What to do about a humble bragger?
Ran into a woman I used to work with the other day. Told me about how her daughter and her daughter's husband (who are empty-nesters) recently bought a very big house. "But it's only the two of them. They have six bathrooms. Six! What are they going to do with SIX BATHROOMS?" Every time I see her she "complains" about something like this, when she's obviously boasting.
I used to have a boyfriend who claimed that whatever good things he had or got, he just "fell into it." Everything was just pure luck, because "I'm just lucky. I shouldn't have had anything. I don't try that hard, good things just fall into my lap! I don't understand it!"
Please give me examples of humble braggers and what you did or didn't do about it.
by Anonymous | reply 42 | July 25, 2024 12:56 AM
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Say, "That's nice. " then change the subject.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | July 24, 2024 4:08 PM
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My line is: Hey! How bout those Dodgers last night!
No matter what time of year. They’ll eventually get the message.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | July 24, 2024 4:34 PM
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I would say, I agree that's a terrible thing just for two people, are they showing off? That's really what I would say, Its the truth and takes the wind out of them.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | July 24, 2024 5:18 PM
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Tell her “Lil Wayne has ten.”
by Anonymous | reply 4 | July 24, 2024 5:20 PM
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Say "Aw, that's so sad. She's obviously trying to compensate for a perceived lack of something in her life. What do you think that's about? Has she always been this way?"
Whatever the humblebragger pretends to be humble about, pretend not to understand that they're really bragging and give them sympathy... even pity.
They'll change their tune with a quickness.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | July 24, 2024 5:26 PM
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It's showing off but I also think it's done to mask insecurity or feelings of inadequacy.
My cousin just flat out brags. Nothing humble about it. She's very wealthy and posts brags on Facebook daily. She's lost followers, relatives included, because of it. But knowing her as I do, in spite of her obnoxious bragging, struggles with some real trauma that I believe is masked by the brags which are meant to deflect.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | July 24, 2024 5:39 PM
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"Oh how funny. I just read a Harvard study that said people who buy large houses in middle age years are more likely to die from cancer. Something in the walls, I guess."
Then flounce off.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | July 24, 2024 5:51 PM
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In these situations I like to flip the script by "agreeing" with their fake humility. "Wow, your daughter and her husband are really bad about managing their money. Do you worry that they'll go broke and move in with you? You don't think there's substance abuse involved, do you? That would be so horrible!" Then, any time she brings up the daughter in conversation in the future, put a really sad look on your face and ask, "Oh, are things going any better with them?"
by Anonymous | reply 8 | July 24, 2024 6:36 PM
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OP, I'd say something like, "Gee, I guess your daughter and her husband don't give a crap about the environment, using all that carbon footprint just for 2 people. I hope they're happy about killing the planet faster."
by Anonymous | reply 9 | July 24, 2024 6:43 PM
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You should have said, “Thanks, but I’m not interested in where your kids shit.”
by Anonymous | reply 10 | July 24, 2024 6:51 PM
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One eat yo deal with it is to recognise when you have encountered it or not. Your example is not humble bragging. It is bragging. My daughter has a really big house has no element of false humility
“I’m so ashamed that I know not five foreign languages” is humble bragging, for example.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | July 24, 2024 6:55 PM
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"6 bathrooms? People might question their upbringing..." Hopefully that shuts her up.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | July 24, 2024 7:01 PM
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I'd just be thinking about having to clean SIX bathrooms. So I'd probably just laugh.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | July 24, 2024 7:04 PM
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Yes, ask what their maid says.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | July 24, 2024 7:06 PM
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I always say it must be a fucking bitch to keep clean.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | July 24, 2024 7:47 PM
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At the age of 55 I've realized that there actually ARE people who are lucky and shit just falls into their lap. Truly.
Sadly, I'm not one of them. I've learned to live with it.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | July 24, 2024 7:50 PM
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I regale them with my Harris Wittels Fourth of July story.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | July 24, 2024 7:53 PM
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"Mmmmm. Interesting. Tell me more." (Repeat on every occasion).
Then immediately cut them off with a question on something else entirely, or just start rambling about a topic you know won't be.of interest.
Snap out of it as though you've been in a dream and ask, "what was it we were talking about before we got off track?"
by Anonymous | reply 19 | July 24, 2024 8:06 PM
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Burn her daughter's house down-- and her own, for good measure.
by Anonymous | reply 20 | July 24, 2024 8:08 PM
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Why not just speak truth. If it was me I’d say. ”Wow! Sounds like someone with insecurity issues if they need a place with 6 bathrooms”. Then see if you both can have an honest conversation
by Anonymous | reply 21 | July 24, 2024 8:31 PM
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Well that's no fun, R21...
by Anonymous | reply 22 | July 24, 2024 8:34 PM
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I would say, That's an odd decision to get a house that big in mid-life when the kids are moved out, most adults start looking at downsizing their empty house at that point. I guess appearances matter more to them.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | July 24, 2024 8:37 PM
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OP (who types fat and like a woman) had a boyfriend who admitted he was lucky. How terrible, a subscriber to the appearance of humility, at least.
As for the former coworker, unless you are "running into" her regularly, what's the harm? I admit I occasionally interrupt an acquaintance going on and trying to dodge around the main intent, which is to brag, with a, "Excuse me. I seem to be smelling hyacinth. Do you?
Since I have nothing to do with people who haven't taken the gentle guidance of "Keeping Up Appearances" and "Mapp & Lucia" to heart, that usually is enough to turn the conversation to something able to be shared with mutual cackles.
by Anonymous | reply 25 | July 24, 2024 8:38 PM
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I'd be tempted to mock her with a Penelope (the Kristen Wiig sketch). You know... slump and twirl your hair and stare at her and murmur wierdly that "my sister Cathy has um... seven bathrooms... sevvvven.... yeah she's actually remodeling to add three more.... so that's tennnn..."
by Anonymous | reply 26 | July 24, 2024 8:43 PM
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Yesterday, an old man at the Post Office tried to “complain” to me about his wife, his children, and his “grands.” I just kept looking at my phone while he was talking.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | July 24, 2024 8:44 PM
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Just say “wow what a bunch of freaks!”
by Anonymous | reply 28 | July 24, 2024 8:55 PM
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R7 Her daughter's a survivor of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma so maybe I wouldn't...
by Anonymous | reply 29 | July 24, 2024 9:15 PM
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R25 You think *I* type like a woman?! You type like you're the fucking Dowager Empress and Quentin Crisp put together.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | July 24, 2024 9:19 PM
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“Well, isn’t that special?”
Offsite Linkby Anonymous | reply 31 | July 24, 2024 9:43 PM
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R25 is the Maryest Mary who ever Mary'd.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | July 24, 2024 9:55 PM
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I say “Nice humblebrag.” That usually shuts them up.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | July 24, 2024 9:58 PM
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You don’t do anything about it. You certainly do not let it affect your mood or psyche. Life is unfair. There are tons of people on this planet experiencing every possible level of fortune or misfortune in every possible facet of living. You accept it as how it is.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | July 24, 2024 9:59 PM
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OP why don’t you beat her.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | July 24, 2024 10:00 PM
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I really was hoping some people would share some stories of people who are humble braggers in your life or exoeriences.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | July 24, 2024 10:12 PM
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Why do so many on DL think you have to handle someone or what to do about someone? When he brags just say "cool" or "that's nice". Then if you don't want anything to do with him just avoid him. Why bother? As my dear old grandma used to say: "fuck 'em. they don't feed you. you don't need them.".
by Anonymous | reply 38 | July 24, 2024 10:17 PM
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R38 You answered my question since I said "what you did or didn't do about it".
by Anonymous | reply 39 | July 24, 2024 10:18 PM
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R37 / OP here goes. I grew up with a wealthy friend. During college she transferred colleges from a local university to a farther away, out of state university due to a breakup. Her father did not put her in a dorm at this time - she was living at home before. He bought her a condo. BOUGHT IT FOR HER. Then, when she graduated, she said she was tired of the condo because it was too small, so he bought her ANOTHER ONE and let her keep the proceeds from the first. She said, "Oh this one, it's nice but not forever." (about condo #2). Sure enough, when she got married, daddy bought her a house and she kept condo #2 proceeds as well. They live in an affluent part of the state now. I would call that a humblebrag (about the condo).
by Anonymous | reply 40 | July 24, 2024 10:20 PM
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