Let’s be Witches of Eastwick

I watched this the other day for the first time. I loved it I want to be Cher!

I'm when Cher had an actual face instead of a rubber ghoul's mask that will live on long after humanity is extinct from planet earth....

I am Michelle Pfeiffers cold sore that had to be written into the movie.

Michelle Pfeiffer making her daughters peanut butter and zucchini sandwiches.

I'm Susie pissed off that Cher got the role I was promised.

^Zuccini jelly. I would have groaned like the girls did.

I’m the snakes in the bed. One of me is Jon Peters.

I am yet another *great* performance from Veronica Cartwright.

I’m the Oscar nomination for Best Supporting that Veronica Cartwright didn’t receive.

I just watched the trailer for this movie on YouTube.

It looks like a crappy movie.

I'm Daryl Van Horne's bent peener.

I’m Susan Sarandon coming to set and finding out I have to learn the part of Jane because Cher says if she can’t play Alex she’s walking off the movie.

I’m the Mercedes-Benz 600.

I'm the musical version that Cameron Mackintosh produced. I played London but never made it to Broadway.

I’m Alex not asking why or how Daryl knows his butler is hung like a horse.

I'm Jane's transformation from uptight priss to slutty whore.

I'm the bitchy supermarket checkout clerk slut-shaming the tabloid-reading, sluttily dressed, pickle-chomping Jane: "Are you BUYING that or not?"

Cheese in a spray can for crackers.

I’m the dowdy lounging pajamas outfit (and hat!) Sukie wears in the glamorous party scene … while the others are wearing lamé, beads, and sequins.

Sometimes Michelle Pfeiffer pushes her humility too far.

I'm Jack's ponytail holder. It's a cruel fate.

I’m the lumpy wax doll that looks more like a Jerusalem artichoke than a human.

Susan Sarandon's great hair or wig? It looked great, anyway.

I'm Castle Hill, the vast Colonial Revival mansion with a full quarter mile of lawns spilling down to the Atlantic.

I'm also the Boston Wang Performing Arts Center, providing the interiors.

I'm the murder, incest, rape, Spanish flies, dildos and anal intercourse.

I'm Lucie Arnaz who started in the musical version in the West End because Gary didn't talk me out of it.

I'm the ice cream.

I’m the massive bed that Jack fucks Cher in.

I'm the remake starring Brad Pitt, Zendaya, Florence Pugh, Selena Gomez and Judy Greer as Veronica Cartwright.

I'm the "signs" that something evil has settled in Eastwick.

I’m the good fuck Veronica has nothing against.

No one else mentions me in so many words but it’s clear from the way Nicholson squirms on the bed that I’m a great favorite.

I'm the little BOO-bee dolls!

I the audience audibly catching their breath when Cher appears on the screen looking gorgeous.

I’m Chee.

I'm the cleaning bills after Daryl's church visit.

I’m the assorted junk food the three witches are eating when they conjure up Jack.

I am R3's laziness, so complete I can't be bothered to thumb an apostrophe.

I shall be punished by Mr. Van Horne.

What a boring movie-on and on…

I’m Jon Peters. I argued with everyone to put an alien in any scene. ANY SCENE.

I’m the squeaky orchestra made up of Jane’s students.

I'm "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik," played the shit out of, apparently by supernatural means.

I'm the sight gag that never was, of Cher as buttoned up, prim Jane.

R36. lol, I hope he’s merciful.

I’m Veronica’s pussy she’s rubbing thinking of Jack.