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Let’s Be an Eldergay Halloween Party

I’m mutton dressed as slutty lamb.

by Anonymousreply 100November 3, 2024 11:22 AM

I'm Joel, and I'm only here because my neighbour promised to buy me the switch 2 when it comes out.

by Anonymousreply 1October 23, 2024 3:45 AM

I'm crunchy munchy

by Anonymousreply 2October 23, 2024 3:57 AM

I’m the plastic skeleton someone puts in mother’s rocking chair, complete with dowdy dress and granny wig.

We are NOT amused!

by Anonymousreply 3October 23, 2024 4:16 AM

I'm a young obese Elton John. I cannot breathe because my D cup boobs are squashed down.

by Anonymousreply 4October 23, 2024 4:39 AM

I'm a 75 year old in a pigtail wig and a gingham dress. I'll only respond to Dorothy tonight.

by Anonymousreply 5October 23, 2024 5:23 AM

I'm the queen who comes dressed as the ancient, post-stroke Bette Davis.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 6October 23, 2024 5:44 AM

I’m Chuck, slathered in cold cream and red lipstick, once again donning that old bathrobe and wielding a now quite rusty wire hanger he’s had since 1981.

by Anonymousreply 7October 23, 2024 7:39 AM

The only Trick here is the one Brad brought as his plus one.

by Anonymousreply 8October 23, 2024 8:44 AM

I’m the orange and black caftan bought exclusively for the occasion.

by Anonymousreply 9October 23, 2024 9:15 AM

R8 Brad, meanwhile, is happy to be everyone’s Treat.

by Anonymousreply 10October 23, 2024 9:16 AM

Joel/R1 - you're in your thirties now mate!

by Anonymousreply 11October 23, 2024 9:22 AM

I'm at home in bed.

by Anonymousreply 12October 23, 2024 9:23 AM

I’m the many cases of clap that will result from one of the “tricks” who “treated” 38 party goers in the course of two hours.

by Anonymousreply 13October 23, 2024 9:27 AM

I’m the intense scrutiny of the low effort Trick-or-Treaters costumes.

by Anonymousreply 14October 23, 2024 11:38 AM

I'm the one who brought refrigerated profiteroles to hand out to the children trick or treating.

by Anonymousreply 15October 23, 2024 12:59 PM

I'm the one who gives them apples.

by Anonymousreply 16October 23, 2024 1:14 PM

I’m going to the party dressed only in a white towel- so I can relive my heyday ca. 1977 when everyone desired me at the bathhouse .

by Anonymousreply 17October 23, 2024 1:17 PM

I’m the Gone with the Wind characters.

by Anonymousreply 18October 23, 2024 1:19 PM

I've organized the horror movie lineup: Baby Jane, Sweet Charlotte, and Lady in a Cage. If there's time, we'll squeeze in Strait-Jacket or Trog.

by Anonymousreply 19October 23, 2024 1:22 PM

I'll come naked. No costume is scarier than that in my current shape.

by Anonymousreply 20October 23, 2024 1:24 PM

I'm in tears because nine other queens showed up as Joan Crawford too.

by Anonymousreply 21October 23, 2024 1:25 PM

I’m Barbra Streisand in Hello, Dolly!

by Anonymousreply 22October 23, 2024 1:32 PM

I saw it in the window and just couldn’t resist it!

(Referring to a blow-up doll in a closing sex toy store)

by Anonymousreply 23October 23, 2024 3:08 PM

I’m the champagne cocktails served in Mother’s vintage coupe glasses. Please be careful of me!

by Anonymousreply 24October 23, 2024 9:18 PM

I'm the earrings

by Anonymousreply 25October 23, 2024 9:19 PM

I'm the CAFTANS!

by Anonymousreply 26October 23, 2024 9:19 PM

I'm 65 mistaken for 25.

by Anonymousreply 27October 23, 2024 9:20 PM

I'm the half dozen Baby Janes.

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by Anonymousreply 28October 23, 2024 10:09 PM

"I'm the CAFTANS!'

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by Anonymousreply 29October 23, 2024 10:18 PM

I’m wrapped in aluminum foil…I’m a baked potato

by Anonymousreply 30October 23, 2024 10:53 PM

I'm 17, R11!!

by Anonymousreply 31October 23, 2024 11:34 PM

Let's just get them all out of the way: priests, nuns, cheerleaders, slutty superhero outfits, gladiators, pup cosplay and construction workers.

I'm the older gay with the priest collar - I call myself Father O'Fondlin' - I believe it gives me the right to feel up (i.e. sexually assault) everyone at the party.

by Anonymousreply 32October 23, 2024 11:45 PM

I’m the no recreational drugs except marijuana policy. Eldergays are smart.

by Anonymousreply 33October 23, 2024 11:50 PM

I'm Matt, the 25 year old Gen Z twunk who was hired to be a stripper / entertainer for the party. I'm literally triggered from all these old gay guys staring at my naked body and trying to talk to me. Yuck! I just keep my head down and look at my Tik Tok. One old guy (he had to literally be 40 at least!) came up to me and told me he used to be a stripper at gay parties, and made lots of money by letting the guests touch his dick and ass. He said I should mingle with the crowd and let them pinch my ass or touch my dick so I can make at least few hundred extra dollars. Like, literally eww ! Get away from me grandpa ! I'm not going anywhere near these guys who are like 40 and older. Like, I have to call my best friend Megs right now ! Like literally right now !

by Anonymousreply 34October 24, 2024 12:27 AM

I'm Avery the 26 year old twunk invited by Colin the 57 year old who lives in the neighborhood and i'm in a Daddylicious heaven! they sure are bitchy but I'm just so excited that I can work out all of my daddy issues with every single one of these elders

by Anonymousreply 35October 24, 2024 12:31 AM

I'm dressed as a funhouse mirror so you can all marvel in your own handsome, youthful reflection.

by Anonymousreply 36October 24, 2024 12:44 AM

I'm dressed as a can of LaCroix sparkling water. All night I swan around, pointing at my chest, yelling, "LACROIX, SWEETIE, LACROIX!"

All the eldergays are in stitches.

Everyone under 40 smiles nervously because they don't get the joke.

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by Anonymousreply 37October 24, 2024 1:07 AM

I’m three Ethels without a Lucy in sight.

by Anonymousreply 38October 24, 2024 2:00 AM

I'm the secret hidden camera in the Econolodge room. I didn't sign up for this!

by Anonymousreply 39October 24, 2024 2:24 AM

I’m the candy bowls emptying remarkably fast whenever Vernon passed them.

by Anonymousreply 40October 24, 2024 2:34 AM

I'm the bottle of 'Blue Chew' being passed around from guy to guy. Suddenly they're all springing an erection pointing at the twunk stripper Matt, who looks at each one and says, "Ewwww! Cringe!"

by Anonymousreply 41October 24, 2024 2:46 AM

I'm 1993 Barbra Streisand from my 'Back to Broadway' look. And here comes another Joan Rivers, who I call Joan Molinsky for authenticity.

by Anonymousreply 42October 24, 2024 2:48 AM

I’m no black people except young grifters like myself. Hehehehe

by Anonymousreply 43October 24, 2024 2:50 AM

I am the tray of plain pop-tarts frosted to look like tombstones, and the plastic tarantula pressed into one side of the cheeseball.

by Anonymousreply 44October 24, 2024 3:05 AM

I'm the alarming low level of vodka.

Plenty of beer and whiskey - but never enough vodka.

by Anonymousreply 45October 24, 2024 3:27 AM

[quote] I’m no black people except young grifters like myself. Hehehehe—Prince-Akeem

Christ, but you ruin every thread, shithead.

by Anonymousreply 46October 24, 2024 3:32 AM

I’m the fraus from next door who gatecrash and ruin the mood.

by Anonymousreply 47October 24, 2024 4:06 AM

R45, we don't know the same party hosts. That is always in abundance with my elder gays

by Anonymousreply 48October 24, 2024 7:24 AM

I’m the Spirit Halloween animatronic that never fails to make Bertram shriek like a girl whenever it pops up.

by Anonymousreply 49October 24, 2024 7:59 AM

I’m the smell of White Diamonds, hemorrhoid cream, and crotch rot coming from the host of the party as he prances through each room seeking compliments and praise for another “incredible event”.

by Anonymousreply 50October 24, 2024 8:07 AM

R34 I'm Matt dying in a grease fire.

by Anonymousreply 51October 24, 2024 2:24 PM

R34 I'm the bitter jealous rancid DL eldergay piss not wasted to extinguish Matt.

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by Anonymousreply 52October 24, 2024 2:28 PM

I'm R34's Social Security check that does not begin to cover the cost of touching Matt's youthful rock hard fully funtional cock.

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by Anonymousreply 53October 24, 2024 2:36 PM

I’m a whore and if you’re not careful, I’ll have you all arrested for sex trafficking me!

by Anonymousreply 54October 24, 2024 2:42 PM

I'm Mrs Cramer who lives 3 doors away. I'll be spending the party peering through the curtains, and telling trick or treaters in no uncertain terms "to avoid that house..."

by Anonymousreply 55October 24, 2024 2:56 PM

I'm Fran Lebowitz, who was right when she said all the witty and clever gays died from AIDS and all that was left were the dregs.

by Anonymousreply 56October 24, 2024 3:50 PM

R56 the closet case in point

by Anonymousreply 57October 24, 2024 3:58 PM

r57 is proof.

by Anonymousreply 58October 24, 2024 3:59 PM

R58 triggered

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by Anonymousreply 59October 24, 2024 4:04 PM

I’m the old queen dressed as Eve Arden. Everyone thinks I’m either Shelley Winters or Judy Holliday.

by Anonymousreply 60October 26, 2024 3:44 PM

R60 - Oh honey, with that ample figure of yours people are thinking Shelley Winters or Shirley Booth at best

by Anonymousreply 61October 26, 2024 11:40 PM

I’m the three bitter Patsys.

Ivanka is on the drinks table - astroturf with a tiny golf flag and an even tinier tombstone.

by Anonymousreply 62October 27, 2024 12:24 AM

I’m the ex boyfriends who show up as Krystle and Alexis. Everyone wishes the pool had lily pads.

by Anonymousreply 63October 27, 2024 4:33 AM

I'm the the jack o' lantern, obligatory quiche. They couldn't drive drunk to Papa Murphys so they retrieved me from the deep freeze and then, gave me a pepperoni face.

by Anonymousreply 64October 27, 2024 5:18 AM

I’m the one guy actually dressed as a man.

by Anonymousreply 65October 27, 2024 8:00 AM

I'm the 'Slutty Olympic Diver" costume. I am four yards of nylon and frankly need to contemplate my life choices.

by Anonymousreply 66October 27, 2024 1:59 PM

I’m Scott’s hairy ass! Sexy 25 years ago? Yes. Anyway, my saddlebags are extra bouncy because of the jock straps. Please note the spillover of backfat from the waistband. Scott can’t see it. You’re allowed to bump into it.

“No sitting, Scott! You can sit on a crate.”

by Anonymousreply 67October 27, 2024 3:21 PM

I’m having the time of my life because I don’t give a fuck what the young queers think, do or say

by Anonymousreply 68October 27, 2024 3:26 PM

I'm coming wrapped head to toe in plastic wrap. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to be Cher or Madonna.

by Anonymousreply 69October 27, 2024 4:00 PM

I’m the former drag queen in full Tallulah Bankhead mode. The three Ethels all fight to be called “Ethel Mae” and talk about “The Little Foxes.”

by Anonymousreply 70October 27, 2024 4:09 PM

[quote] I’m the one guy actually dressed as a man.

Oh honey, dressing as Barnabas Collins doesn't count.

by Anonymousreply 71October 27, 2024 11:43 PM

I'm the towels placed on all the chairs and sofas because while the host is not exactly sure how it will happen someone will be bare ass at some point and their will be skid marks...

by Anonymousreply 72October 28, 2024 1:46 AM

I’m the painful reminder about the Netflix “tales of the city” series

by Anonymousreply 73October 28, 2024 2:18 AM

I’m the “botox and/or filler?” discussion that blends in with the separate “what mood stabilizer works with your addiction?”discussion

by Anonymousreply 74October 28, 2024 2:40 AM

I the very eldergay guest who also wishes everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's because, well, you never know.

by Anonymousreply 75October 28, 2024 2:43 AM

I'm the shy one whose drinking, too much. I don't care which one of these clowns fucks me, as long as he's dressed like an actual clown.

by Anonymousreply 76October 28, 2024 3:12 AM

I’m Dwight dressed as Winnifred Sanderson.

Again.

by Anonymousreply 77October 28, 2024 3:22 AM

I'm Blanche DuBois, and I won't shut the fuck up about Belle Reve or that queer dead husband of mine.

by Anonymousreply 78October 28, 2024 3:35 AM

I'm the OP Pinata opened with hundred of stabs of fondue forks.

What a mess.

by Anonymousreply 79October 28, 2024 3:40 AM

That wasn't a fucking pinata you daft old queens! FLUFFY!!! NOOOOOOOO!

by Anonymousreply 80October 28, 2024 12:57 PM

I'm sexy Fat Bastard,

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 81October 28, 2024 1:05 PM

R80 “Oh, FLUFFY, FLUFFY, FLUFFY!”

by Anonymousreply 82October 28, 2024 1:07 PM

I'm the phrase, "How dare you?," post 1am I will be shrieked often...

by Anonymousreply 83October 28, 2024 8:32 PM

I’m the heated debate of who was more iconic among of the crop of celebs to have died this year.

by Anonymousreply 84October 28, 2024 8:39 PM

[quote] I’m the heated debate of who was more iconic among of the crop of celebs to have died this year.—Prince-Akeem

And a formerly fun thread is brought to a screeching halt.

by Anonymousreply 85October 28, 2024 8:45 PM

I’m Brad doing naughty things to the Jack-O-Lanterns.

by Anonymousreply 86October 30, 2024 3:51 AM

I’m Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford.

by Anonymousreply 87October 30, 2024 4:26 AM

I’m Helen Lawson, and that’s ME, baby, remember.

by Anonymousreply 88October 30, 2024 4:28 AM

I’m the host couple already brainstorming Thanksgiving ideas in between Trick or Treaters.

by Anonymousreply 89October 30, 2024 4:32 AM

Going as a witchy woman with black pointed hat, long black dress and a frightening cackle.

by Anonymousreply 90October 30, 2024 4:49 AM

And I straw broom.

by Anonymousreply 91October 30, 2024 4:51 AM

[quote] I’m Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford.

Being Joan Crawford as Faye Dunaway would be fun.

by Anonymousreply 92October 30, 2024 12:53 PM

I'm Dick, the vampire. I mean a dick vampire.

by Anonymousreply 93October 31, 2024 12:14 AM

I am the white Eldergay's failed attempt to come as Diana Ross.

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by Anonymousreply 94October 31, 2024 12:26 AM

^ Oh dear. The heat generated by those chafing thighs could set off a nuclear meltdown.

by Anonymousreply 95October 31, 2024 12:54 PM

We came in our $200-each-on-eBay Dunkings outfits and they threw us out.

by Anonymousreply 96October 31, 2024 1:43 PM

I came as myself but everyone thought I was Joe Biden. Oh, and happy Arbor Day.

by Anonymousreply 97October 31, 2024 11:44 PM

I’m the refusal to give candy to the heavy trick or treaters.

by Anonymousreply 98November 2, 2024 2:47 PM

I’m the host announcing it’s time to leave by bluntly telling you all “Thanks for going!”

by Anonymousreply 99November 2, 2024 11:56 PM

Im the leftover candy that everyone “couldn’t possibly” eat. I’ll be gone in an hour, devoured during the “Baby Jane” screening.

by Anonymousreply 100November 3, 2024 11:22 AM
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