Let's Be Texas

I'm the guy from Bernie who accurately describes Texas

I’m buccee’s

I'm the morons

I'm the fake patriotism and the even more fske religious piety that is a hallmark of bullshitting Texans.

I'm the mega churches that should taxed into oblivion for promoting a hateful agenda.

I'm the Austin hipster hoping and praying that THIS is the year when Democrats finally win their first national-level race in 30 years. Beto couldn't do it, but I know Colin Allred can! It'll be a perfect sea of blue when that happens!

[quote]I’m buccee’s

On behalf of all Texans: oh, dear.

I'm the cowboy hat and cowboy boot-wearing middle aged men - I've never been on a horse in my life.

I'm the delusion that Texas is the best and that other Americans wish they could live there, when they actually view the state with contempt. Well blue state people at least.

I'm Jerry Jones

I'm the BBQ. Fat whores love me.

I’m the small-dicked, huge-bellied men open-carrying firearms as we waddle around in public

I’m the arrogant Dallas gays working entry-level jobs at 45 and in debt up to their eyeballs.

I'm the food at the State Fair! I'll have the Drowning Taquitos.

I’m dreaming like a Texan girl.

A girl who thinks she's got the right to everything.

A girl who thinks she should have something extreme.

I’m Lynn Wyatt, née Sakowitz.

I’m Prada Marfa.

I am an H-E-B Plus!

[quote]Let's Be Texas

No.

I'm Houston

I have culture, class, sophistication, sports, and a massive economy. Yet, I get shit on by everyone.

I'm the myth that everyone at the Alamo was a fine, upstanding human being. This myth must be upheld at all costs.

I'm DFW.

An acronym that can be used in reference to the state's largest metropolitan area, preceding the word "Metroplex," or as the code for Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. Take your pick.

I'm DL ole fave authenticated poster Kirker.

I'm a native of Texas. I once dropped a Texas sized turd in the toilet of a party host that single handedly wiped out the entire sewage treatment facilities of the city of Austin.

R13 - NGL - that sounds really good and is exactly what dry-ass taquitos need.

Nobody said Texan food is bad - I really like Tex Mex.

I'm the diabetes

I'm Tito's Vodka.

I captivated the asshole market in Austin in the early 2000s and now I'm beloved by assholes everywhere!

I'm the cowboys, wearing my skintight jeans that show off my firm, round ass.

I'm "I'm fixin' to [...]....." And I wadn't kiddin.

I'm the Dallas Cowboys football team - Texans thinks everyone agrees with the name "America's team" - but it's the most hated team in football. A great analogy to the state of Texas actually.

I'm the high property taxes because we tax the people and not the corporations. We're PRO BUSINESS!

43rd in Education, 49th in quality of life, 12th in violent crime - Yeehaw y'all!

I’m the rape babies screeching.

I’m The Kimbell, the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth, the Rothko Chapel, the Nasher Sculpture Center, the Museum of Fine Arts Houston, and the Menil Collection… among others.

I’m the Longhorn cattle drive in Fort Worth.

I’m Cancun Ted Cruz. I could be murdered on the Senate floor and nobody would give a fuck.

I’m Elon Musk. Ted is now the second biggest asshole in the state.

I'm Texas Monthly, one of the best magazines in the country.

I’m Dealey Plaza. Ted Cruz’s father was the gunman on the grassy knoll.

I’m Greg Abbott. My dick doesn’t work, so I’m taking it out on every woman in the state.

I’m Southfork Ranch. I’m not the big glamorous mansion many people think I am.

I'm a $70M high school football stadium. My jealous neighboring school districts are now planning their own bigger, more expensive stadiums.

I’m Willie Nelson, Ann Richards, Molly Ivins, Earl Campbell, Barbara Jordan, Lloyd Bentsen, and other legends. It’s our state, too.

R34

Agreed - their long-form articles are often better than Vanity Fair’s.

I’m Stevie Ray Vaughan, one of the best guitarists Texas has ever seen.

I'm the airport that I sprinted through like OJ in that television commercial to buy an "official" Dallas Cowboys jersey during a 20 minute layover just because I had a crush on Tom Landry.

It was a really long time ago but I still have that jersey. Though I really hate football.

I’m the Piney Woods of East Texas.

I'm where Juneteenth originated.

I’m the power grid. In the right weather conditions, I make national news!

"Howdy folks!" I'm Big Tex from the State Fair of Texas. Please enjoy your Fletcher's Corny Dog and an assortment of other unusual deep-fried concoctions. You'll take a year or two off your life when you do, but "Boy howdy!" does that fried shit taste good.

I'm a Blue-voting Texan. Yes, we do exist in high numbers, but a combo of gerrymandering and "election protection" regulations exist to diminish our power and delay the inevitable demographic shifts favoring us in the long run. Hottie Colin Allred is giving slovenly bastard Ted Cruz more competition for his Senate seat than he expected, though.

I’m tornado season

I’m the delicious cuisines from all over the world that can be found in any major city in Texas.

[quote]I’m Stevie Ray Vaughan, one of the best guitarists Texas has ever seen.

So am I.

Don't forget me, R48.

I’m JFK visiting Dallas on November 22, 1963.

I’m the relentless red white and blue patriot type outdoor decor on old Route 66.

I’m the liberals from Austin who think they’re better than the rest of state even though they are just as (if not more) annoying than conservatives.

I’m the conviction that I’m better than you because I have a Texas address.

I'm a rural West Texas town without a post office, school and grocery store because so many residents moved elsewhere for better opportunities.

I'm the Taco Cabana at every exit. Sometimes on each side of the exits

OP....that statue scared the FUCK out of me. Big statues like that and Big Tex give me the creeps because I imagine them falling and causing complete and utter destruction. My friends know this and said nothing about good ole Sam. Boy, they got a laugh out of that.

A guy I’ve met Online goes to South Padre Island for 10 days in February. Is that a red flag?

I'm N Fitzhugh Ave where there used to be some great neighborhood gay bars that trendy millennial restaurants have replaced.

I’m it’s best little whorehouse.

I'm all 254 counties, most with a fancy historic courthouse in the county seat.

I'm Taco Casa, and I will take you to heaven.

I’m the racism and homophobia disguised as Christian values

I'm the small East Texas towns with a population of 2,000 or less:

One post office, one grocery store, one hardware store. If we are the county seat, then we have a historic courthouse.

A large school district to hold the residents and the country folks. Some people drive 30 minutes in just to get to school.

We also have 87 churches, all Baptist

R47 - I've never fully bought that argument about there are so many blue voters when the governor - a literal psychopath on wheels - gets elected by popular vote. And the state has had landslide presidential votes for Republicans for over 20 years.

Face it - Texas is full of red-state MAGA haters. Yes there is gerrymandering, but that doesn't make up for the general election votes. The majority population are awful people.

I am a REAL AMERICAN against socialism, liberalism, and the welfare state! Now gimme my Social Security, my Medicare and Medicaid, my tax breaks for being old, and other perks of being an old white fucker.

I’m the bluebonnets in the hill country.

I'm Dallas, which has a church and a liquor store on every corner.

I’m the Paul Rudolph house of the late Anne Bass in Fort Worth.