What’s some good life advice you can share?

I will throw mine in, two of 'em:

Ask yourself, is this feeling doing me any good?

Just begin. The rest follows.

(Not trying to be a cunt, but that strikes me as a terrible thing to be guided by. People are meant to strive... it's the driver of progress, change and improvements. Yes, sometimes, things can fall into you lap but if you take the view you never have to fight, you'll be doing a lot of sitting around.)

Don't shit where you eat.

And vice versa.

Two people can be good, loving and interesting individuals who care for and love each other deeply - but yet they're still not a good fit for each other.

Also - pause and take deep breaths whenever you are anxious or stressed.

90% of life is maintenance, which can be boring and time-consuming. Maintaining your career, health, relationships, home (cleaning, laundry, shopping), etc. Don't maintain anything you don't love.

R1 To be fair, I don’t think it means “don’t try.” It just means know when something isn’t working and look for another way to accomplish what you’re seeking.

Don’t be too fussy about allowing gentleman callers partaking of your poosie. Some day you will wishing they’d be begging for it.

Water the flowers that grow.

I don't mean that in a completely quid pro quo way. People have their ups and downs and may lean on you during a crisis. But generally speaking - be mindful of your time, your energy, your care, your love for others. Give the valuable gift of those things to people who love you or who return that energy and love.....if someone doesn't love you, or judges you, let them go, lovingly, and focus elsewhere.

There is a fine line between being a good person and being a doormat. Being a good person means you owe it to yourself and others to be honest about your motives. You are not being kind if a desire to avoid conflict leads you to keep in your life someone who you don’t want to be there. It’s cowardice.

Don't seek outside validation. Your opinion is and should be enough.

Unless you have a trusted friend or mentor and you're unsure about something, let your opinion be enough.

Always be suspicious of people who are too confident. It's always an act - they will manipulate you in other ways too.

Humility and self-doubt is the sign of a thoughtful, intelligent and good person.

Trust vibes. Trust your gut.

Never let other people’s shit ruin your life.

Match people’s energies. (This is why I don’t chase coworkers around for email responses anymore.)

[quote]R11 “you never have to fight for something that was meant to be yours.”

“Meant to be”?

This implies there’s a destiny or supernatural order behind life.

Are you religious?

[quote] There is a fine line between being a good person and being a doormat

Oh god yes. This is a lesson many of my friends have had to learn. Being a doormat isn't nice and isn't a virtue.

If you’re a white woman, just stick with white men for fucks sake. My cousin just had to have a black man. And of course he left her a struggling single mother.

??

Avoid crazy people or those prone to rages.

Don't stay in a relationship with someone because you feel sorry for them or because they guilt trip you into staying; when you know in your heart it's over then end it before it gets ugly.

R16 Second part is very true.

If you drink more than a couple of cups of coffee per day, just quit it completely. It's a cycle that never ends and it dries up your skin.

Dr. Jaquith's advice to Charlotte Vale in "Now, Voyager": "Stick to your guns, but don't fire."

That has really been great advice for me over the years.

""Go to him, stay with him if you can. But be prepared to bleed."

If you catch him in a pack of lies, kick him to the curb.

"Hurt people hurt people."

Don't do anything I did.

"It's much better to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy."

1) Put every penny you can into a 401K or whatever alternative plan you can. Safe investments. "Pay yourself first" and then deal with expenses. Ignore it and don't touch it, even if you need to take out a loan for emergencies. 2) Floss 3) Be mindful of ergonomics. It goes downhill fast.

The advice passed on to me was "You don't want your ass to stink when you are on a date."

What R10 posted-" Trust your Gut" Your 1st impression is always correct. I always listened to mine, it kept me alive when I was doing "stupid shit" while working thru personal demons from foster care.

R9 I wish I could tell my superiors at work that. They always hire based solely on interview, and every time it’s someone who can talk their pants off with confidence, and it turns out to be a disaster. Meanwhile, the quiet, doubtful and humble ones get nowhere.

R14 because white males are known for making such great husbands? FOH

Keep your personal life and work separate.

If there’s one thing you should avoid, it’s a challenge.

Lord loves a working man.

Don't trust whitey.

Always let others have the last word...it will eventually make them go crazy!

Don't waste time with jerks

Don't waste time being drunk or high all the time, you'll ruin your looks

If at all possible work at a union job with a defined pension plan!

I have found the lesson from The Four Agreements to ""not take anything personally" really useful. So much suffering can happen in our heads when we get caught up thinking about things people said or ways they acted towards us. I find just telling myself not to take it personally helps me brush things off and feel more at peace with whatever has happened.

Whenever you are having a hard time or are worried about something, ask yourself these two questions:

“Will this still matter, one year from now?”

“Will I even remember, one year from now?”

If the answer is NO, and it will be 9 out of 10 times, then treat it like a little bump in the road, and nothing more.

This has helped me countless of times to reframe my thinking, my feelings. All our suffering happens solely in our own heads.

Sayings that have resonated with me over the years:

•We have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

•Not my circus, not my monkeys.

I also echo the above posters who say to trust your gut. My intuition has rarely failed me. But, the best advice I have, and the words I live by is to treat others the way you would like to be treated.

“Does this need to be said?

Does this need to be said right now?

Does this need to be said by me?”

Only speak if all three answers are affirmative.

In most negotiations, whomever speaks first loses.

A compliment is the cheapest investment with the highest return.

Buy and hold a block of electric utility stock that pays dividends. Check the box that says "Reinvest" dividends.

All these heat pumps and electric cars that governments are pushing run on juice.

Slowly but surely personal transportation and home heating are being scavenged from the hydrocarbon industry. You'll want to participate in the profits.

"people are just people" ie accept the person in front of you for who they are, don't try and overanalyse their words and actions, reserve your judgement and you might find an ally or friend. Sure, there are some genuine assholes out there but at least you'll be sure they're assholes once you've given them the benefit of the doubt.

If you can't make a decision just wait until circumstances change and the decision becomes obvious.

[quote] whomever speaks first loses.

Oh, dear!

Those who have nothing to say Oh Dear!

"Life is unfair"...JFK

R27 - yep - that's always been my experience. The most confident and charming interviewees always turn into a nightmare - overstating what they actually know, trying to get by on favor and a smile, loading their work on to others, causing drama to distract, etc.

I would get so sick and tired of co-interviewers being taken over by 'good vibes' and flattery. Do you even know HOW to interview people? The worst part were my candidates that had to be interviewed by higher ups who had no experience with the job requirements.

That's why I always had a 15 minute list of technical questions - which the charming and over confident almost always failed.

Keep your guard up around super charming and confident people who come on way too strong - you know it when you see it, but it's hard to resist.

R37 - I will go one step further. When it comes to negotiations, always have a list of things you really want and a list of things you don't care about. Fight over the things you don't care about just as much as the ones you do.

Then concede the ones you don't care about to show that you've given in and they need to concede to your demands as well.

Obviously it has to be decent things not some bullshit made-up crap - but it works.

Your worst day as a single person is still better than your best day in a bad relationship.

[quote]Be mindful of ergonomics. It goes downhill fast.

God, yes. I wish I had taken this advice as a young person. Now my joints are ruined.

"It's not the Tigers& Lions that Kill you, it's the gnats"

To thine own self be true.

Don’t waste time staring at those in the next lane, and what their goals are or when they reach them. Focus on deciding and accomplishing your own—whichever and when are the right times for yours to happen for *you*. Yeah, dorky sounding, but you realize it’s so true as you get older.

don't put your hands where you wouldn't put your face

This too, shall pass.

And it always does.

Sometimes, you can't go over it, under it or around it - you have to go through it.

Don't assume that others are motivated by the same things that motivate you.

When involved in any sort of disagreement, always try to see it from the other person's point of view. Even if you still think they're completely wrong, you'll negotiate or argue more effectively if you understand how they see the issue.

Be gentle with yourself. This works for me when I start to beat myself up mentally. I ease up and become my own friend. It really works.

You don’t always have to convince somebody else that you are right.

A thing worth doing is worth doing well.

And before wearing yourself out in an argument trying to win someone over to your point of view, remember this sage advice:

"A person convinced against his will, is of his own opinion still". In other words, you might wear a person down into pretending to agree with you, but odds are, he hasn't changed his mind at all.

Hear, hear R56 and R57

Also: Always ask yourself why you want to convince this person. What power do they hold over you? Why does their agreement and/or approval matter?

Great thread and a lot of great advice!

Another vote for "don't take things personally!" Very cliche, but as a person that's spent of their life definitely taking things personally, I've come to realize that everyone lives in their own little world & acts on whatever is meaningful to them that (for better or worse) has nothing to do with you - at all.

I agree with the "stay humble & avoid the overconfident" - they're faking it. But they also tend to latch themselves onto people they think they can use, so they're hard to avoid.

R59, another way to look at your first paragraph: Other people think about you a lot less than you imagine they do. Most of the embarrassing moments in life that you obsess about, everyone else has completely forgotten.

Along the same lines: Stop worrying about what strangers think of you. I have a friend who refuses to eat alone in restaurants or go to the movies alone because "people will think I'm friendless and pathetic." Aside from the fact that many people go to restaurants or to the movies alone even if they have friends, who cares what a bunch of strangers in a restaurant or at the multiplex think of you? Chances are (see above) they're not thinking of you at all.

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

-Marcus Aurelius in Meditations

Don't get involved with drugs. It's fun for a while, but ends being a lifetime trap. If I could go back 41 years when I was 19 I never would have touched cocaine.

Don't be a rube and believe people like Russell Brand can sell you something that will protect you from "evil" and Wifi signals.

"Russell Brand, remade as a right-wing Christian influencer, is now selling a "magical amulet" that protects you from WiFi signals and other "evil energies." Only $239.99 per amulet."

1) Whether you realize it or not, you have no choice but to leave the past behind you. Let it go, as it is indeed, already gone. This includes unhealthy relationships with family members, former friends, & former partners.

2) “Winning” is oftentimes overrated, & might even land you in prison.