Death bed thoughts..

Diana should’ve aborted the ginger.

..Covfefe..

I wish this crazy, coked out bitch would shut the fuck up and let me sleep. I have to talk to a divorce attorney first thing in the morning.

I think a sailor's knot will do.

Should have used that seatbelt …

Who the fuck is paging me n…

Well, this is embarrassing.

Bobby? What are you doing here...?

I should have given her half of everything I earned, plus the house and kids.

This doctor does magic with propf - -

I should never have met up with my crazy ex.

Corn? When did I have corn?

Which way is up?

I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT

There are so many trees on this mountain...

She had it coming.

I should’ve left them in a basket on Bette’s doorstep.

Tomorrow I'll start my diet.

I have sufficient.

Maybe I shouldn't have gone to that Trump rally

Why couldn't I have hooked up with a skinny girl from steerage?

"Two bitches I'll never have to see again, Patty Duke and Lucille Ball!"

I shouldn't have listened to Donald Trump

I think I’ve got the Gobloots.

I had to kill her. It was her or me...

There. Are you happy now?

Ahh, nothing is as relaxing as a bath.

Just like Mom always said, there's nothing as relaxing as a bath.

Two dots, OP?

Oh, dear.

That Big One feels great ….soooo relaxing…..sooooo…..blllubb

These disco lights really set the mood - they almost make you forget you're in a lousy Days Inn in Glendale!

I should have had two abortions

I should have used EZ-Off

Nay! Nay!

Maybe I should take some stool softeners and Ex-Lax.

But cha Ah, B.D. Ya AH a bitch!

John is such an idiot. Failed the bar exam twice, his boring magazine George is going under, and now he's confused about where he is.

LOOK WHAT I CAN FUCKIN' D—

And you may ask yourself, How did I get here....?

All this Italian food I've been eating is giving me severe heartburn. Next time I'll just order a salad.

Heartbeat,

Heartbeat,

Why do you fail me now?

What the fuck is this pilot doing? Does this asshole even know how to fly a helicopter?

In retrospect, I should have eaten ALL the pineapple.

Don’t bother, they’re here.

Chris, I'm home from my MLM conference! Where's the kids?

One more big push.

"My shoes! My hair! My two scoops!"

Inmate and one term, twice-impeached former POTUS*

Maybe I shouldn't have gone to that Trump rally

I should really rethink my friendship with Aaron Hernandez

Jesus Fucking Christ, I just gave that asshole an autograph, and now they're back?

I got away with everything.

What does this button do?

[………]

I can't believe all the treasures I'm finding on the bottom of this marina!

Crikey, look at the size of that stingray! I know, I'll sneak up on 'er and give 'er the surprise of 'er life!

They’ll never take me alive!

I'd rather die than stay married to this moron.

Man, it’s getting hot in this place. Hitler?! What are you doing here?

Mommy, you said if I came all the way down here you'd give me another pineapple slice;.

Fuck this feels like a heart attack, I can't die like this, I'm a Jew eating ham in Harry Nilsson's flat. Alan will plotz and tell the whole world it killed me. 30 percent and slander into the next life. Aye yi yi

Making out with Chris Walken was so not worth this.

I can't believe I got involved with that insecure, legless freak.

One more swallow and then that's it...

EHR-AH, TOUCHDOWN, MUTHERFU --

AFLAC!!!

I hate zat kveen!

Who’s paging me?

Why do the stairs smell like cooking oil?

I can't believe that fat cunt is the president of my fan club.

Come to think of, Rosebud was a awfully stupid name for a sled.

Who let all these bats in here...??

This is just like being in a Fast and Furious movie! Cool!

I'm too young to die!

I should have bought a Honda.

It's taking forever.

I should stay away from hustlers

This is a surprise. Apparently, we have Fatty Arbuckle on the phone.

Tallulah Bankhead‘s last words:

requesting “codeine…bourbon”

I need this parade like I need a hole in the head.

No more Dominican teenage boys for me!

At age 79, this hot twink at Cibolo Creek Ranch is going to give me a heart attack; but it’s worth it.

I believe I can fly ...

That bitch Lindsey betrayed me and flipped to Donald Trump when invited to play golf.

Which end is up?

STAUNCH!

Am I gonna let the elevator bring me down? oh shit this ain't Percocet...

I wonder if my dick will end up featured in the Smithsonian?

Timing really is everything.

Rumors will fly guessing who I was with.

Abraham, call 988 if you have suicidal ideas. It gets better.

I am being murdered to shut me up. But it will be squelched by the government.

I totally did it.

Do NOT let Lindsey Graham describe himself as The Widow McCain

Mama Cass died here? Wow!

They were supposed to shoot Suge, not me!

Ron DeSantis campaigns for him. LOL.

I deserved a book deal.

I guess the wealth didn't trickle down after all. Oops!

I never trusted those fat ass Kennedys.

Victoria Principal is a CUNT!

Either that wallpaper goes or I do.

Mnlmnlmnmm

"it's perfectly safe!" The CEO of Oceangate

We heard you the first time, r66.

This liver cancer is unbearable!

Is it too late for delivery?

Kittens.

Linda’s going to make this all about her, isn’t she?

Wait! I can’t die like this! Linked forever with a fucking psychopath!

I’m such a fool.

I'll miss the good old days, grabbing pussy with Donald Trump

Ha! That asshole Tricky Dick would never pull this kind of crowd in Dallas!

I want to meet the hard-working immigrant kitchen staff on the way out...

I’m so bored.

I love West Hollywood. It's such a safe neighborhood.

When I paid you boys to pound me, this was NOT what I had in mind!

I've lost so much weight on the watermelon diet!

Ahhh, nothing beats smoking in bed.

That’s a big truck.

Does this ladder lead to a hot tub?

I believe I can fly...

R117. Joan Davis didn't die from a ciggy in bed...her daughter did. Fail for you for not properly knowing D-list 1950's comediannes causes of death!

R117 was thinking of Jack Cassidy R121 but his chubby fingers typed Joan Davis.

R122. I had to take Jack Cassidy's chubby fingers. That way he didn't have to look at me...

Of all the places to spend my last moments on earth, why does it have to be on this filthy sidewalk in front of this sleazy club?

At least I won’t have to work with Marilyn Monroe again.

Is that a plane?

Oh Shit!

You are telling me those things are ladybugs? They don’t look like no damn ladybugs.

I’m just going to take a handful more of Nembutal pills so I can get a good night’s sleep.

Courtney Love is a skanky, unbearable CUNT!

I love West Hollywood. It's such a safe neighborhood. —Sal Mineo

Not funny or ironic or in the spirit of the thread. He died in a brutal random crime and was mocked and ridiculed for it because he was gay.

Awesome light show!

Jesus, take the wheel!

Gwampa, don’t stick me out da win —

doooooooooooow

Mommy, I can’t see the African dogs. Can you hold me up?

Oh, shit, here comes a dingo!

I should have worn a life jacket...

I’m going to count to three. There will not be a four.

Nig*uh -- I said fetch me some COLD water!!

I hate to finally admit it, but — objectively speaking — Dick York was the better Darren.

They didn't taste as good as 5 Guys

I have a fabulous life without Donald, hope I never see a golf course again.

Dont eat me Stanley. I left you an open bag of dog food.

This is the only way I can get to reminisce with Soupy Sales.

R122 - Jack Cassidy was smoking on the living room sofa and died as a burnt husk near the front door. You know what you can do with your chubby fingers... a habit for you, I'm sure.

Hillary! What are you doing in the park so later?

You people are WICKED! Lol.

That guy turning left sees us.....doesn't he?

I hope the circumstances of my suicide are accurately reported.

"This is the only way I know to be free again... Please don't follow me."

Suicide note

Death? You’re FIRED.

This will show Rex Harrison I mean business!

I think I'll just sit here for awhile.

Hear hear! What r152 said!

Little Boys, little boys. Everywhere I turn, I can see them. Little boys, little boys. Night and day, I eat, sleep, and breathe them.

^^ 😂

R131 - MARY! You are a hall monitor extraordinaire.

How warm will Hell be?

Fucking Dumbledore!

You won't have Nixon to kick around any more.

That was one helluva party.

Jell-O for dinner. Pretty dog. My leg fell off.

I'm not feeling great...

Looks like God got me for that.

Of all the nights for me not to have Jay do my hair ...

The fucking little shit got into MY cage!

One more little nip and tuck can't hurt ....

I should have gone to AA

I should have had a few more cheeseburgers

Fuck you, Dad!

An eight ball, you say? Now that sounds like something I'd like to experience.

There's no better feeling that riding an open country rode on my bike -- God I feel so alive!

Hey grandma, pull the purse out of your twat and hit the gas already. Those little bastards are gaining on us!

My Heart Won’t Go On

I've had sufficient ... of this earthly experience.

Christina! Bring me the coffin!

On reflection, I should have seen a doctor sooner. No one has a single headache lasting for six months.

Oh look, a shooting star. Pretty!

This horse is a bit too heavy.

Well, this is my last trip in a Winnebago.

That little Filipino sure gives good head!

I'm dumping you, you neurotic, wrinkled, old bag!

Betty!!!! What the hell?!!!

Aaaaaaaah! *splat*

“My baby is stillborn, I’m so distraught!”

I was already dead on the inside, so this is working out well for me

I shouldn't have jerked off with John.

I’m finished, but now I’m famous. I want get to enjoy it.

Has anybody seen my gun?

I’m really digging the polyrhythm of these hospital machines.

They better not let that orange fucker come to my funeral.

My enemies better not DARE show up at my funeral!

Melania better not show her tits at my funeral

Bobby better not stash my corpse in his deep freezer!

Donald better not bury me on one of his shitty golf courses!

r171 you mean SPEEDball

Mrs. Richard Carlson *eyeroll*

R196 - I didn't say what Belushi was going to do with that eight ball...

R148, I once saw an interview with Alec Guinness where he told the interviewer that when James Dean brought his new car over to show him, Alec said, "Do not drive this car. I'm not usually psychic but I have a really bad feeling coming from it."

The interviewer responded that at the time of the crash Dean was probably thinking, "That was a bloody funny thing Alec Guinness said to me."

"The next sound you hear will be Clark Gable opening his refrigerator."

Speed it up a little!

I DID make it to 100!

"I cannot wait to go for a drive. I've been dying to show off my new scarf."

- I. Duncan

r184 Amateur!

- P. Cline

"I wonder if anyone will write a song about us."

Bea was a cunt.

I was such a fun girl, but later I became very depressed.

All my fans at The Datalounge will be so disappointed that I didn't make it to 110

All that thighmaster stuff and I didn't even make it to 80? Fuck that!

Actually, I wouldn't mind a little caffeine.

It's been a good life. Made lots of new friends - and stuck my fist up all of them.

With respect, St. Peter, you are confusing me with a person whom I played.

This turn-out really IS weak.

On the upside, I don't have to diet my way back into that friggin' bikini.

My momma said...to get things done...you better not mess with Major Tom...

Maybe I should have taken that next round of Chemo?

Maybe if I just had big boobs...

Is this all there was?

Death bed thoughts is rather morbid to think about. I imagine they would be I don't want to die.

Just smash my ankles with a sledgehammer.

Why me instead of my ignorant, parasitic, no-talent sister?

One day in America, there will be a wannabe dictator more despicable than me.

This oven could use a good cleaning.

[quote]Why me instead of my ignorant, parasitic, no-talent sister?

Which one?

^^ Both

Are you overlooking Janet, LaToya, or Rebbie ?

Janet has SOME talent (cough, cough) —she dumb too, though. Make it three. Now let me die in peace.

I guess organic papaya juice cleanses don't cure pancreatic cancer after all!

[quote]That guy turning left sees us.....doesn't he? —James Dean

That's actually pretty close to what he said: "He's got to see us!"

[quote]Speed it up a little! —Elvia Allman

Now THAT'S funny!

I swear to God, if I get home and Clark has that whore Lana Turner in my house, I'm gonna rip his balls off!

All I do is make purses. Is that all there is?

This is a great bike! I love it!

Hope I'm not going to Hell for molesting all those kids!

Please, America, don't elect my asshole son to be President of the United States

I’m dressed beautifully, took the pills; now I’m tying this plastic bag around my head. That’s the worst part.

Goodbye, city life!

Giddyup, horsey!

Gary should’ve talked me out of this.

I regret the day I started whoring around with a married man.

What is a "life-end"?

“You’re not going to that mulatto trollop, are you!??”

^ You’re not going to invite that mulatto trollop, are you!??”

The world is full of babbling, bumbling bands of baboons!

What in hell is a Miss Lindsey? I am the world’s most beautiful lady.

I never really cared for that cunt, Coral Browne.

It's just the flu, don't worry.

The ferry is just too God-damned slow. Fuck it, I'll swim to shore!

And that bloody oblivious fat cow Joan Plowright wasn't much better!

Nope, not yet, but I'm getting my thoughts together.

I can't believe how I've become so morbidly obese. I should hire a personal trainer.

Wait, is it for real this time?

"Ah so, is that Ferris Bueller himself in that car there? Jesus, Joseph and Mary, what the fecking feck?!?! Why sure, he be drivin' on the wrong side of da roa------"

Actually, "Heathers" wasn't that bad...

Why am I tasting metal?

Why do I smell toast?

Goddammit - and that bitch Phyllis Coates is still alive.

Did I remember to FF that jerk on DL?

Hey, Boo!

The proper order is Jesus, then Mary and then Joseph.

Like sands through an hourglass...

Sorry Todd, but without Carrie there isn't much point.

Fuck you, Johnny! This is the LAST time I come to his overrated shithole and do your shitty drugs.

Bloody hell! I thought I could hold on long enough to skip my idiot son and pass the crown to William. That old horse-faced slag better not call herself queen!

I hope we burned all the tapes...

I accomplished so much. Time to go.

Flavor-Aid? Can't that cheapskate Jones spring for the name-brand stuff for once?

Taking odds on whether I die today ...

This'll be the day that I die.

That surgeon better take 10 years off my life!

I resent Bette Middler‘s career.

That will be the day, that I die.

I think I'll just sit in this open window and play my cornet. It will be nice and relaxing.

Damn it! I tripped getting out of bed.

That cock sucker betrayed me for that evil con man.

That pavement's coming up pretty qui...

Now which one is the brake and which is the gas pedal again?

Shit, what was the safe word again?

I hope that plane misses us.

Damned if I know, Michael

This time it's for real!

I hate being stuck behind big trucks on the highway!

But'cha ah, Jane, you ah.

Jesus Christ, I already signed an autograph. What does this asshole loser want NOW?

I should’ve picked better pleasures.

So who's there for me?

Had I not broken this leg…..

I don’t feel well. Maybe some more poosie will perk me up.

Lindzey was so much fun during older days.

Happy's not gonna be happy.

Honestly, I don’t recall which football team member popped my cherry. They were all lined up and there was so many of them. Some got back in line a second time. 🏈 📣 ⛑️

"Betty Davis"

Lol.

God! He looks so sexy with that gun...

I guess we shoulda voted fer the nigger

What does this button do?

It’s McAuliffe

“Cindy! Oy, FIT CUNT! Get Beast a 40 piece Chicken McNugget with extra honey. Hide 19 of the nuggets (she hunts for them in her sleep).”

It should’ve been Shirley & Laverne

Hi. I'm here to chronicle and learn all about your prehistoric culture. Shall we start with something to eat?

Are you SURE you're sober enough to drive

A brand new liver?! Well, let's drink to that!

Damn it, pancreas!

Homemade airplane - what could go wrong?

I’m comin’, Louise!

Sieg Heil!!

Did he cum?

I must be the after effects of cocaine, and not sniffing the OxiClean.

I often chuckled to myself about Tina seeming like a little lesbian-in-training…ha, ha.

That Faye Dunaway sure is a great actress.

How stands the empire

I have a YUGE mandate and everybody loves me!

Jill! Jill, did I win?

Oh, hi Burke.

I’ll beat this Covid in 9 days, 9 hours, and 9 minutes. The bleach and Ivermectin are working I believe.

Who is Trump's Albert Speer going to be?

I’m really going to enjoy the next four years of the Trump presidency!

Nothing is as fulfilling as a dump on the roadside -HEY…