My new psychologist literally looks like a model...

How much is he charging you for this "boyfriend experience"?

R1 Whoever told you you were funny was trying to fuck up your life. I'm sorry you let him win.

I laughed, r2

Stay with the best qualified imo. Let's see his pic

Lowenstein, Lowenstein.

This is a bad for you because you will begin using your sessions to try to impress him. As such, in order to win his approval, you will hide things, lie, and subvert the therapy process. The fact that you posted this here proves you are not capable of having a healthy relationship with him.

Dump him OP, good looking people are dumb.

R6 That hasn't been an issue yet because I've shared some extremely embarrassing stuff that I could never bring myself to tell other therapists. He's very good at making you feel comfortable.

Sounds like the therapy is working op. Give it a try. It's normal to fall a bit in love with a therapist that helps you. Isn't that what Freud described as transference?

Are you seeing DL fave Matthew "Pretty Privilege" Dempsey?

Would you say that he's an Extremely Sexy Therapist? He certainly sounds like it.

R8 that’s bad because you are ONLY SHARING IT TO IMPRESS HIM. You want him to think he’s such a good therapist so he’s nice to you.

I repeat

The fact that you posted it here is proof that you cannot handle it.

Furthermore, the fact that you posted this here PROVES you know this YOURSELF! And you want someone to tell you it is wrong because you cannot deal with it yourself.

[quote]When I showed his photo to a friend who's kind of a therapist herself

What does this even mean ? Either you're a therapist, or you're not. It's like saying someone is 'kind of like a physician' or 'kind of like a dentist' - no such thing.

Think to yourself OP - would you print out your post and read it to him in your session?

If no, then you know what you have to do - end the relationship.

If yes, then do it and watch him end the relationship for you.

Also your “kind of a therapist” friend is right. The therapist is selling his glamour and attractiveness like a real estate agent or spin class teacher. It’s not healthy.

R13 She has a graduate degree in psychology and does online life coaching part time. She used me as a guinea pig while she was in training, so I know it's very similar to what psychotherapists do.

Well my psychiatrist looks like a porn star— and I actually have pics!

[quote]The therapist is selling his glamour and attractiveness like a real estate agent or spin class teacher. It’s not healthy.

How is he 'selling his glamour and attractiveness' to his patient ? The guy shows up for appointments and treats his patients. What exactly is he is selling ? The guy is apparently very good looking (from what OP says), young, fit, and dresses in suits (which is appropriate for the business he's in). Sounds like the guy is professional, and takes pride in his appearance. Most importantly, he seems to be doing a fine job with his patient, as the OP has said he is making progress with this guy - something he hasn't had before with other therapists. Sounds like a great therapist to me.

Should this profession be only open to ugly, over-weight slobs who dress in oversized track clothing and a backwards baseball cap - unshaven and unwashed ? No gorgeous men need apply ?

Geez.

R17, you are absolutely correct. I love it! And thanks for providing pics, unlike OP.

Sidenote: She focuses on ADHD? How's that going? (If you don't mind my asking.)

You see, psych stuff and the people involved in psych stuff are bat shit, it's live right here.

This is fiction.

Also, the attachment syndrome/w shrinks is a well-known phenomenon.

Frued das eienght ein der shchoola.

R20 not necessarily, R20. A lot of people just got into it because social sciences are interesting. But some do get into to fix themselves.

The most fucked up people I’ve ever known have been lawyers though. So much substance abuse and alcohol.

R23 Ugh, lawyers. Never again.

I can't think of a single lawyer I've met that isn't blatantly self-serving. Granted I don't know any public defenders or nonprofit lawyers.

I had a lawyer once who didn't charge me. He felt bad for me because I was so poor. I felt bad for him because he had too much empathy for being a lawyer and was never going to make any money. The field that attracts the most narcissists is law.

[quote] She has a graduate degree in psychology and does online life coaching part time. She used me as a guinea pig while she was in training, so I know it's very similar to what psychotherapists do.

She is NOT a therapist. Not sure why someone with a graduate degree would want to do "life coaching." Life coaching is unregulated. Anybody can call themselves a life coach.

"In training" for what? Using you as a "guinea pig"?

This is either an EST or OP is pretty simple in his / her needs.

R27 Hence why I referred to her as "kind of a therapist", because she's not but does similar stuff as your average cheap therapist. Life coaching can mean many things from CBT to PUA. Her practice is decidedly closer to the former.

Therapists should look like Robin Williams in "Good Will Hunting"

Why is there no link to this guy? Should be easy to do and not reveal OP's identity.

Not a public figure, so no link. You need to be protective about your service providers.

Your friend suggesting that the Psychologist should make himself look less attractive suggests to me she's probably a crummy coach

Just don't hit on him.

Does he specialize in super crazy people, OP? Violent crazies?

Is that why you don't want to tell us, because then we'll know you're being treated for Stage IV Battshittery?

Therapists should look like Judd Hirsch in Ordinary People.

Sexy, hirsute Jewish man. Encourages clients to talk about masturbation.

[quote]Therapists should look like Judd Hirsch in Ordinary People.

You read my mind! I was *literally* going to post that.

[quote]What's even worse, he's by far the best psych I've ever had... Smart, perceptive, empathetic, and extremely practical and specific in his approach, and for the first time I'm actually having hope that this therapy thing might actually take me somewhere.

I'm betting it's more of the halo effect than his actually being all that good.

You've merely ascribed positive qualities - Smart, perceptive, empathetic, and extremely practical - to whatever he says because he's hot.

This thread is worthless without pics.

OP’s off her meds!

This will end in tears.

OP, you should have picked a kindly, frumpy middle-aged woman. They dominate in the therapy world.

Here’s an idea, OP: why not talk about it in your therapy?

OP, find a second therapist but keep this one as well. The other one will be for when you want to be fully focused on discussing your issues and receive critical feedback and the original will be when you have had a tough day or a week and you just want to spend an hour looking at a hot guy who'll appreciate everything you have to say (or, as it's known: "porn for women". AKA Hallmark TV movies)

OP, this is how you handle the situation, starting at 3:05. I've said similar things to a therapist and we ended up in bed.

OP, maybe your psychologist actually was a model. It wouldn't be unheard of for someone who's modeled to become a medical professional. Harper's Bazaar once ran an article about six models who also had career aspirations of becoming a doctor. Modeling doesn't last forever. Others might work modeling gigs while in medical school to pay the bills. There's the recent case of that hot Irish model (who also had nudes on his Only Fans page) who surprised everyone a few months ago announcing that he finally graduated from dentistry school and is now practicing that profession.

R45 He got a PhD in musical composition AND became a dentist? How old is he?

R3 Me 2. Whatever you do Op, don’t come on to him. It will end in tears.

R6 Agreed. The most important part of therapy is being honest and real. I personally find highly attractive people more trustworthy— I know superficial so I prefer a good looking therapist. But I am highly attractive myself so I process it different.

Is OP Darkgeminilord?

[Quote]OP, you should have picked a kindly, frumpy middle-aged woman. They dominate in the therapy world.

Here I thought I only had matronly lady-therapists because of my mommy-issues.

Good for you, OP.

"literally"

How humiliating for you

You couldn't afford a real psychiatrist?

Tell him-he’s the elephant in the room.

Give us his contact-we’ll do the rest.

It hit yesterday that this could work in my favor. The biggest motivator in my life for anything that isn't hedonistic is fear of disappointing people I care about. I will certainly not want to disappoint him. His charm might just be the push I need to go through with whatever he tells me to do, however daunting.

[quote]You couldn't afford a real psychiatrist?

Virtually no psychiatrists do talk therapy anymore. All they do is dole out medication.

R37, that’s what I thought when I read that description. Someone who is very attractive and who pays attention to you is, by definition, intelligent and perceptive.

Shitty EST…

Ha, my hot friend is a therapist in NYC, strong credentials and apparently he's really good. I could never go to him though, we're 15 year friends and we've fucked. He's early 40s though, is yours younger?

r58 "Someone who is very attractive and who pays attention to you is, by definition, intelligent"

That's quite a stupid thing to think.

I had to go to a walk in clinic City MD in early August. My throat hurt a lot , coughing , sneezing 🤧- the assistant who brought me to the examination room was so good looking- about 27 years old, slim with dirty blond hair. I was not in the mood to be distracted by his very good looks. Then he had to ask me all of these medical questions. I will say one thing though – I wouldn’t of minded if he told me to get completely naked so he could examine me before the doctor came into the room.

Fiction.

Long time ago, I had an optometrist who was this incredibly hot blond muscle bear. Every time he'd touch my eyelids, I'd get an instant hard on.

R61, do we really need to start adding “/s” around here?

As long as he's helping you that's all that matters. His hotness is a bonus.

Paging Dr. Gaëtan de Clérambault ... Paging Dr. Gaëtan de Clérambault.

Tell me about his couch, OP. Please.

[quote] Hence why I referred to her as "kind of a therapist", because she's not but does similar stuff as your average cheap therapist. Life coaching can mean many things from CBT to PUA. Her practice is decidedly closer to the former.

In other words, as far as 'behavioral health therapy' is concerned, she's a nothing. An absolute nothing. (I work in this field).

As someone else pointed out - anyone can call themselves a 'life coach' - and everyone does.

Move on.

Falling in love with your therapist, tale old as time.

What are you now, R70? A dancing spoon…?

I've written this in several of the many DL threads about colonoscopies:

The doctor (MD, I think) who did my colonoscopy was very handsome. I wouldn't say sexy, but handsome. His first name was "Eugene." Anyway, I had to consult with him once before the colonoscopy. I think he was maybe 7 minutes late and he apologized. Imagine that. He was so nice.

Therapy is a scam-keep paying.

I can't tell you how many times I've had this issue!

Use the transference, doofus.

Post his pic-let us decide.

I remember watching a program on PBS about 20 years ago, and the guest was a renowned psychiatrist. She was enjoyable to listen to on TV. One thing she said that made so much sense was :

Therapy should be used as a bridge to cross over temporary rough waters. Death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job or business, severe illness, etc. which is causing you mental anguish and disrupting the flow of life somehow. It may take a few months, or possibly a year. Oftentimes it takes medication - with adjustments along the way. But at some point, your therapist should get you over that bridge and help you to the other side. She then pointed out - if you're going to therapy for years or even decades, and their keeping you on the bridge, it's probably some kind of money scam. Your health insurance is paying out, and they're happy pocketing the money to see you regularly and keep you 'safe' on the bridge.

This was an eye-opener - I wish I recorded this program so I could send it to many people I know.

I couldn't help but think of all the friends / acquaintances I know who have been 'in therapy' for most of their lives - 20, 20, 40 years. I have noticed no change in them for all the years I've known them.

[quote]Therapy should be used as a bridge to cross over temporary rough waters.

That's correct and what I was about to say. I've done talk therapy, got a lot out of it, and it really helped. But you have to think of therapy as a crutch which you wouldn't continue to use after your broken leg was healed.

R78 Exactly.

I have known a woman since 1981 - she was my very first boss at my first job. I was 17, she was 26. I liked her a lot - very smart woman, fun to work with, etc. It was at a small bakery / cafe and most of my coworkers were the same age (a staff of about five). She made clear that every Wednesday she had to leave early because she had a standing 'therapy' appointment. Back in 1981, not many 17 year olds knew what therapy was or how it worked (or many people who went for this) - so nothing was said.

One day she and I had lunch together on a Wednesday (I remember this like it was yesterday - eating a tuna sandwich with her). Anyhow, the topic of her therapy appointment came up - I asked her what exactly was it all about. I was curious why she was paying $40 out of pocket to talk to 'a therapist' (I remember she said it was $40 she had to pay which came out of her $200 paycheck when she cashed her check).

She told me all the new bullshit about her 'dysfunctional family' (new to me) , 'boundaries' (new to me), and it all stemmed from when she was 13 years old and wanted a birthday cake with pink frosting, and her mother brought home her birthday cake from the bakery with white frosting. At that point - 13 years ago - she realized her mother hated her because of the wrong frosting.

I'm serious.

She told me she started therapy at the age of 20 when she was in college, and realized she couldn't trust anyone - she couldn't have a 'healthy relationship' in college with a guy (she later came out as a lesbian in her 30s) all because of trust issues and doubts of 'being liked' - and her therapist unwrapped the issue for her: because of her mother bringing home the wrong cake. Her whole childhood was a 'sham' - she realized her siblings and father hated her, too, for telling her she was making a big deal about her birthday cake over an easy mistake. Thanks to her therapist, she was able to unravel the mysteries of her unhappy childhood and dysfunctional family. She had kept a journal for six years, and so far she was up to the age of fifteen - and what went on in her fifteenth year. She had many Wednesday appointments to go before she reached 26 (and she was turning 27 three months later).

I remember sitting there, slowly chewing my tuna sandwich, trying to make sense of all this. Over a birthday cake with white frosting ? To this day, when I think of her, that always goes through my mind.

In 2020, she found me on Facebook and 'friend requested' me . She is now in Arizona, teaching there at ASU (from what I read on her FB page). She looked the same - just a bit older (she looked a lot like Lily Tomlin). Her posts were all psycho-babble and arguments with her FB friends. I never answered her 'request' - I guess its another button I'm pushing ?

^^^^ Forgot to add above, she always accused me of 'pushing her buttons' in a jocular manner. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean - I was always nice and accommodating to her.

Someone who could be triggered so easily (the color of cake frosting) and hold onto the grudge for so long will have their buttons pushed just as easily, by many people.

My vote is to keep him. Making progress in your mental health is a wonderful development that (as you know) is sometimes hard to find. Just don't tell him that you think he's handsome -- unless you feel that it's important to address for the sake of your therapeutic progress. But don't tell him if the reason is you want to see his face light up. That's not why you're there.

As for your friend's feedback, I say this from an American perspective (I can tell you're not American by your description of your therapist's height in centimeters): I'd feel that wearing a sharp suit to therapy would be considerably overdressed. But maybe he just feels like he's most on his game when he dresses well.

R81 That is so true. Sad situation - she was such a smart woman who had much to offer. As 17 and 18 year olds, just starting college and 'exploring adulthood', my colleagues and I learned a lot from her.

R77 Depends on why you're seeing a therapist. If you're a grieving widower trying to move on with your life then yes, it shouldn't take too long. If you're a severely abused loner with undiagnosed autism, wanting to get over childhood trauma and learn social skills from the scratch, it could very well take years.

Your friend ain’t wrong, OP. Psychologists aren’t immune from being narcissists.

R85, True. A lot of psychologists themselves are troubled people.

If you start lying to him or withholding key information because you’re crushing hard on him… then it’s time to switch to somebody towards whom you feel more simple and neutral.

If you can stay honest and if you think the sessions are helpful, then go for it.

No pic?