Foods that are never good

Although I haven't sampled widely, the appeal of roast goose remains a mystery. There are approximately four tablespoons worth of edible meat on a goose.

The fat, for cooking purposes, is another story.

Rice and tapioca pudding.

Always grainy, cloying and graceless.

I cannot imagine anyone ever sitting down to a molded aspic with enthusiasm.

That said, they can look gorgeous.

I once had the most brilliant of cuisine ideas: I would deep freeze a lettuce to make it all the more crispy and crunchy: a lettuce on steroid. And I would serve it to colleagues of mine, including my boss and his spouse. I took the lettuce out of the freezer, it looked delicious and would crunch under the teeth. I knew everyone would ask me the recipe.

Well, except for the annoying fact that by the time everyone had been served, it had already turned into a very dark, almost black soggy sludge of exploded cellulose containing cells that even my dog wouldn't touch (and God knows she eats everything she finds on the sidewalk). I might as well have served toilet paper dipped in tap water before serving.

It was an unmitigated disaster, became a running joke in the company, I was called "le chef" and was told that Bourdain had committed suicide for less than that, and the last time I would improvise a dish without at least testing it beforehand.

Salt water taffy

Powdered eggs

Most canned vegetables.

Lobsters are giant sea bugs. No thanks!

R4, I'm not sure if this is for real or not, but if it is real, what did you put on the lettuce, or did you actually just serve frozen lettuce?

I adore tapioca.

Hard boiled eggs, basic or in their dandified version, deviled eggs.

Roast beef poboy. Mixing hot pot roast with cold tomatoes, lettuce and mayo is just weird.

Mac and cheese. In theory it should be good. Pasta in cheese sauce. Yet 90% of the time it is flavorless with only a very mild generic vaguely cheese flavor, with chunks of too thick-noodles stuck together by what would seem glue-y paste. I'll never get the obsession over it in the U.S .

Cotton Candy. Anything malted milk - yuck!

I prefer prawns and shrimp to (local) lobster which is pretty tasteless.

r13 clearly has never made AllRecipe's Cafeteria Macaroni and Cheese! Adjust the Worchestershire sauce, hot sauce and other seasonings to taste and don't skip the buttered breadcrumbs on top.

r15 I've eaten formerly very live lobster exactly once and I can't even recall what it tasted like. Fresh caught crab and prawns on the other hand -- they're sublime.

OP, fresh cucumber sandwiches with lightly toasted bread are God's gift. You do have to eat them immediately after preparing, though, or you're right that they'll get soggy.

To say lobster is "never good" is to say the absurd. The topic isn't "Foods you don't like."

R13, I don't know what you ate that you thought was Macaroni and Cheese, but "too thick noodles" prove it was not. Clue: "Macaroni." Noodles are not macaroni, and vice-versa.

R13, you've never had decent mac 'n cheese. Which is not shocking as a lot mac 'n cheese is a soupy, disgusting mess. It can be absolutely sublime when done correctly.

A good fruitcake is absolutely sublime and extreme tasty. That said I love fruitcake, and will hoover up practically any fruitcake that I'm given

All the corned beef I have ever tried has been revolting, ditto salami

Pinwheel sandwiches. They're always soggy and disgusting.

I buy a Panettone every year around Christmas thinking that this one will be different

And don't tell me to try the French toast method. I have and it sucked too.

The box looks nice on top of the fridge though.

Store-bought cookies, always dry as shit. Freshly baked cookies or gtfo.

Absolutely sublime! Absolutely sublime!

I like a good fruitcake. Like most foods, bad ones taste, you know, bad. But good ones are excellent. I also like English Christmas pudding and traditional wedding cakes.

Same for good scones. I'm also a fan of Irish soda bread and jam.

Mcdonald's hamburgers.

Biscotti is whatever

Caviar

R23, everyone I know loves panettone, including my entire (ethnically Italian) family and friends. I can't stand it. It smells terrible. I don't think I've ever eaten more than one piece in my life, and my family has been eating it for decades, since it was available in the US and before the world at large knew what it was. So I'm with you.

Of course, this thread isn't "Foods you don't like" but rather "Foods that are never good," though I'm not sure what the difference is supposed to be.

Sea urchin.

Diner omelettes almost always taste like rubber. Even the best quality cheese and mushrooms can’t save them.

Personal vs Virtually Universal?

But then, I really like lambs' brains, calves' liver, and fake "hot dogs," so what do I know?

This may be just me but, wedding cake. I'm convinced the guests are not served whatever the bride and groom selected. No taste of lemon or vanilla. My grandmother made cakes and icing from scratch so I may be spoiled on this one. Or my friends have been cheap and bought cheap cakes.

Hot Dogs. There is nothing good about a hot dog.

Liver

Store bought cake with Crisco frosting

Lofthouse half baked cookies

Calamari

Burger King onion rings

[quote]I buy a Panettone every year around Christmas thinking that this one will be different

I've never had a good Panettone, and I'm the guy who likes fruitcake in r26.

Sheesh, panettone is fine. Even average panettone is good when it's fresh and has been made with butter, eggs, sugar and quality fruit.

Donuts. Sweet, tasteless fried dough, often worsened by glaze or frosting or fillings. Yuck

Beef / calves liver is vile. The smell of it cooking makes me hurl. But I sometimes like kosher chopped chicken liver on buttered Chala or a good rye.

My great Aunt Davina used to say the only way to eat nasty fruitcake was to heat it and slather it with ice cream.

Then there was plum pudding (ok with intoxicating brandy butter) Dundee Cake - yuck. And good scones are not easy without cheat ingredients .

But nothing beats a plain Scottish shortbread or trifle.

Muffins ALWAYS suck.

They're a million calories and they're just dry and tasteless.

Orange juice from concentrate.

R42 I could only stomach it with double the water but I used to drink about a gallon a day.

R30, I think I was trying to get at foods you would look forward to and always want to try but are always disappointing.

[quote] Lobsters are giant sea bugs. No thanks!

Bottom dwellers!

Wonton strips, the ones that come with American Chinese food. I sometimes pick at them hopefully out of hunger and boredom, and they always taste like what they are: generic white flour and cheap cooling oil.

I like panettone and fruitcake.

🤷🏻‍♂️

In the spirit of OP’s clarification at r44, I’d like to nominate meatloaf.

Duck- greasy and gamey

Deer meat- too gamey

Head Cheese- it’s head cheese. That is all

[quote]Hot Dogs. There is nothing good about a hot dog.

Absolutely revolting. I haven had one in half a century, since I was a young kid. If I spot a hot dog cart or similar outlet for these wretched things I'll cross to the other side of the street, walk briskly and breath out to avoid any chance of that 'hot dog water' stink.

Ribs of any sort served on bone. Disgusting and all that fatty connective tissue...it doesn't matter how well it has liquefied, it' nasty.

Beets. Simply beyond redemption)

Rhubarb, that snot flavored vegetable masquerading as a strawberry substitute. It is not.

Lamb. I don care how you cook it or your special preparation or techniques or ingredients, itr smells like boiled hoboś clothes and tastes worse.

Banana pudding. Makes me want to vomit every time, every recipe, every presentation.

Organ meats and disgusting bits of meat.

I like lots of foods and like to try new things, but the above are never good.

Anything mango or blueberry flavored.

Baked beans. And I cannot understand why the British love them over toast.

In OP's vein, raw oysters. People rave about them, so figure I've just not tried them with the right flavorings, minionette or whatever.

R53, try a kumamoto oyster undressed and work your way westward from there.

Jersey Mike's subs. I've given them a few chances, since I like subs, but I've always been disappointed.

R46 I like dipping them in spicy mustard though.

Yes, baked beans r52. Of all the entries in this thread, baked beans is the one dish I’ve never heard anybody rave over. But they’re still sold, so go figure. I’m not from Boston, obv.

I like baked beans with caramelized onions and fresh bread and butter.

R49- What you dislike reminds me of why bacon is NEVER good and it's SO over rated -

GREASY

CHEWY

SALTY

FATTY

[quote]why bacon is NEVER good

Shut your lying mouth!

Welcome to the Baby Tastes Thread.

[quote]Muffins ALWAYS suck. They're a million calories and they're just dry and tasteless.

You must have eaten Dorothy's muffins.

Chicken nuggets/fingers or any reconstituted meat. Blech.

But I do love fish sticks - sublime!

Home fries in a diner. They are always undercooked.

Potato should always be completely cooked all the way through until soft.

They should not remind you of eating an apple.

R64, I actually like very crispy home fries, but agree with you overall.

That said, I've had some great diner home fries.

If you're ever in Millerton, NY, stop by the diner. They do a $6.99 breakfast with local eggs, crispy shoestring home fries and diner-baked sourdough toast.

Diner pancakes. Always like eating a doormat.

[bold]I've never had a bad diner pancake. It's not pancakes' fault you eat at shit places.[/bold]

Cucumber sandwiches. They sound delightful, look elegant, smell refreshing and are always soggy pieces of shit.

[bold]Fire your cook. The butter, applied properly, keeps them from being soggy.[/bold]

Scones. Convince me otherwise that a slightly overcooked pan of these things was not somehow how hockey pucks were invented.

[bold]Fire your cook. Few things are as easy as baking decent scones.[/bold]

Lobster. Lobster bisque and lobster salad are great but the beast itself has always been simply a battle with an armed opponent not worth the drawn butter.

[bold]It is not mandatory to struggle with a lobster. Have your cook release the meat for you, if you're lazy and incompetent.[/bold]

I think I understand fruitcake for the perspective of the 17th century. We no longer live that way, thank the maker.

[bold]"...from the perspective..." Fire your cook and your third grade English teacher. Properly baked fruitcakes, which include baked and steamed varieties, are delicious. "We no longer live that way" is just the spouting of a philistine with a dog's tongue, as you've already evidenced.[/bold]

Ask for your homefres to be deep fried, twice cooked, they're great.

[quote]Mac and cheese. In theory it should be good. Pasta in cheese sauce. Yet 90% of the time it is flavorless with only a very mild generic vaguely cheese flavor, with chunks of too thick-noodles stuck together by what would seem glue-y paste. I'll never get the obsession over it in the U.S .

You need a southern grandma, preferably black, but there are lot of white grandmas who make a mighty fine mac & cheese.

Philly Cheese Steaks anywhere outside of Philly. Dont believe it. Cornish hens. Do they even offer them in restaurants nowadays? No meat but still never cooked enough.

R66, place both fists up your asshole and rock them upwards repeatedly until you achieve prostate orgasm, which will open whole new worlds of not-being-a-fucking-cunt to you.

Chicken wings. They’re always so greasy and hard to eat (messy, bony).

OP: LOVE your original post. Almost made me spit out a mouthful of wine!

Fruitcake needs to be soaked in rum for several weeks. If some of you stopped shopping at Dollar Tree and actually attempted to make a fruitcake with natural ingredients, you might find it rather good.

Ortolan

Movie theater popcorn - always want it, always eat it, it's always salty Styrofoam.

R59 with on bacon - greasy, salty and fatty, hard pass

Diner burgers. In my experience, no matter how many times you tell the server you want yours medium rare (pink in the middle at the very least), they always come to the table well done and tasteless.

Restaurant Caesar salad (in most cases). It's rare to find a restaurant that serves authentic Caesar--you know, with anchovies, capers, lemon and a raw egg mixed in. Chain restaurants usually serve iceberg lettuce with Caesar dressing and croutons and call it a day.

Lobster is too much work for very little reward.

Fried clams anywhere but New England. The chewy necks in batter are NOT fried clams. You need to have the bellies attached to call them authentic fried clams.

Cornbread It's either cloyingly sweet or hard as a rock, and maybe a bit burnt, too.

Lime Jello salad blended with mayo.

Liver and onions.

[quote]I actually like very crispy home fries, but agree with you overall.

Oh, I like them crispy on the outside, R65 — cooked crispy. I just don’t like undercooked potato.

[quote]Ask for your homefries to be deep fried, twice cooked, they're great.

I’ve since learned to ask for well done home fries, R67.

R76, you and R59 sound like you've never had bacon cooked properly. It should be quite crisp, with no chewy fat. The grease should have been absorbed by draining on paper towels.

And I could also add that it's possible that proper bacon isn't even available in your country (v8fairy, you're either Aussie or Kiwi, right?). American thick-sliced smoked bacon, fried crispy, is something else altogether.

Much the same issue comes up over breakfast sausage. What's available in the US versus the rest of the English-speaking world is quite different.

Tiramisu.

Ought to be good - sounds good, at least in theory, but never is.

R80, I think it's one of those things you have to make yourself or have homemade. I tried making it and it was delicious.

R77, I disagree about a couple (lobster; liver), but Lime Jello Salad (?) with Mayo sounds positively disgusting! Are you sure it was EVER considered edible by anybody?!

Pussy.

To clarify a bit, UK baked beans are savory in a sort of tomato sauce, while USA beans are usually sweet made with brown sugar/molasses.

Rice pudding varies quite a lot, the thin stuff is awful.

I din't get the love for mac 'n' cheese either, breadcrumbs wouldn't help.

Tofu

Poor diners, being bashed here! I had some good meals in a Trenton (NJ) diner (pretty sure it was Pat's on Broad) and a coastal Oregon diner.

[quote]It should be quite crisp, with no chewy fat

I prefer it tender, but should be fully cooked at least.

My black friends laugh at people who regard mac and cheese as a main dish, rather than a side. I see their point, but it still tastes like chunky vomit to me.

Baked beans aren't my favorite but I've had some that were pretty tasty (homemade w/ lots of sauteed red onion and rendered bacon!). I offer up potatoes in a can. Some things should never be put in a can.

Yellow summer squash. Looks good in food photography, sure. But tastewise it's so inferior to zucchini, and there's just too many seeds.

R80, I'm with you there. Cold, soggy lady fingers. Blech!

R81, before you say anything, I helped my Italian friend from HS, her mother, and just-off-boat grandmother make Tiramsu for Christmas year. See my response above. Still cold, soggy ladyfingers. As much as I hate Italian (ricotta) cheesecake, I'd rather have eaten that gross concoction.

Marshmallows and anything made or garnished with them.

I don’t like how most sit down restaurants treat hamburger like a steak. Too thick like an unseasoned meatball. It’s like the baby food of meat. I don’t think I’ve ever had a great hamburger eating out, though sonic comes close, it has the right flavor notes but not charred enough. I’ve been perfecting my technique at home. I smash it down real flat in a very hot pan so the edges get crispy and charred. I bake my own shokupan buns because store bought ones are too soggy. And it has to be American cheese. Just doesn’t taste right with cheddar or Swiss. Also mayo, ketchup, pickles, very thinly sliced red onion. Save the mustard for a hot dog,

[quote]Some things should never be put in a can.

This is why I'm a virgin.

[quote]I offer up potatoes in a can.

Former First Concubine of NY Sandra Lee made potato salad with canned potatoes. Disgusting. (Almost as bad as her baklava with Pam.)

Circus peanuts.

Former First Lady and beloved DL icon Mamie “No Bra” Eisenhower made her famous parsley potatoes using canned tubers.

R66 Is a crazy cuntface, kill it before it strikes.

I wonder how r66 treats his cook or the rest of his household staff.

Downton Abbey watched repeatedly can cause delusional behaviors.

Scientifically impossible. Food is ALWAYS good.

I don't know what Downton Abbey contained except Maggie Smith. I don't watch soap operas presented by social-reaching snobs.

To suspend your wonder, I am a responsible, collegial person for and with whom to work, tipsy bitch at R99.

Nah, R101, you're just a middle-class cunt.

I've never had one in Philadelphia, but I've always been disappointed by the non-Philly take on the cheese-steak sandwich.

If you cut a *thin* slice of fruitcake and run it under the broiler until it's just a little toasted it's actually very good (keep an eye on it -- all the sugar and candied fruit and booze will caramelize and burn quickly). You can gild the lily with some vanilla ice cream.

I love me some pork and beans. I never tried it but I could see that on a toast being good.

Keep digging that hole and bless your heart r101

Chia seeds.

R24 totally right. I'm not as sweets person, and I particularly I don't like cake. But when I've had it from a good pastry shop it's edible but a cake from a generic supermarket is inedible to me just fucking gross.