NYT: The Unspoken Grief of Never Becoming a Grandparent

Telling your parents you're not having grandchildren because of Global Warming seems really cruel.

I assumed I didn't want to have kids because I was unwanted and therefore don't have happy memories or positive experiences with being raised (my brothers and I felt guilty for existing, I've come to realize), but this lady's children were very much wanted and yet they don't want children themselves. Interesting. Anyway, she sounds like a really good mom.

Well does she talk about how impossible and expensive it is now for any young person to survive - let alone take on children?

There aren't that many stay at home moms anymore - both need to work to afford to fill the coffers of the Boomers and the elite.

The planet is dying.

Global fascism has arrived.

And worldwide economic collapse will occur in two years.

Anyone who has kids and an IQ above room temperature just wants a pet.

As a gay man I have more important things to do than reproduce. Earn six figures, have fun with the dogs, travel the world with my partner and have threesomes with hot guys…….

I've never been happier to not have children than I am right now, post [italic]this[/italic] election.

No one should be having children for their parents. TF?

R4, the world was way worse centuries ago. Step outside of your bubble.

R8, was it 80 degrees in November centuries ago?

Progressives have given up on having children apparently.

[quote]"A growing number of Americans are choosing not to have children. Their parents are grappling with what that means for them."

"A growing number of liberals are choosing not to have children..."

Fixed that for you,

Conservatives have no qualms getting pregnant, because the Bible encourages it ("Be fruitful and multiply").

Liberals are the ones concerned about world population, and that's why they discourage procreation and are the ones leading this so-called charge.

President Trump will make sure my daughters give me grand babies whether they like it or not!

R10, this started back in the 1970s.

I, for one, never worried about it too much.

She sounds charming. Motherhood was all about her and grandchildren are all about her.

According to JD Vance, it's the job of grandparents to take care of the grandkids. I bet there are a lot of people who are just as happy not to have that responsibility, especially since many of them will now have to keep working well past retirement age just to survive.

Maybe these sad wannabe grandparents could volunteer with organizations that help disadvantaged children. Adopt a Darfur orphan or something.

After I came out to my dad 40 years ago last month, apparently one of the first things he said to my mother was, "well, I guess we won't have any more grandchildren". During my 'coming out' conversation, which he turned into a debate, he said "I guess I wasn't a good father". I replied, "you weren't...but that has nothing to do with this". Dad usually found a way of making everything about him. Sorry, I know this is off topic but the memory just hit me.

I’ve always thought that deliberately having children was ethically indefensible, and that was before the imminent specters of global warming and MAGA fascism. Grandma needs to find a hobby and stop living vicariously through her kids.

To the parents, Why not find a sketchy baby broker from the southeast like I did?

[quote]She sounds charming. Motherhood was all about her and grandchildren are all about her.

Bingo. I think the real story here is the people who think the world's so fucked up they don't want to bring children into it. Not that I disagree with them.

People who cajole or pine about such 'grief' are miserable fucks and not worthy of life.

The Birks need to work on their morbid obesity and nightmare clutter in their house. That should keep them occupied.

Never wanted any, myself.

And I made sure of that.

The article title is nauseatingly melodramatic.

Grief my ass.

You can't "grieve" something you NEVER HAD.

Should I "grieve" that I never went to space? That I didn't see the fucking Taj Mahal?

Enough with other people's theatrics over nothing.

R25 I hear you but Tbf it’s slightly different for women. Biologically alone, her daughters would’ve had the same eggs she would’ve carried to so it’s mourning the fact those will be lost, at the very least.

Some feelings are better left unspoken.

The woman in OP's link sounds incredibly unstable and self-absorbed. She's pathetic and nauseating.

I'm not reading the article because I'm sure it's the same selfish bullshit I hear from my mother. My mother was told she couldn't have kids due to medical issues. She ended up with two before her factory was permanently shut down. She should feel happy and fortunate to have us, yet she still digs the knife in every chance she can about how she doesn't have grandchildren. There's no chance she will either.

I can't remember if the speaker was a doctor or a judge, but somewhere years ago I read this same stupid opinion as their argument for outlawing abortion: that some people want to be grandparents.

JFC, these people are NUTS.

No one is obligated to produce grandchildren for you!

Lydia Birk is 56? That’s a hell of a lot scarier than global warming.

[quote] unstable and self-absorbed. She's pathetic and nauseating

Just the like subject of every other of NYT's "profiles in privileged whinging" pieces. Where the fuck do they find these people?

Probably friends and/or family of those on staff, R33.

r1 Why? Who the fuck says someone OWES someone children or grandchildren.

So women are born to be hysterical breeding bags, obsessed with their eggs and perpetuation of their species and their grandchildren. Got it.

not even the lightest bit interested in this

If that's grief so deep it merits a NYT article, then this is a woman whom life has been handling VERY gently so far.

The older I get the more I see and understand that human beings are herd animals and that it’s very hard for most people to ever “be different.” If a follower thinks “everybody else is,” that’s all they need to know. But in this case the power to fit in is out of their hands. Other people are being provided with new toys, and they just aren’t. Poor them.

This happened with my older brother. He and his wife were going to have a baby. Blood tests showed it wouldn't be able to survive so they had to terminate the pregnancy. My older brother went to therapy for the loss which he claims dredged up memories of child abuse and childhood trauma back to the surface, so he ended up estranging our parents right after the loss of his baby. He basically told them in an email afterwards "how is it fair that YOU can be a parent and I can't?"

He still hasn't made up with our parents to this day and I think he and his wife are too traumatized to ever try again for another child. But my mother says "I lost my child and grandchild yet no one ever thinks about my pain."

She should adopt a needy child, or become a foster parent. If those options are too much of a commitment, she could volunteer as a mentor or tutor and make a real difference in a child’s life while also getting the affection and love she craves.

There are so many other ways for this woman to have children in her life, but they don’t involve her genes so I doubt they would satisfy her.

R40, ugh that's so sad. You grew up in the same home... do you think your brother's claims of repressed trauma and abuse are legit ? or is it one of those cases where the therapist warps the patient's brain and the patient starts believing horrible "repressed memory" distortions about their own childhood?

Grandchildren can be a good substitute for the failings of the past, but nothing really beats your own children.

I looked up Lydia - she lives in a very modest home in St. Louis and previous locations in small towns in TN and AL.

Better believe her kids are probably struggling to just survive. Look at her pic - this is not a woman with a lot of money, that's clear to see.

This is more of an economic by-product than just life choices by her kids.

And she looks like she votes R.

I condole her

What R4 said. Having children with the world in the state it is in seems incredibly selfish. Looking at Gen Z and Gen A- selfish, uncommunicative, no sense of community, tied to their devices and red and black pilled by Twitch streamers/ Twitter idiots is depressing enough.

No more kids thanks.

In another DL thread, someone argued with me regarding some TV star (not Morgan Fairchild, but someone of that era) who became a mom late in life and, now at the age of 80 or whatever, is a first-time grandmother.

This other DL poster said: what a tragedy and how inconsiderate. Children deserve grandparents that will see them through the years. Blah blah blah.

[quote]There aren't that many stay at home moms anymore - both need to work to afford to fill the coffers of the Boomers and the elite.

Gawd, you sound insufferable.

Is this the reason you and your generation so strongly put Trump back in the White House? Let me know how all that works out!

[quote] but nothing really beats your own children.

Except a small foreign faction, eh Patsy?.

R48 - if you're too dumb to not know that it takes 2 incomes now to just get by, I can't help you. Who is benefiting from all the high housing costs and prices? It's not the younger generations - I can assure you that.

R50, just because younger people aren’t benefiting from high housing prices it doesn’t mean older ones are. Granted, they are more likely to own homes and thus benefit from higher home prices, the data shows that huge numbers of them are mortgaged to the hilt or that the equity they have in their homes are the only retirement savings they have.

Corporate home buyers snapping up large percentages of homes which come to market to be converted to rentals, paired with high mortgage rates and the desire of major builders to maximize profits by only building large homes, are the real drivers of housing cost and unavailability.

[quote]Except a small foreign faction, eh Patsy?.

R49 wrote that, not me.

;)

Some things should remain unspoken too.

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete.

I've thought about this. I don't have any children, and I lean toward never wanting them. My sister just got married for the first time, and she's already pregnant. I'm 42, and she's 37. My parents are 70 and 67. They've never once brought up having grandchildren, though I know they want them.

Well, at 42, I hope you've made up your mind.

Might have, R54. But never forget, there are more than forty different ways to style an updo.

[quote] Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete.

Huh?

R58, too changes the reading.

[quote]both need to work to afford to fill the coffers of the Boomers and the elite.

Yeah, R3 -- you shouldn't make a comment like that and expect to remain unscathed. FFS, it sounds like you've never even taken Econ 10.

Both my parents worked, and I was a "latchkey kid." How old was I? What years? From 1970 on, not only did I come home to an empty house, I babysat my two younger sisters. I was 12. My mother is now 84 and my dad is 88, so you do the math (if you can).

In addition, since my "coffers" remain empty (and BTW, you gay men make much, much more money than I ever have in my entire life), where exactly is all this money you say I'm getting? Take your time giving us an answer -- I'll wait.

I’m not going to have grandchildren. Good! My kids aren’t as selfish as I was in bringing new life to this planet on fire. Plus, honestly, our DNA sucks.

Why doesn’t that dear soul just create her own child in her own home-brewed embryonic stew container? Jeeezh, but kids nowadays are slothful.

They could foster.

“Mom, it’s not that easy. We both have dicks!”