Let’s Be an Eldergay Halloween Party

I'm Joel, and I'm only here because my neighbour promised to buy me the switch 2 when it comes out.

I'm crunchy munchy

I’m the plastic skeleton someone puts in mother’s rocking chair, complete with dowdy dress and granny wig.

We are NOT amused!

I'm a young obese Elton John. I cannot breathe because my D cup boobs are squashed down.

I'm a 75 year old in a pigtail wig and a gingham dress. I'll only respond to Dorothy tonight.

I'm the queen who comes dressed as the ancient, post-stroke Bette Davis.

I’m Chuck, slathered in cold cream and red lipstick, once again donning that old bathrobe and wielding a now quite rusty wire hanger he’s had since 1981.

The only Trick here is the one Brad brought as his plus one.

I’m the orange and black caftan bought exclusively for the occasion.

R8 Brad, meanwhile, is happy to be everyone’s Treat.

Joel/R1 - you're in your thirties now mate!

I'm at home in bed.

I’m the many cases of clap that will result from one of the “tricks” who “treated” 38 party goers in the course of two hours.

I’m the intense scrutiny of the low effort Trick-or-Treaters costumes.

I'm the one who brought refrigerated profiteroles to hand out to the children trick or treating.

I'm the one who gives them apples.

I’m going to the party dressed only in a white towel- so I can relive my heyday ca. 1977 when everyone desired me at the bathhouse .

I’m the Gone with the Wind characters.

I've organized the horror movie lineup: Baby Jane, Sweet Charlotte, and Lady in a Cage. If there's time, we'll squeeze in Strait-Jacket or Trog.

I'll come naked. No costume is scarier than that in my current shape.

I'm in tears because nine other queens showed up as Joan Crawford too.

I’m Barbra Streisand in Hello, Dolly!

I saw it in the window and just couldn’t resist it!

(Referring to a blow-up doll in a closing sex toy store)

I’m the champagne cocktails served in Mother’s vintage coupe glasses. Please be careful of me!

I'm the earrings

I'm the CAFTANS!

I'm 65 mistaken for 25.

I'm the half dozen Baby Janes.

"I'm the CAFTANS!'

I’m wrapped in aluminum foil…I’m a baked potato

I'm 17, R11!!

Let's just get them all out of the way: priests, nuns, cheerleaders, slutty superhero outfits, gladiators, pup cosplay and construction workers.

I'm the older gay with the priest collar - I call myself Father O'Fondlin' - I believe it gives me the right to feel up (i.e. sexually assault) everyone at the party.

I’m the no recreational drugs except marijuana policy. Eldergays are smart.

I'm Matt, the 25 year old Gen Z twunk who was hired to be a stripper / entertainer for the party. I'm literally triggered from all these old gay guys staring at my naked body and trying to talk to me. Yuck! I just keep my head down and look at my Tik Tok. One old guy (he had to literally be 40 at least!) came up to me and told me he used to be a stripper at gay parties, and made lots of money by letting the guests touch his dick and ass. He said I should mingle with the crowd and let them pinch my ass or touch my dick so I can make at least few hundred extra dollars. Like, literally eww ! Get away from me grandpa ! I'm not going anywhere near these guys who are like 40 and older. Like, I have to call my best friend Megs right now ! Like literally right now !

I'm Avery the 26 year old twunk invited by Colin the 57 year old who lives in the neighborhood and i'm in a Daddylicious heaven! they sure are bitchy but I'm just so excited that I can work out all of my daddy issues with every single one of these elders

I'm dressed as a funhouse mirror so you can all marvel in your own handsome, youthful reflection.

I'm dressed as a can of LaCroix sparkling water. All night I swan around, pointing at my chest, yelling, "LACROIX, SWEETIE, LACROIX!"

All the eldergays are in stitches.

Everyone under 40 smiles nervously because they don't get the joke.

I’m three Ethels without a Lucy in sight.

I'm the secret hidden camera in the Econolodge room. I didn't sign up for this!

I’m the candy bowls emptying remarkably fast whenever Vernon passed them.

I'm the bottle of 'Blue Chew' being passed around from guy to guy. Suddenly they're all springing an erection pointing at the twunk stripper Matt, who looks at each one and says, "Ewwww! Cringe!"

I'm 1993 Barbra Streisand from my 'Back to Broadway' look. And here comes another Joan Rivers, who I call Joan Molinsky for authenticity.

I’m no black people except young grifters like myself. Hehehehe

I am the tray of plain pop-tarts frosted to look like tombstones, and the plastic tarantula pressed into one side of the cheeseball.

I'm the alarming low level of vodka.

Plenty of beer and whiskey - but never enough vodka.

[quote] I’m no black people except young grifters like myself. Hehehehe—Prince-Akeem

Christ, but you ruin every thread, shithead.

I’m the fraus from next door who gatecrash and ruin the mood.

R45, we don't know the same party hosts. That is always in abundance with my elder gays

I’m the Spirit Halloween animatronic that never fails to make Bertram shriek like a girl whenever it pops up.

I’m the smell of White Diamonds, hemorrhoid cream, and crotch rot coming from the host of the party as he prances through each room seeking compliments and praise for another “incredible event”.

R34 I'm Matt dying in a grease fire.

R34 I'm the bitter jealous rancid DL eldergay piss not wasted to extinguish Matt.