Easy things you can’t do

Change a tire!

I’ve never been able to whistle.

I can't swim or dance.

Love.

You may find this thread of interest.

Ride a bike.

Roll dough.

you all sound mentally unfit

Dive.

Wink one eye

I can't whistle.

Correctly pronounce the word "Sword".

Compound miter cuts. They require Witchcraft.

I can’t drive a stick shift.

One of my greatest shames in life is that I’ve never been able to do a forward roll. I can remember gym glass in elementary school being particularly traumatizing when we got to the gymnastics part of the year. Couldn’t do a forward roll, a cartwheel or anything.

Also, I can’t roll my Rs

Use chopsticks.

Build Ikea furniture.

Me too, r15. I mean, I can use them but I find it so awkward and uncomfortable that I can’t enjoy the meal or conversation. I got over my embarrassment of asking for a fork years ago.

I’m an Asian who won’t use chopsticks. I can do it, but not well enough to enjoy a meal. My Caucasian friends make a point of using chopsticks whenever we go to a Chinese restaurant, and they make fun of me for choosing to use a fork—but I just want to relax and enjoy my food.

Tie a necktie. I mean, I can, sort of, but it's an absolute mess and I look like I've been sleeping it off in a gutter.

That is the correct way to wear a tie

Skate, any type. Ice, rollerskate, rollerblade - it's all a mess and I can't balance.

I just got out of a meeting in which I had to admit I have never been able to make a decent PowerPoint slide.

The thing that really irritates me is I KNOW I am smarter than half the people in my office who can whip them out with ease.

I just have some kind of block.

PowerPoint is of the devil, R22. I don’t want to get good at it, because I hate it.

I don't like the 'authenticated" username I chose when I signed up for DL years ago therefore, I never use it.

If I could change my authenticated name, I would use it but no-frills DL doesn't offer that option.

^ooops, that was meant for the "Underwhelmed" thread.

R3 you can’t swim???? 😱 How old are you?

I can’t do the Spock thing with my hands. My muscles are just not built like that.

I can draw children but cannot draw animals accurately and this is after years of practice. Anyone with any suggestions?

I can draw children but cannot draw animals accurately and this is after years of practice. Anyone with any suggestions?

R29 you can try sterilization.

r26, I recently celebrated the 30th anniversary of my 30th birthday!

R31 haha you’re cute. Are you black? When I moved to New York I never met so many people from tropical islands who can’t mafuckin swim.

^PA/NJ Italian.

R32 an Anglo poser

Whistle

Snap my. fingers

Play sports

Lick my own ass 👅

I submit that changing a tire (R1) is NOT easy!

I can't trill my R's.

r35, thanks for the reminder, I forgot to list "can't play sports". I think I block that little fact out of my mind as it is a source of many bad elementary/middle school memories.

Know my left from my right. Of course I know which is which, but when someone says "Take the one on the left" or "your right hand!" It stirs a complex serious of choices/questions to determine My right? Your right? Right from what/whose perspective? There is a split second of deciphering what is meant from the other person (who is almost never burdened with determining "Which right do you mean?")

It's less than a second's hesitation and unnoticed unless I ask a question for clarification, but it's always there. If I say "turn right" I always point the right that I mean or am careful to say "turn to your right"

Ride a bike

Whistle using my fingers

If it is an easy thiing to do and you can't do it doesn't that make it hard for you to do?

I couldn’t use a can opener until I was bout 30. And I’m not clumsy or non athletic. I just couldn’t get it. Sometimes I still be fucking it up lol.

I can't ice skate nor rollerblade. I think I have weak ankles.

And to be clear, I was a roller skating (traditional skates) fiend in the 70s. I wouldn't dare try now though.

Wipe my ass

R42 neither can you post on the D-Piddy Macy’s thread without revealing yourself as a psycho sock puppet.

Stay sober.

Stand in front of a full length mirror.

I cannot manage middling income and that’s pitifully cheap by DL standards - less than $100k per year in an urban environment.

I manage my money to the penny when times are bad or good, but this is boring.

Anything to do with computers or digital life. I.Cannot.Do.It.

I can't do that stupid dental floss dance or whatever you call it. I have rhythm and can dance but I can't master that. It's embarrassing when toddlers can do it so well.

I can’t ride a bike. It really bugs me. I’d love to be able to do it. I tried when I was a kid and it was just a disaster. I’d wobble along for a few seconds, then fall off or stop.

I’ve actually thought of trying again in my late forties, but a big fat bloke on a bicycle is an invitation to mockery.

10 Ridiculously Simple Things I Can’t Seem To Do

Bake anything more complicated than a mix.

I'm a good cook and rarely use recipes unless it's an unfamiliar dish, but it's an entirely different skill than baking.

The author of that article (R52) is exhausting and truly pathetic (if any of that shit is true).

I can’t pull up a roller blind. I have to ask someone to do it for me.

Baking well is much harder than cooking well. At home.

I'm a decent cook, but I can't get pancakes or crepes right for some reason.

Snap and whistle

Thread a needle

I can’t make a decent omelet. They never fold right.

Bend and snap.

R60 you’re flipping too fast. Even if it seems like it’s burning, it’s not. Also make sure your pan is relatively hot before pouring the eggs in. Obviously not burning but more than lukewarm. And are using butter for oil? It’s the only way to go for eggs to me. I used to suck at omelettes too ;).

^^^^Butter for oil? Is that like water for chocolate?

You still suck.

Whistle with my fingers

Pull out before I cum

r22/r23 PowerPoint is bullshit and I also fucking hate it. I wish it had never been invented.

R49 Did you compose your post on vellum with a quill pen?

[quote]The author of that article ([R52]) is exhausting and truly pathetic (if any of that shit is true).

Someday a potential employer is going to Google "Sam Dylan Finch" (he/them) and find them cannot schedule an appointment over the phone because of "anxiety," and drag the pdf resume into the recycle bin.

R19, unless you're a dandy (formerly known as a man who knows what his valet ought to know) who naturally knows which tie width, fabric, color/ornamentation and knot to choose for the occasion, shirt fabric, cut, color, and collar, as well as your own contours, what you're doing beats the capacity and interest of 95% of American men today.

Congratulations.

I am a speech writer and public speaker, but I still cannot say "longevity" right. Polysyllabic taxonomic descriptions in latin present no problem in a cold reading out loud.

Even as I type I can't remember what to do with that fucking "g." I would now say it like a Jersey girl when she's heading to the eastern part of Queens and wants to show off: "Long Guyland." Wrong, right?

Cut up a whole chicken. I try and try and it ends up looking like Frankenstein parts disassembled

I can't make my vagina whistle Dixie.

r70 is SO DL.

I can't suck a non-kosher schlong.

I eventually do it but have difficulty opening jars. I run them under hot water or try to pop the seal with a knife. I swear the whole time.

^ Mount Olive Kosher Dill Spears.

Lon-gev-i-ty

I can dance a tango, I can read Greek—easy. I can slay a dragon any old week—easy. What's hard is simple; what's natural comes hard.

Chang gears on a bike

R76

Take a spoon and tap around the edge of the lid. Then use the spoon as a lever under the lid - you should hear it pop and you can open it.

I'll try that, thanks!

Swim.

Almost drowned when I was 6, and been traumatized by pools/large bodies of water ever since.

I (can’t) dance, don’t ask me.

I don’t know how to play rock paper scissors.

[quote]Cut up a whole chicken. I try and try and it ends up looking like Frankenstein parts disassembled

This reminds me of when I took a cooking class and had to bone a chicken leg. The chef held mine up as an example of how not to do it.

Carry four plates of food on an arm

_ Failed waiter.

Parallel park; use a stick shift; change a tire.

Get a Daddy to open that jar for you.

r88 you and I are kindred spirits!

I can do the first 2/3, I still drive stick and parallel park often- but still can't change a tire. I also can't change my own oil on the car. I'm no mechanic.

R85 I never learned that either and it seems like you either learned it as a kid or you didn't.

I can’t fold a fitted sheet.

Deep throat without gagging.

Power Point is just a Word document in landscape mode, bullet points on the left and something blown-up on the right. Big deal.

I guess it did help people, 20 years ago, to make more concise presentations. However, the program itself won't automatically make your presentation interesting.

R63 Do you cook, scramble, or fry eggs without grease?

I have a very bad sense of direction. I get lost easily. I always want to look at a map, if possible. I work in a building (my company takes up an entire). Unless I'm looking out the window, I don't know which direction I'm facing.

I'm also bad at judging how close my car is to another car (when driving and parking).

I have a hard time getting my car centered between two lines in a parking lot. I have an easier time parallel parking on the street.

Chopsticks, I do know how to use, but at a restaurant, I usuall just prefer a fork or spoon.

R92 I'd argue that isn't an easy thing. More like "difficult, infuriating things you can't do."

I can't fold a fitted sheet either. Many YouTube "how to fold a fitted sheet" videos watched, many tears of frustration shed, many clean fitted sheets wadded up into balls in the closet

I tried to learn how to drive a stick shift three times, and I never got the hang of it.

Snap my gum.

Also, backing out of a driveway. Even my own. I have no idea what the hell the problem is.

Whenever I'm in New York, I can never figure out which way I'm going. People always say it's easy, the city is a grid, but my only clue is to look for the sun, but that doesn't help at night.

R102 NYC is so fkin easy to navigate. Everything truly is a square block. New York is intimidating when you first get there because there are so many people but it’s the most navigable city by foot in America to me.

I’m terrible at most sports other than tennis.

Do yo yo tricks.

R103 is the idiot who’s never been below 14th Street.

I've never been to me....

r106 i was going to write something similar. Go down to "old" Manhattan and you no longer have a lovely grid pattern. It's just a warren of streets with no apparent logic down that way and below.

And those lovely grid blocks aren't "square," either. They're long rectangles, 200x600 feet. That was what caught my eye first about that answer.

Where the hell did that article come from? Just the references to west 45th and to Park are so utterly wrong as to be laughable. And apparently the writer never heard of that village above Houston and below 14th.

This is more accurate than that AI crap posted above.

R106, even below 14th it is pretty easy. You can easily tell the points of the compass either by the sun, moon, Empire State, WTC or other tall buildings. Alphabet Land is below 14th and that is still pretty much a grid. It's not like London with winding, small streets with a snaking river through it or Rome, which is pretty chaotic.

I can't dial a phone with a pencil.

R108 you are right to a a degree but it’s still more navigable than a lot of cities. I was comparing Manhattan as a hold to other places. I grew up in DC and that shit still confuses me cause everything is a fucking triangle, and so many streets stop and then pick back up blocks later.

Also Brooklyn is pretty squarely navigable too.

…meet on the corner of West 4th and West 10th. From there you can see Prince Teacake’s bullshit coming up the street.

There is no grid in the Village or in lower Manhattan’s Financial District..

I provided that "Ai crap" site purely as a citation for my 200x600 claim. I didn't expect anyone to take it as the Bible of NYC.

Brooklyn is made up of at least 15 distinct grids at different angles.

And your 200x600 claim is wrong as a generalization. Do better next time.

I hate matter of fact of cunts.

R119 can’t be a cunt without stinking up the place.

I, for one, cannot jerkoff with my non-dominant hand.

My dick and my hand know who it is and it’s not done the way either of them like it - too much flourish.

The mirror kills, doesn’t it?

I can’t drive more than 4 hours at a time. I have to break up longer road trips into two days if it’s just me.

Ok^^ you’ve lost the train of thought for this thread

I can't fine dice an onion and I love to cook. I have to use a food processor. I guess I should say "quickly." It takes me ten minutes to chop an onion.

R125 me 2 lol.

[quote]This is more accurate than that AI crap posted above.

That was an informative article, r111.

Thanks. In the Broadway play LOOPED, Valerie Harper, as Tallulah Bankhead, said of New York City: "if you get lost in New York, you don't deserve to be found".

I also can't do the "taxi whistle" fingers in the mouth method. I really wanted to. I have had a friend try to teach me. I practiced. No luck.

I can no longer snap my fingers, either.

Type. Spent years practicing-forget it-went back to hunt & peck.

R127, I can't do that whistle either and I grew up here. Adding to my shame, my little sister can.

R22 there are amazing, some free, tools out there where you can throw in your content, and it will spit out a fantastic-looking PowerPoint presentation.

No one actual does PowerPoint presentations anymore. That was last decade.

What's the alternative today, R131?

^^Fucking your boss

You tell them the system crashed, silly.

Answer on Wall Street: here’s the flip book.

PowerPoint can still be a great tool. I never use their standard templates. They're quite boring. It kills me to watch bad PP presentations in courtrooms or political scenarios. You can make a professional and slick presentation if you fully know how to.

Yeah I was going to say I still use PowerPoint at work.

So many things:

I can’t drive

I can’t shuffle cards

I can’t ride a bicycle

I can’t dance

I can’t swim

R137 is a New Yorker I bet.

I can’t crack and egg open single-handed.

Triple anal

R138, I can do all those things and I'm a native. All the people I know can.

- Not R137

R141 of course. SMH. When did critical thinking go out of style. I never said most New Yorkers cannot do those things. Still waiting for r137 to chime in.

Shut up, Matt.

I can't change a tire or deal with a fuse box. I'm also a shitty cook, and I'm terrible with Excel.

R136 your mussy is still black?

R145 No it’s green. I slept with a bitch who looked like Shrek.

Pure you

I was never once able to see the “hidden image” in one of those Magic Eye trompe l’œil things in the 90s.