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DEATH NOTICE: Yurnal Cake

Mrs. Cake passed away yesterday morning. Known to her friends as Queen Akeem and Sickle Cell Selma, she worked the streets of Prince George's County, Maryland for nearly 50 years. She is survived by her son, Teacake, known to his friends as Prince Akeem, who was fathered by one of Mrs. Cake's johns in Upper Marlboro. Mrs. Cake is also survived by another son, Coffeecake, known to his friends as Lil Bean, who was fathered in the 90s by an anonymous man at one of Diddy's freak offs. Mrs. Cake is also survived by Fattycake, a half white man known to his friends as Travis the Big Gay Bear. Fattycake, who was fathered by a white John with a taste for dark meat, underwent a botched sex change operation in 2014 and lost his penis and is now a eunuch.

Mrs. Cake loved life and loved listening to Tom Joyner while standing in line at the free clinic for her STD meds. She will be missed by all the horny brothas in the worst part of Maryland.

by Anonymousreply 11November 5, 2024 3:56 AM

I'm crying so hard, OP. I gotta blow my nose. Such a touching obit. I thought Selma also had a sister named Patty. Oh, well. Yurnal will be greatly missed. Yurnal always got pissed on, yet still came out smelling like cherries.

by Anonymousreply 1November 5, 2024 2:05 AM

^Selma had two sisters, Patty and Pudding Cake. I love Pudding.

by Anonymousreply 2November 5, 2024 2:07 AM

We love you Yurnal Cake!

Piss on, Yurnal!

We love you always and we will see you in hell-

Sorry, I meant heaven!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 3November 5, 2024 2:18 AM

I miss YURNAL!!!!

But he's pissed and gone to heaven.

I WANT YUUURRRNNNNAAALLLLLLL!

Yurnal's DEAD!

by Anonymousreply 4November 5, 2024 2:25 AM

I hear the wake is being catered. The Galloping Gerg.

by Anonymousreply 5November 5, 2024 2:37 AM

As a mixed-up, confused teen, I first read about Yurnal in “The Reader” where she posted an advertisement boasting she was a big-boned, hirsute bio-women with large ankles.

I tracked her down to a Maryland rest stop where she was demonstrating the value of petroleum jelly for lip elasticity. She was seated on a picnic table between a bowl of ham salad and a crockpot of beanie weenies.

Peeking out of her jort leg was a whiskered labia - like the lip of a seal or a doberman pinscher. The camel toe had failed. Poor lip was pressed and unpressed as she administered to her flock.

In that moment, I knew I was very gay. And probably, slightly racist. I’ve worked on both those issues, thanks to Yurnal.

by Anonymousreply 6November 5, 2024 3:24 AM

Praise you, R6, for. your testimony and your faith- eternal- for Yurnal.

Oh lord, lay all of your blessings on R6 and their heavy heart.

by Anonymousreply 7November 5, 2024 3:31 AM

OP never logs off of Datalounge and lives in her mom's basement watching soaps all day.

by Anonymousreply 8November 5, 2024 3:33 AM

I'm sorry to hear of her passing. She and I had just started work on her memoir: "Yurnal: a Mafackin' Jurnal". She insisted on that spelling - jurnal - even though I told her everyone would think she's a 'tard.

A classy broad. Well, she was broad. And not so classy, now I think about it.

R.I.Pee, Yurnal.

by Anonymousreply 9November 5, 2024 3:45 AM

Did Yurnal keep a journal?

Now THERE’S some stories that I'd like to hear.

by Anonymousreply 10November 5, 2024 3:51 AM

[bold]“Yurnal’s Rural Jurnal”[/bold] - suck a few dicks and say that five times fast.

by Anonymousreply 11November 5, 2024 3:56 AM
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