why do straight guys seem so sad when they get engaged?

They’re giving up the idea of new pussy (for a little while). Straight men love new pussy more than anything. They’ll hurt their wives and children for a taste. Plus men hate their wives. They get married because society says it’s a thing to do

There's probably never been less societal pressure for anyone to get married. If they really are sad about the prospect, they should just clue in and stay single.

OP, straight guys are delusional. They think settling.

They’re marrying Jennifer Aniston convinced that they could have Angelina Jolie.

Did you ask either of them, "Why don't you sound happier about this?"

This doesn't have to come off like you're challenging them in any way, just concerned-thoughtful.

If I were a friend, I would.

And then over the years the tables will turn and the wives will hate their husband, leave and go live their best single lives and the men will have become dependent and have to marry again immediately. You see this in older couples where if the wife dies, the man has to remarry instantly. If the husband dies, the wife goes on to live a fulfilling single life.

I have no judgement about any of this, I have just seen it happen many times and find it interesting.

"OP, straight guys are delusional."

And the fags on here aren't much brighter. Why is OP fixated on straight men? Why are DLers fixated on straight men?!

They ain't never gonna fuck your 'mussys', guys. So move on.

They know the fun is over

They know that life has passed then by and they will never be on DL complaining they are 52 and still living with mom, that they have no one in their life, no love in their life, how they want to kill themselves because there is no one but mom to drive them to the doctors and mom can’t actually see any more,

These straight men , all soon to be married men , have accepted their fate resigned to their fate and sadness follows because they will never have the DL life and they know it.

Yet straight men , and some gay men, still get married in great numbers. Very strange..

R5 older straight men are completely helpless, they need someone to wash their dirty underwear and cook. Older women are relieved for the freedom

R6 have you actually socialised with straight men? They are delusional. Straight men fully believe that each one is an ALPHA KING and every woman who smiles/nods/says hello is an actually indicating her desire to drop to her knees and suck him off.

It’s a whole thing with them straight men. They want to marry because its the next step in life to be attached to a mother and homemaker if they’re want children; but inside they always believe, there’s a younger, hotter, docile slightly “better” manic pixie dream girl who will turn up as soon as they settle.

The movie Beautiful Girls goes into this. Timothy Hutton’s character is 30 and is around stunning, in their prime Uma Thurman, Lauren Holly and Mira Sorvino, but he falls in love with 13-year-old Natalie Portman.

R9 generalising the behaviour of billions and using a Timothy Hutton film as evidence.

Could you be more basic?

“Could you be more DL”

Fixed it for you

Who would want a life where you are not on a first name basis with everyone at the std clinic.? Shit most of these straight asshole could not even find the std clinic.

R10, Buck never would have made that comparison.

A friend told me he never knew what true happiness was until the day he was married.

But by then it was too late.

A friend told me he never knew what true happiness was until he saw that rash on hands, feel, chest, with hair falling out.

Then he knew this was not it,

“The movie Beautiful Girls goes into this “ :-)

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Girlfriend to boyfriend: I LOVE EVERYTHING about you.

After marriage (wife to husband): I need YOU to want to CHANGE everything about yourself!

Also, this: "Men Marry Women with the Hope They Will Never Change. Women Marry Men with the Hope They Will Change"

It’s not a straight guy thing, but it’s a MAN thing. Gay men in general are the same way.

I notice an almost ritualistic rationalization among straight of a few key events or change: marriage, house buying, moving out of the city to a new build in the suburbs near her parents, kids, the wife staying home with the kids because child care costs so much and her career wasn't going anywhere anyway, etc.

There's a similar rationalization on key events or changes. Similar, but triggered by (somewhat) different things - often translated into moves on s property ladder.

The rationalization is a sort of facing up to (or acceding to) certain signifiers of assuming responsibility in life: steps up a ladder of adulthood in their minds. If they say these things out loud and frequently, they will start to believe their own propaganda. It's why the guy reading a magazine next to you at the tire changing shop seems so friendly and eager to talk about, "yeah, I know I'm giving up a lot, but I'm also gaining, you know? The house, the wife, the kids soon...it's time. Right?"

*among straight men

r19 " There's a similar rationalization on key events or changes. Similar, but triggered by (somewhat) different things - often translated into moves on s property ladder. "

Do you have friends/relatives who might be available to check you for stroke symptoms?

R19 could you tell me where your tire changing store is?

Sadly in my store that sort of good shit has never once happened in many decades . DL Men have so many interesting experiences that sane people would doubt ever happened..

But back on topic I was once , many many decades ago, a Tire Changing Professional in one of those stores , so I am experienced in this topic..

Some might think you are just making shit up. Not me but some.

If you were changing tires, how do you know what conversations customers were having in the lobby?

It's my understand that what (sometimes, often?) happens is that a couple is coasting along through their 20s, and then ...

The female puts out an ultimatum (of sorts): ring and baby in the near future. The men aren't thrilled about it, but don't want to start over alone, so agree. Both parties, in the long run, wish they hadn't gone through with it.

An excellent question R23

It was a small shop and I often talked to customers. In fact I remember one asking me why I was there changing tires and not back in HS getting my HS diploma.

I was 23 years old a college student, and had already done one very long stressful visit to SE Asia making the world safe for democracy.

Now of course I look as old as Biden. And if I have a flat it’s AAA that will change it,

How Bridezilla are their fiancés?

R19 clearly found ChatGPT.

OP, it's not because they wish you'd blow them, so move on

Because they know their future includes: children, a mini-van and vacations to Disney World.

There's a high-end mall in my city and it has a kiddie play area that has giant hamburgers and things like that for the kids to gambol about upon. It's always crowded on the weekends with (sometimes smokin' hot) dads killing time with the crotchdroppings while the wives spend all the money. AND THEY NEVER LOOK HAPPY.

You spend your weekends at the mall, at the kiddie area, watching people all the time?

Has anyone ever called mall security on you?

Yeah R31. All the livelong day.

I mean a grown man without kids hanging out at the mall kiddie area on weekends looking at people would look a bit suspicious to quite a few people.

The saddest straight guys I see are the ones pushing shopping carts with kids in them while being dragged through the mall by their wives. So many have that "kill me now please" look on their faces.

R31/R33 I sit on top of the giant hamburger while I'm there.

R35 brother could you pm me the name of your mall. It sounds way more fun than mine. I don’t like heights. How tall is the top of that burger?

R36, it's [italic]just[/italic] tall enough.

^R 37 :-)

I will quit now but thanks for that

OP, these male friends of yours are silently pleading with you to save them. They've settled for women but really, they're yearning to know the sensation of the man going up inside the man. As a friend, it's your duty to read between the lines here and rescue them from a lifetime of misery and disappointment. But, don't make your move yet. Wait until the wedding, and object loudly, before striding down the aisle and taking the groom in a passionate embrace. He will appreciate such a bold powerplay.

r34 "pushing shopping carts with kids in them while being dragged through the mall"

What mall has shopping carts?

I remember having a conversation with my brother one time where he went on at length about the kind of woman he wanted to be with, someone adventurous who would inspire him to do things, who wanted the same things he did, and all these other qualities, etc.

And after he went on for about 10 minutes I said to him, “But you’re already with someone. You’re married!” He was already on his 2nd wife.

They know marriage is a scam and men are meant to mate with as many partners as possible.

That’s why they’re so fascinated by us.

I feel like there is no right or wrong answer on this one. Life is hard and whether you choose the family life or staying single there will be challenges. I know married with kids types who are unhappy and I know old bachelors and old maids who are unhappy too.

When I was younger and waiting tables in college, I noticed that the families with young children looked miserable, especially the moms. And then there were the ancient couples who came in, married forever, sitting in silence with nothing to say to each other. It all seemed so miserable.

But now that I am older I am wondering if it is the lesser of two evils. I look at someone like Shelley Duvall, who had a long term partner despite her challenges and think of how lucky she was to have someone. I guess it is all a gamble. But maybe marriage and kids is, while not easy, has its benefits.

Many straight men marry because it improves their quality of life. Numerous studies have determined that in average, married men have a higher life expectancy than those who are divorced, widowed or have always been single (between 5.6 and 2.3 years) and less health issues in later age. This is because women usually provide emotional support and company, not to mention that men feel safe sharing their thoughts and vulnerabilities with them. Furthermore, women tend to take on tasks that are draining, boring and unpleasant (cleaning, laundry, cooking, child-rearing), not to mention that they also tend to look after their family's health. On the other hand, married women tend to have a lower life expectancy for the same reason - being the receptacle of nurturing and care is very different from being the one providing it.

Personally, I think that your friends are settling for comfort and are disappointed about the fact that their fiancées are not the proverbial Cool Girls of which many straight guys dream: effortlessly hot, voraciously sexual, always impressed with her man no matter how dull and stupid he is, fascinated by subjects that average men find interesting (cars, sports, action films), but also feminine, submissive and unconditionally faithful, so she can still play a motherly role. Women are not like this because it's a fictional archetype, and many men find it shocking... Just as many women dream of Prince Charming and are shocked to realize that he doesn't exist in real life.

That is why they are saddened and in all likelihood, when the euphoria of 'Being THE Bride' dissipates, their future wives will be as unhappy with your friends as they are now with their fiancées.

Say what you want but I have spent years reading on forums and DL is the first one that I have seen where there is a shocking number of depressed unhappy men talking about ending their miserable fucking unhealthy poor worthless life. No love no hope no nothing,

On no other forum any where have I seen it once. Here I am surprised if we go a week or so without one.

And I don’t remember any of these potential suicides saying they were married to man or women

R44 has summed it all up. Great answer. I agree.

I'll just add that it isn't just straight men, every married gay couple in my circle is in an open relationship now and with time each open couple has become more ....depraved quite frankly. That includes the two couples who had children through surrogacy. Both couples are now total sex pigs. I was envious when these couples first married and I hoped I'd meet my match someday. But now I'm happy to stay single if that's the way my life goes. I really do not want to meet a cute and stable guy, exchange rings and 5 years later we're driving from hotel to hotel with our sex swing or going from cruise to cruise in matching jockstraps.

I have asked a few of them why. Why they married and why they were now engaging in riskier and riskier sexual activity (one couple posts their encounters online. They are easily identified by tattoos and their boys now have smart phones and could find this) Each time the answer has been a version of the above. Lots of unfulfilled expectations when those expectations were insane and contradictory to begin with.

My brother-in-law was so trashed at his wedding, I couldn't believe it. He really embarrassed us and the rest of the family. Now, I understand why. It was the only way he could get through it. By the way, I'm not defending him. He's a total piece of shit and I wish he never married into our family.

DL, where you can always rely on fags to:

Explain how a woman's body functions

Explain how ballistics work

How to bring up children

Tell you what straight men really think and feel

R3- Wrong 😑

They’re marrying Lens Dunham and think they’re getting Angela Jolie.

In my observation, OP is correct in his assessment of straight men's feelings about marriage. Matrimony is pounded into our heads from the moment we begin to understand that human beings pair off and it poses one of the most difficult choices we, as gay men, have to make. And it's part of why the religious nuts want to deprive gay men of marriage rights: we do it better than straights. Let me explain and I'll do my best without any literary or motion picture references so that the jackasses among us don;t jump down my throat for having the temerity to use a commonly-known actor, story or screenplay as evidence making it easier for them to understand.

Gay men have had to make the conscious decision to pair off in any meaningful way, and without societal support until 2015. IOW, we have to really, really want it. Straight men pair off by default and not a desire for companionship and wanting to build a life together, resulting in a high divorce rate (particularly as compared to gay men, who divorce at a rate approximately 20% of that of straight men). It's part of why we have a modern men's movement and Evangelicals want to essentially reintroduce forced marriage, eliminate no fault divorce, and return women to the time when they couldn't do anything without a man, from simply opening a checking account to living their lives independently. There's a reason that incels have become so abundant that they're a meme: when women have the opportunity to life life to its fullest without being attached to a man, many of them do and do so successfully. The men who would have found women willing to accept them despite being slovenly excuses for adult males are instead finding their parent's basement, video games, and not showering for a week at a time.

Gay men have shown straight men there is a way to find the person you want to spend your life with. We don't get married quickly, We have lots of hookups, lovers who become life-long friends, friends with benefits, and frankly separate sex from love (not that they don't often come as a package, but we view it differently). When we do stray (for lack of better word), we don't act like it's the end of the world. We accept that men are men and are going to act like men until they run out of testosterone, and then they'll get testosterone supplements and boner pills to keep it going for a while longer. We know; we've either been there or expect to be there (kind of like how gay men just know how to give a decent blowjob, but women have to be educated and given a lot of experience before they get good, and I'm not trying to pick on women as I'll point out here that straight men have to be educated and experienced on how to go down on a woman sufficient for her to reach conclusion [ahem]).

Historically, human lives have been short and only in the last century has life expectancy reached into our 70s. Getting married young was the norm for our grandparents and it is only now becoming normal for people our children's ages to wait until they're emotionally ready for a long term relationship. The best thing straights could do to have happier marriages would be to emulate gays: wait until they're ready, get lots of experience sexually in the interim, and really, really want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Unfortunately, that's not how straight people's (obviously mostly women) biological clock works. They'll just have to continue suffering if they want to keep the species going.

It’s not them it’s you

[quote]They know marriage is a scam and men are meant to mate with as many partners as possible.

Men aren’t meant to do anything, they either do or don’t do that. People like having orgasms, pregnancy may be a biproduct of that.

STRAIGHT GUYS LOVE BEING MARRIED, no matter what bullshit you may hear. That’s why they get remarried right after a divorce. These “sad” ones getting engaged most likely hate her overbearing parents, or aren’t crazy about all the parties and the blown up wedding spectacle to come.

A) Because they know they really are not in love

B) therefore, they know they're facing years of misery.

Most straight men (and most people in general) are not cut out for monogamy. In addition to that, straight men also have a huge ego that makes them believe they deserve an endless supply of women. They get married because their girlfriends and relatives pressure them into it.

They act like victims but they could refuse to get married if they wanted.

R55 I have never in my life known any straight guy that ever suggested in any way that they deserved an endless supply of women. And I know a lot of straight guys.

This is idiotic and makes you sound incredibly clueless. JHC it’s like being back in grade school.

It makes gay men sound like a loon

R56, R55 believes in fantasies. Darling, even if str.aight men want an endless supply of women, they’re never going to get it. If a 50 year old want a 30 year old woman, they’re never going to get that either, unless they have an endless supply of CASH. Most people realize this shit is fantasy when they grow up.

"What mall has shopping carts?"

Malls that have Target as one of the anchor tenants, for example. You really do know how to seize on the crux of the issue at hand, don't you?

OP is a troll. These men are NOT going to dump their finance for YOU.

[quote] we do it better than straights

No, LESBIANS do it better than anyone.

They're probably sad because they spent a fortune on an engagement ring, when that money could have been used for gas, groceries, overdue bills, or a weekend vacation.

[quote] Neither are gay. Tho I wish both were. I'm alone and wish I weren't.

What are you doing that scares away legit gay men?

Marriage, to straight men, represents the end of their freedom. All the responsibilities of a ball and chain. Most of them are already having boring sex with their women so marriage doesn’t provide anything new there.

Not that I want to return to the olden days, but people were probably happier to get married when it meant the excitement of a new life together, regular sex, new freedoms, etc.

Theyre sad because they dont want to get married, i assume.

[Quote]No, LESBIANS do it better than anyone.

Excuse me, but non binaries in polyamorous situations have it down pat.

A recent study has shown , I am sure it can be found with a Google, that men who have new babies in their family the men’s brains start to change. They become more caring more sensitive to others in other words they become better men.

This could explain many of the I am old at 52 with no one in my life I am so unhappy I want to die threads that are so popular on DL. None of those suicidal depressed unhappy gay men had kids none I know of were married to man or woman.

The old I am unhappy I prefer death to life but at least I am not fucking married.

On a side note vote Dem they protect gay marriage DL really cares about marriage :-)

OP. here. I'm reading through these fascinating responses.

Frankly, I expected more responses like R39 and R59, accusing me of wanting these friends to be mine.

I don't. and I can't find the poster who asked me why I don't gently inquiry with them why they're getting married. Probably because it'd be interpreted as if I had the agenda that R39 and R59 think I have. Also, I'm not especially close with one of them. He's someone I know through work. It's none of my business. Ditto, the other guy who is a bit older than the other guy.

I have not been lucky in relationships. I do see some couples -- gay and straight -- who are good for each other. They support one another, encourage each other's dreams; they're stronger together.

I don't have a ton in common with these guys/pals/acquaintances. I envy them but not when I see that far away look in their eyes.

I have heard about those studies about the guys living longer. I've also seen those despondent looks in the eyes of the dads pushing the carts and the carriages. Perhaps length of time living and living a fulfilled happy life don't always go hand in hand.

Once guys are married, we've got one thing less in common. Married guys tend to hang with other married guys.

r67 You are seething with envy - very obviously. It's hard when others get things in life that you've missed (thus far). Nothing we can say here will make you feel better. Maybe what you're pining for is that you already know these guys, they've been in a protected space outside your normal circle of friends, they represent something you desire. You've projected sadness onto them where perhaps there is none. I don't disagree with your general sentiment that many people get married just because that seems the thing to do (we gays included).

This is certainly worthy of sharing with a therapist. I hope things improve.

Actually, many things posted here have made me feel better. The majority of posters have observed what I have.

I don't desire that longing look and wistfulness in their eyes; no, I don't desire that. Being alone isn't always fun but being unhappy with someone else is worse, I believe. I'm not envious of unhappy people.

"perhaps" there is no sadness? Perhaps there is, though. I've seen it. I've known them before and after engagement.

I don't disagree with the sentiment either about why people get married. I'm glad you see it, too. Others don't.

I've had enough therapy to last me a lifetime. Some have said 'just try' to be attacted to people I'm not attacted to. I don't get that.

However, I am working on myself more. At my career, working out. Staying healthy. Perhaps I'll meet someone; perhaps not. But I would rather be alone than with someone and not happy.

I do know when I hear people -- men or women -- try to convince themselves they're happy when they're not.

Good mental health is coming to DL for your therapy.

The OP feels better now. We should get paid for the work we do here.

Therapy?

Or just finding out that you're not alone in how you feel?

Posters aren't happy if I'm content or if I'm seething with envy.

You can't win.

“Insight to pussy and straights—-a case study”

A new exciting study due out next week by a group of expert gay men who are repulsed by the first and have never been the second.

And the following week another peer reviewed study

“All you need to know about cars by people who have never learned to drive because they hate cars “

OP no one actually gives a shit about you in any way. It’s the DL you are entertainment like the rest of us are.

Happy not happy no one really gives a shit. Don’t take your self so seriously.

R66 is a bitter frau CUNT who found out her husband prefers peen. And she has no marketable skills and she’s fucking fat so when he throws her out she’ll be homeless and on the street. Otherwise why else would she rant and rave the way that she has against gay men?

It's so many things.

- He probably spent $5K on her ring and that's a hit right there, plus the upcoming wedding $$$ cost, and then they're supposed to afford a home and kids after that. The financial stress is just beginning. If he's making good money or has some savings or inheritance, then this is less an issue but, trust me, most parents out there are STRESSED these days and money (and time, because if you have limited $$ then you can't pay other people to clean house and help with childcare) is a main reason

- Does he actually enjoy spending a LOT of time with her, 1:1? The everyday domesticity stuff? Negotiating every weekend and how it will be spent, from now on? Because he will. And he knows it.

- Was this something he intentionally wanted? Or just the cultural treadmill he seemed to be on, and the dance steps said "it's been a year and a half, time for a ring, then a wedding, then kids" and he doesn't actually feel sure he wants to do that at all?

I can relate to the question as I'm a (happily) married gay dad.

[quote]"perhaps" there is no sadness?

Right, OP. You're projecting your depression on to others.

R74, did you adopt an orphan from Darfur or did you.do the turkey baster route?

R50, that's BS. The only reason gays have lower divorce rates than straights is that gay marriage is new. Justnwait ten uears. Lesbians have higher divorce rates than gays.

I don't think they're unhappy. But I have noticed that once one friend gets married the rest of them start to get married soon after. It's like it takes the first one of the friend group to drop, then the rest of them start to fall. It's tough to be the lone single guy when all of your friends are "wifed" up. It's doesn't work that way in gay world, but in straight world you tend to have to follow the group.

And ultimately what happens is the wife gets to decides the final friend group with all the wife's friends and their husbands being the main social circle with all the husband's former close friends off into the groups their wives have decided on.

In straight world, the wife pretty much decides all the social stuff.

R77

Yes 2% divorced a year vs 1% divorced a year is twice as bad for straights, And overall divorce rates while higher the % are roughly the same—-says the Internet..

Except for lesbians who set and are setting all time records for divorce and are lapping gay men and straight’s that may be all time world records. .

The lesbians win The lesbians win

DL has always been my gospel when it comes to the innermost thoughts and feelings of straight men.

R76, we did Turkey Baster with these wonderful people.

You don’t give a shit r72, but yet you have responded…if you don’t care, why comment or even speak on behalf of others?

R82 of course I care. I come here for fun interesting threads and often sad , strange, smart or insane comments . This thread qualifies for at least one of those.

But thanks for caring

OP the reason is that marriage now is a significant debt-accruing commitment. Even moreso than in the past. These men have just been given a bill they will work years to pay off to do something they don’t really want to do. Not marriage itself, many of them want marriage, but “the ritual.” The ritual is a constant kick in the balls, because wedding planning is basically a masochistic exercise to shame you into buying things you cannot afford.

OP have you ever been married now that it is legal?

facing a lifetime of whiskey dick

Instead of a lifetime of exploding 🌋 boners that you have to beat down in whack-a-mole style

Some straight guys really do want to settle down with a wife and kids. I don't have too much insight in the average straight guy but I do have a young straight friend about 26-27 who is rather promiscuous with women, but wants to settle down, but none of the women work out. They usually dump him, though he has done the same thing. He wants off the hook up merry-go-round, but it's not happening and he now thinks no woman will ever truly love him. He is handsome, charming, and accomplished for his age so this should not be happening. Not much I can do but be a sympathetic ear for his woes as he has been for me for mine.

They’re hoping their lover will help them, or keep them, support them, promote them, don’t blame them, you’re the same…. -E. Péron.

Seriously it’s the truth. Men want the country club golf and women play tennis while the kids swim in the pool. Dinner with the family, aren’t we happy? Men work, earn, live their lives. Women clean it up and keep it in order. But we all know the amount of money doesn’t matter. It all goes to shit when someone doesn’t have the independence or autonomy they crave.

When they’re single, they crave a relationship. When they get engaged, suddenly the grass is greener in single pastures. It’s just human nature.

R88 it doesn't work out because hes promiscuous. What idiot is going to hitch themselves to a man who has shown through his actions that he gets bored with women?

And ill bet money he wants a woman with a low body count despite being a whore himself. Straight men are obsessed with women having a small or non existent number of sex experiences while racking up notches on their bedpost. They are hypocritical deluded cunts.

R89, that set up isn’t bad at all, I lived it as a child. My father would have been dead at 35 without it.

A lot of those types of men are “promiscuous” precisely because women don’t stay with them. They must move on to the next one.

Their girls, her friends, her family, the wedding planners, pushing him into it. It’s all about the wedding.

Listen they aren’t going to fuck you OP. They are just nervous.

[quote]I've had enough therapy to last me a lifetime. Some have said 'just try' to be attacted to people I'm not attacted to. I don't get that.

So you haven’t met a gay guy that you find attractive is what I’m assuming that means.

That means you need to work on making yourself more attractive to your desired type. Gay men aren’t all the same regardless of what DL and TV/movies would have you believe. Otherwise you’re what the DL would call a 6 who wants a 10. Might need to get over yourself a bit.

Real answer: it's the end of their childhood dreams. It's not that they see their marriage necessarily a bad thing, but it can be tough for them to accept that phase of limitless possibilities is over.

R92 I still live that life albeit with my same sex partner. We belong to two CC’s and enjoy them when we feel like it. There is a nice sense of community and I wouldn’t trade that experience growing up for anything. We don’t have kids but enjoy entertaining our nephews and nieces when they are in town. I don’t golf or tennis anymore and I prefer my own pool to the clubs’ pools. But the food is always good and I know I’ll always see someone I know and like at the clubs. Still it’s pretty obvious when you see the dynamics in person, that this was the goal for so many. It’s a low bar. -r89

R96, a 6?

6???

I WISH!

If R99 is the OP then it really is because the standards are too high.

I don't know how this got off topic; I've witnessed some sadness from two guys I know who are engaged.

How this became about me being a 6 lusting after unattainable 10's I don't know.

There have been some insights into guys settling down and if they really want to and then attacks on me.

Typical DL thread.

It could just be that you are catching them in an introspective moment, OP.

Ideally, dating is fun. There isn't a lot of pressure in dating someone, as long as you are in a healthy relationship. You're together but if things go bad, you can usually always peace out without issues.

I think most people who get married --the smart ones, anyway-- are going to see it as a serious step forward in life, and maybe that turn of attitude is what you're seeing instead of sadness.

[quote] How this became about me being a 6 lusting after unattainable 10's I don't know.

Because you started a thread on a tired old topic asking questions with obvious answers. You mention that you wish these straight guys were gay. You mention that you’ve gone to a shrink who tells you to be attracted to people “you aren’t attracted to”.

We all know what this means.

If straight men are sad when they get engaged, i think it’s cause shortly into it, it hits them that it has nothing to do with them and it’s all about the bride.

I love the movie “Bride Wars” because it depicts how unimportant the men are when it comes to weddings.

“I love the movie Bride Wars”

Pure DL . And a great way to learn about straight men,

r101 Sober up and post again tomorrow

They know that they will lose their power of decision making and, once the kids come, they will be disregarded.

These straight men know they may be unhappy , but most know they will not be as unhappy as the “I want to die I am so unhappy with life with no help no love no one in my life” DL type of normal threads and comments..

No where have I seen so many depressed self described worthless unhappy allegedly suicidal men with no life no hope as I have seen on DL at least since I last worked on a psy ward.

[Quote]since I last worked on a psy ward.

Psy responds.

Lol, a lot of triggered fraus replied to the thread! Funny to see their freakout.

With this said, I must admit I've never observed the phenomenon that OP is describing, it must be his imagination or his friends, the straight men I know seemed rather happy about getting married; if anything it's the brides who seem nervous/stressed out, or doubtful about their next step. Men seem more relaxed in comparison.

Has anyone on this thread ever been married?

My friends tell me it’s often a big often expensive event and lot of people get upset, happy, elated, mad, confused, etc until the fucking thing is over and they are on their honeymoon getting drunk and fucking without worry about a fucking wedding they would have skipped except for mom and dad and the aunts (the uncles don’t give a fuck) wanting to see it.

Surely someone on DL has been married and can tell us?

The statistics show you're wrong, R77. According to the census bureau, the average (first) marriage length is 8 years; they don't break it down by gender of the couple, but other sources suggest that the average length of gay male marriage is a little over 5 years, but the rate of divorce is substantially lower. While we've all heard that half of all marriages end in divorce, that statistic includes first, second and third marriages for straights, with the average length of those marriages declining with each iteration. The first-marriage divorce rate for straights is about 1 in 3, The average divorce rate for gay men is about 1 in 5. The interesting thing is that the most frequently attributed reason for first marriages lasting about 8 years is the colloquial "7-year-itch" phenomenon, which is in turn based on physiological cell regeneration to which all humans regardless of orientation remain subject, yet gay men divorce sooner - just not as frequently.

But since gay marriage is "new" as you say, we don't yet have second or third marriage average lengths or divorce rate statistics. If past is prologue, I'd suspect divorce rates for subsequent same-sex marriages will remain lower than straights,

That said, what all of this doesn't factor is that gay men have been pairing off for as long as straights, just unofficially and without legal protections and benefits. Hubby and I are looking forward to celebrating our friends' milestone relationship marker: they've been together 50 years as of this August. They call us "newbies" because we've only been together for 33 years.

Who knew.