Signs that a movie is not worth watching

On average I find comedic actors to be better actors than dramatic ones. It’s just that all the greats are dramatic actors. But how many comedic actors have turned out to be great dramatic actors. Lots. Not too many the other way around.

A horror movie with a bunch of jump scares in the trailer. And any horror movie, at this point, that shows someone be yanked backwards or in any direction into the abyss.

If I’m in it.

Fat girl alone in kitchen + Motown music

[quote] A ensemble cast

AN ENSEMBLE!

Live action remake of any classic animated film where everything but the main human characters is CGI.

Lady Gaga

Part of a "cinematic universe."

If I directed it.

Anything that involves Tyler Perry. The Lavarious Slaughter of cinema.

Anything with a female lead described as "feisty".

Timothee Chalamet

Any remake of a classic where the races and sexes of the original characters have been arbitrarily changed.

[quote] On average I find comedic actors to be better actors than dramatic ones. It’s just that all the greats are dramatic actors. But how many comedic actors have turned out to be great dramatic actors. Lots. Not too many the other way around.—HolierThanThou

No one gives a shit what junkies think.

Pia Zadora is billed above the title.

Shame on you, R15. That's a guarantee to watch for bad movie lovers around the globe!

I once auditioned for a Tyler Perry series known for it's abysmal writing and terrible acting and they didn't hire me.

I was outraged... and a little embarrassed.

Dark, moody cover of an old song plays in the trailer.

A reboot of a 90s movie with an all black cast acting in a stereotypical manner.

When the PR keeps using the word "queer" as if it connotes "quality".

The ugly blue-grey filter. It just makes everything ugly.

All remakes reboots updated versions of classic movies

The upbeat trailer is a quick cut summary of the entire story and any stylistic ambitions of the flick. You have seen now seen the movie in 1min45seconds. Why bother with the artless movie of 2 hours made for low brow lazy audiences.

ANY film trailer that shows exiting audience members giving a hearty 'thumbs up'. It's always means the film is total garbage.

You rang.

In a world where...

Critics are raving about it and they keep pointing that out. Then you go to the theater to see it and it's only you, the person you dragged with you and the guy that sells the popcorn in the audience.

Remakes aren’t always a mistake. Take the third adaptation of The Maltese Falcon.

Made in 2024

One thing that makes me immediately lose interest in a movie is the cliche Tom Hanks-style narration at the beginning of the film, usually showing the main character as a kid.

"When I was a young boy my father taught me...." Ugh!

The presence of Naomi Watts after 2005

The presence of The Rock after 2013

Mark Walhberg, except when surrounded by a strong ensemble or based on a true story (example of this: Pain and Gain, Boogie Nights )

Trailer showcases TWEE bullshit: unicorns, crummy hand drawn animation, blankly staring characters who speak in a monotone

I try to keep an open mind and watch a variety of films from all over the world, but these are immediate passes for me.

Steven Seagal

Tyler Perry

the one of each casting.

Superhero movies with a female lead.

When the previews before the movie show movies of a genre you have absolutely no interest in (i.e. horror, action/car chases, etc.).

At that point, you might have made a mistake. But you paid for the ticket, so maybe you'll give it at least 15 minutes of your time.

Tom Cruise is in it

Rob Schneider

R7 = Madonna.

Madonna

Directed by: Sophia Coppola.

20 minute Standing O at Venice Film Festival

A24 is proclaiming this is the scariest film ever made.

"Sure fire multiple Oscars"

-Lynn Stairmaster

Written and Directed by Alan Smithee.

Any comedy starring Jennifer Anniston or Adam Sandler.

I’m in it.

Starring Zachary Levi

Thread closed.

[quote]A ensemble cast

Oh, dear.

(1) Any movie playing at a theater in a shopping mall

(2) Any movie playing at a big chain movie theater (e.g., AMC, Cinemark, Regal)

(3) Almost any movie playing in the suburbs

(4) Any movie featuring Mark Wahlberg

Backgrid is called everyday to the set to take photos and videos.

Any Goldie Hawn spawn involved in any capacity.

Adam Sandler.

Rob Schneider.

Kevin James.

Chris Rock.

☢️ 💩

Any film starring Barbra Streisand after "What's Up, Doc?" or "The Way We Were." And definitely anything she ever directed.

Jon Hamm

Right after the opening credits and theme music, someone takes a walk with Laura Linney from one end of a school/corporate hallway/government building/mall/city block to the other end as she tells that person everything that's happened up to that point.

Ashley Judd. Wooden and mannered.

Directed by Uwe Boll

If Chalamet is in it. He ruined the Dune films.

[quote] Ashley Judd. Wooden and mannered.

And a cunt!

Sometimes the bait is too obvious, DL.

Cheap sets and poorly written scripts.

Contemporary songs in a period/costume drama. Completely destroys the sense of temporal immersion/suspension of disbelief that is needed to enjoy a historical film. I need to believe that I am *in* that time and space, and the sound of Bono or whatever (e.g. the U2 song in "Gangs of New York") throws cold water on the experience.

In general, I love period films but I don't like reminders of 21st century Hollywood creeping into the experience--that, to me, makes a move unwatchable. I couldn't believe Joaquin Phoenix as Napoleon Bonaparte, for example.

R60: He ruins anything.

Two words. Hugh. Grant

He really does R65.

Madonna

A blank faces child states into the camera and says something allegedly disturbing in an expressionless monotone.

Produced by the Hallmark Channel.

Crossing the line with narration.

If it's directed by Greta Gerwig. Avoid that overrated hack like the plague.

A delayed release resulting in obvious reshoots that render the plot incoherent.

I'll watch just about anything these days to distract me from my unemployment

Categorized as mystery or western.

JLo in anything. But especially as a 35-year-old bride as she pushes 60.

Constant advertising.

Nepobabies

No opening credits.

Blake Lively.

The name “Affleck” in the cast.

It’s under 85 minutes in length

I'm getting really tired of movies starring Kirk Cameron. They're all the same and really boring.

Starring Jonah Hill.

Nicole Kidman plays the mother of a toddler

Tiffany Haddish.

CGI gunfights. The actors often fake the recoil but sometimes they won't bother. The shootout will look like a bunch of kids playing with plastic toy guns. It even sounds unconvincing.

If any member of the Pinkett-Smith household is involved.

When the cast talks about how they're one big happy family.

When pre-release articles trumpet the "hot chemistry" between the male and female leads (usually means they have no chemistry at all)

When it’s described in marketing as “a comedy for those who don’t like humour”.

If streaming, when there's no trailer or teaser.

It stars Neve Campbell, with her breathy, halting, self-conscious acting.

Netflix Exclusive or Amazon Original

It was made after 2015.

A film where an alternate version is made for China.

Where the soundtrack of music is 5 times louder than the dialogue.

Original screenplay by James Cameron.

Based on a shitty TV show you never cared about 30-50 years ago.

All black cast + made in the last few years = woke garbage in which the viewer is beaten over the head with social justice messaging. This was not the case back in the 70s through the 90s, which gave us countless excellent black movies that were well written and extremely entertaining.

R100 just wanted to complain about "wokeness" and black people. Are you JD Vance?

Probably, I’m just looking for a good couch to eat a donut on

Check out R101’s post history.

[quote]I kidnapped and murdered ten fat nigger trannies, I sliced up their faces and bashed in their fannies, I chopped off all their toes, wrapped each one in bows, and inserted them into their rotting punanis.

[quote]Raping and murdering trannies is fun. It’s even more fun when you do it with a gun!

[quote]Diddy loves them little girls. Just like Biden.

[quote]So what if Janet doesn’t think Kamala is black. Neither is Janet with all that work on her face.

One of DL’s finest! And clearly one to talk about racism.

When the film is produced by the lead star's production company.

^ Truth!

A period film where the actors talk in a modern style.

The cast. One in particular l.

Actresses in their 50s who are still playing the mothers of young children. It's like we're not supposed to remember how fucking old they are.

Patti Lupone’s naked tits.

Action films starring men who are well into middle age kicking the asses of men in their 20s who look like they live in the gym.

Where the older leads have been digitally de-aged into blurry oblivion.

“It’s about The Land, you can’t ever even until you understand The Land”

Daily Mail’s photos taken from the set. We’ve seen the whole movie by this point.

When it requires you to have seen the prequel TV series, read the comic book sequel to the TV series, and read the prequel novel (in THAT order) before you can understand anything.

R110, or ones where anorexic 5'3" actresses kick the butts of guys twice their size

Long Prairie Duster Coats

When the the "Big" Box Viewing numbers are coming from "Overseas Markets". ( For American films).

W 💣 E 💣 S 💣 T 💣 E 💣 R 💣 N 💣 S

[quote]or ones where anorexic 5'3" actresses kick the butts of guys twice their size

OMG Zoe Kravitz in Batman! A tiny little twig of a girl who looked like she hadn't eaten solid food in years kicking the asses of hulking organized crime thugs. It was beyond stupid.

^^It was as if Karen Carpenter kicked the shit out of Sylvester Stallone.

Made in Russia.

Starring Kirk Cameron

A Steven Seagal Joint

Penelope Ann Miller is in it.

It's a butt-kissing Ronald Reagan biopic starring MAGA actors

"Introducing Klinton Spilsbury"

The Joker SINGS!!!

When they show the only clever 2 minutes in the trailer.

Can’t they remake Wyatt Earp this year?

R103

R101 is career DL trash....I've had him blocked forever.

Copious numbers of mysteriously unknown official award symbols (probably fake film festivals) splattered all over the cover art. Always a red flag for me.

Madonna.

The sign for me

I am required to spend extra money to see a movie and am forced to buy and eat way over priced popcorn while I sit with lots of other people who cough and spread infectious disease.

And the worst part a movie I can’t pause while I make a piss call or grab a bite.

There's a roman numeral after the title, especially if it's III and higher.

Kate Winslet, generally.

Recommended by DLers

Starring Mel Gibson.

The quoted reviews in the trailer are from social media accounts.

Or directed by Mel Gibson

Based on a video game

If Jlo is anywhere in it or in the vicinity.

Starring Steve Guttenberg!

Hollywood: “Can we beat 1 more billion out of that dead horse superhero racket?”

Jennifer Lopez is in it. Run, don't walk away.

Made Walter Monheit's Top 10 list.

Lmfao! R85! 🤣

Any upcoming stinker with Travis Kelce in it.

If you like it

When the trailer contains nothing but explosions, car chases, and closeups of a single heroic hand slamming that clip into that gun, I know it has saved me both time and money.

The greatest actor of his generation in a career-defining performance.

Ryan Murphy

R150 Oh just spit it out for christsakes: Robert Downey Jr

When there is a montage within the first 10 minutes of the film.

When a straight actor plays a gay character and the first time you see him in the trailer, he's clutching the imaginary pearls, wearing a caftan, or both.

1. George Clooney

2. Julia Roberts

3. Romantic comedy

If you see all of these things, run, don't walk away!

Lady Gaga - box office cancer!

Jim Caviezel is in it.

Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt are playing roles that should be played by actors who are 30 years younger.

Matthew McConaughey, Matt Damon and Leonardo Dicaprio are playing roles that should be played by actors who are 20 years younger.

When the guy remembers his dead wife through brightly lit, gauzy flashbacks where she laughs under white bedsheets.

R85, if they'd let her, Nicole would be playing the girlfriend of a toddler.

[quote] When there is a montage within the first 10 minutes of the film.

And especially if it's done through a dog having flashbacks!

It stars Adam Driver.

I am willing to bet that an actor's first film after winning the Academy Award for Best Actor/Actress not worth watching. It's the "cashing-in" performance and they've got nothing more to prove.

[quote][R85], if they'd let her, Nicole would be playing the girlfriend of a toddler.

Over my dead body!

If it has to include trannies and nonbinary people.

The critics love it.

R166 - Relatedly, a wild disparity between a high critics rating and paltry rating by moviegoers on Rotten Tomatoes.

Starring Julia Roberts.

Dakota Johnson

Eight names on "Screenplay by" screams it's been through production hell and no one agreed to what the story is about. Particularly if the "Story by" credit has maybe two names, followed by the dreaded "and" a slew of other names.

Dakota Johnson is signed up for remake of Nevada Smith.

I’ve checked the time at least twice in the first hour.

It’s clearly a summer movie dumped in January.

The blacks like it.

If it’s an all black cast and all the woke white chicks with jungle fever go on about how it’s the greatest movie ever.

wtf r174

One of our usual trolls is having a psychotic meltdown.

The poeple at work who have seen the new Gaga movie liked it and particularly her.

[quote]The poeple at work who have seen the new Gaga movie liked it and particularly her.

The audience you describe id only at the fucking film because they particularly like her.

Who else who go to see so etching certain to be dreadful?

*something certain to be

The poster is plastered with film festival logos.

I’ve heard 👂 it’s pretty good but people just aren’t going - anyone else?

It's switched from wide release to On Demand streaming to just plain streaming all before premiering.