Let's be the gay men's chorus

[quote] I'm the STI that keeps passing from one chorus member to the other. I'll never die. I'll mutate and grow stronger.

I'm the latest house awarded me in some lonely heart's will: 3 Million, 5 Million, plus some cash to facilitate unloading the property and topping up the cash reserves.

We have a nice holiday party for the chorus members each year, but really we should consider giving each member a gold brick for all the money left us every year or two for fuck knows why.

I’m the obesity.

I'm the aging boomer conductor with an equal amount of charisma, mental health, and socialisation problems, facing retirement with fewer and fewer sycophants to feed my narcissistic beast...like many surviving gay male "leaders" of my era.

I’m the pervasive gay face that can be seen from the cheap seats.

I'm the desperate sluttery at the weekend retreat.

I am the 10 friends "invited" to show up and support them.

I'm the tuneless harmonies on everything.

I'm the silent acceptance of the really, really, really bad music from within the gay choral movement.

I'm also the intense amount of social pressure to heap praise and emotional caterwauling on that schlock.

I'm the puerile sex related puns/jokes that dominate every rehearsal. These include;

"Sorry, I have something stuck in my throat"

"Did you say 'pianist' fingers?"

"Let's take it from the top *wink wink*"

I’m the inordinate number of tenors.

I'm the refusal to perform any song written since 1990.

I'm the frustrated music major, now your average working stiff, who only uses his degree in the gay choral setting.

I am the endless Christmas songs in July.

I am Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, basically a mascot at this point. A saint that represents all gay men growing up.

I'm the inevitable " fun" number with a small ensemble of chorus members dancing in drag, which the audience finds hilarious.

I'm the cliquey gay choral music publishing royalty racket cash grab. There's a reason you see the same terrible crap performed again and again across America, year after year.

I’m the bad breath.

I’m the Covid super spreader event.

I'm the one-off elder gay man that finds these performances neither spectacular or cohesive to the community.

I am the after party full of bears that immediately fallows the event even though most of us do not identify as bears.

I'm the overly dramatic diva who thinks he's lip-synching in the bathroom mirror.

Performing Silent Night in sign language… 🤮

I'm the drama queen methhead tragedy bear.

I’m the bow ties and jazz hands.

I'm the cold stone fact that every single member of this chorus is a bottom.

I'm the vests

I'm the one who suppresses my financial success to avoid endless requests for donations, avoiding a special sort of grift.

I'm Matt Damon.

I'm the cringe factor!

I'm the solo the conductor's flavor of the month got.

R30, yes, the cringe factor that is almost unbearable. The first and only time I went to the NYC Gay Men's Chorus, invited by a roommate at the time, I fucking wanted to crawl under the seat the cringe factor was so bad. Much of the audience is as cringe inducing as the choralettes. I almost wanted to burn my gay card.

I'm the musical director who thinks that a four-part harmony version of "Creep" is the very definition of edgy.

I'm the inevitable pot lucks.

I'm the annual performance of "There Ain't Nothin' Like a Dame" from South Pacific, complete with sailor cap and torn open denim shirts.

I'm the passive-agressive flame wars on the email list.

I'm the 'new boy'. Fortysomething, recently single and a five at best.

I'm also the outbreak of shighella blamed on the 'new boy'.

I'm the s-l-o-w choral arrangement of "Where the Boys Are," and I will NEVER be retired from the repertoire as long as Craig has something to say about it.

I’m the caftans

I'm the exploited fag hag volunteers.

R32, wit no mention whatsoever of what exactly you found cringe-worthy about the NYC Gay Men's Chorus concert you attended, nor about the audience at that event, your post is worthless.

This thread is funny because it's true

This is indeed one of the funniest "Let's be" threads in years.

I am the vicous fights for the recording revenues.

I'm the "modern" section of the show, with renditions of "Bad Romance" and Lizzo's "Good as Hell."

R41, obviously, I touched a nerve. I was replying to R30 who wrote just a line about the cringe yet you didn't put your hand on your hip a demand examples from him. I don't think this thread is for you.

- R32

I am the suggestion to do WAP for the next Christmas Show.

I'm the politically charged auditions.

I’m the Sing Off, where Oakland’s gay men’s chorus beat SF’s because Oakland cheats at everything

I’m the poorly written, political “satire” song that backfires and goes viral on right-wing media outlets.

I'm the pre-written apology the board forces the director to read aloud at a chorus rehearsal to settle a harassment lawsuit.

I'm the remarkably large counter-tenor section.

It's not, though, R41. R32 doesn't need to go into any details.

We all know what's cringeworthy about gay men's choruses. The fact that they're GAY MEN'S CHORUSES.

I'm all the white men that make up the gay men's chorus.

I am the mounting pressure to adopt the name "The New York Queers Chorus".

I am the mounting pressure on all the bladders

I'm the FTM member. I can hit lower notes than every CiS dude in this chorus.

I am the unfortunate effect of Ozempic on vocal cords.

I'm the annual gala. 5 grand a table.

I'm the merch table in the lobby. Yet another year where we didn't sell a single copy of the seven-year-old CD "Simply ... Celine" in its cardboard sleeve.

We do have T-shirts up to 2XL, you know. $12 or two for $20.

I'm going to go to hell for this, but...

I'm the stools for the members who can't stand for 30 minutes because of "mobility issues".

R46 and R53, to me there's a big difference between (a) making affectionate fun of gay men's choruses and (b) insisting that the concerts are always "cringe-worthy" without specifying why. I think a certain degree of self-loathing for being gay may be the issue for both of you :-(

R61 😂 😂 😂 😂.

I’m the raunchy Jingle Bell Rock choreography.

I'm the executive director,.going to God we get some YouTube money.

But they are, Blanche @ R62, but they are always cringe-worthy. As someone has already pointed out, this thread is all about all the reasons for the cringe. Drop it!

I'm the ensemble group, acting like queens of the trailer park.

I'm the jazz pas de bouree that is always part of the choreography in front of the chorus.

I'm the wicker basket towards the entrance full of off-brand condoms.

Off brand and past expiration.

The Gay Men's Chorus; Condoms are so passé

Also the Gay Men's Chorus; I hear Prep is unreliable

Also the Gay Men’s Chorus: we aren’t getting any anyway

I’m the secret blowjob at the bar after rehearsal with the baritone section leader.

I'm the hissing at the suggestion one of the themed performances should feature 'ethnic' music.

Ethnic= Harry Belafonte

I attended the Stonewall: 25 concert given by a joint NYC Chorus and the one from Los Angeles given at Carnegie Hall in 1994. A ten-minute long Stonewall cantata called "FLASHPOINT/STONEWALL" had been commissioned and was presented.

As one feared it was an overly dramatic, lugubrious. discordant hodgepodge sung with an intense seriousness with certain parts just yelled out as I recall. The unintentional camp factor was to the roof. I wanted to crawl under my seat! So please don't come to me demanding to be given a receipt for the utter cringe factor! I was THERE, BABY!

I'm the color red.

I am everywhere in and around the chorus, whether it's Christmas or not. The chorus buys red glitter by the truckload. I go well with black pants.

I'm the song every gay men's chorus knows by heart.

R75, but now you have given a concrete example of something that would understandably cause audience members to cringe, whereas previously you did not.

Yes, r78, but I was not yet under the impression that you were the boss of me.

R79: Not "the boss of you," to use your phrasing, which makes you sound like a 13-year-old. Just pointing out when your posts are pointless and when they're not.

I’m the tsunami of overly sibilant esses.

I’m the conductor’s baton stuck intractably up R80s ass.

R82, you have a place of honor right beside that baton.

I'm "the incident".

I’m Bertram, whose tremolo could give Betty Buckley a run for her money, glaring daggers at mellifluous Dwight, who once again received the big solo.

I’m convinced this has to do with Dwight having had a fling with the conductor, and nothing whatsoever to do with my hammy shortcomings.

I'm the cameras in the rehearsal hall that the director forgot about, resulting in his dismissal for a lewd encounter caught on tape.

I’m the buttons popping off the vests every time a breath is taken.

I'm the sticky discovery that the aging tenor rows up was spit roasted in vintage porn.

I'm waiting for the invitation to appear on a PBS pledge drive.

I'm the guy in the back row, hamming it for the camera during the local news appearance promoting the ABBA singalong.

I am 1986 and it’s The Sound of Silence they do best

I’m the featured soloist who’s a they/them and naturally gets all the press.

I am ' Let's Hear It For The Boy'.

I am not the one who is a pedo who needs to be in jail. I and the others being u justly accused just share names with pedos. Honesty none of us would ever make unwanted passes or touching of anyone.

On an unrelated note I am now taking a leave of absence , from everything, and will spend my time doing other important shit.

Save The Children Fund donate today.

I'm the type A committee queen do-gooder.

I'm the pain from constantly standing tip toe to be seen.

I'm the straining third and fourth button because [italic]somebody[/italic] insisted our black shirts had to be slim fit. It's affecting my ability to hold the long notes and my self esteem. I'm thinking about quitting!

I'm the ridiculous logo.

I’m the amateurish poster, cheaply printed with obvious streak lines, tacked up on every cork board in town.

I'm the queens on the marketing committee, elevating my voice when using terminology like "logo parade" and "step and repeat".

I’m the endless concerts that I have never and will never buy a ticket for and attend.

I am black people

“They call this singing?”

I'm the 32-year old young piano player, filling in for the usual old queen at the keys.

No less than 10 of the members are throwing themselves at me, all hissing, glitter-covered versions of Blanche Devereaux with hearts in their eyes and chub rub on their thighs.

I'm the token Asian. I'm always in the front row, along with the token "differently-abled" person.

I'm the wizened old queen, gleefully sneering at the younger chorines and reminding them their performance is not about their own personal catharsis.

“Boys to the left girls to the right”

I am the non binary former trans lesbian who was once a gay man , asking in temp confusion which direction do I go?

I am white and I am going to make a great Richie if this fucking chorus ever does the greatest play ever.

[quote]I am white and I am going to make a great Richie if this fucking chorus ever does the greatest play ever.

"Happy Days - The Musical"?

I am the "We'll Convert Your Children" video.

I’m 3/4 bottoms and the 1/4 tops ratio.

I’m the executive director who isn’t getting paid for this anyway and is getting tired of this bullshit

I'm the unforgettable feud over "I Sing the Body Electric."

Let’s not and say we did

I am the former member who thought he was spending decades spreading joy and doing good.

Then I discovered DL

I will sign off now and start working on my “I think my life is over “:DL suicide thread

R109 I think you mean 98 percent bottoms and 2 percent vers

I'm the extremely wet and overwrought "We Are a Gentle, Angry People" set.

I was in SFGMC for several years, and about half of these posts are true and hilarious. The other half are just dumb and not true, but still a fun thread.

R116, repost the most outrageous one that is also true, please.

Actually, do your top 3. I'd love to know.

I'm the Filipino Mafia contingent - six or seven pinoy gays that have banded together, sit together, do everything together, and snicker around them at all the fat potatoes they're seeing.

I'm the eldergays who cannot sing, but after repeated auditions the director had pity on me.

I'm the smug sentiment that we are changing lives everywhere we go.

I'm the sad "Fifth Section" of the chorus, representing the hundreds of men who died of AIDS. We get a heartfelt tribute every year, and it's a good reminder of our community and shared history.

I'm the trans men. There is somehow little to no drama surrounding us.

I'm the bitchy obese female stage manager, who used to love gay men but is now sick of their shit.

I'm the exorbitant expenses foisted upon all the members. (It's why I left after several years).

I'm the fabulous parties at rich mansions. At least 2x a year.

I'm the really fun road trips to right-wing communities to sing at their Universalist Churches, where we may indeed change a life or two.

I'm the massive amount of money funneled to AIDS related charities.

I'm the handful of really great singers, many of whom are bitter that they never got famous.

I'm the unrequited crushes on other guys in the group.

I'm the sad witnessing of a great deal of dysfunction. That's what sent me packing.

Wonderful, R118!

R118 wins the thread

But I am still teacher of the year

R118, you have to pay your own expenses when you travel? Or which expenses are you referring to?

more....

I'm the overwrought rendition of "I Will Always Love You" sung every damn year by one of the guys at the retreat talent show.

I'm the Monday night drinks at the Lookout, where it's fun to actually talk to some of the guys. In a rehearsal of 200 men, nothing is said among all the talking.

I'm the occasionally great song or two that makes you stay involved a bit longer.

I'm the cliqueyness.

I'm the many 'friends' you'll supposedly have for life, but are gone and forgotten once you leave...save one or two.

I'm the surprising lack of sex. These bitches become your 'sisters' and it feels incestuous after awhile.

R122, yes, you pay for every damn dollar....you pay your own travel expenses, gas/tolls/flights, you pay an annual membership dues, and you have to pay for your costumes and performing gear.

“ [R109] I think you mean 98 percent bottoms and 2 percent vers”

That’s actually vers-adjacent for that 2%.

Which = bottoms

I'm the new board member. Every few years, someone like me joins the board and suggests to the artistic director that perhaps the repertoire could include a new contemporary songs.

The death glares I receive in return have me fleeing for the exits in fear.

R126, the gay choruses do a ton of new material, both renditions of new pop songs and new material written for gay choruses. It's a thing. Not saying it's all great music or arrangements, mind you...

[quote]R116, now becoming hall monitor

How very gay men's chorus of you!

I'm the Turtle Creek Chorale and its legendary gossip.

DO tell R129!

I'm the home of the lead tenor, filled with Precious Moments figurines, a chipped ceramic Phantom mask on the wall.

I'm the denied opportunity to sing the solo in the arrangement of I've Never Been To Me, resulting in the chipped ceramic Phantom mask.

I’m five hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundred miiiiiiinutes!

I am the artistic director's alcohol dependence.

I’m the top.

More about the snickering Pinoy gays, please !!!!

Imagine a nurses’ station with booze and lumpia, r136.

[quote] I'm the Filipino Mafia contingent - six or seven pinoy gays that have banded together, sit together, do everything together, and snicker around them at all the fat potatoes they're seeing.

Meanwhile at least half of them are hardly little delicate flowers themselves.

I'm the Spanx.

I'm keeping it together and working almost as hard as Roxane Gay's chair.

Do they pass on their boyfriends as well, R137?

I'm "Over the Rainbow" - over and over and over and over.

I'm the rainbow lighting on the scrim turned on with the last "Why oh why can't I?"

I'm thinking that guy that did a version of Over The Rainbow on YouTube....complete with animated bluebird.....had to be a past or curent gay men's chorus member.

I'm Kevin.

Rather, I'm Kevin Anderson, Kevin Bolling, Kevin Vasquez, Kevin Bevilacqua, and Kevin Yu.

I create great confusion. And don't get me started on the Richards. At least there's just two Craigs.

I’m Phil, discreetly trying to time his farts to the loudest belt sections.

I'm the body odor from the statistically significant no deodorant crowd.

I’m the flared nostrils and raised eyebrows when one of the lesser members brazenly sits near the front of the tour bus.

I'm the shrieks and screams and threats of violence against one of the Kevins (who is also 20-something), when he insists there should be a Billie Eilish medley.

I'm "I Am What I Am."

I'm the embarrassing YouTube videos that aren't being linked.

I’m the visible pit stains whenever arms are raised to perform jazz hands.

"Maybe this time...."

Fourteen minutes later:

"When I Gooooooooooo, I'm GOING. LIKE. EL-SIE!!!"

I'm the strep infection that puts the lead soloist Kevin Bevilacqua out of action for a fortnight.

Thanks a lot, Kevin Yu!

I am a rousing rendition of "Oops... I did it again!" honoring one of the greatest artists of our time.

I'm the disappointment this isn't the happy hunting ground of love and friendship I thought it would be.

I'm all the pent up performance-related psychoses and unfulfilled stage dreams being played out on stage before your eyes.

El-SCHIE!

I'm the five hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundredth overwrought performance of Seasons of Love.

I’m one of the Richards punching another Richard in the balls at precisely the right moment. How else was he going to hit that high note?

I’m the opera pumps.

I'm pet kitties, owned by 75% of the chorus members. At every rehearsal, at least one member will recount our recent "adorable" hijinx. "And every morning, if I'm not up by 6:00 sharp, Miss Sissy Boodles climbs right up on my chest and goes, 'meeeewwwww, meeeewwwww" until I get up to feed her!"

Of course, cute cat stories are certainly not specific to gay mens' chorus members. R160's is one of the dumber posts in this thread, whereas many of the others are quite funny.

[quote]I'm the embarrassing YouTube videos that aren't being linked.

Are you happy now, you dominating bitch?

I'm the two guys on oxygen who keep getting their hoses tangled.

I'm the muumuu shirts the majority has voted for, much to the consternation of the three svelte gym rats who want to go shirtless with red bow ties.

I'm the two bears who supported the svelte gym rats, but still can't get them to talk during break.

I'm the rampant use of the hanky code.

[quote] I'm the embarrassing YouTube videos that aren't being linked.

Here, R149

I’m the near hip dislocations that occur during “The Trolley Song”.

I'm the cock and ass, the real reason they join a gay chorus.

I'm the exaggerated head and body movements. You see, [italic]I'm really feeling it![/italic]

I'm the 45 men, within 20 feet, on Grindr.

I am 46 Men, with 20 feet, on Scruff.

I'm the overwrought choral piece commissioned from Andrew Lippa.

I am the vests.

[quote]I am 46 Men, with 20 feet, on Scruff.

R172, the Wounded Gay Warrior Rehab Center of West Hollywood does not have a gay men's chorus.

I think I found the snickering pinoy clique.

I'm the SMILES, the SYNCHED HANDS, the BIG EYES and the EE-NUN-SEE-AY-SHUN all the way down the lines.

(Dance 0, Voice 4, Looks 3) x 48

I'm the anonymous donation of $25,000 that arrives the day before the surprise announcement that Sylvester "Croaker" Crocetti is stepping in as Lead Tenor.

I'm the fateful day that the Portland Gay Men's Chorus thought they could out-maneuver the Portland Gay Women's Choir to get the prime rehearsal space when both their usual facilities needed repairs and maintenance.

The boys ended up out at Rooster Rock Park.

I'm the Portland Gay Men's Chorus in Poetlandia.

ha ha

I'm the melting glaze of musical fellowship over the stale core of politics, hard work, and the realization that art has nothing to do with it and the "public positive presence" of the group - not that great in performance, to be honest - is feeling dated even to you. Ah, assimilation.

Not that there's anything unusual with that. Members of the Slovakian Folk Dance Network, Liturgical Polka Guild, Sylvia Plath Oral Interpretative Performance Syndicate, The Grand Army of the Republic, and Golden Dawn may at times feel similarly. Or, more to the point, black American organizations, American Indian nations, women, the aging, immigrants. In an increasingly shallow, burnt-out, "virtual," anti-empirical and asocial time, isolates of grievance cohere only in the narrow dark.

Is resistance futile?

I'm the average age of 55.

I'm your GALA husband.

If you pull your balls, can you change your pitch?

Ahh yes, I'm GALA, where all the gay choruses meet at a convention, and the place explodes with a loud whiff of cookies.

[quote] Looks 3

Quite generous!

[quote] average age of 55

Also quite generous!

R187 I've heard that GALA is uber competitive and a total bitch fest

R173 is absolutely spot on.

We're the queens who post on this thread with FASCINATING inside knowledge about various groups related to the topic and theme.

We prove many of the points implied in the hilarious posts here.

You're welcome.

I'm the legendary screening of Miss Faye Dunaway in SUPERGIRL on the tour bus.

I'm the dry, raspy throats.

I'm, what you'd call, a triple threat!

I am the suspicion that a great many gay men’s chorus members are also Dataloungers.

I’m the bear section causing the bleachers to collapse.

I'm the artistic director with the incredibly overblown ego, that believes he's some kind of artistic visionary.

I'm the slightly baffled coworkers who were nudged or guilted into coming. We're thinking of honest things we can say when we greet our friend after the show. "It was great to see you up there!" "Wow, what a show!"

I am D-FLiRT, the newest COVID subvariant working its way through the chorus, because Brad and Mike had to slip in those quick sex vacations to Sitges and Provincetown. .

Where they wandered around in thongs, with their free range bellies, getting nothing but COVID.

I'm this hissing fights amongst the tenors during sectional rehearsals, while basses and bear-itones are exchanging hugs and back rubs.

Most of it is funny because it’s true.

R12, see R176

Asian queens will cut a bitch.

I’m the squad of shrieking woo girls in the audience.

I’m the exaggerated handwaves and blown kisses to the hags in the audience.

Talk about a thread that's shot its wad.

I'm the sassy old queen who observes from above, gossiping to her select friends above how omniscient and better she is than everyone else.

Oh, honey. No choral member has shot their wad in the 21st century

I wish I liked these choruses more. Some are really great and some of the music is good, always, but the aesthetics of most of the repertoire is way too chintzy for me. My local chorus just announced their new season and it includes a whole Disney show. Yuck.

I love this song, and this choir, and wish it was all a bit more like this......

That was… an advance.

I'm the guy waiting for the streetcar near Market and Castro to head back downtown when a cute Asian in a convertible drives up and offers me a ride. Like a fool I hop in, and quickly learn he's a member of the gay men's chorus and he was heading back to Oakland after just having a rehearsal. It was a short ride to downtown, and after I got out of the car I thought how stupid I was for getting in in the first place. But it was a fun, short, memorable ride, and a great memory for many years.

R212, what about that experience was stupid? Did you think he was going to drive you off the Bay Bridge while blasting Carmina Burana?

R212 Why did you post this?

After re-reading, I assume R212 meant he was stupid for getting into a car with any stranger who happened to stop and offer him a ride, as sometimes bad things can unfortunately result from such offers.

R215. Yeah, I assumed he was second guessing his choice of getting in a stranger's vehicle.

I am the director’s bitchy decision to feature songs from Joni Mitchell’s “Dog Eat Dog” album during the Joni tribute concert

R217 LMAO

You haven't heard Joni if you haven't heard "empty, try another" lifted by 50 voices!

I’m the *actual* naked man who was spotlighted on stage during “Naked Man,” the opening piece of the song cycle “NakedMan”.

We’re the same three attention whores who are ALWAYS in the front row and ALWAYS featured in ads and other promo material.

One of us is fucking the AD.

I love Never Ever from Naked Man, r219

The composer of Naked Man, Robert Seeley, died yesterday.

I’m the puffy, shiny red cheeks. Rows upon rows of them.

Oh wow, r222. I hadn’t heard. (I quit my last chorus in 2021 & am out of touch with that world.)

I’ve sung it 3 times with 2 choruses, including at GALA. It’s a wonderful piece.

One of the funniest and most accurate DL threads ever.

And mostly a thread said with affection. A little bitchery too, but affection.

I’m the officially designated “party cabin” at retreat. What happens in me stays in me.

I am The Flounce.

Almost everyone in the chorus has flounced out of rehearsal or away from it at least once, but I'm most often performed by the pianist and by a few members who see themselves as the leads.

I am The Auditions.

So.

Much,

DRAMA.

I am the mukbang fundraiser

We are the Yelamu Tribe of the Ramaytush Ohlone people, upon whose ancestral homeland SFGMC holds most of its events.

There are none of us left, so we don’t really give a shit about the land acknowledgements that chorines and audience members are always subjected to, but thanks anyway we guess.

I’m the numerous black eyes that result from the sweeping arm flings during “The Man That Got Away”.

I am the monster fight on the ride home after Randy did not join the audience’s standing ovation for hubby’s solo on “The Ladies Who Lunch”.

I’m the diva who joined the chorus, dropped out after a year, then rejoined ten years later and *demanded* a ten-year “service” pin.

[quote]I’m the officially designated “party cabin” at retreat. What happens in me stays in me.

Ditto.

I’m the hair gel sweat.