DLers who request cash in lieu of physical gifts

Excuse me, OP, but the hour is growing late. May I draw your curtains and prepare your nightclothes?

You can't give more than you have. Is it a family member, friend or just acquaintance?

Try saying thank you.

Dictating you only want gifts in cash is so low rent or 7th grade.

Is it you requesting the money or someone requesting it for you?

****from you, not for you.

I feel fine about it. I would much rather have $20 I can spend on anything I want rather than $20 worth of lotion I definitely do not want. Again.

Although I would rather not receive gifts at all. At my age I have everything I need. Anything else is just clutter. I also only give birthday gifts of any sort to children. Adults can fend for themselves.

I would feel quite grateful. For $20 I could buy an entire village. Granted, it's a ghost village littered with skeletal remains... but a village nonetheless.

No, I’m not requesting the money. It’s for a cousin’s wedding; a cousin I like. I am giving $50 to his honeymoon fund so I don’t look excessively cheap but that’s honestly a real stretch this month and I am resenting it. I would give $20 if not for guilt - and my ego. I already went into my savings to book a hotel and car hire to get around his city.

OP "What do you feel about people who can only afford to give you a $20?"

I'm not a materialistic asshole, so I would not care what the person could afford or give to me.

I wouldn't want anyone to give more than they can comfortably afford and I would feel bad if I knew you were spending more than that. If I saw that someone gave me $20 for my honeymoon fund I would feel very appreciative and they would receive the same heartfelt thank-you note as everyone else.

OP, if you can afford a $20, give $20.

Also, don’t feel obliged to give an amount covering the price of your plate.

Giving money should be the only customary wedding gift in this day and age. People are no longer getting married at 18 with no home set up of their own anymore. In fact, people have too much stuff to even know what to do with when merging lives and kitchens nowadays.

But giving money in lieu of thoughtful gifts for other holidays and milestones in life is just lazy and tacky, IMO. Either don't give gifts at all if you see no point to it, or if the recipient was that hard up for money and you care about them, loan or gift them money within your means just because it's the right thing to do, without waiting for a holiday or birthday to qualify it.

Anyone who demands money is trash and isn’t deserving of a goddamn thing.

I have felt that same way, OP, that I didn’t want to give an amount that might seem small even though giving more was harder. There’s no telling what the recipients felt about the money but it ultimately felt good to me that I had given an amount that didn’t embarrass me.

[quote] No, I’m not requesting the money. It’s for a cousin’s wedding; a cousin I like. I am giving $50 to his honeymoon fund so I don’t look excessively cheap but that’s honestly a real stretch this month and I am resenting it. I would give $20 if not for guilt - and my ego. I already went into my savings to book a hotel and car hire to get around his city.

How old are you, OP? I was in my early 30s when I started saying no to destination weddings.

Is the "honeymoon fund" the same as a wedding gift?

I've never heard of a "honeymoon fund" gift.

Anyway, maybe skip the trip and give $50.

If you do take the trip, then $20 is fine.

At a certain point, you just have to grow up and say no, especially if you cannot financially afford it.