Your Persnickety, Picky Porn Preferences 🧐

Bottoms who don't look like they're having a good time. I don't care if they're erect or not.

R1 - do you mean bottoms who look bored/indifferent or bottoms who are clearly in pain?

Faked cum loads are lame.

I dislike, in porn, tops with big cocks that remain rubbery even if they manage to penetrate. Lame. However, I don't mind rubbery big dick in real life.

I like big BENT cocks in porn and in real life.

Both.

R3 - yes! Tops who never get beyond a semi is kind of a turnoff in porn, I agree!

I like a lot of amateur porn, Onlyfans style stuff now. I HATE when the person filming is constantly checking the camera, moving it around, checking to see if it’s still recording. They are like sucking dick sideways checking on positioning. I hate the clicking sound of a camera being moved during porn. It’s in instant bone killer.

Persnickety enough for you?

I think skinny aging mostly bottom twink Joey Mills has a fabulous cock. It's both bent and bizarrely shaped, but it's big on him and I like watching his cock helicopter and flop about when he rides tops.

And on that note I don’t like when someone’s entire porn raison d’etere is sucking cock and they can’t suck cock. Nothing is worse in porn than seeing a beautiful dick and the person doesn’t know how to suck dick. I feel like a cat in a window unable to get outside to chase a bird.

Skinny, jolie laide and hung is always good. Though I can get off on all body shapes it's not consistent.

I appreciate any kind of brief cosplay or setup that lets the guys react a bit to each other and talk before they get to the fucking.

I long considered Bel Ami to be unwatchable but about 2 years ago I discovered the "travelogue" porn movies they have shot where a bunch of the guys go "on holiday" together and I love those videos, the sex ones, but even more so the "behind the scene" ones where they are not fucking but just handing out and doing stuff together.

I like seeing gapes and rosebuds in porn. One certainly experiences them in real life sex. I like seeing the top's asshole in action when he's fucking the bottom.

Mechanical back-and-forth movements from the top with a blank face.

Get into it!

And I, conversely, do not like closeups of the hole, R10. Judging by their popularity in porn, I think that makes me the more persnickety one of us.

Also, "fuck yeah" - the phrase, that is. I'm tired of hearing it over and over again. "Fuck" by itself is fine, "yeah" by itself is fine, but "fuck yeah" is so overused it sounds fake and kills the passion.

R12 - interesting. I don't know that I mind the phrase "fuck, yeah" -- but I DO hate it when guys who are clearly not vocal in their regular sex lives are overdoing it for the camera. If you're feeling the spirit and you want to scream out or moan out whatever phrase hits your lips -- great, love it! But the guys who just constantly repeat a phrase over and over and who are clearly doing it because they think it's what the viewer wants? Ugh. Boner killer.

Overly manicured or fully shaved pubes.

Cameras angles that endlessly just zoom in on the fucking. I like to see faces.

R15 - yes!!

Also... I hate when the cameraman NEVER films the top from behind while the guys are fucking missionary. One of the hottest views is seeing a muscular top with a juicy ass pounding a guy and seeing the soles of both the top and bottom's feet.

I was about to say the same thing R15. We all know what fucking looks like. I want to see faces and bodies moving.

Hate scenes in which the top is only a dick. Whether they're gay for pay or not -- I want to see the top lay his torso on the bottom's. I want to see skin-touch-skin and not just a piledriving. It makes it much more connected, intense.

The OnlyFabs “collab” vibe is a huge turnoff for me. Two porn “entrepreneurs” who decide that a fuck might be good for their respective “brands”. It’s like watching Coke fuck Pepsi.

I know r19, everyone is a porn star now. I never followed professional porn stars and their careers. Hell if I’m going to be following two no names while they have sex. It’s ruined online porn where everyone used to just give it away for free. Now everyone wants $7.99 to watch them jackoff.

Big, huge, masculine, muscular guys who you think will top, but who bottom and suck cock.

Not the freak show fetish scenes with younger or tiny guys, but with other hot muscular guys.

I have discovered that porn where the guys make stupid chit chat first is a boner killer. You are porn actors. I wouldn't want to hear actors in a regular movie talk before the movie started. Ultimately they say something stupid, weird or just anti- gay and it is a turn off. Why would I want to know you have a girlfriend before you fuck another guy?

I also hate porn without a real plot of seduction. Seduction isn't grabbing a dick, or getting on your knees. I will get into a scene if the build up is real and interesting even if the sex is boring- which it usually is : bad, unfeeling kissing, bottom sucks first, then the top, then five hours of unreal rimming, then the fuck which is too much, too long , and too close up- and no real real action from the actors.

And can they dress better. I don't think suits always mean nicely dressed- but dirty white ankle socks, and t-shirts are a turn off- real adults wear regular shoes and nice clothes- not frat boy attire.

I hate it when a very buff performers muscles are completely ignored and the action goes straight to the cocksucking, no worship or foreplay with pecs and biceps and abs. Such a waste.

The stupid chit chat reveals something about the person so it's the opposite of a boner killer for me. "Stupid" and "weird" is not a boner killer for me.

OP thinks that the cultural, national differences among the great diversity of men in the world can be ascribed to "melanin."

And that's when your Faithful Reader fwowed up.

Because when racism enters into the sexual-erotic part of a person's private proclivities, one can't help the response.

R25 - Could you try that word salad in English this time?

Oh, also, R25, if you actually had any friends of color / different ethnicities. You'd know that "melanin" is not read literally. It is used colloquially by many Black, Latino, South Asian and Arab people as a metonym (with positive connotations) to reaffirm the love of their skin and culture after centuries of white supremacy flooding every aspect of the culture -- including, yes, in the porn.

Having a weirdly specific dislike for overly tanned white models -- like the weird "orange" look that seemed so popular in porn models of the late 80s/early 90s does not equate with racism, so, move it along, toots, and register your persnickety preferences, instead.

Lesbian "porn". All of it is made for straight and bisexual male viewers! There is nothing correct about it from set design to the "stars". Everything is awkward, cringeworthy and forced. 👎👎

R28 - interesting. In 2024 is there really no lesbian porn made by and for women? I would think there'd be SOMETHING out there. Obviously, not as big a market as the "lesbian" porn being made for men, but, still... that's disappointing.

r29 there was a ripped-from-VHS 80s or 90s series made in San Fransisco I loved because it even had a plot and the sex was loving and genuine, but other than that it seems all the professionally made pornography starring women ends up for the male gaze because men will forever be the biggest consumers of X-rated stuff. [sigh]

I'm more of a hot story/sexy smoky voice/tastful erotica gal myself anyway.

For R3. A big bent cock.

Usually just prefer solo stuff.

Guys who kiss with their lips closed. WTF kind of movie do they think they're in, Tammy and the Doctor?

Amen R33

I can't stand spitting in porn. Just no.

But the porns that I like the best is when I get to watch the top's hole while they fuck the bottom. I have no idea why, but it's the absolute best for me.

Thanks. Old what's his name's dick is certainly big not not all that bent.

He's a fabulous and preposterous bent dick:

I hate baseball caps. It looks so stupid.

Are baseball caps a big thing in gay porn? I'm struggling to think of the last video I watched with the guys in caps.

(I mean other than "sports" themed videos)

R37 Me too, I absolutely hate baseball caps in porn. It seems they are trying to somehow disguise themselves from recognition.

Can't stand single-angle porn.

Most of it is amateur stuff, probably filmed on a cell phone. But if there are two people in the scene, they've likely got two phones set up. Do one for a side shot, one for the back. Editing video on your phone is incredibly easy, practically stupid proof.

I hate this porn trend of guys spitting in each others' mouths. What the fuck is that all about?

I also hate porn where a guy is making guttural noises as he devours another guy's cock - "garp garp garp garp."

So stupid. Just be quiet and suck the damn cock.

Yes, R40! I also hate when a video NEVER shows the top from behind. There are few things hotter than a muscular top with a big juicy dump truck pounding away missionary style when see from the back. Too many straight people working in gay porn who don't understand how crucial that mise en scene is!

why are you posting hetero porn?

R41 trend? That was big in the Zeitgeist 2000-2010 in European gay sleazy sex culture. Outdoors, crad locations, spitting and pissing.

I hate scenes where the wrong guy is topping. I have specific requirements for tops.

Wolves 'n' otters -- they's my favorites.

I like the little set-ups in Next Door scenes. I don't like when they go straight to fucking.

I am a top (or was more than am, lol, getting old now) in real life. And so, as written recently in another porn thread: I like intense, animalistic deep breeding scenes. No pulling out.

I want to see that top LOSE CONTROL, hips bucking, taint clenching, balls draining, body writhing, and I want him to give that breeding his all out absolute, as if he'll win a $1M cash prize if he gets the other man pregnant.

Gay porn needs a lot more of that, and a lot less pulling out and squirting cum onto the buttocks.

There's a good amount I can nitpick.

Camera Angles: Not like R40 refers to with amateur stuff. I'm talking a professional shoot.

The guys are all over each other but the camera is positioned to focus on them making out only. Pan around! I wanna see: where the hands are exploring, a boner through shorts/underwear, I wanna see the happy trail. Maybe even the pits from below!

BBC: This is controversial because I know some people don't mind using the term, but I personally hate it. It's almost impossible to find good porn with black actors without using this tag.

In Brazilian productions the beefier guy is usually the bottom. I am not a size queen, but this seems to be a trend I can't get away from.

Interracial porn means black/white ONLY. No other combos apparently....

Porn Studios trying to catch a trend so certain keywords and categories mostly yield results from their stuff. Can't search Daddy porn without pages of Mormon Boys content first! No vintage, no user uploads, etc

professional porn is useless for me. I like amateur for the love of God turn on a light, stop fiddling with the camera, shut the TV/Radio off and put the fucking dog/cat in another room.

Shaved pubes with thick stubble and razor burn visible. Waxed looks terrible but shaved is the worst. Give me a manicured yet natural-looking bush.

Mine are really persnickity:

Bad blond dye jobs. I don't know why, but I just wont watch if a guy has one.

Twinks. Can't watch anything with Twinks. (Don't get me started on twinks with bad dye jobs)

Michael Boston - Nope

Where are the production values! Where is the artistry! Where is the storyline that pulls us in!

[quote]why are you posting hetero porn?

OH, DEARING myself! So sorry, R43. I had to download the GIF and upload it to a hosting site for it to appear inline on Muriel's 1993 Toyota Tercel of a website and I must have downloaded the wrong GIF from the source without realizing it! I mean, that guy does have a nice ass but, yeah, sorry for the unsolicited fish.

Here... a palate cleanser on the same topic...

Boo:

1. Bottoms who wear jockstraps or thongs while getting fucked.

2. "Internal cumshots," 99% of which are fake.

3. As has been stated, performers who continue to stare at the camera.

4. Both totally silent fucking, but also fake moaning and utterances.

5. Closed mouth "kissing."

One more:

SO many extreme closeups. It ruins Fraternity X and the offshoots.

I'll immediately shut down any video with genital piercings.

Thankfully no longer a trend, but overly manicured eyebrows.

I shut down daddy and twink scenes. There’s way too much of it. It saturated the market for many years.

The worst is the “Mormon” fetish porn. It’s creepy; along with that weird underwear.

Apparent cum eaters who clearly don't want cum in their mouths.

Men who jerk off when not solo. The other guy is supposed to make/force you to cum. It should be a “what’s happening” moment, not an “I need to get this over with moment”.

Love amateur, interracial stuff. Hate nelly voices, they’re really a boner killer. So are shaved pubes. Prefer oral scenes, but anal scenes are good if they’re sensually done. Unfortunately, it’s mostly jackhammer scenes with ZERO sexiness. The older i get, the less I find commercial porn appealing.

I don't get why anyone would pay month after month for an OnlyFans subscription when you can generally see the same porn on Porn Hub, Way Big, Raging Stallion, str8upgayporn.com and the dozens of other porn sites for free.

It never even crosses my mind to subscribe to OnlyFans or any other paid site.

^^I too like porn, but it never occurs to me to pay for an Only Fans subscription. I'll watch it elsewhere. There are plenty of other free sites.

Why yes, OP, I'd LOVE to share my sexual eccentricities on platform with a bunch of crazies who can use the block feature and/or URL metadata to string together all my posts. That doesn't sound risky at all!

Another vote for genital piercings. There's nothing more jarring than seeing a perfectly nice penis with a giant metal ring through it. They're also just a little too piggy for me, like tattoos around the asshole.

R62, there's this YouTube channel I stumbled upon. It's these gay guys in Mexico who interview sex workers, give you tours of all the cruising locations, & highlights of pride down there.

They have an OnlyFans to show you the content you can't put on YouTube, so I've paid to see the spicier versions of the interviews.

Plus, it seems like the money goes directly to them and not some faceless studio.

Body covered in tats......ugh. They just look dirty and diseased.

Steroid men with bulging veins in areas you don't want to see them - legs, torso, etc. It looks like their skin is too tight for their body also.

Same with awful trashy tattoos.

R62 onlyfans are often virtual relationships for the person paying. They get an emotional or psychological connection to the person, even if it's 99.99% imaginary, it satisfies them. Why do people buy gifts for complete strangers who are porn whores and have wish lists? Same thing.

I prefer videos in which the top and bottom exchange blowjobs. I frequently FF through a video to make sure I get to see both cocks getting sucked, and if I don't, I'll switch to a different video. Reno Gold is an excellent cocksucker, and it is enjoyable to watch his cock getting sucked.

Oh, and men can't "breed" by fucking other men.

Chest and stomach stubble 🤮

I like, no love, good deep kissing scenes. 90% of what you see, they're not kissing. I'm not sure what they're doing, but its not kissing.

R66, that sounds intriguing. Link?

I don't know if thare are either persnickety or uncommon:

- #1 favorite: when big masculine, muscular guys (think huge bodybuilders) bottom - guys you'd never expect to engage in the man going up into the man. I do not like it when they are fem, however.

- When you watch a guy slowly get hard without touching himself while sucking or bottoming. There's a musclematt video of one of the "straight" guys blowing a huge bodybuilder. As he's working the cock, you can see him get hard. There's also another video where one of them is bottoming, and you see him get hard without touching himself. He starts leaking prec-cum and even shoots a bit without touching himself.

- While I'm not particularly into BDSM, Dom/Sub, violence, or rape scenes, I like those scenes where one guy struggles and fights it, but the other guy(s) "force" him - sort of like the guy is struggling against his own urges and desires before finally giving in to what he doesn't know he wants desperately.

You're not particularly into BDSM except for when you often are.

I hate 'daddy' porn that is just a regular porn guy with the gym bunny look, plucked/shaved everything and porn tattoos - who just happens to be over 35.

Daddy porn for me is a 40+ something in-shape guy from Accounting - or the neighbor across the street who drives a sensible Camry and wears khakis and polos.

I'm so tired of the overly made up porn guys.

This pic - this is not a daddy. Fight me.

Guys who don't know how to do a correct facial. It's so annoying.

Assne (butt acne)

Baseball hats, jockstraps, gear were really a "thing" in the end days of Craigslist, Manhunt, gay.com about ~15 years ago, just as the apps like grindr and scruff were taking off. Gen Xers were rewriting their outcast non-glory high school days as 30-something gymrat jocks. Suddenly socks were going hi-tech, and tripled in price. Gym shoes were doing the same. Locker-room-sex usurped jeans-and-boots, and we were all about it.

Come to think of it, leather, jeans-and-boots stuff has all but disappeared. We need more Tom of Finland-type content.

Flip-fucks. There should be one top and one bottom, unless it's a DP or gangbang scene.

Amber cream pies.

Guys who cover their faces with ski masks or bandanas

Spitting of any kind is just disgusting.

R83 - The judges will allow a small spit for additional lube for insertion. That's typically within federation guidelines and the most recently updated rule book. However, it shouldn't be audible and the camera shouldn't focus on it.

Anything more than that is a technical foul. Play interrupted with a 60 second time out in the penalty box AND / OR a fine. Second violation could have them banned altogether.