Have You Ever Been a Pallbearer?

Have you, OP? They don't even lift anything anymore. Just push a casket on a cart.

Many times, starting when I was 13 for a maiden great-aunt who outlived everyone else of her generation. Probably at least a dozen other times.

Be careful with the "Casket Dance "

I learned that a neighbor from my childhood had died. He was about 80, Serbian, and had colon cancer. I hadn't seen the family for 30 years.

The family was ecstatic to see me, and asked me to be a pallbearer. He was the first person dying of colon cancer after three years to have gained weight. The other five pallbearers were elderly man, and three were little. The funeral director was indifferent and stayed back. It was raining, and his grave was in a far corner of an old Orthodox Christian cemetery with no walkway along the long hillside. It was all tall, wet grass.

Everyone was sliding and slipping. The casket was big and heavy. One old guy who shouldn't have been there was crying. I felt like I was having to balance and carry while my feet were doing a cartoon slip dance. We didn't drop him, but he certainly tipped, and all of us suffered and were aggrieved. I had to go to the doctor to check my back and a groin muscle pull.

When their mother died the children asked me to be a pallbearer. I respectfully declined because of health issues. I didn't say they involved PTSD from the last time.

BMI > 40 should be mandatory cremation.

If you're a middle-aged DL'er and you haven't been a pallbearer - or been carried by one - you're doing something wrong.

I have a few times. But it’s always only been to carry the casket from the car to the gravesite. In the church they roll it in. But damn they are heavy and awkward, especially when resting them over the grave. Now that I’m in my 50s I fake back problems to get out of doing it. Yeah, bad me. Whatever. Let the young guys do it.

Yes, I have and the guy walk in front of me did Barely any lifting.

At my grandfather‘s funeral. I kept imagining accidentally dropping the casket and his body coming out and rolling down the hill.

Four times.

I was, you’re right, and it was!

What a waste of money. Pine box should do.

Bad Grandpa

Yes and I tripped. Thankfully the others made up for it. But talk about an embarrassing moment for a gay.

Yes, several times. For my father, my uncle, my second cousin's husband.

No. That's a man's job.

It seems less and less common for people to have them. I haven't been one in ages. Now, the funeral home just puts the casket into the hearse. Occasionally, they have staff as apallbearers.

[quote] BMI > 40 should be mandatory cremation.

Maybe it’s been the cremation industry all along pushing the obesity epidemic in the United States.

A distant cousin who became a good friend was killed in a car accident shortly after becoming a Marine. Way back in '62.

Maternal Grandpa who came to live with us after Grandma died.

Good friend's mother-in-law who was despised by so many people that they were reduced to asking me to bear the pall and I didn't even know her.

Yes. It was heavy, but not THAT heavy. Nothing unbearable. There were six of us.

It's not so much unbearably heavy as it is a bit awkward and unusual feeling. Especially your first time when all the eyes are on the six and you want it to stay level amd so forth.

Very heavy when the casket is filled with stolen top secret documents.

When my mother died last month, my family would not let me be a pallbearer.

Something about I was a conspiracy-riddled, vaccine-denying, motherfucking traitor.

It's an honor to bear the casket and, unfortunately, I've never been asked.

Hated it - I was at the back, right hand side. We turned a sharp right to get from church to hearse and my dead mate’s head banged against the coffin right on my left shoulder.

Never again.

Maybe about 6 times, I don't know why but people always ask me to do it without any warning on the spot. The last time I made up and excuse and said I had a bad back. Tired of being that guy.

It's not that heavy, it's just really awkward, everyone staring at you, trying to slip or miss a step, literally the bearer of sadness as you walk by all the loved ones still in shock and heavy grief. Not to mention your own grief in the moment if you were close to them.

^^ trying NOT to slip

Only once, my grandfather, and yes, far heavier than I would have thought. I also once lifted a pudgy woman in a wheelchair up a flight of stairs with one other guy -- that's only other kind of strenuous effort I could personally relate it to.

Twice, for an aunt and an uncle.

Yup. Caskets are crazy heavy.

I did one for my Uncle and one for a cousin. My cousin's was first. We had had a lot of rain so the ground around his plot was too soft so we rolled him on the cart into a building for the service. My Uncle was buried in a plot that was on uneven ground and up a small incline. We carried him several feet. The bad part was me and my cousin's husband were the two shortest guys and we were on the front. All the weight was leaning towards us.

I've been a pallbearer eleven times.

I lugged five of them up and down church steps (Catholic and Presbyterian). Since pallbearers are not the military types carrying the body high and level, the casket pitches. Feeling the body slip and hit the low side of the casket was disturbing. Bodies are carried feet first so climbing the steps before the funeral means the bump is the head end going bump. My godmother and two friends really smacked the box. The Presbyterian church had the steepest steps and the body was so small she really took a slalom ride in and out.

One more. I was a Catholic altar boy. We'd get out of school to serve at funerals, which was great, and get a small stipend, which was wonderful. We had to wear black velvet capes with silk linings to the cemetery, over our cassocks and surplices, and they were just like Dracula capes. The gay boy in me was in heaven, riding in the limos. It all could take up to three hours, back and forth. Like a mini-holiday from school.

Italian - Sicilian - funerals were the best. The emotions, the wailing. Twice I got to see people try to jump into the grave after the body was lowered, which was like being in a movie to me.

I imagine it might be easier to do this if you've had military (or marching band) training in how to march in formation.

Yes, most recently for my Grandma. But we didn't have to have it on our shoulders. Instead, we held it by our sides, which is easier as you don't need to lift it high.

Once and yeah, the feeling of honour really struck me. Same thing, we carried it at our sides, not lifted it to shoulders. It is heavy, awkward, stressful, but it does feel like an honour.

"It's not so much unbearably heavy as it is a bit awkward and unusual feeling. Especially your first time when all the eyes are on the six and you want it to stay level amd so forth."

Yeah, though the pallbearers seem to figure it out and get a rhythm pretty quick. Sucks for those who are lifting with their non-dominant hand. I have seen people use both hands and kind of shuffle along. Since it's such a major thing to be asked to do, most people concentrate hard and come through - even if some are invisibly gritting their teeth a bit.

R1 has spent too much time at Lucy's and Ethel's chocolate factory.

Paul bearer?

No, but I've borne a few Peters.

What?

Oh. Never mind.