A friend of mine was murdered

Can I have his stuff, OP?

Link, please.

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Condolences OP. You care to share any details? I know you may still be grieving but please post links once the press reports it.

That’s horrible, OP. I’m sorry.

This isn't that poor doctor in Louisiana who they think was murdered by a Tiktok personality, is it?

That’s a double whammy. Processing murder is hard. Concentrate on the love you have for your friend. Try not to dwell on the circumstances. Don’t let that define how you remember them.

The therapist in Baton Rouge?

Very sorry for your loss, and his suffering.

I'm so sorry OP. If this is they guy, he sounds like a wonderful person who changed many lives. I'm posting about this guy not to violate his privacy, but to honour him and the service he did for us. May his memory be a blessing. :

[italic]William Nicholas Abraham, M.Div, Ph.D, or “Dr. Nick”, is a life coach, licensed professional counselor, motivational speaker, recording artist, author, teacher and trailblazer. With more than 30 years experience in treating substance abuse, depression and anxiety, he provides counseling, psychotherapy, guidance and psycho-education to couples, individuals, adolescents and families in the Baton Rouge and surrounding areas. He also offers group counseling and presentations. He treats a wide range of clients, including those suffering from PTSD, depression, relational conflicts. He also works with helping the LGBTQ population work through identity issues, acceptance and family struggles.[/italic]

I'm sorry, OP.

That's terrible, OP. I'm sorry for your loss.

(You know some DLers are kinda sadistic so please don't take any negative responses to heart.)

Details?

So sorry for your loss

Someone I know took his own life and I'm still not over it ... Can't process it

Oof. I'm so sorry, r14. That sounds incomprehensibly rough.

OP, this is terrible, terrible news and I’m very sorry you’re having to go through this. I hope you find a way to process this shock as well as remember your friend in a way that brings light back into your life. Sending a tight hug.

Oh, R1, that’s so witty! Truly. Take your seat at the Algonquin round table!

I'm really sorry, OP. You might consider counseling, because this is just the sort of event that causes trauma and you will need to process it.

All the best to you, sincerely.

R16 is right. You'll drive yourself crazy if you focus on the murder. Remember your friend for all they contributed to your life and how lucky you were to have all the good memories.

My son was murdered about 2 years ago when he was 22. It really is almost impossible to comprehend and I still find myself sometimes wondering if it is really true.

Unless you feel you need to go, stay away from the justice system and any trials, etc. They just make you re-live everything and learn details, see pictures and videos, etc that are hard to get over.

I went to a support group which helped.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Very sad, OP.

A childhood friend was murdered years ago. We hadn't kept in touch, but it shook me deeply.

Years ago I read an article in which a member of a group called Parents of Murdered Children said something that has stayed with me, OP.

They said, no matter how awful your child’s death was, it only happened to them once. For you, it will happen over and over again. Christmases, birthdays, over and over.

That knowledge helped those parents. Maybe it can help you get ready for when the memories of your friend come in the future. It only happened once and I’m really sorry you lost your friend.

My best friend was murdered in Stuytown - an otherwise bucolic place for NYC - in 1989. His partner was in Germany and couldn't get him on the phone. He called me and asked if I'd spoken to him recently. Turns out I had and that I was the last person he'd spoken to. He arranged to have someone from the complex do a welfare check on him. They went to the apartment and found his body, dead from stab wounds. As the bf was flying home, I got a call from an NYPD detective he'd spoken to who asked me if my friend had mentioned anyone else who'd been there or that he'd seen recently. He did, the ex-bf of a colleague who apparently had a drug problem. That was all they needed: the cops saw him on 2nd Avenue the next day and when they pursued him he ran into the street and was hit and killed by a bus. It was him: they had bloody fingerprints at the crime scene. Two lives ended way too soon because the junkie tried to steal a VCR which, ironically, didn't rewind.

To make that October worse, the night I got home from my friend's funeral, I got a call from my ex's bf who told me my ex died of HIV that morning. Two people who once meant the world to me dead and buried inside of a week.

You don't get over it, OP. You go back to your life but you mourn their loss and yours. It was 35 years this month - half my life - and I still think of both of them every damn day. I don't believe in heaven but wish I could because I'd give anything to see them again.

R23 MARY!

(That was a loving and empathetic MARY! A hug for you.)

Do they suspect you yet, OP?

Geez, R20, go start your own thread instead of hijacking this one.

OP, I hope when you are over the shock, his memory will be a blessing to you.

I am sorry for your loss.

Thoughts? Pray!

R27 he’s not Jewish.

0/10. The Gavin Creel detail was unnecessary and far fetched.

R23 MUST you make everything about YOU, FFS? What is wrong with you?

What’s it to you that r23 shared a story, Angry Mary.

That is horrifying, OP. I hope the cops catch the human shitstain that did it.

A man attempted to murder the woman and her son who lived across the hall from me last year by stabbing them. He was her husband of six months! There was blood on the hall carpet and my doormat was disposed of by the cops even though I never saw whether it was bloody or not. It took police and hour and a half to search for evidence they took away in two small paper bags.

A six year old family member saw the whole thing. Social services moved the family so the boy wouldn't be tramatized by the memories.

All I could ask was why?

Hang in there OP!

OP, as is apparent by many of the heartfelt posts above, Consider yourself sincerely condoled for your losses.

Now, it has to asked in true DL tradition, was it a hookup gone wrong?

r23 just because you don't believe in heaven doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You will see them both again and they are both around you here sometimes even though you don't know it because you aren't open to it.

Man, sorry to hear all of this. I can't imagine what it'd be like to lose someone to murder.

R31 Don't be an ass. Sharing a personal story that was relevant and equally traumatic to the poster is how they can empathize and heal.

R20 Oh my gosh, I can’t imagine what that has been like for you. I’m glad you’ve found people to be with through the trauma and I’m so sorry you lost your son. Just so sad.

“How did you come to accept Jesus, and admit heaven exists?” “Well, I’d always been doubtful, even after my bf was murdered. But that all changed thanks to my Bible, the Book of Datalounge, chapter 36, verse 23. I also learned that ghosts surround me every moment if my life.”

R30 - I'm not Jewish and I use that phrase when I need to. It's a nice sentiment.

Older gay men get killed by younger men a lot, it seems.

What does Gavin Creel have to do with anything? Was he murdered? Did he murder your friend? Was your friend dating Gavin? A 69?

I'm so confused.

R32 "Angry Mary"? How old ARE you? That's BOYS IN THE BAND era bitchiness.

Just terrible, OP. I’ve found we all learn to live with these things. Over the years, there have been a lot of posts on DL regarding grieving. You get the sympathy and the snark. I’m always impressed when subjects like this come up on DL.

I’m four months back in therapy after a ten year lapse. Never be afraid to seek help.

[quote] Geez, [R20], go start your own thread instead of hijacking this one.

Oh, shut up. That story was on point (relevant), succinct, and helpful.

Yes, r6. I’m amazed you guessed it. Not being sarcastic.

Yes, r8

Yes r9. That’s Nicky. We’ve been friends for 30 years.

I'm really sorry if I upset you in any way and hope you are doing ok, OP.

It was the age and occupation that I googled, OP. This is why we really need to be careful about the personal info we post here. WIth the block feature, people can string together details across several posts and find out even more with Google. Please be careful, everyone! There are bad actors here who aren't well.

Not sure why people are saying I shouldn’t mention Gavin? Gavin was also a friend of mine. Found out he and Nicky were dead early in the morning within a couple hours. It was like 9/11 but more personal. I’ll never forget it. An awful morning. It was so crazy because you don’t expect a friend to be killed and then you don’t expect a 48 year old to die of cancer when you didn’t even know he had cancer in the first place. He had only found out in July apparently. It was like Kobe and I hated Kobe. You didn’t expect this young guy to be gone with no warning.

R9- thanks for posting. That’s a good picture of him. So crazy that it’s in the news. We still don’t know the details but he was cremated so they obviously gathered all the data they needed before that.

My husband says they said a hammer was used to kill him.

On top of a dozen dear friends massacred in Gaza in 2024, and then my spiritual godmother Cissy Houston passing on, a good friend from college has been found dead in a shark's belly, and I haven't heard yet from my ex boyfriend who lives in Sarasota.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Did Op ever come back? You had enough time to grieve now. Tell us what happened. I mean I know you still grieving but the initial sadness has to have been minimize to an extent where you can discuss the details.

I’m r47, r48, r49, r51, r52

I’m also r53

Oh so it is the therapist. Op I’m just going to straight out ask. He didn’t deserve to die but is it possible that he was a sexual predator? They say he was molesting that boy since the age of 12 and that he plead in another pedophilia case. You know your friend right. Is that possible?

[quote]Found out he and Nicky were dead early in the morning within a couple hours.

That's terrible. I hope you can find some peace of mind eventually.

He was accused of molesting a 10 year old boy years ago but the case was thrown out. He says he didn’t do it. I’ll never know if he did.

My husband says he doesn’t think so because Nicky was attracted to grown men.

R62 is me

[quote] My husband says he doesn’t think so because Nicky was attracted to grown men.

Both things can be true. He can be attracted to (have sex with) grown men and be a pedophile.

Heterosexual men do this all the time: get involved with un-protective women and start fucking their children (and fucking the woman, too).

Another saying is that, just because you like something exotic, like foie gras, doesn't mean you never eat chicken fingers.

OP, I’m sorry for what you’re experiencing.

Roughly twenty years ago this happened to a friend of mine, a work colleague. We were both living overseas at the time, but in different countries.

He had recently visited me. He was murdered not long after he returned to his city.

I think you’ve been given good advice here, particularly in terms of trying to avoid dwelling on the circumstances of your friend’s death and avoiding spending too much time on whatever court case(s) might arise from the murder.

After my friend was killed (under unclear circumstances but apparently likely or at least possibly related to an anonymous hookup) what very little news coverage I was able to find almost in some way re-traumatized me. My friend was painted in that country’s press as someone who’d lured the “innocent, unsuspecting” local; the implication was that my friend deserved what happened. It was horrible.

If you’re able to focus more on what you and your friend shared, on your friend’s positive qualities, I think that’s for the best. Reliving his last moments will do you no good.