, I'm so sorry to hear this. Don't get me started on insurance companies. Ugh! 🥵

Sending hugs and peace to you and yours on this holiday!

Hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving, sorry to hear about your mother Sunny. Sorry to bring the vibe down, but I haven't heard from OP since the 18th, and I've texted him today with no response. A bit worried.

MrE, thanks so much for posting. I'm very worried. Hoping OP is simply catching up on sleep. If you're able to update us, that would be much appreciated.

Happy Thanksgiving. 🙏

Mr E - I was worrying about that, also … it has been a like TOO quiet - Please keep us posted!

He finally got back to me and simply said, "I 've been having a tough time". I've offered assistance when I get back on Sunday, but radio silence again.

Thank you Mr E …. Hi OP! Get some rest.

MrE, thank you so much for the update. Greatly appreciated. 🙏

OP, love you. ❤️

I asked a mutual friend to contact his mutual friend to OP (they went to uni together and he's been re-involved with OP recently) to see if they heard from OP, and I got this text today:

OP entered Hospice a few days ago and the nurses think he has 2-3 weeks left. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him, have hired him a full time nurse, but it’s very sad- he has no family/ partner/ and no one other than a mutual friend from uni to care for him.

I’m going to try and get there at least once a day for next few weeks. (from uni friend)

He’s not ready to go. He thought he had more time.

I'm going to try to see him on Sunday, could I convey anything from you guys to him?

Sorry that was me a r69

Oh, dear God. MrE, this is what I have been dreading, but your update is greatly appreciated. You are a lovely and wonderful friend, and I admire you.

If you could convey the following message to OP for me, I would be so grateful:

OP, your courage and determination throughout your illness have made such a tremendously positive impact on me these last two years since I began following your thread. Your intelligence, kindness, sense of humor and creative work inspire me. You have lived and are continuing to live a truly admirable life--I hope you take pride in your accomplishments and the wonderful, remarkable person you are. I have never met you, OP, but have come to love and admire you so very, very much.

MrE, thank you for what you are doing to keep us informed here.

Tell him he is much loved and we look for him every day.

It's not as much sad to not have a partner or family left as it's the luck of tbe draw. Bless the helpers MrE. x

R72, similar thought here. What is really destroying me about OP's ordeal--in addition to what a lovely person he is--is that he is young yet and has more creative work to do. Artists want to get their work done. They are the ultimate, disciplined, vital workers. Don't take their work away. And don't take our artists away from us!

My heart is just breaking.

Mr E - Thank you so much for being there for OP. Damn - I had hoped that he would have more time. He has been such a bright kind friend to us the last few years. I think we are probably all of an age where you really don’t make new friends everyday. He WILL BE MISSED and had left such a mark . …. Mr E - is he going through Hospice at home like he had hoped a few weeks ago? Is his friend from New York going to take Raleigh? this is so sad I feel oddly out of sorts as to what to say. He is loved.

He is doing hospice at home, but I’m not sure about Raleigh’s fate, I’ll find out on Sunday.

Thank you all you lovely people that care, I’m giving y’all a big hug and your kittens too.

Oh Boy. OP and Raleigh have been on my mind all day. I am selfish enough to say that I hate change and I hate pain. This is both. My heart is heavy for OP. He has been unfailingly good natured and polite this last 2 years. I just wanted to touch base back here again tonight. Thinking about all of you guys, too. …..Sunny sends his love and a bored toss of his tail.

Sunny & Co., same here. Thinking about OP throughout each day, missing him on this thread he has so graciously hosted going on the third year. It is good to see your, MrE's, and everyone's posts. ❤️

I feel very helpless.

I’ve been thinking about OP a lot. Thank you for keeping us updated, Mr E. Sending you love, OP. if there is something we can do for him or Raleigh, please let us know.

Me E- We’re you able to visit with OP yesterday?

Yes, he was actually better than I thought the situation would be, getting up, showing up some of the art he collected, and we (mutual friend and another uni friend of his) watched his #10 favorite film, Black Christmas. Original uni mutual friend stopped by after I and MF left. I told him that all of us on DL are sending him love, so I'm hoping he'll stop by and comment here.

His Royal Highness Raleigh was getting so much love and attention.

Thank you so much for the update! I can only hope that OP remains comfortable and has as much quality of life as possible for his remaining time. Much love and support for OP and Raleigh!

Exactly what r81 said!! ^^

Oh, MrE, thank you so very much for the update. Greatly appreciated!

Hi to all here!

OP, love you. ❤️🙏

I hope OP is not in pain. We'll miss you and Raleigh so much.

Op and Raleigh and friends - I’m sitting here with my baby Sunny. Hoping you are comfortable tonight and sending you such good wishes ….

Thinking of you OP. x

You too MrE.

Thanks so much for the update, R80.

Well - I really don’t have a lot of friends these days - ones that know about the last few worried years - none except YOU gUYS! So sweet , sweet OP this is the 3rd Christmas season that we have all touched base with each other. I am sitting here with a toothache and watching my mom and Sunny sleeping after a long binge of “White Lotus.” I hope that tonight finds you and Raleigh peaceful. Hi everybody! I hope that you are all having a happy night.

OP, thinking of you on this stormy Sunday morning in London. Hope that sweet apricot Raleigh is giving you lots of love and comfort.

Hi, Sunny's slave. With my Whole Food groceries I had a couple poinsettias and a small tree delivered, and we have a little snow on the ground. This is far more effort than I usually expend, but counting my blessings. Love to you, take care. x

Many hellos and hugs to OP, MrE, Sunny & Co., Kitty Dyke, London Poster, and all here. Thinking of you and hoping for peace for you this holiday season. Feeling very sad about OP and Raleigh.

Good people, all of you. Makes me feel a bit better in the otherwise heartbreaking circumstances. ❤️ Thank you.

I've been texting him almost every day to see how he's doing, and he's not responding again. I know he's been taking morphine for pain, and it puts him out, so I'm hoping that's what's happening.

Hugs to everyone here, I do have 2 cats myself, Benji Crunchwrap Supreme (void), and Mr. Theo Bootyhøle 2024 (soon to be 2025, rescue Bengal).

Morphine made me stop up completely, like concrete, it hurts.

OP, I'm so very sorry. I was really hoping the morphine would give you relief. What a terrible situation. I assume the hospice nurse has tried you on stool softeners?

Small amounts of kief might help cut the pain some, especially if made into suppositories.

Any word on how OP is, MrE?

OP, we love you. ❤️

Not great, but he did respond to a text 2 days ago.

Thank you for letting us know, MrE.

Dear friends, OP needs 24 hour care now, and his friends are volunteering to spend one night with him after his daycare nurse leaves to remind to take meds, take care of Raleigh, and whatnot. I'm starting a job where I can't do the weekdays (we work 60-80 hour workweeks), so I will be spending the 21st with him.

Some people swear by chiropracters. I've never been but people I know have and swear by them.

Bless you, Mr E. Thank you for the update. All my love to sweet OP.

Dear Mr E - oh dear - I this of dear OP and Raleigh so often throughout the day - I know that it has been a long time coming but this now feels like it is moving so quickly! ….. And you! A 60 to 80 hour work week! What a FULL PLATE you have! please take care of yourself!! ….., This is so sad. It doesn’t seem that long ago that OP was talking about the air fryer that he bought. …. Thank you for the update - even though it is awfully sad.

MrE, thank you for all you're doing. Love to OP, who has made our harsh world a better place. OP, I miss you.

I think NOT I this ^^^ And I’m not even drinking yet!

Checking in on a Monday night. OP - sending out my love and so many things!

He's been incommunicado again, but I'll see him on Saturday and convey all your love and support for him.

Dear Friends, I got the call today that his health is declining, he's in such pain that they got a 24 hour nurse and he's decided that he wants to start the process, and he's hoping to do it tonight or tomorrow. So I'm going later today to basically say goodbye. kI don't know how to process this yet.

Oh Mr E!!! You are so brave to go and be there for him!!! I am so sorry that this pain has been so terrible! Mr E - God will bless you for being there - is his old friend in touch with his family? … I know this sounds childish - does Raleigh have a place to go? …… Please keep us posted. My heart hurts for Op.

So very sad. I'm heartbroken and beyond dismayed that OP's pain is apparently not controllable. Thank you, MrE, for letting us know what is going on.

I, too, would appreciate knowing what will happen to poor Raleigh. Could you please let us know?

❤️

All the love for OP xx

It sounds like OP should be given a Morphine drip.

Time for true thoughts and prayers for OP. He fully deserves a pain-free end. Much love to Raleigh and him

Thankyou, Mr. E, for letting us know. .

I’m with him now, but he’s really out of it because of the morphine. He’s scheduled to go on Monday. I told him that you good people send their love and support, but I don’t know if it registered. Raleigh has a home, his new owner met him today and will pick him up tomorrow.

He’s lost a lot of weight, but all his hair grew back, and it’s magnificent. He has some distant relatives in New Jersey, but it’s his friends from uni (3 of them) that are really pulling through for him. I’m just sitting next to him, trying to g to make his sleep comfortable with his nurse. I don’t know if he knows I’m here. I will try to visit him tomorrow and Monday.

I’m hugging all of you right now. Come Monday, I will tell you who he is in the real world.

Thank you, Mr E.

MrE, thank you so very much. All love to both you and OP. Thank you, as well, for letting us know Raleigh will be taken good care of. ❤️🙏

A stranger, here from the first post. I am so sad and so sorry and life is unfair. Love to MrE and the OP and Raleigh and everyone on this thread who can recognize a beautiful spirit and an artist and the value of both.

Respect and love to you MrE. I love hearing about OP's lush locks, such an asset no matter the setting. A few tears here too. x

Bless you, Mr E. So much love to the OP. Cannot believe that this is the end.

R119, feeling the same way. Woke up in the middle of the night, thinking about dear OP. For some reason, MrE's mention of his magnificent hair put me to tears. A world without OP and his posts on this thread is going to be horribly sad. It will be a tough Christmas for all on this thread, I suspect.

It sounds like OP isn't suffering anymore. At least I hope so.

R120 - the Magnificent hair killed me, too. Poor OP fought so hard so long. This is crushing. …. Sweet Raleigh must know that something is going on. They are sensitive that way.

Sunny, thank you so much for your post. ❤️❤️

Thank you so much, MrE. OP, may your journey be peaceful.

Be well, happy and making good documentaries in the Afterlife, OP.

[sending OP ESP signals to haunt Orange Dump, Musk and all the other clowns so much in terrifying form they forefeit before January 20th.]

Wait, so three threads in, multiple posters have gotten in contact IRL and no one has a plan for OP's cat? WTF is wrong with you people?!

It was mentioned that the cat has a new owner who will pick him up tomorrow, R126.

It would be nice if we could get updates about how Mr. Raleigh Sir-Chonks-A-Lot adjusts to his new human and home. I hope his 2025 human is OP's friend whom Raleigh gave all his attention to a few weeks ago.

I visited him this morning, and he was a little more coherent, but still out of it. A 4th university friend is also helping out- it is odd that all his straight friends (including me) are there for him, but no gay friends. Even my gay friend (whom I introduced him to in the hopes of getting a gay family, and is the friend who reunited one of his uni friends with OP) hasn't been there. I talked to him about it, and he jokingly said that gay guys are horrible for end of life stuff, while lesbians are solid gold. The mutual university friend (friend of my gay friend) has promised to protect OP's 2 projects, one a doc about how the AIDS epidemic affected the Broadway scene, (and just needs editiing), and the other a script on the Black List that has a director attached.

I will be seeing him tomorrow at 9am, and will have to leave at 10am, when the doctor arrives to assess him. Raleigh was adopted by a friend (with the fabulous name of Bunny) of the cat sitter, and even she said that she didn't know if she would see Raleigh again.

It will be so odd to get off of work and to know he's gone.

There’s probably a reason for that. Please don’t turn this into a “why gay men are bad” thread ffs.

Love to OP. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I keep checking back here - do we know anything?

I’m with him now, unfortunately he’s not conscious or responsive enough to consent for self termination, so he’s in a declining transition phase. His lungs and nose are so filled with fluid, iwhen he breathes, there’s a horrible bubbling sound. The crappy social worker told us that it a death rattle, so they’re giving him 24-48 hours. He’s on 1ml of morphine every hour.

We’re playing Xanadu right now for him -it’s his 2nd or 1st favourite movie. And it’s really really bad. I guess he loves it because it’s so campy.

Thank you for being there. And for playing Xanadu.

Wow Me E - this is a night that you will never ever forget. Bless you for being there with him. . Now I keep hearing Olivia Newton John ….. My heart still breaks for OP. sending love out to Raleigh. I hope he is feeling somewhat ok tonight.

Dear friends, he is gone. I am hugging everyone right now.

I am so saddened, yet relieved his struggle is over. Thank you so much for letting us know and your endless support of OP. You are remarkable men.

From where I stand

You are home free

The planets align so rare

There's promise in the air

And I'm guiding you

Oh hhh - Thank you all for taking such good care of him. Sweet man - he tried so hard . Damn - even though I knew it was coming this is so upsetting.

Regrettably, I had not followed this series of threads until now. Who was MrE in relationship to the late OP?

r140, I am a random internet stranger who befriended him (because his story was similar to of one of our patron saints, , and it turned out that he lived 4 blocks away from each other, and that we had mutual friends, one who came back into his life after we told him what was happening to Kieran and stepped up in a big way.

His name is Kieran Turner, and he was a documentary producer and director, most notably, "Jobriath AD", which I think is playing on Peacock. He was surrounded by friends who loved him, a cat who loved him, and friggin' Olivia Newton John singing ELO songs while rollerskating. I should be so lucky when it's my turn.

Here is the first thread:

Here is the second:

So sorry, I forgot to add the other patron saint's name: Brian Nash, who died of tongue cancer, and was a lovely human being.

I am so sorry for all the typos.

Here's a photo of OP. What a lovely, humorous, kind face. Handsome chap, too.

[QUOTE] His lungs and nose are so filled with fluid, iwhen he breathes, there’s a horrible bubbling sound. The crappy social worker told us that it a death rattle, so they’re giving him 24-48 hours

Very relieved that this stage only lasted two hours in the end and Kieran is at peace. His fervent desire to keep working right up until the end makes total sense now that we know he was a film director and producer. What a wonderful man.

I'm so, so glad his death came just two hours after the pulmonary edema. I was hoping he wouldn't suffer through two more days. He really did have magnificent hair!

Kieran if you can read DL even as a ghost, please scare Trump for the rest of his useless life. Scare him to Hell for us. Love you.

I'm off to find a way I can watch Jobriath AD from here in Canada.

MrE, love you very much for being there for Kieran through the end. You are a wonderful person.

I saw Jobriath this fall and was just mesmerized. Everyone, if you haven't seen it, you can stream it on Tubi. I was also able to buy on Amazon a DVD of Kieran's film, 24 Nights, which was his NYU film school M.F.A. thesis. (He had a first-class education in his field.) He recorded a Director's commentary that is fabulous, and it lets you hear his humor, intelligence, and lovely speaking voice.

I have been reading a lot about Kieran these last months and would like to post a video link to an interview he did about 10 years ago. I will do that in a moment.

MrE, many thanks to you. We should all be so fortunate to have you in our corner at the end of our lives. Kieran was truly a remarkable and talented man, and I so wish I could have had the privilege of meeting him in person.

I have loved getting to know all on this thread--Sunny & Compane, et al. You are such kind people.

❤️❤️

Here is the video interview of Kieran with Marc Almond, discussing Jobriath.

All here are privileged to have come to know Kieran Turner. A real artist and extraordinary person. RIP, Kieran.

You're a champ MrE, what a night you had. You made me laugh again with the ON-J comment, there's no accounting for sone people's musical tastes. Vale Kieran, you will always shine brightly.

Thank you everyone for your love and support. I'm happy he's not in pain anymore.

if we ever get his Broadway/AIDS documentary out, how will I tell you guys?

Oh, MrE, please start a thread here on DL when the documentary comes out! I'm dying to see it. Jobriath was so exceptional. 🙏❤️

I am so sad today, this Christmas Eve. All I can do is think about how Kieran is gone, and he will no longer be a part of our lives through his posts on DL. I am relieved his suffering is over, but oh man, I feel so very sad. I know you all are sad, too, and in a way, that helps. But this hurts hard.

I can't remember the last time I felt so heartbroken by someone's death.

I didn't know the extent of Kieran's creative legacy until just now googling. He had great momentum, and it hurts that he was a youngish man. A little hug to you R153.

How old was Kieran?

56, I believe, R155. He first contracted colon cancer in his late 40s (2016).

R154, thank you. I very much appreciate the hug. 🙏

All of you guys - Damn. Isn’t this just a sad. Sad turn of events. I know that he was in pain - he suffered and worried through this for so long. Selfishly I am so sad v and disappointed - too many ending in my life these days. That this gentle and talented man is gone - It messes with my “hope” meter. I’m thinking of you all today. And Raleigh. Christmas Eve camped out on my mom’s hospital bed (in house) with my mom and Sunny. There is a Sex and the City marathon on HBO. But my mind keeps wandering back here. Thank you all for being such lovely people and such nice friends.

I'm not a woo woo person, but "Xanadu" was playing at the airport when I arrived at my Christmas destination today.

Sunny & Co., love to you on this Christmas Eve, and to all posting here. ❤️

R159, that is a wonderful snippet! Thank you!

Life is so lonely for some people, and they certainly let one know about it in anonymous sites such as this, despite the proliferation of dear souls who leave the DL looking like every other neighborhood Facebook page or needy-greedy message board.

Merry Jolly and All Be Well/Fall Down.

R159

And TCM played a Xanadu trailer last night…

Thank you for sharing the name of this lovely and talented person. I am so very sad as I know everyone else here is too. I am gratified to know there are people who care about others and care about making real art and that this can all go together.

Sunny & Co, No Palm Oil, Flyover Land, and anonymous others, I appreciate the love and support that you have given Kieran. I so badly wanted to say what projects that he was working on on his GoFundMe (argh I have to take it down), but he didn't want to scare off prospective funding because of his health. He really wanted to stay long enough to see one of his projects come to fruition, but Saturday he said he was ready to go, and then he was pretty much out of it until yesterday. It was also good to see that he looked peaceful and not in pain anymore. I will help his friends pack and move his stuff out. He gave me the original painting for the album cover for Snift n' the Tears' Fickle Heart, which is huge and so cool looking.

Please pet your furries, hug your friends and family. I am hugging all of you right now, sending positive vibes for an unremarkable holiday season.

Sorry it's me at r164

He said he just needed 12-18 months to get his project done. I admire that degree of commitment in an artist, it's truly inspiring.

Kieran's posts on here over the past two years are so beautifully and powerfully written that they could be published in the form of a memoir.

There is no excuse for anyone to be in debilitating pain. Any doctor who is okay with that should be stricken from medicine.