Historic numbers of older Americans are now living by themselves

It won't let me post a link to the article, it is from The Washington Post:

Gerri Norington, 78, never wanted to be on her own as she grew old.

But her first marriage ended in divorce, and her second husband died more than 30 years ago. When a five-year relationship came to a close in 2006, she found herself alone — a situation that has lasted since.

“I miss having a companion who I can talk to and ask ‘How was your day?’ or ‘What do you think of what’s going on in the world?’” said Norington, who lives in an apartment building for seniors on the South Side of Chicago. Although she has a loving daughter in the city, “I don’t want to be a burden to her,” she said.

Norington is part of a large but often overlooked group: the more than 16 million Americans living alone while growing old — the largest number ever. Surprisingly little is known about their experiences.

This slice of the older population has significant health issues: Nearly 4 in 10 seniors living alone have vision or hearing loss, difficulty caring for themselves and living independently, problems with cognition, or other disabilities, according to a KFF analysis of 2022 Census data.

If help at home isn’t available when needed — an altogether too common problem — being alone can magnify these difficulties and contribute to worsening health. Studies have found that seniors on their own are at higher risk of becoming isolated, depressed and inactive; having accidents; and neglecting their health. As a result, they tend to be hospitalized more often and suffer earlier-than-expected deaths.

Getting to health-care services can be a problem, especially if older adults living alone don’t drive or live in rural areas. Too often, experts observe, health-care providers don’t ask about older adults’ living situations and are unaware of the challenges they face.

During the past six months, I’ve spoken to dozens of older adults who live alone either by choice or by circumstance — most commonly, a spouse’s death. Some have adult children or other close relatives who are involved in their lives; many don’t.

In lengthy, often intimate conversations, these seniors expressed several common concerns: How did I end up alone at this time of life? Am I okay with that? Who can I call on for help? Who can make decisions on my behalf if I’m unable to? How long will I be able to take care of myself, and what will happen when I can’t?

This “gray revolution” in Americans’ living arrangements is fueled by longer life spans; rising rates of divorce and childlessness; smaller families; the geographic dispersion of family members; an emphasis on aging in place; and a preference for what Eric Klinenberg, a professor of sociology at New York University, calls “intimacy at a distance” — being close to family, but not too close.

The most reliable, up-to-date data about older adults who live alone comes from the U.S. Census Bureau. According to its 2023 Current Population Survey, about 28 percent of people 65 and older live by themselves, including slightly fewer than 6 million men and slightly more than 10 million women. (The figure doesn’t include seniors living in institutions, primarily assisted living and nursing homes.)

By contrast, only 1 in 10 older Americans lived on their own in 1950.

This is, first and foremost, an older women’s issue, because women outlive men and because they’re less likely to remarry after being widowed or divorcing. Twenty-seven percent of women ages 65 to 74 live alone, compared with 21 percent of men. After age 75, an astonishing 43 percent of women live alone, compared with 24 percent for men.

The vast majority — 80 percent — of people who live alone after age 65 are divorced or widowed, twice the rate of the general population, according to a KFF analysis of 2022 Census data. More than 20 percent have incomes below $13,590, the federal poverty line in 2022, while 27 percent make between that and $27,180, twice the poverty level.

Of course, their experiences vary widely. How older adults living alone are faring depends on their financial status, their housing, their networks of friends and family members, and resources in the communities where they live.

Attitudes can make a difference. Many older adults relish being independent, while others feel abandoned. It’s common for loneliness to come and go, even among people who have caring friends and family members.

“I like being alone better than I like being in relationships,” said Janice Chavez of Denver, who is in her 70s. “I don’t have to ask anybody for anything. If I want to sleep late, I sleep late. If I want to stay up and watch TV, I can. I do whatever I want to do. I love the independence and the freedom.”

Chavez is twice divorced and has been on her own since 1985. As a girl, she wanted to be married and have lots of kids, but “I picked jerks,” she said. She talks to her daughter, Tracy, every day and is close to several neighbors. She lives in the home she grew up in, inherited from her mother in 1991. Her only sibling, a brother, died a dozen years ago.

In Chicago, Norington is wondering whether to stay in her senior building or move to the suburbs after her car was vandalized this year. “Since the pandemic, fear has almost paralyzed me from getting out as much as I would like,” she said.

She’s a take-charge person who has been deeply involved in her community. In 2016, Norington started an organization for single Black seniors in Chicago that sponsored speed-dating events and monthly socials for several years. She volunteered with a local medical center doing outreach to seniors and brought health and wellness classes to her building. She organized cruises for friends and acquaintances to the Caribbean and Hawaii in 2022 and 2023.

Now, every morning, Norington sends a spiritual text message to 40 people, who often respond with messages of their own. “It helps me to feel less alone, to feel a sense of inclusion,” she said.

In Maine, Ken Elliott, 77, a retired psychology professor, lives by himself in a house in Mount Vernon, a town of 1,700 people 20 miles northwest of the state capital. He never married and doesn’t have children. His only living relative is an 80-year-old brother in California.

For several years, Elliott has tried to raise the profile of solo agers among Maine policymakers and senior organizations. This began when Elliott started inquiring about resources available to older adults living by themselves, like him. How were they getting to doctor appointments? Who was helping when they came home from the hospital and needed assistance? What if they needed extra help in the home but couldn’t afford it?

To Elliott’s surprise, he found this group wasn’t on anyone’s radar, and he began advocating on solo agers’ behalf.

Now, Elliott is thinking about how to put together a team of people who can help him as he ages in place — and how to build a stronger sense of community. “Aging without a mythic family support system — which everyone assumes people have — is tough for everybody,” Elliott said.

In Manhattan, Lester Shane, 72, who never married or had children, lives by himself in an 11-by-14-foot studio apartment on the third floor of a building without an elevator. He didn’t make much money during a long career as an actor, a writer and a theater director, and he’s not sure how he’ll make ends meet once he stops teaching at Pace University.

“There are days when I’m carrying my groceries up three flights of stairs when I think, ‘This is really hard,’” Shane said. Although his health is pretty good, he knows that won’t last forever.

“I’m on all the lists for senior housing — all lottery situations. Most of the people I’ve talked to said, ‘You will probably die before your number comes up,’” he said with mordant humor.

Then, Shane turned serious. “I’m old and getting older, and whatever problems I have now are only going to get worse,” he said. As is the case for many older adults who live alone, his friends are getting older and having difficulties of their own.

The prospect of having no one he knows well to turn to is alarming, Shane admitted: “Underneath that is fear.”

Better alone at home than at a nursing home.

Kate Shulamit Fagan, 80, has lived on her own since 1979, after two divorces. “It was never my intention to live alone,” she said during a lengthy phone conversation. “I expected that I would meet someone and start another relationship and somehow sail off into the rest of my life. It’s been exceedingly hard to give up that expectation.”

When I first spoke to Fagan, in March, she was having difficulty in Philadelphia, where she’d moved two years earlier to be close to one of her sons. “I’ve been really lonely recently,” she told me at the time, describing how difficult it was to adjust to a new life in a new place. Although her son was attentive, Fagan desperately missed the close circle of friends she’d left behind in St. Petersburg, Fla., where she’d lived and worked for 30 years.

Four and a half months later, when I called Fagan again, she’d returned to St. Petersburg and was renting a one-bedroom apartment in a senior building in the center of the city. She’d celebrated her birthday there with 10 close friends and was meeting people in her building. “I’m not completely settled, but I feel fabulous,” she told me.

What accounted for the change? “Here, I know if I want to go out or I need help, quite a few people would be there for me,” Fagan said. “The fear is gone.”

There is a solution - but all of housing in the US is to maximize profit - not for the actual housing of its citizens.

Having communal living arrangements for multiple generations have worked well in other countries. But in the US - everyone is on their own.

I spent a few weeks in the hospital and physical rehab after a car accident and it was my worst nightmare. No privacy, you are on their schedule, and most workers there were not nice. I had to prove that I was well enough to go home, I was afraid they were going to put me in a nursing home (I'm in my late 50's) . So I really want to stay in my home.

[quote]Better alone at home than at a nursing home.

That's everyone's ideal but the problem is at a certain age, many people need help on a daily basis. Help walking, showering, cooking, just paying bills etc. If you are rich you can have 24 hour private duty nursing but for us regular folks the choices are a lot more limited. No one I know who aged out chose to go to a nursing home, but even if you have kids which most of us gay men do not, the kids cant handle taking care of you. Too much work, to inconvenient, seen it dozens of time where the kids say, it's time for them to go to a home.

I know the decade ahead will be harder than the one behind me. I hope I’m earning and saving enough, but can’t be sure. I’m luckier than many of my friends, but it’s still intimidating to age one one’s own. I Will definitely try to hang on to my technological fluency and stay close to friends and siblings.

I live in a 55+ manufactured home community with my partner. The residents here have frequent gatherings and look out for one another. Neither of us has family, so we are grateful to have found this community. There are 3 other gay couples here but we are not exclusive socially, and enjoy a high level of acceptance and affection.

If you have DataLounge are you ever really alone?

[quote]If you have DataLounge are you ever really alone?

And are you ever fully dressed without a cunty remark?

R11, what part of the country are you in?

They would be boomers now and were the largest generation to that point. That's why it's historic.

California, the Central Valley..

R16 was for R14.

I like living alone.

If we instituted mandatory yearly driving tests, we would get more seniors into community living.

Two family members were diagnosed with dementia after car accidents.

Man, this aging thing. Spent this afternoon cleaning up after my mom in memory care and buying her a new mattress after she shat herself in her sleep. Walking around the facility, observing all these frail confused people... this aging thing is a nightmare.

I don’t have kids but even if I did, I would never want to burden them when I’m old. They have their own lives to live. I’ve witnessed my partner being a round-the-clock caretaker to his grandma after an accident and became bedridden. He did that for two years until she passed away. It was the hardest job in the world. He fell into a depression and almost wanted to give up. I would never put my kids thru that.

Gay men by and large don’t believe in committed relationships (that’s heteronormative!), which is sad because they are going to end up all alone later in life.

None of my family was ever put into nursing care, nor were the parents of anyone I know. In fact, most of my elderly relatives had their own houses and took care of themselves well into their 80s and 90s. We all visited them constantly and lived close to them. They all had their own friends too. I understand people having to work but some people just don’t want to do it. A friend of mine retired to take care of her two brothers, one who was autistic, the other retarded, her mother with Alzheimer’s, and her father who went blind. This was all happening at the same time. She did it all on her own. She never married. My aunt took care of her mother who had dementia, her husband who fell and hit his head and was totally dependent, and her son. None of these people complained. I will do the same for my mother when the time comes. Americans are overwhelmingly selfish and treat the elderly like dirt. There’s no sense of community anymore either. No one should feel lonely or be left to die on their own.

Japan is the one place where they beat it into the head of youth to respect the elderly. Other countries need to do this. People think they’ll never get old or ill.

[quote]If you have DataLounge are you ever really alone?

No but DataLounge is not going to wipe my ass or cook my food. They just want to mock my caftans and earrings, drink all my liquor and spend on day charging up my credit card with OnlyFans fees.

Actually r24, it's a two way street there and the youth is more respected. That's why it's customary for an elderly person on a bus to give up their seat for a child instead of the other way around.

[quote]Gay men by and large don’t believe in committed relationships (that’s heteronormative!), which is sad because they are going to end up all alone later in life.

Wrong Dear. Most gay men under 60 want a long term relationship. Even so, in a committed relationship, sooner or later one will die of old age and the other will be alone for a number of years. I have seen this happen many times. One guy I know is 82, his partner of 35 years died more than a decade ago. He's all alone.

R24 people have been dying alone at alarming rates in Japan for years now, so much so they even have a name for the phenomenom, Kodokushi.

It's been repeated several times now in this thread that this is only happening in the US, when it isn't.

My partner died 15 years ago. Since then I've lived alone. Love it. Recently a straight neighbor suggested we get a two bedroom flat together to save on skyrocketing rents Told him I would only share my living space with someone who was sharing my bed. That put an end to it.

R22 you need a more compelling reason for us eat your smelly snatch.

R29, That's better than what I usually say. Which is it's hard enough to love with someone you love, don't even ask me to do that with someone I don't give a shit about.

I will get involved with nursing home politics! Think up ways to torture the other residents on holidays.

[quote] Gay men by and large don’t believe in committed relationships (that’s heteronormative!), which is sad because they are going to end up all alone later in life

Is it sad? Save your performative pity. Everyone has shit they go through in life. Some people are happy alone. Some people are miserable sharing space in loveless relationships. You're just trying to make yourself feel better about your lot in life. Fuck off.

Boomers hogging all of the houses…..

It used to be a family effort to support aging parents. I dont think it fell on one child to do it all. Not sure what changed. I could never move away from my aging mother for this reason. All the work would fall to my siblings if I left.

Before 1920, most Americans lived on farms or some kind of rural setting. The farm or family home passed down from one generation to the next. That's obviously not happenining anymore.

No it’s not because mom and dad sold the house and have retirement saved up to buy themselves a used car.

R35, in the US Midwest it’s usually the oldest female or gay child who takes care of parents.

Other siblings may “supervise”, Yeah. Most are useless as far as tasks go.

My parents are gone. My partner and I aging. So far all okay except for one sibling, living alone, who needs help. None of us sibs live near him, not even in the same or neighboring state. We are in the midst of trying to decide what we can do: he has little money, big medical problems, few friends, resistant to moving or even engaging with services. We're not seeing a solution. He wants us to move near him.

R39 frankly if someone wants to be that stubborn they're on their own. Im willing to sacrifice a lot to help family but not if theyre selfish or demanding.

R39, a side benefit of Meals On Wheels is the wellness checks. They frequently open doors to other services.

One thing nobody discusses when weighing community living against aging alone in place is substance use.

You can’t smoke or vape in a community building within city limits. In a supportive living environment, your drinking is monitored. In a memory care environment, your sexual activity is noted, but not reported unless it harms others.

[quote] That's why it's customary for an elderly person on a bus to give up their seat for a child instead of the other way around.

What the fuck are you talking about? It’s just the opposite.

[quote] in the US Midwest it’s usually the oldest female or gay child who takes care of parents.

Now that gays can get married that’s not as true.

Think about people taking care of their parents before social security. That’s what happened with my aunt.

My one idea is since they didn’t save for retirement is to buy a place and hold it over their heads for control, since their retirement is a European vacations worth.

R16 I live here too.

We have a very good retirement income and benefits. If he dies before I do (which is unlikely) I can stay in our home. My youngest son lives in the area. He and his fiancé are comfortable financially. My oldest son & his fiancé are very well off. I don’t want to or expect to live with either of them but if I needed help I would get it.

R42 This is for you

[quote]DataLounge is not going to wipe my ass or cook my food. They just want to mock my caftans and earrings, drink all my liquor and spend on day charging up my credit card with OnlyFans fees.

Hi, Muriel!

I guess I'll go off and die in a cornfield by myself

I live alone because I like it!

R39, you should not have to pick up and move. No way. Most cities have agencies on aging that can deploy social workers to help people find affordable home care services. If your brother can get on Medicaid, maybe that could help?

But you should not have to up end your life that way.

My dad is 85, still sees patients (psychiatrist) and is aging in place in my very large childhood home. When my stepmother broker her neck and started her downward spiral, their long-term care insurance allowed her to stay home with 24/7 care for almost fifteen months until she died - I presume my dad is planning the same situation. Thankfully, he has all his plans and finances zipped up very tightly. He is also very, very social and has a lady friend who I don’t like but who has been a godsend.

My in-laws are in their 90s and due to MIL’s intransigence (and latent dementia), they had to emergently move into independent living because that was the only thing available at the time. Now, they pay $20k a month for their apartment and eight hours a day of in-home care because assisted living space isn’t available. It’s so maddening that this was somewhat avoidable and now they live in an admittedly very good complex with banal art on the long, quiet hallways, siphoning their generous pensions because they didn’t plan for anything.

It’s my worst fear to end up in their position. As an extrovert, I like the social aspects of places like that but not much else.

I never expected to grow old living alone, nor did I think I wanted it but I am very thankful that is how things turned out. No conflict, no one to deal with, I get to have everything exactly the way I want it, no compromise, this might be Nirvana for me. I realize living alone isn't for everyone but man it works for me.

Just thought of this: there are so many people who aren’t social workers with an agency, who can help the elderly navigate care decisions. Often, these are former nurses who know their way around all the various options. For people living alone, these “consultants “ could help with appropriate care and social choices.

R53/NPO, do you feel your father's lady friend is trustworthy? Is she someone who would try to ingratiate herself with him and take advantage financially? Because that happens. (I'm sure you know that.)

R55/NPO, yes! You're so right about that. And these agencies are often incredibly helpful to low-income older people. I'm 55, alone, and will definitely make use of my city's agency on aging in another 10-15 years.

Thankfully my husband comes from a very large Irish family who all live in the Hudson Valley/NY. They are serious about taking care of their own and have already said they’ll take care of us when the time comes (he has nieces and nephews in their 20s and 30s).

We want to stay in NYC for the longhaul but at some point we will need to move up there. Which is fine. I know my situation is unique and I’ll go anywhere when I’m an old fart if it means community, connection, care, etc.

I’m a big proponent of people having roommates, living in communal housing, and extended family homes.

Living alone and having the option of doing exactly and only as you please is easy for those who can afford it, fun even for some, but I don’t believe it’s is who we as humans have evolved to be. Humans are, for all of the American individualism seen in this country, a gregarious species and have a biological need to live with others.

Aging is not just a diminution of physical ability but also an ossification of the mental and living alone at any age hastens that. Living with others, and by nature having to make compromises and learn new things from each other, is invaluable to our mental and emotional health. Though it may be less free, the uncomfortable work of managing relationships is the exercise our brains, and dare I say souls, need.

Programs which pair young adults needing subsidized housing just starting out with older singles who own homes too large for them and needing companionship are promising, helping address the problems of housing availability and affordability, loneliness, and the senior care deficit, but I doubt Americans will ever adopt them in meaningful numbers.

bitch bitch bitch R59. We don't hate your stories, we just don't want to hear them over and over.

Have any of you considered living abroad when you retire because it’s cheaper? Like being an expat in Thailand for example.

[quote] Programs which pair young adults needing subsidized housing just starting out with older singles

i'm in a program that pairs disturbed adults with child mentors.

No fucking way r61

[quote] I’m a big proponent of people having roommates, living in communal housing, and extended family homes.

Good for you, but you need to realize that no one else is. Especially not in the USA.

I would only want to live abroad because I want to, not because I have to.

I hear a lot of people talk about doing some kind of Golden Girls living situation. It would be my worst nightmare. Every time I hear people say this, I just roll my eyes. Most of us are too set in our ways. It would be a disaster. I love my simple life. I am your average DLer: I am 69, look 39 and have millions in the bank.

R66 yep ..within a week there would be elder blood on the floor

R59, introverts like me do not do well living with others. We just need our space, quiet, and low- or no-conflict lives. I don't feel that I'm slipping into cognitive decline at all. I use my solitude to pursue intellectually challenging hobbies. If I want social interaction, I can go to a Meetup, volunteer, or enjoy church activities.

[quote] I don’t believe it’s is who we as humans have evolved to be. Humans are, for all of the American individualism seen in this country, a gregarious species and have a biological need to live with others.

Why don't you post some proof, then. Right now, it's your "belief." Obviously, some people like to live alone.

R69, looking to like alone and the fact that humans have evolved as a gregarious animal can both be true.

There are enough scientific papers to wallpaper my house on the importance of human socialization and philosophers since at least Aristotle have recognized the importance of human connections.

In the millions of years of humanoid history, we have always lived in groups, cooperating in greater or less degree with one another.

R56

I do trust her, actually. She has her own money and is very stable and independent. I don’t like her because she’s a bit of a smartass but she’s thoughtful and has been very good to and for my dad. And my sister and I are involved with his life, as are his friends. (And they had known each other for years, platonically, through mutual friends I trust implicitly.)

I appreciate you asking.

R61

We have Malaysian/American friends who jokingly try to convince us to move to Thailand post-retirement, but as provincial as this sounds, I can’t see myself being happy and relaxed in a wildly different culture. Especially at that age, you know? I love travel but I have very strong social ties where I am and I wouldn’t want to start over.

Could you?

Nursing homes haven’t changed that much in the last 40 years. Behind the fancy facade are the same uncaring carers making minimum wage, out of touch management, absentee family members, and ridiculous overpricing. Only drugs instead of restraints and Geri-chairs. The worst are the group homes.

I’m not sharing my bed. Sorry you have your room and I have mine. What you do in your room is your business and what I do in mine is none of yours!!

I consider myself a good judge of people, which is why I don’t like most of them.

NPO, I'm relieved to hear that your father's lady friend is trustworthy and a good caregiver. And high compliments to you on being able to recognize her good qualities, as well as giving your aging dad your time and love.

R53/NPO What other arrangements has your father made than long-term care insurance? My parents are in their late 50's and looking towards getting some choices setup for later. We have been talking about them each having a small full life insurance policy to cover funeral costs, but not much else.

When I retire I plan on running a home for wayward boys!!

R77- Don’t do life insurance, but prearrangement with a funeral home instead if you have many years to finance it. The issue with life insurance is you must keep up on the premiums and anywhere along the way risk an automatic draft not working, change of accounts or parent gets dementia and stops paying into it and over many decades, somewhere along the way it gets cancelled. My dad had set up three separate accounts for $250K as a young construction worker, and let them all go- one had expired six months before he died. Another didn’t have a new address to send a notice of cancellation. I think the companies actually plan it this way!

Pre arrangement funerals are overseen by the state, protected from hospitals and debt, and don’t increase.

Although whole life is not considered a good investment vehicle, there are good reasons to get at least some, when you are young, because at a certain point (like 20 years). you will have paid off the policy (the investments that the insurance company makes for its money will continue to accrue interest and will pay off the remainder of the policy.) In other words, it can't be canceled because of a missed payment at that point. t's accruing cash value all the time, so if you decide you don't want to leave it to relatives to pay for your funeral and to get a nice bequest from you, you could cash it in for the accrued cash value, which is generally less than the face value, and invest it another way, or convert it to an annuity. It's not for everybody, but it requires a lot less hands on investment management than lots of IRAs and other vehicles.

I have a friend who rehabbed a small apartment building, turned it into condos, and sold them to gay friends he is comfortable with. It's a walk up, but only two floors, with several steps to get up to the front door. So far so good as a small aging gay community. But as people have mentioned elsewhere. everyone presumes that there will be someone left to take care of them. However, often a person is the " lone survivor" and outlives friends and caregivers. It's rare to time one's death exactly so that it occurs at precisely the moment that a person can no longer care for himself in his own home. It's concerning to all of us over a certain age. My state has recently enacted a mandatory tax to pay for long-term care (if needed). Not everyone will take care of it, and I think it excludes people who are currently 65 or older, but eventually, it will be one less thing to worry about for people as they approach the worst years of their old age.

I'm already giving thought to a remodel of my split level house which would leave the lower level as my personal apartment and would leave the upper level as a home for a caregiver, who in theory would provide care at a far lower price because of having free rent. But I'm in no hurry to share my house, because like others here, I enjoy living alone.

Aging scares me too. I see several single gays on Facebook taking care of their elderly Momma and it’s horrible and exhausting and depressing and then she dies. And then decades later there’s no one to do that for these gays when they’re 88 not 58.

So true R82. I think people romantacize the past. The idea that all the kids chipped in equally. The idea that straight people never died alone. When my dad tells stories about his childhood it’s always “widow Kelly”, “widow Smith”, “old Mrs Jones - he did a runner on her” His little town had so many older women living alone.

Going back further, my grandfather came here because only the oldest son inherited the farm. His sisters were all left home and working as domestic servants by 16. He and his younger brothers emigrated. Men were older than their wives and did back breaking work so if a woman didn’t die in childbirth she became a widow. Who looked after widows in their final years? Usually one daughter.

Who looks after old people in my community now? Usually one daughter, one daughter in law, occasionally a gay son. One person cannot care for a parent with dementia, terminal cancer, Parkinson’s etc on their own. Financially, physically, mentally. Not unless the family is rich and she has hired help.

We looked after my grandmother at home. I took a year off college. My mother was fired for her job. Dad took a big paycut to go on a 3 day week. Dad’s other siblings “supervised” I’m very glad that we could keep her home. It was her request. But it was brutally hard. I had low level ptsd after she passed away. It’s so hard to watch someone fade away. We’re a blue collar family. If we were white collar professionals this would never have happened. If dad was a lawyer with a big mortgage and kids in private school then my grandmother would have been sent away at the first sign of decline but the facility may have been somewhat decent!

And don’t forget that the gay man or woman looking after their parent alone usually doesn’t get rewarded in the will. Before their parent is buried, the useless siblings have their hands out for their equal share.

If your nieces and nephews have promised to look after you they mean well. But you can’t hold them to the promise. Not unless you can hire your own 24/7 help and they can visit on the weekend or they’re independently wealthy. Or perhaps they are in a shitty low paid job and you promise to leave them everything if they quit and that everything is significant. My company will PIP and fire anyone who takes extended leave. If you’re honest and say that you’re a carer they will give you a shitty impact review which derails your career prospects. Same situation at other tech companies.

Concerning whole life policies, they are considered by the government as investments and not life insurance and it happens more often that you’d think that an elderly person goes on Medicaid to pay for a nursing home and because they have this undeclared asset which they should have liquidated before going on Medicaid they get kicked off and possibly have to pay back benefits they received.

I’m not sure I got it exactly correct but here’s more information about some tips to prevent this surprise from coming up.

If I ever end up in a situation where I’m going to become dependent on anybody else to keep me fed or wipe my ass, I’ll buy myself a one-way ticket to Switzerland.

I’ve had relatives who’ve required years of care, but I lack the constitution required for enduring decrepitude.

r84, Thanks for the info. When my mom became disabled (at age 78) due to sepsis secondary to colon cancer treatments, we sold her house and used the proceeds to buy an annuity. It collected interest for 3 years, then she began receiving monthly payments. The theory was that many people don't want a Medicaid nursing home. Those are often poorly staffed and the quality of care is poor. I don't know if the salesman of the annuity was blowing smoke up our asses, but he claimed that some better quality homes would accept Medicaid patients if there were some supplementary funds available. But an annuity takes it out of an "asset" class and puts it into an "income" class and doesn't invalidate the Medicaid. However, I took care of my mom at home for 22 years and now my sister does. (My mother is now 102! - wheel chair bound, but still extremely healthy) My mom's annuity finally ran out about a year ago. The government allows whole life insurance policies to be converted to an annuity without penalty:

1035 exchange To convert your whole life insurance policy into an annuity, you should use a 1035 exchange. This transaction immediately converts your life insurance into an annuity and moves your life insurance cash value into the annuity account. A 1035 exchange is an easy transaction that allows you to convert your life insurance into an income annuity without paying taxes on your gains12. You'll give up the death benefit, but you'll no longer have to pay premiums, and you'll lock in income for the rest of your life (or a specific number of years)2. Your advisor will lay out your annuity options, from variable to fixed annuities3.