Let's be bridezillas!

I love my boyfriend, but I'll love him a lot more of my engagement ring is north of 25K.

A girl has to show off to her friends and make them envious.

I feel like a princess!

I'm the terrifying realisation at the end of the wedding day that a) it was nowhere near perfect and b) this is it, life is all downhill from this point onwards.

I’m cutting off all friends/family who refuse to spend thousands of dollars to attend my destination wedding!!!

And don’t forget about my bachelorette party and bridal shower that also require extensive travel because making things convenient for my guests wouldn’t look good on social media.

I’m the groom who is immediately regretting his decision to marry an overgrown toddler.

The new trend is warbling their way up the aisle serenading the groom most of whom look embarrassed.

A few years ago one was on YT that sounded like Grace Adler. It was cringeworthy.

When I the dumb salon bitch messed up my tips during our mani-pedi you didn’t even ask me how I WAS!

I’m the thinly veiled threats in the bridesmaids’ demands list.

My sister is getting married in a few weeks. I can already see the insanity slowly creeping in.

Our color scheme is orange, maroon, olive green and dark brown and those are the ONLY colors we want to see on our special day. If your outfit is not at least one of these colors you will not be admitted to our ceremony of bliss.

I’m the undiagnosed personality disorder

I'm the Man of Honor who just keeps rolling his eyes.

I'm the $9-an-hour human being who doesn't give a fuck about you and your cheap limo.

I'm the sister of the bride who's not allowed to be in the wedding party because I'm obese.

I’m the cunt

I got to my coveted hot-pink, off-the-rack wedding gown at the bargain basement last Saturday! I’m so sorry about the 5 other women who I body-checked and gave concussions to when I mowed them down to get to the dress first, though!! #Regrets

I’m runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks.

I’m the gay bar takeover with my bridesmaids!

Gays love us!

I'm the bride's pretty friends. We're not in the wedding party because she doesn't want to be upstaged.

The pretty relative that had to go in has been put in a color that makes her look dead, and a dress shape that makes her look fat.

I'm the worst Bridezilla ever. I lost my friends, my family, and my fiance.

I'm the request of a 5k cash gift from all the wedding guests so my new husband and I can go on a honeymoon and have a down payment for a house.

Of all my bridesmaids, Madison alone never complains or rolls her eyes at my vision for this amazing day. She doesn't whine or complain, which I will always love her for until I discover on my honeymoon that Perry has been fucking her throughout our engagement!

I’m the bridesmaid who’s excommunicated for buying a dress in “Buff” instead of “Harvest Wheat”.

“I’m a walking, talking personality disorder who will not hesitate to ruin everyone’s lives if I don’t get my way now and forever. I have no actual intelligence, skill, or talent in life except for giving head. It’s how I wrangled this big dumb stump of a fiancé who always goes along with whatever I dictate.”

It's my YEAR. And you better not get married or engaged in it. And don't even think about getting pregnant. Oh, and wedding venue is OFF LIMITS.

I'm the very selective guest list. Not everyone is invited to this special day but I still expect friends, neighbors, coworkers, and distant relatives to buy a gift from my wedding registry. Cash or checks are acceptable too.

We're the bridesmaids. Each one of us has fucked the groom at one time or another.

I'm the awful truth that this production is the apex of my life.

We're the groomsmen. Each of us has fucked the groom also, but don't tell the bride.

I’m the entitlement.

I'm the bride. I've fucked ALL of the groomsmen!

This is a ridiculous reference point, but I remember some talk show (Monte?) that had a couple on and the husband's problem with his wife was that she sat around all day while he busted his ass at work. He would come home to her in her wedding dress, watching the video of their wedding, and crying that it was all over. And it had been months. I've enjoyed many weddings but I'm happy that I've aged out of the friends' weddings and now just go for family obligations.

I'm the cash bar.

I’m fatness. And Diet Pepsi and a cinnamon roll for breakfast.

I’m the starvation diet and obsessive gym sessions that the bride goes on as soon as the engagement ring is on her finger. I’m abandoned with the first slice of wedding cake, resulting in a 10 kg weight gain by the end of the honeymoon.

The groom comes home wondering why the hyper skinny woman who he married has been replaced with a lazy complaining harpy.