Thanksgiving Stories

If this thread doesn't include a Sri Lankan in a port a potty, I'm going to be very upset.

My father died on Thanksgiving, the bird having just gone into the oven.

I was born on Thanksgiving morning.

R3 but does your birthday alway fall on Thanksgiving day?

I'm sorry r2.

I wish we had had lasagne for Thanksgiving, but for us it was just the standard American Thanksgiving Meal, down to the green and black olives and celery in crystal bowls and the canned, jellied cranberry sauce.

Dessert was another matter, however. No pumpkin pie for my family. My grandmother made apple, cherry, and mincemeat pies, along with panna cotta with raspberry coulis for me. Same desserts at Christmas.

My father died the day after Thanksgiving, and it was so cold in NJ, they couldn't bury him the day of his funeral. My cousin Jack was chosen to orate at the grave, and it felt like he went on for half a freezing hour about what a great guy my father was. Hah. You should have had to live with him, Jack.

r6 I'd just show up for dessert! Sounds delicious.

Fate rolled the dice so I spent a couple alone, and it was GLORIOUS.

No, R4. Sometimes it falls on Halloween.

I did study abroad term from US -> UK and was friends with a bunch of international students including Americans from other programs.

These three or four girls, (2 British, 2 American i think) decided to throw a Thanksgiving dinner in their student flat (postwar row housing). They cooked everything in their tiny kitchen and one of their kitchens in a flat around the corner. They moved beds out of the large front bedroom upstairs and set up tables. They hosted about twenty, and it was wonderful. I helped with dishes afterward.

One memorable Thanksgiving after I moved out, had my own job and finally came out to my rabidly hating Eastern European family, my mom and my neighborhood-narcissist aunt were cleaning up in the kitchen. My evil cunt aunt, father's sister, asked my mom, loudly, so everyone in the house could hear, "So, now that you have a homosexual son, what's it like knowing he will never give you grandchildren?"

And without a beat, my mom responded, "Well, had I known how wonderful it was having a gay son, I would have skipped the straight daughters..."

Crying as I type...

One relative would drink the water left in the pot after cooking corn. He would also drink any leftover corn fluids from the serving bowl.

The guy I was living with set fire to the porch using my dad’s smoker for the turkey. It was complicated.

Last year on Thanksgiving, an anonymous person dropped off the ashes of my deceased grandmother on our front porch. Her ashes had been stolen from us 10 years ago.

wow so it was someone that obviously knew you.

I must say that out-of-date huzzah: props to your mom R11😁

My grandmother always made a mince pie and an apple pie. The house smelled so good.

Last Thanksgiving after we ate one of my guests (friend of a friend) was leaving rather quickly so I gave him a plate of food and another plate with a slice of pie and cookies for the next day as I do for all my guests.

He then asked if he could have a whole pie that was on my dessert table that hadn't been cut in to yet. He unabashedly said he wanted to take it to his family's Thanksgiving that he was going to next as he needed to bring something to contribute. He hadn't joined his family for dinner as he can't stand his sister-in-law but was joining them for dessert.

I said no.

You want a Thanksgiving story, OP? Here ya go...

Catered meals. My mother didn't do ovens.

R18 Didn’t you get in trouble for eating one of the guests?

I was molested next to the cranberry mold.

R18 He must have been dumbstruck to have ended up as a drumstick 🍗

Meatloaf and pepsi!

How about the one black sheep of the family entering the gathering after being literally talked into going by the family peacemaker. After begrudging being seated at the dinner table and beginning dinner one family member asks why I had such a big up my ass for so long. This in turn infuriates me and I wind up hurling cranberry sauce at his face then stomping out and slamming the door behind me.

R25 BUG

R25 such a big one*

R18, glad you said NO to the request for a whole damn pie (as a guest's parting gift). Some people are so socially stupid.

You should have pied him right in the face

The first and last time I made turkey was when I was in my 20s. I actually did that thing you see on TV shows: I forgot about that little bag of giblets and left it inside the turkey.

Anyhoo, with the carcass, I also made (first and last time) a turkey noodle soup. So good and easy.

I came out to my then wife of 7 months on Thanksgiving. She wasn't thankful.

My other mom (they were hetero best friends) died the morning after Thanksgiving.

So a day late? Unrelated to T-giving.

Do. Better. R2

—so we pulled the turkey and stuffing from the oven. My sister asked what to do, since he died in bed at home. I said call the police for a non-emergency. They came, and the woman officer comforted my mom as the surveyed the scene and sawnothing untoward. The cops suggested finding a mortuary and that there would be no delay or call to the coroner. The mortician was there within the hour(?!), and took the body. We grieved for the rest of the day, and then decided we had to eat. Being a holiday, we called around to find a decent place to take us for a price fixe dinner. We went and had a rip-roaring time. Many bottles of wine & stories to share. Our waiter asked why are you all laughing —my brother replied, deadpan, well…see, our dad died today… THE LOOK! …but he soon got it, and they comped us wine and dessert. We ate Thanksgiving with all the fixings on Friday, in tribute to my dad.

Below I present The Thanksgiving Letter that did the rounds on Awkward Family Photos back in the aughts.

Marney is one for the record books.

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family 1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army. 2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though). 3. Toppings for the ice cream. 4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family 1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up. 2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family 1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family 1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat. 2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon 3. Proscuitto pin wheel – please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate. 4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family 1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed. 2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this) 1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed. 2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney

When your family are comprised of mostly bitches and assholes what’s to be thankful for???

My grandmother once accidentally put down a plate of leftover mashed potatoes in a cabinet, laying them down to pick up later while tidying up. About three months later ... the dining room began to reek, and we unearthed a fungus-ridden, mold-caked platter of ancient, curdled, foul potatoes. It smelled like obscene feet mixed with rat carcass. I have never ever been able to eat mashed potatoes since.

[quote]Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level.

I've never seen the bitchy Thanksgiving letter before, this killed me.

Go fuck yourself r33, you're like your prick father. I was her world and she mine. "A day late unrelated to Thanksgiving" my ass. She had small cell cancer and lingered AT HOME 24/7 bedridden for seven months. I've never seen anyone go downhill so fast before or since; I had to watch her slowly die. I was 17, my nurse mother took an unpaid LOA to care for her.

FF this guy to hell.

Purr, kitty, purr. 🙄. Delusional…

The prompt is Thanksgiving stories, not unrelated November sadness.

The whole family loved aunt betty. Aunt betty was older than anyone else that the younger generations knew. She was some second cousin third removed, but was always invited because she was fun and had a witty tongue. One year she volunteered to make the gravy . The hostess had one of those old-fashioned electric turkey roasters, a sort of giant electric roaster you’d place on your counter just to roast the turkey in. Conveniently once the turkey was done you could simply remove it and then make the gravy from the drippings already int he big roaster. We were watching aunt betty stirring away and gently bitching and chatting like families do waiting for the dinner to be prepared. Betty kept stirring. . . .

Likely another highball of a cocktail later and no headway on the gravy, it was discovered that Aunt Betty had been expertly stirring a cold, not-plugged in pan for the better part of a half hour. Dinner was fine, but late that year and we all teased Aunt betty about that for the rest of her days

Turkeys are hardcore.

Ok these Thanksgiving threads always make my year with laughter! Thank you for starting it earlier and making my life happier. Love you all.

R3

So was I!

My father disliked Thanksgiving due to the fact that it was the day when his mother died. Yet, he always tried to be jovial for the sake of the other guests.

Song makes me chuckle. It applies to Thanksgiving, equally!!! Jill Sobule

My grandmother was in her early 90s (she lived to 97) and starting to loose it mentally. About 20 of us convened at her house every TG, but by this time my mom, aunt and grandfather did all the cooking. We always ate on ad-hock tables and mismatched chairs set up in the downstairs den off the kitchen because they didn’t have an actual dining room.

Back then my nieces and nephews were young and I would decorate for their BD parties - lots of balloons, streamers and cut-outs of whatever character they were into at the time. I did the same at her house for her 90th with a 70s smiley face theme.

Well grandma called me a few days before TG and asked if I was going to decorate for “the party” We had never done anything for TG beyond flowers and candles, but I knew she was getting confused as to why we were all coming over later that week.

The next day I went to a stationary/party store that was on Greenwich, just up the block from the Jefferson Market Library and spent over 200 bucks on every damn Thanksgiving decoration they had.

My grandparents lived upstate so most of us arrived sometime the day before, sleeping on couches, the floor, where ever. That night a cousin helped me decorate. We usually ate off of her wedding china, but I’d bought paper turkey tablecloths, plates and napkins. Crepe turkey centerpieces, cutouts and table glitter; cornucopia mobiles, streamers and tissue fallen leaves; a helium tank and autumnal color balloons. Every inch of the tables, walls and ceiling were over adorned, a balloon floated above each, chair and it looked too over the top to be a set in a John Waters movie.

Right as we were finishing up, grandma opened the door to the den and stuck her face in — she said she wanted a peek before heading off to bed. Her face was wide eyed with delight, like a little child, and she said it was “too beautiful.”

That was her last Thanksgiving at home, before we had to put her in a nursing home.

Back in the late 80s when I was an adolescent, my favorite aunt was hosting the family Thanksgiving dinner.

She had been a housewife all of her life and after her youngest child left for college she got her nursing degree and started working for the first time. With her very first few paychecks she had built a beautiful gazebo built on the edge of the pond in her backyard. She was so proud of that gazebo and her new status as a professional woman.

That Thanksgiving was the first year that deep frying turkeys became a fad and my uncle decided he’d try it out, under the gazebo.

An hour before dinner, without even reading the directions for frying the turkey, my uncle had managed to start the largest and fastest spreading grease fire anyone had ever seen and my aunt’s brand new gazebo was burning like a Roman candle.

In a matter of ten minutes all that was left was a smoldering piles of ashes and the concrete footings it all had been built on. I still remember the grim look on my aunt’s face. I think it broke something in her that I don’t know if she ever really got over.

After stuffing the turkey and putting it into the oven to get hot, dad did the same thing to us…….he stuffed both Lyle and me with his uncut Cuban sausage and then shoved our heads into the fireplace. Lyle’s hairpiece started to smoke, but we saved it by peeing on it. Dad then carved the real turkey with a knife and we ate. For dessert, we blew their heads off while they ate a Mrs. Fields boxed Pumpkin Pie.

Good times.

Thoughtful of the OP to start a Thanksgiving thread two weeks early; we have Thanksgiving weekend here. My family always had the dinner on Sunday and the stat Monday is turkey soup and sandwich day.

As per Marney’s Thanksgiving letter, what is turnip casserole? Is it a classic Thanksgiving side? Is it one of those dishes served with sugar and marshmallows like sweet potato casserole?

Longtime partner died a few days before Thanksgiving in 2008. Thanksgiving was always our favorite holiday, and I'm still fond of it. But even all these years later, it's a very bittersweet time. I usually spend it alone -- not weeping, or anything. I just don't feel like being stuck in someone's house, making endless small talk with people (their relatives) I don't know or care about.

WW for r48 for mentioning Jefferson Market, my favorite place to shop when I lived in NY. Fall was my favorite season in NY.

What did you shop for at a library?

My Mom had an oven with a time-set option. She would put the turkey in the oven and set the oven temp to start at 5:00 am. One TG morning, we discovered she'd forgotten to set the timer option so the turkey was still raw when we woke up at 6 am. She swore a little but everything worked out fine.

One year, after Mom had died, I tried to make a traditional roast beef dinner on TG for my 3 siblings and me. I have a gas oven and Mom had a electric one so I underestimated how long it would take to cook a 2+ lb. beef roast. I wound up cutting it into hunks (very rare in the middle) and sending everyone home with mashed potatoes and green beans. That was the last time I tried to make TG dinner for my family.

That gazebo story, upthread, started out very Hallmark movie and frautastic.

And ended like Stephen King.

How did Marney die? Was she pushed out of a plane ✈️ 👵🏻

Thanks reply 48 for making me ball my eyes out. Bless your sweet grandmother AND your family for making it all, too beautiful for her.

My mom and her husband went to Florida to visit my sister one year and while exploring, found an under-construction golf course community. They spontaneously bought a house and up and moved there the next Spring. Mom always hosted a big Thanksgiving dinner in Ohio, so we panicked. My brother and his fat, cunty wife decided to drive down that week so their kids could have a short vacation, and that started seven years of Thanksgivings in Florida.

Our tradition in Ohio had been to order pizza, drink, and play cards the night before. We usually drank beer, but the first year in Florida, I bought vodka, Kahlua, and half and half, and made White Russians for my sister-in-law, who must have consumed more than dozen of them. We were out on the lanai, next to the pool, when she attempted to stand up from her chair unaware that she was shit-faced. Her arms flailed as she fell backward into the pool, taking her chair, the table, and my mom with her. The upside was that she was too messed up to ruin Thanksgiving the next day, opting to stay in bed almost all day.

So now, when we manage to be in the same place at Thanksgiving, I always bring the stuff to make White Russians, which my mom, brother and I happily enjoy, while the ogre loudly complains that the sight and smell of them make her sick.

^You really dislike your sister-in-law. I fucking hate one of mine, as it is pure evil. White Russians won't work on the bitter lemon face, holy roller. I think it drinks blood. Sickest of all is my brother who says her selfishness was the quality that initially attracted him. Heave!

R61, did you laugh when SIL fell into the pool? I think it’s hilarious that White Russians became a tradition after that debacle.

I've avoided most of my family & extended family for a long time. The last time I went home (had to get on a plane) for Thanksgiving, my low back went out (hadn't been doing anything strenuous) and I got a bad case of constipation.