Jacqueline Susann's 'The Love Machine'
A very good copy of this obscurity has cropped up on YouTube and, to quote Stefon, this movie has EVERYTHING.
Wooden John Phillip Law as the titled "love machine"! Dyan Cannon setting fire to a bed and then catfighting two nellie gay men using an Oscar as a bludgeon! "Introducing Jodi Wexler" as the one-named supermodel Amanda ("I'm Amanda. Just Amanda." "Well, that's all you need.") Poor Jodie left right after being introduced and did not become the new Sharon Tate (she never made another movie).
Hideous Seventies interiors! Mincing, scheming homosexuals! Shecky fucking GREENE!
My favorite character is Ethel Evans, the pushy, aging (she's got to be 35!) nympho publicity woman for the IBS network (whose character is introduced with a toilet flush and her breezing out of a stall).
Dionne "Warwicke" sings the love theme ("He's Movin' On") and there's a show with "the fashions of tomorrow" modeled by Amanda and Anitra Ford. Oh, and Jackie appears as a newscaster next to Walter Cronkite. A complete mess and great fun.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 18 | August 6, 2024 1:11 PM
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[quote]Hideous Seventies interiors! Mincing, scheming homosexuals! Shecky fucking GREENE!
Sold! Thanks for the link, OP. Sony overcharges for its print-on-demand DVDs.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | August 4, 2024 6:42 PM
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Loved the theme song. Though I wonder if this is the original? It doesn't seem as momentous in the linked version.
Reading the comments, I didn't realize John Philip Law had died. Oh well, I guess it makes sense - the movie was 1971 - more than 50 years ago!
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 2 | August 4, 2024 6:45 PM
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I laughed out loud when one character snarled, "So you're saying Robin Stone is AC-DC?" and Dyan Cannon snapped back, "BALLS!"
It made no sense, but nothing in this movie does.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | August 4, 2024 6:57 PM
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[quote]I laughed out loud when one character snarled, "So you're saying Robin Stone is AC-DC?" and Dyan Cannon snapped back, "BALLS!"
There's probably a "Larry King Live" clip of Cannon giving the same answer about Cary Grant.
by Anonymous | reply 4 | August 4, 2024 7:03 PM
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Brian Kelly from Flipper was to play the lead but was in a car accident. When he was in the hospital, the first thing he said was "are there any marks on my face".
by Anonymous | reply 5 | August 4, 2024 7:06 PM
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Dyan was a real looker! I just knew her a Judge Whipper from Ally McBeal
by Anonymous | reply 6 | August 4, 2024 7:40 PM
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Brian Kelly was gorgeous.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | August 4, 2024 7:54 PM
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Thanks, OP! Love this kind of trashy retro shit!
by Anonymous | reply 8 | August 4, 2024 8:14 PM
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And Dionne warbling "He's Moving On."
by Anonymous | reply 9 | August 4, 2024 10:30 PM
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R9. She's no Helen Lawson.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | August 4, 2024 10:47 PM
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This is Dyan Cannon's best work.
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 11 | August 5, 2024 12:04 AM
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I think it's better than Valley Of the Dolls. It's interesting to see how the television industry worked in that era.
There's a character in the book named Judith who's the wife of the network president. She comes from a high society background and is very obviously based on Babe Paley. For the movie version, Jacqueline Susann wanted Grace Kelly to come out of retirement to play Judith! Susann didn't approve of Dyan Cannon playing Judith because she thought that Dyan wasn't "classy" enough.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | August 5, 2024 12:42 AM
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1:04:20 for Jackie's cameo as a newscaster. Jackie did cameos in all of the films based on her books. One critic called her "the Hitchcock of coarseness."
by Anonymous | reply 13 | August 5, 2024 12:46 AM
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Thank you OP!!! I will watch this tonight with my 😺 Trixie..
by Anonymous | reply 14 | August 5, 2024 12:51 AM
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Wasnt Helen Lawson signed for a lead in this?
by Anonymous | reply 15 | August 5, 2024 12:58 AM
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I just watched this last night and I have a new appreciation for Dyan Cannon. I had never really noticed her before but she's stunningly gorgeous (like a 70s blonde Mila Kunis) and acts absolute circles around everyone else in the movie. Not that that would be hard, but still.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | August 6, 2024 5:25 AM
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Allegedly, Jackie wanted Johnny Carson for the lead.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | August 6, 2024 12:54 PM
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It's one of those movies you think will be funnier than it is. The big fight scene with Cannon and the queens is hilarious though.
DOCTOR'S WIVES is another "bad but not funny enough" potboiler from the same period, though Cannon is fun in the first scene. She always acts as if she knows she's doing trashy dreck and is determined to have some fun doing it.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | August 6, 2024 1:11 PM
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