Signs that a movie is not worth watching

On average I find comedic actors to be better actors than dramatic ones. It’s just that all the greats are dramatic actors. But how many comedic actors have turned out to be great dramatic actors. Lots. Not too many the other way around.

A horror movie with a bunch of jump scares in the trailer. And any horror movie, at this point, that shows someone be yanked backwards or in any direction into the abyss.

If I’m in it.

Fat girl alone in kitchen + Motown music

[quote] A ensemble cast

AN ENSEMBLE!

Live action remake of any classic animated film where everything but the main human characters is CGI.

Lady Gaga

Part of a "cinematic universe."

If I directed it.

Anything that involves Tyler Perry. The Lavarious Slaughter of cinema.

Anything with a female lead described as "feisty".

Timothee Chalamet

Any remake of a classic where the races and sexes of the original characters have been arbitrarily changed.

[quote] On average I find comedic actors to be better actors than dramatic ones. It’s just that all the greats are dramatic actors. But how many comedic actors have turned out to be great dramatic actors. Lots. Not too many the other way around.—HolierThanThou

No one gives a shit what junkies think.

Pia Zadora is billed above the title.

Shame on you, R15. That's a guarantee to watch for bad movie lovers around the globe!

I once auditioned for a Tyler Perry series known for it's abysmal writing and terrible acting and they didn't hire me.

I was outraged... and a little embarrassed.

Dark, moody cover of an old song plays in the trailer.

A reboot of a 90s movie with an all black cast acting in a stereotypical manner.

When the PR keeps using the word "queer" as if it connotes "quality".

The ugly blue-grey filter. It just makes everything ugly.

All remakes reboots updated versions of classic movies

The upbeat trailer is a quick cut summary of the entire story and any stylistic ambitions of the flick. You have seen now seen the movie in 1min45seconds. Why bother with the artless movie of 2 hours made for low brow lazy audiences.

ANY film trailer that shows exiting audience members giving a hearty 'thumbs up'. It's always means the film is total garbage.

You rang.

In a world where...

Critics are raving about it and they keep pointing that out. Then you go to the theater to see it and it's only you, the person you dragged with you and the guy that sells the popcorn in the audience.

Remakes aren’t always a mistake. Take the third adaptation of The Maltese Falcon.

Made in 2024

One thing that makes me immediately lose interest in a movie is the cliche Tom Hanks-style narration at the beginning of the film, usually showing the main character as a kid.

"When I was a young boy my father taught me...." Ugh!

The presence of Naomi Watts after 2005

The presence of The Rock after 2013

Mark Walhberg, except when surrounded by a strong ensemble or based on a true story (example of this: Pain and Gain, Boogie Nights )

Trailer showcases TWEE bullshit: unicorns, crummy hand drawn animation, blankly staring characters who speak in a monotone

I try to keep an open mind and watch a variety of films from all over the world, but these are immediate passes for me.

Steven Seagal

Tyler Perry

the one of each casting.

Superhero movies with a female lead.

When the previews before the movie show movies of a genre you have absolutely no interest in (i.e. horror, action/car chases, etc.).

At that point, you might have made a mistake. But you paid for the ticket, so maybe you'll give it at least 15 minutes of your time.

Tom Cruise is in it

Rob Schneider

R7 = Madonna.

Madonna

Directed by: Sophia Coppola.

20 minute Standing O at Venice Film Festival

A24 is proclaiming this is the scariest film ever made.

"Sure fire multiple Oscars"

-Lynn Stairmaster

Written and Directed by Alan Smithee.

Any comedy starring Jennifer Anniston or Adam Sandler.

I’m in it.

Starring Zachary Levi

Thread closed.

[quote]A ensemble cast

Oh, dear.

(1) Any movie playing at a theater in a shopping mall

(2) Any movie playing at a big chain movie theater (e.g., AMC, Cinemark, Regal)

(3) Almost any movie playing in the suburbs

(4) Any movie featuring Mark Wahlberg

Backgrid is called everyday to the set to take photos and videos.

Any Goldie Hawn spawn involved in any capacity.

Adam Sandler.

Rob Schneider.

Kevin James.

Chris Rock.

☢️ 💩

Any film starring Barbra Streisand after "What's Up, Doc?" or "The Way We Were." And definitely anything she ever directed.

Jon Hamm

Right after the opening credits and theme music, someone takes a walk with Laura Linney from one end of a school/corporate hallway/government building/mall/city block to the other end as she tells that person everything that's happened up to that point.

Ashley Judd. Wooden and mannered.

Directed by Uwe Boll

If Chalamet is in it. He ruined the Dune films.

[quote] Ashley Judd. Wooden and mannered.

And a cunt!

Sometimes the bait is too obvious, DL.

Cheap sets and poorly written scripts.

Contemporary songs in a period/costume drama. Completely destroys the sense of temporal immersion/suspension of disbelief that is needed to enjoy a historical film. I need to believe that I am *in* that time and space, and the sound of Bono or whatever (e.g. the U2 song in "Gangs of New York") throws cold water on the experience.

In general, I love period films but I don't like reminders of 21st century Hollywood creeping into the experience--that, to me, makes a move unwatchable. I couldn't believe Joaquin Phoenix as Napoleon Bonaparte, for example.

R60: He ruins anything.

Two words. Hugh. Grant

He really does R65.

Madonna

A blank faces child states into the camera and says something allegedly disturbing in an expressionless monotone.

Produced by the Hallmark Channel.

Crossing the line with narration.

If it's directed by Greta Gerwig. Avoid that overrated hack like the plague.

A delayed release resulting in obvious reshoots that render the plot incoherent.

I'll watch just about anything these days to distract me from my unemployment

Categorized as mystery or western.

JLo in anything. But especially as a 35-year-old bride as she pushes 60.

Constant advertising.

Nepobabies

No opening credits.

Blake Lively.

The name “Affleck” in the cast.

It’s under 85 minutes in length

I'm getting really tired of movies starring Kirk Cameron. They're all the same and really boring.

Starring Jonah Hill.

Nicole Kidman plays the mother of a toddler

Tiffany Haddish.

CGI gunfights. The actors often fake the recoil but sometimes they won't bother. The shootout will look like a bunch of kids playing with plastic toy guns. It even sounds unconvincing.

If any member of the Pinkett-Smith household is involved.

When the cast talks about how they're one big happy family.

When pre-release articles trumpet the "hot chemistry" between the male and female leads (usually means they have no chemistry at all)

When it’s described in marketing as “a comedy for those who don’t like humour”.

If streaming, when there's no trailer or teaser.

It stars Neve Campbell, with her breathy, halting, self-conscious acting.

Netflix Exclusive or Amazon Original

It was made after 2015.

A film where an alternate version is made for China.

Where the soundtrack of music is 5 times louder than the dialogue.

Original screenplay by James Cameron.

Based on a shitty TV show you never cared about 30-50 years ago.

All black cast + made in the last few years = woke garbage in which the viewer is beaten over the head with social justice messaging. This was not the case back in the 70s through the 90s, which gave us countless excellent black movies that were well written and extremely entertaining.

R100 just wanted to complain about "wokeness" and black people. Are you JD Vance?

Probably, I’m just looking for a good couch to eat a donut on

Check out R101’s post history.

[quote]I kidnapped and murdered ten fat nigger trannies, I sliced up their faces and bashed in their fannies, I chopped off all their toes, wrapped each one in bows, and inserted them into their rotting punanis.

[quote]Raping and murdering trannies is fun. It’s even more fun when you do it with a gun!

[quote]Diddy loves them little girls. Just like Biden.

[quote]So what if Janet doesn’t think Kamala is black. Neither is Janet with all that work on her face.

One of DL’s finest! And clearly one to talk about racism.

When the film is produced by the lead star's production company.

^ Truth!

A period film where the actors talk in a modern style.

The cast. One in particular l.

Actresses in their 50s who are still playing the mothers of young children. It's like we're not supposed to remember how fucking old they are.

Patti Lupone’s naked tits.

Action films starring men who are well into middle age kicking the asses of men in their 20s who look like they live in the gym.

Where the older leads have been digitally de-aged into blurry oblivion.

“It’s about The Land, you can’t ever even until you understand The Land”

Daily Mail’s photos taken from the set. We’ve seen the whole movie by this point.

When it requires you to have seen the prequel TV series, read the comic book sequel to the TV series, and read the prequel novel (in THAT order) before you can understand anything.