Bullying in School : How does it effect your daily life as an adult?

[quote] and it seems to leave a more lasting scar. I kind of feel lucky to have made it without too much harm

You mean aside from referring to yourself as a "fag"?

It made me stronger and more resilient but also less trusting.

It helped when I confronted my primary bully, now in prison for killing a gay man, and learned it was about his own shit. (We are now good friends.)

R1, OP was mimicking the mentality and language of the bullies. Maybe chill?

R3. No. We don’t use the F word. Ever.

It doesn’t. I grew up and got over it. I cannot imagine letting 7th grade affect me now. Good grief.

Yeah, ultimately it made me a better person - certainly more empathetic - but I'm still dealing with the effects too many years later. The effects run through every facet of my life. I've spent a fortune on therapy because of those bullies.

Not all of us are as lucky as you, R5. I absorbed their shit like a sponge.

60 years later I still remember their names.

if you are posting about it like it was five minutes ago it didn't make you stronger.

It’s during the formative years. Cut people a break.

And R7? I’m in my 50s and long retired because of the career I built. So shove your snark.

And I say that with love. Strength isn’t posting asshole comments when people are being vulnerable and sharing.

I had bullies in elementary school who would follow me home from school and taunt me. Fortunately, when my brother was still home and in high school he would come out of the house and they would scram. One of the bullies used to spit on me, occasionally a gang of them would hit me and push me over onto the ground.

There was a drug addled bully in high school who used to hit me with the heavy door to "The Smoking Lounge" (an outdoor breezeway) that I had to pass through on the way to one of my classes. A group of bullies used to swerve into me when I walked on one of the sidewalk-less roads near our school.

I was never hit by any bully, because I was pretty gentle and quiet (even though I was a huge nerd and at the top of the class). But I was mocked verbally quite a bit from 5th through 8th grade. Then it pretty much stopped, except for occasional comments, most of which I've forgotten.

For the kids between the ages of ten and sixteen, I've mostly forgiven them because it's such a terrible age to be and their ethical compasses are completely out of whack. They're tormented by raging hormones and by the inequity of nature, which puts people through the stages of puberty at different times in different ways.

One of my bullies from fifth grade committed suicide recently, and I felt almost no victory because of that. I just felt sad for him and for his wife and children.

I hated that my bullying as a child made me an intellectual bully in high school (think Liz Lemon’s high school reunion) and then at work as a young adult. I advanced high and quickly in my work because I was an underhanded cunt and cruel to my employees. It took a long time to get over that. And yet I couldn’t handle confrontation with peers — avoidant or nuclear, nothing in between — and I never got over this. Fortunately, I’m retired now, happily married, and surrounded by people who like me as I am.

^ Swerve into me with a car, just missing, and laughing when I jumped. Anyway, the door slammer guy committed suicide in his early 20s.

What did you do R11? Throw some flashcards at them?

R9- Was this homophobic bullying or just bullying?

I was bullied in 6th grade but I would not say it was homophobic. This girl named Lisa would constantly taunt me. One day when the teacher walked out of the classroom for a while a Chubby Blond kid pulled down his pants and underwear and stuck his chubby blond ass in my face- I cried. All of this stemmed mostly from being the new kid in school or some of it did anyway. There was a girl in my class named Audrey she was taunted too at times. Something about her just seemed pathetic. 7th grade was better but the bullying girl Lisa was back with a vengeance in the 8th grade. Kids can be vicious. That same girl Audrey- she was in my homeroom in 7th grade too and this kid named Steve wrote on the chalkboard when the teacher was out of the room- Audrey has nigger lips. That was pretty shocking to my 12 year old self. Audrey was white not black. I cannot really think of those times as the good old days- the late 1970's.

Hated middle school. As the years passed I’ve felt more empathy for some of the kids doing the bullying.

A friend is a home visiting nurse in our hometown. She’s had to treat a lot of her bullies. She pretends like she doesn’t remember them.

I was a committed bully and I feel like it contributed to my great success in life.

Plus it taught me a lot about sex at an early age.

A month after I joined Facebook about 15 years ago I got a message from someone who bullied me in high school back in 1976. He made my life miserable and went as far as to spit at me several times. He wrote a very lengthy apology and told me about the abuse he was suffering at home that caused him to take it out on me. He told me his oldest son is gay and he would kill anyone who treated him the way he treated me. After that I was able to let go of those horrible memories and move on. I also wondered how many like him look back and regret their behavior but never apologize for it.

I wasn't bullied. I was quite well liked and popular. (Being a good athlete does wonders in this regard.)

But I loathe bullying and made a point to protect those who did get bullied as best I could.

It prevents me from spelling properly.

I had it bad from ages 11 to 15. I still go non-verbal when I feel directly threatened. It’s sad.

R14, It was not homophobic bullying in elementary school. Sometimes when the boys knocked me down they would pull my skirt up and then get scared and run off. I am a female. In high school I would get "Lezzie" yelled at me constantly.

[quote] [R3]. No. We don’t use the F word. Ever.

Never ever ever?

[quote] I hated that my bullying as a child made me an intellectual bully in high school (think Liz Lemon’s high school reunion) and then at work as a young adult. I advanced high and quickly in my work because I was an underhanded cunt and cruel to my employees. It took a long time to get over that. And yet I couldn’t handle confrontation with peers — avoidant or nuclear, nothing in between — and I never got over this.

So, you're saying it wasn't your fault, and so you were the truest victim when you were being a bully and/or a cunt. The other people just happened to be in your way.

It doesn’t. Only those with issues let it affect their life decades later. Get therapy and move on. Get out of your mud puddle

I was always very anxiety-ridden, more so as a kid than as an adult. That made me an easy target to some light bullying when I was a teenager. I wouldn't say that the bullying made my adult life more difficult. It was the general anxiety that spoiled my childhood and my early adult life. I got the anxiety in check in my thirties and do quite OK now. I'm not looking back. No point in doing so.

It doesn’t help to wallow in the mud like a pig after decades. It retards growth and impairs you from living a better life. Some individuals choose to stay stuck in the mud because they’re not interested in living a better, less-oppressive life.

I've known some gay bullies. Guys who act like Philip Seymour Hoffman in The Talented Mr. Ripley.

Being bullied as a kid interfered with my sexual preferences rather disastrously -- I ended up feeling so weak that to compensate my masturbatory fantasies were always about strong muscular guys -- guys that I could never attract, so ended up being almost always single as I could never align my sexual desires with the reality that the kind of guy I could attract wasn't someone I could have sex with .

LEZZIE!

thought I'd bring back some happy memories for you.

Why didn't you just get muscular yourself if it was THAT important to you, r28? Seems easier than being permanently single.

I'm sure I have some arrested development from being so horribly tortured by classmates from ages 12-15. I wanted to die. I wanted them to die. I stopped eating at one point. My hair fell out which caused even more bullying.

Probably why I enjoy all my 80s faves today like Transformers, GI Joe, comic books, Jem, etc... and take refuge from the world watching old tv shows.

On the plus side I'm sure it is why I don't take shit off anyone today. Family, friends, employers, etc... I stand up for myself. I also just be myself, my humor...if people don't liek it then fuck 'em.

Thanks, R29! ❤️

Horrendously bullied in school at home and in my home. Because each group weren't connected i had to believe what they said was the truth. If separate groups tell you you are a girl and talk funny and jeer u cos u play with girls its hard to accept the universal lie that theyre just jealous. School was a place to survive..not learn. I did bad in exams and was scared to open my mouth when i graduated because I hot slagged for how gay i spoke. With a huge amount of effort i transformed myself in every way...and very successful..in the arts, which was very accepting. I must admit fem guys hold no interest for me and sometimes i actually feel jealous of them now. I had friends who all rejected me when the teen girls wanted to flirt with boys and the boys i was friends with made cooler mates who didnt want me atound. its made me very empathetic and up for the underdog. Some of the bullies apologised online and to my surprise i told them to fuck off.

It doesn't affect my daily life but my self esteem took a few hits back in the day that stayed with me. Sometimes my nightmares take place in the halls of my junior high school so the hurt is still in there somewhere.

I despise bullies.

I only had one bully in high school and it wasn't because of being gay. It was because I was so much smaller than most of the other guys in my grade. He was a big tall galoot. One day in the hallway came up behind me and grabbed me under my armpits and lifted me about a foot off the floor. It was between classes and the hallways were packed with students and teachers. When he put me back down a wave of temper came over me and I turned around and kicked him square in the balls. He went down to his knees moaning in pain. A male teacher came up to us, looked down at him and said "don't think you'll be trying that again too soon, will you?". He gave me a little smirk and walked off and I went on to my next class. I didn't see him for a few days, then one day at break I was outside sitting with my little group of close friends when he walked up to me. He looked down at me and said "man, you really laid one on me the other day", then he cracked a little smile. I took that as a sign of contrition and smiled back and said "well, you did deserve it". He sat down and said "yeah, I guess I did". I stuck my hand out and we shook hands and I said "then done and done". He spent the rest of the break with us yakking and would come by often. This all transpired between 1968 & 1970.

Over the years I'd hear from him once a year or so, mainly with holiday cards. He had moved out to Idaho for work, got married and had 3 kids. He'd always call when he and the family would come back to town. Then in 2017 I got an email from his wife letting me know he had died of a massive stroke. I must admit I shed a tear over it.

So much drama. Yes, I'm sure "your bully committed suicide" or "was murdered."

Your counseling wasn't successful if you have to make up stories.

Thankfully I was never bullied (at least for any length of time) in grade school.

I was ripe for bullying—smaller than most; non athletic. I learned to defuse situations that could have led to bullying by being funny. That brought many defenders to my side. So enough, everyone got the hint that bullying me would be a worthless pursuit.

My best friend’s older brother raped me the summer before eighth grade. As in, two of his buddies (all seniors to be) held me down. In my own home. By the time school started, word got out. Eighth grade was brutal as a result. I blamed myself sort of.

The worst part was that my “best friend” led the bullying. Teachers and coaches joined in. When I finally told my pastor what happened, he did not believe me. So I just suffered. By the next school year, there were juicier scandals I suppose.

I cried no tears when the former friend died of colon cancer in our 30s. The rapist brother friend requested me on Facebook several years ago. Apparently he and his wife produced two children, one with Down’s syndrome and the other is nonverbal autistic.

I was bullied at home by older brothers who felt I should be in Pee-Wee football and and a kids wrestling programs in 3rd grade. I was lousy at sports at that age and hated rolling around practically makes with other boys. Later, I realized that if someone had explained to me the goals and detailed explanation of how to complete I would have been really good because in high school I excelled in sports and no one messed with me.

In middle and high school I kept my head down and usually hung out my current best friend or small nerdy group.

I'm not sure if this is bullying , but I was bullied, but in 9th grade my best friend's brother once referred to me as the 'girlfriend' of the couple as he rode by us as we walked to school. Ricky defended me by reminding his brother his girlfriend was fat which was the ultimate down in the 70's. The older brother responded with the classic "more cushion for better pushin'" and sped off! (It was the first time my delicate ears had heard that comeback.)

In 10th grade, while hanging out at a good friend's house his mother "jokingly" referred to me as his girlfriend in the relationship, which now sounds really weird to hear from a grown up.

I was a pretty boy and after my friend's mom comment i kept a lower profile in school and would later latch onto the new kid at the school for the last two years. We pretty much kept to ourselves and when he started to make friends at the end of senior year I drifted away. Yes, I was messed up jealous mess.

After highschool I didn't get bullied and went on with my life and have no problem standing up for myself or anyone being harassed.

Jesus effing christ there are some weak ass people posting here. Grow up. Move on. The past is the past.

I was informed I was gay when I was four. I took a lot of bullying at home and at school. I later became a bully to one kid who bullied others and I still feel guilt and shame over that.

I apologized to him six years later and let him know that my high school years were mostly spent walking to and from school to avoid getting my ass kicked on the bus or at the bus stop.

I have a bad track record with men - trust issues early on scare me off. God forbid I enter a pleasant relationship - that just means we’re waiting for a big explosion!

R33 said it all ... "School was a place to survive..not learn..."

I cannot think of a better way to describe school years for those that lived through extreme bullying... I know people that are to this day, emotionally tormented by the bullying they experienced 30, 40, 50 years ago. That is a sad fact. Sure, most will get through it and go on to create successful lives but the scars will always be there and I hate that.

" I know people that are to this day, emotionally tormented by the bullying they experienced 30, 40, 50 years ago. "

Seriously - that seems pathetic. I had all sorts of trauma as a kid, but I'm almost 40, and I never ever think back to that. I am not 9 anymore.

Guess, what genius, r43. No one else is you. You are pathetic to not understand that everyone processes events differently. Shut the fuck up and sit down, you add nothing to this thread and mostly likely a bitter loser needing to make yourself feel better by putting down others.

r44 Bless your heart.

Bullying prepared me for a life of winning, owning the libs and cucks. I'm sure my penis is 40% larger than it would have been had I not devoted my high school years to bullying feebs.

Look at r44 actively bullying r43.

Guess the lessons of childhood were lost on him.

I think it fundamentally made me a horrible person. It made me paranoid and uncaring. The teacher who bullied me died of cancer. It did make me feel slightly vindicated. I also feel guilty because I felt vindicated. I realize that he bullied me because he couldn't live his truth

Well, I was fine until you brought it up. Thanks…..

I don’t think I have PTSD but I was bullied in my middle school and early high school years. I was a “late bloomer” and, despite trying to lay low, was a natural target. Unfortunately, my teachers were “bystanders” who didn’t have the guts to intervene. High school theater became my refuge and safe place.

I responded earlier. But I thought I'd also point out to those that think I should get over it, that I was bullied by other students, my teachers, and my parents. Students, Teachers, Parents.

Children should be protected and should feel safe. I had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

i don't like the label - I thought it should be reserved for war veterans - but professionals have discussed with me, and I believe now that I do - and those of us that were relentlessly bullied - have some form of PTSD.

Perhaps you'll see that as a weakness, too, but I'd suggest you do some reading and lead with knowledge, not petty insults.

I refused to be a loser. In elementary school I was obsessed with those teen movies about popular kids and made it my goal to never be labels a loser.

Worked out and I avoided ever being bullied.

Moral of the story, don’t do anything uncool!

I suffered a little bit, and as many have mentioned, their names are readily recalled even 50+ years later. The bullying was rarely straight one-sided physical intimidation, though I remember getting in fights where I at least stuck up for myself. I just can't recall if it was explicitly homophobic but that was probably likely. The only remnant is that I still have a problem with shame -- I feel awful if I get in a disagreement at work, with my spouse, call out sick when I'm not, all that stuff. So I guess I still carry a little internalized homophobia, which is an awful thing to have to admit.

R53 Most of us carry " a little internalized homophobia" where ever we go. And it shows its face in various ways. I would have sex or make love with a man and the second it was over I would guilty for committing a homosexual act. It took years for me to stop feeling that way- years.

Not alot to add. I am amazed how universal the experience is. I had nowhere to turn. I had a small group of core bullies, at high school the rest of the place enjoyed mocking me and the teachers knew but couldn't care less. It was just how things were. I was one of those soft looking guys with no athletic ability so you know the story. I remember once the music teacher pressured me into joining the school choir and the first day I walked in someone called out "Shouldn't he be with the girls?" Everybody roared, the teacher did nothing. I felt so alone I never went back. That was one hour of one day. I could live with the physical fear, but the humiliation, the erosion of your confidence, that's trickier.

It's in my bones now. It didn't ruin my life, but it changed it, and cost me a lot. And I tried hard to come to terms with it and spent a lot of money on therapy. I should probably sue for that - LOL. I largely did come to terms with it, but it's in my bones, too. I'm not depressed - I may sound it, I don't mean to - I'm happy with my life, I have good friends and have had some good relationships, but there is a part of me missing. All I can do is manage it.

And I will say then you see posts like R43 and Terri Garrfish and you I'm just gonna say if that hardness is your response to these stories, you didn't make the clean getaways you thought you did.

No one who came through that experience is weak.

I was a chubby gay kid who got treated pretty badly in elementary and middle school. It taught me a lot about people—how tribal and insecure they are, and that it’s really important to not get hung up on what they think.

By high school I had found my people but I’ve always maintained what I think is a healthy skepticism toward other people’s opinions of me, good or bad. What you think of me is none of my business.

"It helped when I confronted my primary bully, now in prison for killing a gay man, and learned it was about his own shit. (We are now good friends.)" R2 Thats FUCKED UP

I too was bullied in middle school. I manipulated situations to be surrounded by people I trusted to create a barrier against my bullies, like at football games.

It was many decades later that I realized that this ring of people were my friends and really liked me, instead of focusing on the bullies.

I've fashioned a great life, but I'm still relied on by my many friends to organize our get togethers.

I was never bullied/accused of being gay. I was too good an actor, and too unreadable, for that. I was only bullied on looks, which made me aware of the problems and understandably self-conscious. Those kind of criticisms continued through college. I avoid going out in public, but like Quasimodo, I do venture from my home once in a while.

Bullied? No, I wouldn't say so - now or then. Did anyone ever try out gay insults on me? Yes, as is done many times in a scatter-shot way to a broad audience, sensing a possibility or simply hoping some insult sticks or opens some wedge for further assaults. To be smart and independent of mind, to be apart from hive of approved behavior and correct friends is crime enough for some school peers and you will suffer some slings.

I realized public school in a small town with the same people from kindergarten was not going to be a place where I flourished. But I lacked the insight to realize that everything in life was uphill, that it wasn't school days and backwater home towns that were going to be the high point of life, only a place to have been from. I left early for college and there in the very first days, everything changed for me. Over the next year or two I opened up more and more about my sexuality, with the effect of changing absolutely nothing except to leave me happy and and excited for my future as I had never thought possible. My not realizing that better things were ahead was a far bigger blow than the infrequent name calling and insults that didn't rise to the level of bullying, just asshole behavior from assholes looking for an easy target.

Not everyone was so lucky as me. I never saw extreme severe or levels of bullying, but certainly I saw people who were indeed bullied and what an ugly thing, even at the lowest levels.

I grew up in the late 70's/early 80's. I wasn't so much bullied, but was just an outcast and basically ignored. Never wanted to be friends with any of the popular kids. Music, movies and television were my salvation. It was also the beginning of MTV. I started hanging out with the small handful of punk rockers in high school because I also hated bands like Journey and Loverboy and was interested in punk music from reading "alternative" music magazines and listening to "Rodney on the Roq." I sort of regrouped and glad I did because I was introduced to John Waters movies, used record stores, and got to see bands like Black Flag, X, and The Smiths before they became popular. I don't think I would've found all that stuff if I were hanging out with jocks and preppies.

All of us have to remember that the bullying nowadays is FAR worse because of the internet and social media.

The bullying I experienced has caused me to never fully trust anyone. I wouldn’t say that I think about my bullying a lot, or that I’m bitter about it. I just learned a lot about human nature. Adults aren’t that different from kids.

People are tribal and afraid of anything that’s different. So it’s best not to stand out too much.

Luckily, I was always big for my age and could handle bullies. When I was twelve(8th grade), the school required showering after P.E.. I still had a mouth full of braces and was carrying baby fat. This kid in my home room waited for the teacher to leave and then shouted to all the other kids that I had had tits. I physically, outgrew the baby fat that year, but became very self conscious, so much so, that in high school I planned it so that P.E. was my last class period. I skipped out on showering and whenever shirtless, football was played, I chose to run laps, instead. The punk kid who made fun of me impregnated a girl during his freshman year and dropped out of high school. Piece of shit.

I’ve hated people most of my life and I assume the bullying as a kid and teenager did that. What’s nice is that I don’t care what others think as an adult because I don’t have much respect for the average person.

And, that’s the evil thing about bullying; I assumed that those not actively torturing me were simply waiting their turn.

I’ve been on high alert ever since. Wasting my time guarding myself from worthless peole…

How it affected me was I somehow managed to finish high school, but never wanted to be trapped in a classroom or bus again. So I didn't go to college or get any training. Which led to a life of McJobs working with dumbasses.

And I still enter a room certain that I'm the one who doesn't belong there- and something bad is going to happen.

I wish I could remember my bully’s name. I only remember the first name. If I had the whole name I’d hunt them the fuck down.

I don’t trust anyone because of how I was treated both at school and at home. I keep my heart closed even when I’m in a relationship.

[quote]We don’t use the F word. Ever

Speak for yourself R4.

When I was I was in the seventh grade, my mother was shot in the head. My bully I guess saw me looking sad and just started the whole punching their fist into their hand l and pointing across the room at me. Then the mocking tears. I told the “guidance counselor” and they pretty much blamed me for existing. They said the bully did nothing and had the bully sit there smiling at me. As soon as I was back in class they were threatening me again. No I never told anyone my mother got shot. I was ashamed because the police shot her. I had to leave school over this. My grades zoomed from A to F. I needed some help and zero help offered by the school. It killed me to leave school.